The place we ate in, a �restaurant�, was significantly different to the commissary back home. I smiled as I looked around the richly decorated room, revelling in the fact I even had a home to compare it to. It was a strange feeling, to have a place where you lived all the time, not being shipped around from one master to the next, but not unpleasant I decided.
And another factor that was decidedly NOT unpleasant was the idea that you were supposed to order not one meal but three, four if you counted what was called a �side-order�. I had just nodded wide eyed as Teal�c explained the idea behind it all and neglected to mention that one of these �side-orders� or even �starters� would have been the equivalent of about three days food, if I was lucky, in my old life and simply picked what I thought looked appetising based on the pictures in the �menu�.
I could taste blood in my mouth as I ran through the gardens of my current �home�. I was light-headed and dizzy from hunger and I hugged the roll of bread to my chest as I ran. I could hear heavy footsteps behind me and I glanced over my shoulder briefly hearing the sound of an older clone giving chase.
I knew it was wrong to have stolen food from him but he had had so much, enough to last him a week at least and I only wanted a little. Just enough to make it through today and maybe tomorrow. I�d asked first but the resulting laugh from him and his friends followed by the sharp kick to my stomach told me that I wasn�t going to get it that way.
So I had concentrated as best I could and turned my eyes black, as black as I had ever made them, using the speed and agility boost it gave me to snatch a roll of bread before pivoting and running through the courtyard and out into the garden.
nd now I could hear the footsteps of fully grown clones who were so much bigger me, even in my teenage body, growing louder and I squeezed my eyes shut briefly in fear before opening them in time to take a sharp turn to my left and scrambling up the branches of the nearest tree I came to.
My training made me aware of every mistake I had made, from the footsteps I hadn�t covered up to the less than direct route I had taken to get to my obvious hiding place. And, at four and a half Earth years old, I was terrified.
I took a sharp breath inwards as I heard the older clones approaching my hiding place and I held it for about a minute as they looked around before loosing interest and leaving.
It was with shaky legs that I clambered down from my hiding place, dropping as softly onto the muddy ground as I could manage before tucking the bread up my shirt and heading into the housing section of my current master�s extensive grounds.
I could see Forty-Six in the sleeping quarters we shared with four others but she was luckily alone and I ran towards her quickly smiling as she noticed me and I pulled the bread from under my shirt and gave it to her with a smile as we sat on the stone floor.
�I got this for you.� I mumbled shyly and she gasped,
�Wow, Twenty-Three, thanks!� She smiled before lifting it to her mouth then pausing. �What about you?� She asked and I shrugged,
�I�m fine.� I answered but the loud growling of my stomach said otherwise and Forty Six gave me an irritated look.
�Twenty-Three, you promised you wouldn�t do this.� She said earnestly, snapping the bread in half, handing me a section. �Now eat it.� She said mock-sternly and I shot a pretend-hurt look before biting into it and sighing in pleasure at having something in my stomach that had been empty for days.
�Take it easy.� Forty-Six instructed watching me attempt to stuff the whole thing into my mouth at once. �You don�t want to get sick.� She said gently before placing a smooth hand on my scraped cheek. �I don�t want you to get sick.� She whispered softly, placing a kiss where her hand had just been and I nodded, resting my head on her shoulder as we leaned back against the wall, enjoying what the coalition considered a basic right for their people but was a special privilege for Kelownan�s like us, eating
�Oh my word�� I looked up at the sound of a shocked and confused female voice and knew, before I even realised she was looking at me, what she was thinking, the same thing so many others before her had thought and I winced at the inevitable gasp of,
�Jonas?� And flinching at the hand that reached towards me, almost if to test that I was real.
�Laura�� The woman turned at Colonel Jack�s voice but didn�t say anything, speechless with shock, like most people were when they first saw �Jonas� aka. me. It was with pained, grey eyes that I watched the Colonel slowly lead the woman away from the table and I strained my ears to hear the conversation, all too aware of the semi-discreet and sympathetic glances the waitress kept throwing my way.
�Twin�captured�prisoner�tortured�PTSD.� I sighed and looked away as I realised Colonel O�Neill was just telling the woman the cover story and I couldn�t help but wonder, as I stared into my spaghetti, how the woman would react if she really knew why there was someone who looked just like Jonas in her restaurant.
�I�m sorry, Quinn.� I looked back up at the touch of a gentle hand on my arm, �We should have warned you that might happen.� Major Sam�s eyes were filled with regret as she apologised and I shrugged.
