Everything of this journey had been new, different or surprising and whilst part of me was loving learning about this new culture I was supposed to integrate into, the other half was longing for the familiarity of the cold grey corridors of the SGC and my own, comfortable quarters.
�Those things were all unfamiliar to you at first, Quinn.� I told myself as I turned to look out of the car window. �You�ll adapt to the rest of the planet too.� I tried to convince myself. Yet there was still the other voice hissing maliciously in my head.
�You�re not supposed to be afraid, Twenty Three, you�re supposed to be calm, emotionless - the perfect soldier.� I swallowed and clenched my shaking hand into a fist. �You can hide it all you want but you�re still scared. Can you really go an entire night without screwing up? You can barely go an hour without making a mistake - you�re going to fail at this too.�
I licked my lips nervously and folded my arms around my body to try and disguise the shaking as I forced myself to keep my breathing slow and controlled.
�You cold, kiddo?� I turned sharply in my seat at the voice, unable to stop the panicked,
�I�m not scared!� flying from my lips before my brain realised the question that I had been asked. �I mean�cold�I�m not cold.� I mumbled as I felt all eyes in the car turn to me whilst Major Carter pulled onto a quiet side road.
�Failure number one.� I thought glumly to myself as the car rumbled to a halt and I shrank back from the gazes of the other occupants. I could feel their stares on me like a physical burning and I felt a cold sweat break out on my scarred forehead as I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, feeling suddenly claustrophobic in the cramped vehicle.
�How about we go for a walk, Quinn? I need to stretch my legs.� Major Carter asked as she unbuckled her seatbelt. Her falsely cheerful tone sounded hollow against the awkward silence that followed but I undid my seatbelt and obediently followed her outside.
The road we had pulled onto was a quiet one, surrounded by fields and away from the city centre. The lack of fumes made the stars shine even brighter as I tilted my head towards them before whispering,
�You didn�t have to lie, you know.�
�Quinn?� I heard Major Carter�s steps and voice falter and I felt suddenly guilty for using such a resentful tone.
�You didn�t need to stretch your legs.� I mumbled as my gaze dropped down to floor. �You don�t need to make excuses, Colonel O�Neill and Teal�c both know I�m�flawed.�
�Quinn, don�t use that word.� The Major�s voice was concerned even though her words were commanding. �You�re not �flawed�.� She rolled her eyes at the word. �Yes you�ve been through a lot, things I can�t even imagine, and yes it has left a mark, of course it has, but that doesn�t make you, flawed or weird or different to anyone else. A lot of people would have given up before going through even half of what you lived through and they still wouldn�t be handling it as well as you are. The fact that things frighten you Quinn doesn�t make you flawed, it makes you normal.�
�Then�why did you pretend in the car?� I asked. I could feel hope rising in my chest at her previous words and I knew having hope meant there was a danger of being crushed.
�Well I guess�� I watched Major Carter�s expression with interest as she shrugged sheepishly, �I guess that�s my �flaw�.� She laughed a little. �Some Earthlings aren�t quite as good as you at handling issues head on. We tend to skirt around things that bother us in the hope they might go away if we ignore them.�
�Oh�� I frowned softly at the confusing picture Major Sam was painting of a human thought process. �Because�I have another question.� I started timidly and this time even Major Sam�s pretty smile didn�t put me at ease. �Why do you like me?�
�What?� Her voice was confused but also slightly amused. �What do you mean?�
�I mean I�I don�t act like a�a normal human most of the time. I eat your food and take your medicine and sleep in your facility, all without being invited. I ruin your attempts at having fun by acting like�� I shrugged and winced, ��this. I-I don�t give anything in return, I�� I swallowed and looked away from Major Carter�s now concerned gaze, �I�m just a burden to you all. I don�t understand why you�.why you�re nice to me like this. Is it...� I raised my gaze to look at the Major, �Is it because I look like Jonas?� I asked not sure if I wanted to know the answer.
�No. No that�s not it at all.�
�Then�what? I asked almost tearfully, �I don�t understand��
�Quinn, people don�t always have reasons for becoming friends.� She started, �Some people just like each other and that�s that.�
My face fell at the thought I wouldn�t get an explanation and I sighed a little.
�But, believe it or not, you�re a very likeable guy, Quinn.� She smiled and I frowned a little.
