Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye (or maybe it was Neil
McNell from Barra, but anyway..) went to study at an English
university and was living in the hall of residence with all the
other students there. After he had been there a month, his
mother came to visit him (no doubt carrying reinforcements of
tatties, salt herring, oatmeal and whisky).
"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she
asked.
"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The
one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't
stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all
night."
"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful
noisy English neighbours?"
"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here
quietly, playing my bagpipes."
A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an
apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she
looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So
the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man.
She asks: "You come every day to the wall. How long have you
done that and what are you praying for?"
The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25
years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the
brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea and I come
back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from
the earth."
The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come
here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she
asks.
The old man looks at her sadly. "Like I'm talking to a wall."
An error in computer: Keyboard not attached;press F1 to continue.
Teacher: "Why is honesty the best policy?"
Student: "Because there is hardly any competition".
A man was struggling to get a table out of his house. His neighbour saw
this and asked him, "Why are you taking that table out of your house."
The man replies "I have to take it to the shop to buy a tablecloth of its size"
What kind of ant is good at adding up?
An accountant.
A man bought tickets from the ticket window of a theatre. A few minutes later
he returned and bought two more. When, after a short interval, he came back
to buy two more tickets, the ticket-seller opened the little door in the
glass and spoke up.
�Aren�t you the same gentleman who just bought two tickets and two others just
a little while ago?�
He asked, puzzled. �Yes�, replied the man plaintively, �But there�s some fool
at the gate who keeps tearing them up!�
Once,Saddam Hussain went to God and asked him "God , when will I see Iraq
defeat USA?"
God said, "I am sorry my son but, U will never see it in your life time."
Then Musharraf went and asked God "Lord when will I see capture of Kashmir by
Pakistan ?"
God replied ,"I am sorry my son but, U will never see that in your life time "
He too walks away sadly.
Then Laloo Prasad Yadav went to lord and asked God , "God , when will I see
Bihar a rich , prosperous and developed state ?"
God heard this and started crying. Laloo seeing this was astounded and
asked God "Why are U crying?"
God replied,"I am sorry my son but, I will never see that in my life time
A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an
apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she
looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So
the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man.
She asks: "You come every day to the wall. How long have you
done that and what are you praying for?"
The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25
years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the
brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea and I come
back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from
the earth."
The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come
here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she
asks.
The old man looks at her sadly. "Like I'm talking to a wall."