�It�s alright. I knew it might. I don�t care.� I lied and the Major nodded but her eyes showed me she knew I was lying and, most likely, she knew I knew she knew. I shook my head at the confusing trail of thought and poked half-heartedly at my pasta having, perhaps for the first time in my life, lost my appetite.
Had I not known that the Colonel had just told this woman the �story of my life� I might have found her sudden change in attitude incredibly confusing as she approached the table again. As it was, I understood the reason behind it but her behaviour was still baffling as she rushed over, apparently having noticed the disinterested way I was eyeing my food.
�Is something wrong, Honey? Is it too cold? Don�t worry if you don�t feel like eating it all, it�s perfectly ok, no one will mind at all.�
I simply leaned back a little in my seat as the woman blared questions at me without pausing to take a break.
�It�s�It�s very nice, thank you. Th-there�s no problem.�
�Are you sure, Sweety? Do you want something else? Do you want us to heat it up? Would you like another table?�
Another round of questioning and I shook my head again. �It�s fine�everything�s fine.� shifting uncomfortably in my seat.
�Am�am I not doing it right?� I asked worriedly, watching as the woman�s face crumpled into one of pity and I looked away feeling guilty, she was pitying me for something that had never happened. I had never fought for America, I hadn�t been captured or tortured, I wasn�t deserving of any of this.
�Oh�Sweety�� She gasped and I just bit down on my lip trying to keep my eyes as green as possible, all the while hating this woman for pitying me, hating myself for keeping silent and hating everything and anything that I could just because, for a brief second, it felt okay to. For a brief second it felt right to be angry.
And then, as suddenly as it came, the rush of anger was gone and I was left weary and tired and in its wake, not even feeling a twitch of emotion as the waitress walked away obviously on cue from either Colonel O�Neill or Major Carter and I felt my hands cramping as they unfurled from fists I hadn�t realised I had rolled them into.
�Quinn?� A soft, female voice laced with concern. More concern, more pity but I couldn�t seem to muster the energy to feel angry about it.
�C�mon Quinn�It�s alright.� I realised my eyes were probably pretty grey and I tried to get them back to normal all the while staring into Major Carter�s blue eyes. Something about her always clamed me and I sighed sadly.
�I didn�t want her to feel sorry for me.� I explained and I watched Major Sam give a sympathetic smile but my eyes were drawn to the almost �proud� look on Colonel O�Neill�s face. I didn�t understand the reason for it but it cheered me up a little anyway and I scooped another forkful of pasta into my mouth.
�Hey, c�mon kiddo, cheer up.� The Colonel nudged me on the shoulder playfully and I did my best to smile even though I felt anything but smiley on the inside. The whole night had taken more of a toll on me than I thought it would. Everything about the restaurant had been new and confusing and, whilst it was interesting and I was desperate to learn more, the whole thing was just a little overwhelming.
�Hey, I know!� The Colonel had a smile on his face and a look in his eyes that suggested he was up to mischief and, despite my low mood, I found myself, as always, getting caught up in his excitement. �There�s another dessert we haven�t introduced you to!�
I widened my eyes and asked, �What?� Hoping it was something as nice tasting as Jello.
�I believe the Colonel O�Neill is referring to Ice Cream, Quinn.� Teal�c elaborated and I frowned,
�Ice Cream?� I rubbed my eyebrow thoughtfully, �Why would anyone want to eat ice?�
The Colonel�s chuckle was my only reply.
I soon discovered that Ice Cream was perhaps the most delicious thing I had tasted so far and had definitely been the highlight of the night. Colonel O�Neill had seemed to have had just as much fun insisting that I tried all the flavours and suggesting various combinations. I agreed to try everything except banana, having tasted the fruit already with Teal�c I had no desire to eat anything to do with it. The Colonel had looked shocked and a little amused by this and I was beginning to get an idea of why but I didn�t want to bring it up. Jonas had featured a little too much in this night already for my liking.
And so it was a rather sluggish and bloated version of myself that stumbled from the restaurant into the deserted car park, hours after we had first set off from the base, although after me and the Colonel�s ice cream binge, the same couldn�t be said of Jack�s wallet which was looking dangerous close to skeletal.
