All right, I know, it's been a while. So shoot me, I have a hectic life!
Well, no, I haven't been writing because I feel guilty. I've been binging over the holidy weekend, and my weight didn't make me happy. All though I reached my 2 pound a week goal on monday, my weight seems to have been steadily climbing since, as I've been giving into every temptation, orange jelly beans, chicken cheese steak, french fries...
I'm actually wandering if this is like, a block or something, because I know that I'm going to quit smoking as soon as I get under 200 pounds. Quite concievably, my subconscious is chemically making me crave these foods, so I WON'T reach my goal and quit smoking. (Hey, look, if I want to rationalize, I'm going to rationalize, damn it!) So, I've defeated this, today I am consuming mass quantities of liquids to keep myself full, and I'm avoiding all foods for today and (hopefully) tomorrow. Anorectic? No. I know that I have eating problems and food obsessions, and I am most definately NOT 85% or less of my ideal body weight. No, this is how I shrink my stomach, so when I eat, I have to eat less, and more meals a day. Hell, it's worked for the past 16 pounds, maybe it will work for the next 31?
Every one I tell about the quitting smoking thing is VERY excited for me. I'm trying to get myself into the same mind set. I'm essentially brain washing myself to KNOW that I'll no longer be a smoker under 200 pounds. There have been studies that you are more likely to quit smoking if you set a date...so this is based on the same principal. If I can convince myself of my theory,. then it should work. Please note that the operative word here is "should". I, above all others, know that I am by no means a medical expert, but I do believe that I know myself well enough to do this. It's worked so far with cutting calories. What I did for a week or so before my diet, was everytime I ate, I imagined that "ate too much and would rather die" feeling. I think of it NOW everytime that the jelly beans call to me, or when a chicken cheese steak with peppers, onions and mushrooms sneaks up on me unexpectadly. So, with the smoking thing, I'm going to think of what I've mentioned on my diary introduction page, and flow with that.
Maybe I should try looking at quitting smoking like a Gordian knot. Quitting seems so complicated, yet there HAS to be an easy way around it.
Hmmm....I will have to ponder on this point, and continue my solicism on a later date.
