So I did my best to stop my shaking and to pull myself together; forcing myself to fall into the numb state of not-feeling that I had described to Doctor MacKenzie. I could do this, I told myself, forcing myself to slow my breathing. The cluttered environment irritated me and I sighed as I looked around the messy room for the books Teal�c had listed to me.
It took me a while to find some of the books hidden under the clutter of loose papers and stray artefacts and as I looked around the messy room I realised that no one from SG1 had tidied or packed anything away � that must have meant they wanted to keep everything the way it was whilst Jonas was here, I concluded. So I made sure to return everything but what I needed to its original position before I left the room.
It was only when I closed the door behind me and was greeted by the familiar grey, curved corridor that I felt my confidence waver. There were all kinds of people walking past me, men and women of all different ages and colours. They walked with confidence and pride, each so sure of their destination, their purpose � each one a tiny part of this huge machine that was the SGC, a unit, a team. And then there was me.
I shrank back from the stares of the two airmen that walked past and I could hear them muttering.
�That�s that new alien kid.�
�What the Hell�s it still doing here? Haven�t they shipped him off somewhere yet?�
�I hear the Colonel�s got a soft spot��
Their voices trailed off and I felt the shivering start again as I walked slowly back to my quarters. What they were saying�everyone else on the base probably felt the same way, if not worse, I reasoned. I fought to control my emotions as I focused on putting one foot in front of the other. People had been nice to me�I tried to convince myself. Doctor Janet had looked after me when I first got here, Colonel O�Neill had taught me about the Goa�uld, Teal�c had brought me breakfast � they liked me. But there was still a voice in the back of my head that I couldn�t silence. The same voice that had caused me to obey orders so many times in my old life.
They like you NOW, Twenty Three. It whispered. But what happens when they get bored of you? Your looks and novelty won�t last for much longer. You have to prove yourself worthy of being here. You have to learn this language � make them need you, Twenty Three, then you�ll be able to stay.
I nodded subconsciously, an action that luckily went unnoticed as I walked towards a group of female personnel. The last thing I wanted people thinking was that I was mentally unstable. I could hear their footsteps slowing as they approached and I paused at a junction of corridors trying to remember the route to my quarters.
�Hey you lost, honey?�
I jumped when one of the women spoke and I frowned softly at her friends giggling.
�No�No I�m alright.� I stammered nervously, aware of the girl�s eyes sweeping over me. �Thank you.� I added, anxious to be out of the situation.
�You need a hand with those books?�
The second girl asked and I simply shook my head, not liking their proximity.
�You sure? They look awfully heavy.� The first girl asked as she came closer and I shook my head again.
�I�I�m fine, really.� I took a step backwards, relived when the third girl spoke up.
�Hey, quit it girls, you�re freaking him out.�
�Huh?� The women seemed genuinely puzzled and I was surprised when the first women apologised.
�I�m sorry, we didn�t mean to scare you, Sweety.� She said, backing away a little.
�Woulda thought a pretty thing like you would be used to getting offers from the ladies.� The second one said jokingly but her tone was gentle and I relaxed a little, mumbling-
�I�m sorry.�
�It�s alright.� The third girl smiled. �Not everyone�s as bold as you two.� She shot a mock-stern glare at her two friends before looking back to me. �I�m Lieutenant Renshaw, they�re Airmen Spencer and Moore. If you ever want someone to show you Earth sometime we�d be more than happy.�
I just smiled and nodded �Thank you.� Before waving as they moved away. As they left I could hear them chatting excitedly.
�He�s very polite.�
�So�I like shy guys.�
�Forget about it, Liz, he was looking at me.�
�I was nicest to him!�
I smiled as their voices faded into the distance. The encounter had been frightening but also kinda�fun? Fun wasn�t something I was used to but it was nice to have people feeling at ease around me and being nice. I squared my jaw as I started walking � next time I would�what was the phrase Colonel Jack used? I would��chill out� more around them.
Yet I was all too aware of my thoughts from before. I mean, they probably only approached me for my looks�But they had said nice things about my personality too. I smiled a little as I walked. They had said I was sweet and polite. I was therefore relieved to see the door to my quarters appear at the end of the corridor � I knew arguing with myself was never a good sign.
And as I sat down at my desk, glass of water and bowl of carrot sticks within reaching distance, I began to realise that I was feeling something I hadn�t felt for a long time. Content. I�d felt happy plenty of times during my stay on Earth. Happy that I was allowed to stay, happy that I had a lock on my door, happy that I was allowed to read but I�d never felt like this. There had always been this nagging doubt in my mind that I would be sent back to my own reality. This way, I would be useful to the people here, I would be allowed to stay and learn. All I had to do was learn one language�how hard could that be?
It wasn�t until I heard a knock at my door that I looked up from my books and smiled as Major Sam entered the room.
�Quinn, you�ve been in here for hours.� She laughed and I frowned softly as I stood up to greet her.
