LOVE

I love him.

As I watch Trip mourn me I realise how much I love that man. We've only been dating for a few weeks although, for me at least, the attraction started virtually from our first meeting. How anyone can not like Trip Tucker defies logic, although talking of logic reminds me of his constant verbal duels with our resident Vulcan. T'Pol detests anything emotional and Trip can be as emotional as any human can be. Personally I think in her own way she envies humans the ability to express their feelings and for that I feel sorry for her.

Saying that as I observe Trip, I can see why emotions can be a curse. I wish he wouldn't blame himself for my 'death' for want of a better world. It wasn't his fault and if he had gone first, I would be mourning him and I don't think I could live with that. I chuckle a little at the irony of that thought. So if this is death, am I a ghost, destined to roam the hallways of the Enterprise for evermore, to watch the man I love tear himself apart with grief, guilt and remorse.

As I watch him I want to touch him, hold him but I can't, we had left everything too late. Too late to admit that we were attracted to each other, too late to act on it and now time has run out and all that's left are regrets. Regrets that I never told him how much I love him, that I never got to make love to him and show how much I wanted him. I knew Trip wanted to, well he's a man and most men want sex, but he was prepared to wait until we knew each other better, until we were used to our relationship. I was flattered but then again for all his flirtatious comments, he is a gentleman, and when you see through that outspoken brash veneer, he is quite shy and unsure of himself.


SEVERAL HOURS LATER

I check my appearance in the mirror in my quarters relieved that I can see my reflection. I'm still slightly unnerved by the events that had me trapped in the transporter buffer and I still can't believe it was for only 8 seconds but it has made me realise that life is too short and that you have to make things happen.

I smile as I look at the simple black dress that I had decided to wear to Malcolm's party, pleased that for once I can dress up for a date with Trip without the crew suspecting a thing, not too revealing but revealing enough. After being checked by Phlox and my long debriefing with Captain Archer and the senior staff, conscious throughout of Trip's concerned glances, I had been able to get to my quarters and shower. The ship had been thoroughly checked and scanned and no alien devices had been found. Now I wait for Trip to pick me up and I fully intend to enjoy my evening. Suddenly the chime distracts me from my musings and giving my appearance one last check, I go to the door.

The party had been wonderful and I had told Trip of all the things I hadn't put in the official report like our conversation in the gym and he grins at my response when he had suggested crawling into bed. Now we slowly walk back to my quarters hand in hand. When we reach the door I turn to face him.

"Do you want to come in?" I look into his eyes, hoping that I can convey my intentions to him.

"Are ya sure?" he asks, his eyes never leaving mine.

In response I reach up and gently kiss him, then after keying my access code lead him into the room. Once inside I wrap my arms around his neck.

"I know you said about waiting, but what happened to me made me realise that life is too short," I pause, my fingers absently stroking the short hair at his nape, "I love you Trip and I don't want to wait anymore."

"I love ya too Hosh, but I don't want t' rush ya..."

I silence him by putting a finger on his lips; he looks at me and then lowers his head to kiss me. As the kiss deepens I feel him reach for the zipper on my dress and I lean my body into his, feeling his erection. I break the kiss, removing my dress and kick off my shoes, looking up I see him staring at me I as I stand before him in my black lacy underwear.

"They ain't Starfleet issue," he says grinning as I grab his hand and pull him towards the bed. I unbutton his shirt, my fingers caressing his chest, as I remove it. He pushes me onto the bed and as I feel his weight on me, he kisses me. Our tongues duel and I roll him onto his back, sitting up to straddle his hips.

"You're still wearing too much."

I grin down at him and slowly unbuckle his belt, undoing the button and fly, slipping my hand inside to caress him; he groans and pulls me back down to him, rolling me onto my back. Just as suddenly he gets up and I realise I had closed my eyes. I open them and watch as he removes his boots, trousers and boxers and rejoins me on the bed. Soon my underwear has joined the pool of clothing on the floor and our hands and lips explore each other.

"Hoshi look at me," he says as I feel his fingers stroke me and I obey, sighing gently.

"I want you in me." I tell him breathlessly and for a moment feel bereft as he removes his fingers. He slowly enters me and I'm touched that he doesn't want to hurt me, but I'm impatient and grabbing his hips pull him fully inside me. We both gasp and he holds still while I adjust to his size. Soon he starts to slowly move his hips and I match his slow steady rhythm. I pull his head to mine and kiss him my tongue mimicking what his body is doing to me. As I break the kiss I wrap my legs around his waist, his penetration getting deeper and I hear him groan. "Harder." I gasp. Wordlessly he complies, almost pulling out of me before slamming back in. I feel my orgasm start to build and tighten my legs around him as he buries his face in my shoulder. I grip onto his shoulders, my nails breaking the skin as my world explodes; he follows shortly after, collapsing on top of me.

Later as he sleeps, I lay draped across his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. I think of how my life has changed in the last twenty-four hours. I love Trip and I know he loves me and I know that for the first time in a long time everything is perfect.