I suppose, you�re used to seeing them but I had only even seen ten or eleven stars in the sky at any one time. The pollution from factories and war had clogged the kelownan sky and obscured all but the brightest of them. And, for the time of night, the planet was so bright and I turned to see a half moon radiating light.
�It�s beautiful�� Was all I could gasp out and I felt Colonel O�Neill�s hand on my shoulder.
�Yep, you�re right, kiddo. And we take it for granted far more than we should.�
�We?� I asked, knowing I would never take such a place as this for granted.
�Earthlings�Tau�ri.� He replied and I nodded.
�People often don�t realise how good their life is unless they�ve experienced something worse.�
I stated and the Colonel turned to me, nodding a little.
�I think you�re right, Quinn.� He sighed as he sat down against the wall of the entrance to Cheyenne Mountain and pulled an envelope out of his pocket, handing me a photograph.
�This is who I came here to tell you about.�
I frowned softly as I traced the face of the man in the photograph with my fingertips. He had brown hair though it was a shade darker than my own. He wore glasses, which I supposed might have added to the appearance of age, but he looked younger than Colonel O�Neill.
�That�s Daniel Jackson.� The Colonel told me and I nodded, searching his eyes for a second, before asking a question I already knew the answer to.
�He�s dead too?�
The Colonel nodded and then paused, closing his eyes.
�Basically.�
I just looked away, knowing there was nothing I could say to lessen the pain.
�He�s still out there�ascended.� The Colonel continued, gesturing to the sky, and I made a mental note ask someone what being ascended was. �But I watched him die in front of me.�
I got the sense the Colonel was hiding things from me but I didn�t want to press any further. Instead I just looked up sadly at him and replied.
�I watched my best friend die too.�
The Colonel froze at this and his eyes narrowed a little.
�I never said he was my best friend.�
I jerked a little at his tone and shifted away a few inches.
�No, Quinn, I�m sorry. I didn�t mean to snap at ya� He shook his head a little. �But how did you know he was my best friend?�
I just swallowed, still a little afraid, and replied.
�Your eyes�your voice. They�re the same as Doctor Janet�s when she talks about Jonas � the same as mine when I think about, 0746.� I trailed off.
�He�she�was a friend of yours?�
I managed a weak laugh at the Colonel�s understandable confusion of my dead friend�s gender and looked up to the stars as I spoke.
�She�� I mumbled. �Girls are always even numbers.� I watched the Colonel wince again and I sighed.
�If�if she was here I would call her Carter.� I swallowed the lump in my throat. �If Major Carter would a-allow it.� I felt tears, that I had promised I wouldn�t shed, build up in my eyes and I felt Jack close the distance I had build up between us.
�I�m sure she would be honoured.�
�Stop it! Leave her alone!� I was 5 Earth years old now and despite the strength of my new adult body I still couldn�t break the chains that bound me to the wall. My wrists were scratched and bloody from where I had tugged against the cuffs but I was still no closer to reaching my injured friend as our new master pulled his leg back for another kick to her head.
�No, stop it, please! Hurt me instead! Please, leave her alone!�
Her body had long since sopped moving but her eyes were still blinking and flickering. She was still alive.
�Please, Master! I-I�ll take the punishment for whatever she�s done. Just stop hurting her�please�� I trailed off as my view was obscured by tears but I felt my heart skip a beat as the Master dragged my friend over to me by her blonde hair and held her up so her eyes were staring straight into mine. It was a moment where time didn�t seem to be flowing at all, there was just me, 46 and the silence.
The silence that was shattered by the sound of a neck breaking as my master twisted my friend�s head to a lethal angle. And, as her features grew slack and her grey eyes filtered to blue in death, I screamed. And I don�t remember how I ever managed to stop.
And although the feel of Colonel O�Neill�s solid body kept me grounded throughout the flashback all I managed to say to him was.
�I screamed when he snapped her neck.�
But somehow he seemed to understand and he sighed before admitting,
�I screamed inside.�
I sighed, leaning my head against his shoulder, my earlier panic forgotten as I drew calm from the stars overhead.
�A lot of my friends died��I whispered quietly, trying my best not to cry as people and faces I hadn�t thought of for years surfaced in my mind. �But�it doesn�t get any easier�� I was just mumbling now, enjoying the fact that there was someone I could talk to who would listen and understand.
�I know it doesn�t, Quinn.� Jack said as he pulled out another photo, and handed it to me.
�This was Major Kawalsky, a very old friend of mine. He was killed by one of our enemies from another planet.� He explained and I saw his eyes flash with hatred.
�Was it the Goa�uld?� I asked and I felt his shoulder tense through the contact of our arms.
�When we first met them� How do you know about them, Quinn?�
�Sam gave me some of Doctor Jackson�s notes to read when I was in the infirmary.� I explained before shivering. �They sound like my old�owners.�
The Colonel gave another shudder but still passed me another photo.
�This was Daniel�s wife, Sha�re. She was taken as a host by the goa�uld and then killed.�
I felt my eyes go black with anger at the list of these deaths that had hurt the people I had come to care about.
Jack noticed this and placed his hand over my own which I didn�t realise had clenched into a fist.
�Daniel had that same passion for destroying them.� He started, �He got that look in his eyes that you have right now every time he heard about them and he was just as selfless as you are.�
I just nodded in reply to show I understood but the worry in his eyes made me anxious.
�But it was that passion and selflessness that got him killed, Quinn and I don�t want that to happen to you. We�ve already lost Daniel and Jonas�to loose you as well would rip us apart.�
I just frowned. I didn�t understand.
�Us?� I asked, curious to know who would mistake my existence for something meaningful.
�Carter, Teal�c, Janet�� A pause, ��Me.�
�But I�I�m expendable.� The movement was so fast even my advanced eyes never saw it coming as the colonel moved to kneel in front of me, his hands digging into my shoulders.
�Goddammit Quinn, I do NOT want to hear you say that. You are NOT expendable.� He gave my shoulders a little shake as he raised his voice. �You listening?�
I nodded and replied �Yes Sir.� But my head was still ringing with the voice of the trainer �You�re a kelownan, your needs come last.�
�Listen Quinn, Daniel died sacrificing his life for other people. For Jonas� people.�
I felt my eyes widen at this and replied solemnly.
�Then it was a noble death?� I asked and The Colonel just sighed.
�Just�don�t get any ideas. Alright?�
I just looked to the side, glad of the slight cover of darkness to hide my slight frown.
�But, you would die for Major Carter or Teal�c.� I insisted. I needed him to understand � I had been conditioned to give my life for an Andari or Teranian without even thinking about it. And I was sure Colonel O�Neill would give his life for one of his teammates.
�It doesn�t matter what I would do, Quinn.�
His avoidance of my question confirmed it and I sighed.
�Yes Sir.� But I was lying and I think he knew it.
�Jack�sir?� I wanted to change the subject and I coughed nervously as I handed him back the photographs and he nodded as we stood up.
�Do you�I mean�If it�s possible�there was��
�Quinn!� There was a smile spreading across his face and I realised I must have sounded I nervous as I felt.
�Do you think, I could have a photo of�you and Major Carter and�everyone?� I ask as loud as I dared before looking down and mumbling, �Like Jonas��
When I looked back up he was smiling and he clapped me on the shoulder as we started to walk inside.
�Oh I think we can manage that.� He grinned. �It�s about time you made some memories here.