Love, Hurt, Forgiveness by Sara

HURT

I hate him.

As I sit in the cramp confines of the catwalks I realise that my perfect world has collapsed around me, the bastard, how could he be with her and then expect to come back into my bed. I've heard it said that with some men, it's the chase that keeps them interested. Once they have you and you give them what they want, they move onto the next woman. So is that what I am, another notch on his bedpost, another conquest to boast about. I can't believe that Trip is like that, I really thought he was different, I thought our first time together was special, I thought it meant as much to him as it did to me, but now I know that it meant nothing to him. Well Commander Charles Tucker III, I'm not just going to be around to keep your bed warm.

It wouldn't have been so bad if he had told me, confessed that he and that Kaitaama bitch had slept together, but he didn't. I had to hear it from Malcolm, hear that my boyfriend, my lover was 'rescued' standing in his underwear, with a half-naked woman and that it left nothing to the imagination what they had got up to. Malcolm like the rest of the crew doesn't know about our relationship and so when I had overheard him telling Travis, I'd asked him what he was talking about. He'd filled me in on what had happened on the planet and the 'intimate' scene that had greeted them. He had even made a joke about whether Trip would get pregnant this time. I should have known by the way he was staring at her that there was an attraction, I had even laughed at the time thinking his embarrassed expression was cute, amused that he had been caught drooling over another woman by his girlfriend. It seemed so harmless at the time, but how wrong could I be.

I confronted him a little while ago, just before our card game and he told me that Malcolm had got it all wrong, that it wasn't what it had looked like and that once the crisis with the storm was over we could talk. I didn't want to talk later, I wanted to sort this out now but knew he was right and so dropped the subject. The card game was tense and when Malcolm and Trip started to argue about the showers, I began to feel Trip was deliberately taking his frustration out on him, so I started to criticise the choice of film, in a way blaming Trip. He probably welcomed the distraction caused by the aliens and his summons to the 'bridge'.

So now I sit here, thinking about why it had gone wrong and how I could have been so stupid to believe that he wanted the same as me. Malcolm had told me that Trip had gone back to Engineering to check on something and although at this moment I hate him for hurting me, I pray that he is alright and returns safely.


A Few Days Later

The hot water cascading down my body feels wonderful and I relish the feeling of being clean. I smile to myself as I think of how the water supply on board is being depleted as everyone feels the need to wash away the grime and sweat of our days of confinement. Turning off the water and wrapping a towel around me I leave my small bathroom just as the door chime sounds. I know who it will be and grab a robe. Once it is secured I grant my visitor entrance and Trip walks in. He still looks grimy from our experience, and I realise that although I have been able to take advantage of a nice hot shower he has had to ensure that all bridge functions are as they should be.

"We need t' talk." he says, not making any attempt to embrace me. At my silence, he sighs, "I don't know what Malcolm told ya but I didn't have sex with Kaitaama."

"So what did happen?" I ask as I sit on the small couch, watching as he paces in front of me.

"We crashed on the planet and found a campsite. We argued as she expected me t' behave like one of her subjects and then she took a swing at me."

"I don't blame her." I say and the comment earns me a glare, which I ignore.

"I grabbed her arm and we fell int' the water, then..." his voice trails off and he stops pacing, looking directly at me, "... then she kissed me and I..." he looks down sheepishly, "... I kissed her back..."

"WHAT!!!!!" I get to my feet and he backs away from me. "YOU BASTARD!"

"Nothing else happened I swear."

"So why were you in your underwear?"

"My uniform was wet, so I had t' take it off. Then we used it as a decoy. When the Cap'n, T'Pol and Malcolm turned up I'd just taken on that alien guy... he tried to drown me."

I know the last part had been said to try and get some sympathy from me but I'm not going to give him that. "So you didn't sleep with her?"

"No... well.... if you mean sex, then no..... but if ya mean did we sleep t'gether then yes." He looks startled at the anger and hurt in my eyes, "We had t' share body heat after getting wet."

"And to think I was about to believe you." Suddenly my hand comes up and I slap his face, he looks stunned. I step away and turn my back to him, wrapping my arms around myself. "Get out"

"But Hosh..."

"GET OUT!" I scream, turning to face him and as he turns to walk to the door he lowers his eyes. It's too late though and as he leaves my quarters and my life, I can't forget the tears and hurt I'd seen in his eyes.

TBC