�I am?�
�Well, those girls in the corridor sure seemed to think so, didn�t they?� She laughed and I smiled a little at the memory. �You�re kind and caring and you give selflessly, not for attention or reward, it�s pretty unusual to find genuine �nice-guys� these days but when you think about what you�ve been through�� Her eyes strayed to the old scars one my forehead and face, ��a lot of people would have come from that bitter and twisted but you�ve still got that genuine innocence and a desire to move on, that shows real strength, Quinn.�
�Alright�alright�� I broke her off, blushing, �I just�I just wanted to be sure you really liked me.� I looked to the side and swallowed. �Because I like you too.� I watched as Major Carter smiled but something told me she didn�t fully understand what I meant.
�I�m not just grateful.� I tried to explain. �I mean, I am, I really am, Sam but I� I like talking to you and�� I paused as I searched for the term, ���hanging out�.� I gave a small laugh and Major Sam laughed too. �And I like laughing like that and I like different things about the others too. I like learning about Earth and I�I�m sorry I freaked in the car, I want to spend time with you.� I apologised and gasped as Major Carter pulled me into a hug.
�That�s good, because I want to spend time with you too.� She smiled before pulling back, �And I think there are two men in the car back there that would say the same.� I nodded as we walked and suddenly the idea of �having fun� on this outing didn�t seem so ridiculous.
The new confidence and security I felt made the city more exciting than scary as we drove through it and I pressed my face to the window, seeing the lights of the city reflected in my own green eyes. Luckily neither Teal�c, Major Sam or Colonel Jack got bored or annoyed with my constant questioning as they carefully explained to me McDonalds, pelican crossings and Starbucks.
�Are we going to eat in a McDonalds?� I asked, smiling in excitement at the thought of more Earth food.
�We plan to eat in a more respectable establishment.� Teal�c replied and I frowned softly, trying to think of other places I had heard of.
�A place like the commissary?� I asked hopefully, thinking of how much I liked the food there.
�Believe it or not, kiddo, there are nicer places to eat than the commissary.� Colonel O�Neill rolled his eyes as he pressed a button on the automobile�s interface and the car was filled with music. I smiled happily, I�d heard several different styles and examples of music since my first time in Jonas� office but I still enjoyed listening to it and did so at every opportunity. I closed my eyes as I heard the notes of what seemed to be a brass instrument flow through the speakers and I tapped my fingers silently against my thigh in time to the quiet hissing of a snare drum.
�Like it, kiddo?� Colonel O�Neill asked and I nodded.
�Yes Sir.� I replied, opening my eyes, �This is Jazz, right?� I asked, pleased when the Colonel nodded and grinned.
�That it is. The perfect accompaniment to something called fishing - something else I have to introduce you to sometime.�
�Oh sir, you can�t inflict that on him!� Major Carter rolled her eyes as she changed the dial, keeping one hand on the wheel, and I wondered if she was referring to jazz or fishing. �This is more like it.� She smiled as a different type of music started playing. This time the beat was faster, and a wider variety of instruments were played resulting in altogether louder and more energetic performance. �This is rock!� Major Sam had to raise her voice slightly over the volume of the music but I grinned and nodded.
�I find it unpleasant.� Teal�c�s voice seemed surprisingly loud in the silence that followed the abrupt muting of the rock music as he took his turn at turning the dial and my ears were treated to yet another form of Tau�ri music. This time it wasn�t so much music or singing as just speaking�very fast speaking. �This is known as rap.� The Jaffa supplied.
�Teal�c, it�s rubbish.� Major Carter sniped, her free hand straying to the dial which Teal�c quickly covered with his large hand.
�I find it a most interesting insight into the culture of Earth, I believe Quinn would also benefit from exposure to music of this kind.� Teal�c explained.
�I can�t understand what he�s saying.� I mumbled as I cocked my head towards the car speaker.
�You and me both, kiddo.� Colonel O�Neill growled and began to pry Teal�c�s hand off the radio.
�It is a pleasurable way of absorbing American vocabulary and speaking patterns!� Teal�c protested sternly and I shrank back in my seat, wincing a little as Major Sam took advantage of the men�s distracted state to twist the dial back to rock.
�Alright�alright�� Colonel O�Neill threw his hands up in exasperation and I gulped as he spoke the words I had prayed not to hear, �Why don�t we let Quinn choose?� But I immediately sighed in relief as Major Carter shrugged and swerved the car into a parking bay.