�Hours?� I turned to look at the digital clock on my desk and then back to the Major. �Wow�I must�ve�I didn�t realise...� I trailed off, rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly as I stared at the floor.
�Bah, you geeks are all the same.� I looked up again at the sound of the Colonel O�Neill�s voice. �Hopefully we can teach this one to get out of the office and have some fun.� He mock-whispered to Teal�c who nodded,
�Indeed.�
�We thought you might want to see a little of Earth.� Major Sam continued and I swallowed nervously and nodded.
�You mean�go out?� I stammered and the Major nodded.
�That�s right.�
�We figured, since ya been cooped up in this lab all day you might be hungry.�
I grinned up as my stomach rumbled in agreement to the Colonel�s statement.
�That got your attention, huh?� The Colonel laughed and tossed a pile of clothes at me that I caught thanks only to my kelownan reflexes. I looked down at the pile and frowned.
�It�s the closest we could come to civvies.� Major Sam shrugged and I just nodded, hoping that I looked like I knew what she was talking about.
�We�ll meet you out here in ten minutes, okay?� Major Sam patted my shoulder and I nodded. �There�s nothing to worry about.� She whispered gently as if she could sense my worry and I nodded again.
��K.� I swallowed. �See you in ten minutes.� I smiled a little as Teal�c gave a slight bow and Colonel O�Neill yelled,
�See ya in ten, kiddo!�
And so it was �in ten� that I found myself standing outside the door to my quarters. I was wearing a pair of navy blue cargo pants and black tee shirt along with a pair of white shoes with, what seemed to be, rubber soles.
�Hey Quinn, you look great!�
I turned my head at the sound of a familiar female voice and I smiled as the three women from before approached.
�Hey, Liz, you trying to scare him off again!� The woman�s voice was joking as she approached but her expression was gentle. I watched the woman I remembered as Airman Mooregive a slight laugh before shaking her head and schooling her features into a compassionate smile.
�We just wanted to say sorry for before.� She started and I smiled a little, shaking my head to show I didn�t mind.
�It�s okay.� I mumbled. �I was just��
�Shy?� Lieutenant Renshaw supplied and I glanced to the side briefly before nodding.
�Try petrified more like it.� I thought silently but remembered my earlier promise to �chill out� and just gave a sheepish grin as I replied,
�Yeah�shy.�
�Well, we wanted to apologise.� Airman Spencer replied. �You get all these army guys around here strutting about all macho spurting testosterone out of their eyes�we girls tend to forget there�s still some decent, normal guys out there.�
I grinned again and looked at the floor shyly at their compliments.
�There�s always Teal�c.� I shrugged causing the three women to laugh and almost immediately I felt the tension drain from the room and I took that as a sign that my attempt at a joke had worked.
�Well, I think he�s taken.� Lieutenant Renshaw smiled and I looked up as she continued speaking. �But, since you�re not, we wondered if you wanted to head down to the commissary with us.�
�I�I can�t� I shook my head, sad to see the disappointment on the three women�s faces.
�C�mon, Quinn�� Airmen Spencer nudged me playfully on the shoulder, �An apology dinner, just the four of us. It�ll be fun.�
�I�m sure it would.� I turned at the sound of Major Carter�s sharper than normal voice and saw her walking, perhaps a little faster than normal, up the corridor towards me. �But Quinn already has dinner plans tonight.� She said, putting her hand on my shoulder, almost possessively before turning to me and smiling somewhat oddly, �Don�t you, Quinn?�
�Uh�yeah.� I mumbled, still not liking the disappointed looks on the women�s faces. �But�but maybe some other time�� I started hopefully, �Tomorrow or something?� The smiles on the three women�s faces brought an equally beaming smile to my own.
A smile that was quickly wiped as Major Carter began steering me away. �Come on, Quinn, we don�t want to be late.�
�We�ve got twenty minutes yet!� I sighed with relief at the sound of Jack O�Neill entering the corridor and I quickly moved to his side; glad to have some male company for the time being.
�Hi, Colonel.� I smiled.
�Heya, Kiddo.� He ruffled my hair and then I saw him look to the three women, to me, back to the women� �Holy crap, Quinn. You been out of the infirmary a week and you�ve already scored three girls!�
I couldn�t help but laugh at his tone but I coughed nervously to draw his attention and looked at him with eyes that pleaded �get me out of here.�
O�Neill looked at me with a frown before raising his eyebrows in understanding and �looking� at his watch before speaking,
�Nah�I guess you�re right, Carter, we should get going.� A statement that pleased both me and Major Sam as we turned to walk away.
�See ya, ladies!� The Colonel turned to the three women and winked, looking proud when they grinned at him before walking away. I think it was only me the saw the reluctant smile on his face as the three girls responded,
�Bye, Quinn!�
�See you at dinner tomorrow!�
�Have fun!