�Too late, we�re here.� Before turning to me and winking, �But you liked rock music best didn�t you?�
�Carter Colonel Jack scolded and I sighed in relief at be able to avoid offending anyone. �If you don�t mind, we have to be serious for a bit.� I straightened my shoulders at this as the mood in the car immediately shifted. �Now, you remember I told you that the people on Earth don�t know anything about the Stargate?� He asked and I nodded, remembering from my first venture outside the base.
�Yes Sir.�
�So that also means they don�t know about aliens or alternate realities either.� He continued and I nodded in understanding.
�But when someone asks about you we can�t say it�s classified.� Sam laughed but I shuddered as it dawned on me once again that I would be dealing with strangers. Alien strangers at that. �And obviously your behavioural differences and lack of Earth knowledge might raise a few questions sometimes.�
I flinched at the reminder but I was pleased Major Sam was facing my flaws head on even though she found it difficult and I smiled at her in gratitude. I saw, from the corner of my eyes, The Colonel and Teal�c exchange confused glances but Major Sam nodded slightly and I knew she understood what I was trying to convey.
�So we�re going to tell them that you�re in the military and that you were held as a POW.�
�POW?� I asked timidly, wondering how I was supposed to pretend this was the story of my life when I didn�t even understand it.
�Prisoner of war.� Teal�c explained and I nodded in understanding, it was a well though out story.
�Obviously, you look like Jonas, so we�ll have to tell them you�re twins. There�s just no other explanation for how alike you look.� Colonel O�Neill started where Major Carter left off and I paled at the thought of them allowing me to pretend I was related to this great friend of theirs. I hoped I could act accordingly.
�If anyone asks, just tell them you never saw eye-to-eye.� The Colonel said and I frowned.
�But�we�re exactly the same height.� I frowned.
�It�s a polite way of saying you never really got on very well.� Major Carter supplied
�Another Earthling way of skirting around the issue?� I raised my eyebrows at her in reply and was met by a helpless yet humour filled shrug.
�Oh, and if anyone asks, you�re Twenty Three, not Six.� The Colonel laughed and I closed my eyes and shivered.
�You�re Twenty Three.�
�Huh?� I looked up through a slightly swollen eye and was greeted by a smiling blonde girl.
�You�re Twenty Three, aren�t you?� The girl squatted down next to me as I slowly realised I was on the floor and I nodded in reply.
�Um yeah�� I shook my head, trying to stop the thumping at the back of my skull. �I think so.� I watched the girl�s face crumple into a concerned expression and tried to push myself up into a sitting position.
�I�m Fourty Six.� The girl announced softly, pressing a cool pack against my swollen eye and I gasped, both at the shock and the shock of the cold and the unexpected kindness of the gesture.
�I was grown to be a medic.� She explained and then said proudly, �I�m already two years old.�
�I�I�m one.� I said timidly, �I�m s�posed to be a soldier, search and rescue, I think.� I added watching as the girl smiled a little.
�That explains your eyes.� She said and frowned again, reaching a hand up to trace the bruise.
�Not that, Twenty Three.� She said sympathetically, �I know where that came from.� She sighed softly and I placed a hand on her shoulder.
�Don�t be sad.� I pleaded and she nodded but I could still see tears in her eyes.
�When they�threw you in here, just before you passed out, your eyes were really, dark, like black. They give that ability to clones that need good eyesight don�t they?� She asked and I nodded.
�Yeah but�I can�t control it. Sometimes it just happens.� I admitted. �I try�I really try but sometimes it just happens and sometimes they�I get punished for it.�
�It�s okay, Twenty Three.� She said softly as I started shaking, �We�ll be alright now we�re here together.�
�Oh damn�I forgot, Twenty Three�s a bad number isn�t it?� The Colonel said and I blinked rapidly, shocked to find I had drifted off into another flashback, the first one in a while.
�No�No�� I shook my head, �I�I�m Twenty Three.�There was an odd familiarity in saying it and I looked at the floor as briefly, fighting to keep my emotions in check. �But�what if my eyes change?�
�Hm, there�s nothing we can really do about that is there?� The Colonel shrugged and I nodded.
�Just try and keep them under control as best you can.� Major Carter instructed as we exited the vehicle, �If anyone notices just pass it off as a trick of the light.�
I nodded but grit my teeth, this outing was sounding more and more like a mission than recreation.
�You�ll be fine, kiddo, we�re just covering all our bases.� The Colonel said as if sensing what I was thinking. �Just remember, we�re gonna eat.�
My eyes brightened at this as I remember the purpose of the building we were visiting.
�Yeah...� The Colonel chuckled, �That put a smile back on your face didn�t it?