The first time I heard the whimper I thought I was imagining it, my overactive mind trying to spoil what had so far been a nice evening. The second time I felt my eyes grey as I was sure I heard an accompanying thud and some familiar sounding laughter that caused me to freeze briefly in panic. The third time I didn�t even wait until the sound had finished echoing off the walls, my advanced hearing quickly pinpointing a sound that none of my companions had even heard, and began running in its general direction, all traces of sluggishness gone. Why I rushed towards the sound instead of away from it I�ll never know but all the while my mind flashed with images from my past that I didn�t want to see, accompanied by the repetitive thumping as my trainers hit the concrete over and over � drawing me closer to what sounded all too familiar to me.
It was only when I skidded to a halt at the entrance to an alley way and my black eyes attempted to take in everything at once that I realised I actually had no plan to deal with whatever I found. My eyes were immediately drawn to the immediate danger, two youths, looking to be about 19 0r 20 Earth years old. In terms of a Kelownan clone�s growth cycle this would have made them about five to five and a half years but I had to remember, these weren�t clones, these were people with over a decade of fighting experience and I felt my fists clench as I felt my mind racing as I considered the probability of victory and my alternative options.
It was only when I heard the whimpering again that I allowed my gaze to waver, one eye remaining on the two youths, the other straying to what at first I thought was simply a pile of bloodstained clothing but, after a brief moments focusing, I realised was actually some kind of animal. It was whimpering softly and my advanced vision could see blood stains and bruises where clumps of fur had been torn out.
I sat against the wall whimpering as the two trainers stood over me. A clump of hair had been torn out at the roots and my skin was littered with bruises and cuts.
�Please�� I whimpered as the two men moved towards me, �No more��
I shook my head out of the flashback and looked back up to the two young men who were sneering at me.
�What are you doing?� I asked in a voice that didn�t sound my own.
�Stop, please, what are you doing!�
Forty-Six�s voice was filled with anger and fear as she watched the metal rod slam into my ribcage again.
�Why are you doing this?�
�Why�Why are you doing this?� I echoed my dead friend�s words as I looked from the injured animal to the bloodstained hands of the youths before me.
�What the Hell are you gonna do about it?� The elder looking one sneered as he stepped forward slightly.
�What are you gonna do about it, Bitch?�
I wanted to protest, to stop her drawing attention to herself but all I could manage was a choked gurgle as I struggled to breathe enough air to stay conscious through broken ribs.
�It�s only a piece of Kelownan trash.�
�It�s only a fucking dog.� The younger man�s voice brought my attention away from the flashes of memories but I didn�t really hear his words, instead my attention was focused on the hammering in my chest as my heart rate sped up and my fingernails cut semicircles into the palms of my clenched fists.
�What did it do to you?� I asked angrily, memories of myself in a similar position causing a rage to build up - a surge of anger I hadn�t felt since just before I had touched the mirror, and this one was, if anything, stronger.
�He never did anything to you!�
The sound of Forty Six running towards me and I tried to ward her off with a hand that wouldn�t do what I wanted it to.
�Leave him alone!�
�Leave it alone.� My words were ice and I tuned out the sound of SG-1 approaching as I focused totally on the two men who I was beginning to hate more than I had ever heated anyone. And, as my heart rate levelled out to its maximum and the blood vessels in my eyes began to turn black giving my eyes a fractured look, past and present collided as I heard the same words spoken in reality and in my memories.
�Make me.�
�Make me.�
And that�s where the similarities ended as I launched forwards with a blow intended to kill.
The place we ate in, a �restaurant�, was significantly different to the commissary back home. I smiled as I looked around the richly decorated room, revelling in the fact I even had a home to compare it to. It was a strange feeling, to have a place where you lived all the time, not being shipped around from one master to the next, but not unpleasant I decided.
And another factor that was decidedly NOT unpleasant was the idea that you were supposed to order not one meal but three, four if you counted what was called a �side-order�. I had just nodded wide eyed as Teal�c explained the idea behind it all and neglected to mention that one of these �side-orders� or even �starters� would have been the equivalent of about three days food, if I was lucky, in my old life and simply picked what I thought looked appetising based on the pictures in the �menu�.
I could taste blood in my mouth as I ran through the gardens of my current �home�. I was light-headed and dizzy from hunger and I hugged the roll of bread to my chest as I ran. I could hear heavy footsteps behind me and I glanced over my shoulder briefly hearing the sound of an older clone giving chase.
I knew it was wrong to have stolen food from him but he had had so much, enough to last him a week at least and I only wanted a little. Just enough to make it through today and maybe tomorrow. I�d asked first but the resulting laugh from him and his friends followed by the sharp kick to my stomach told me that I wasn�t going to get it that way.
So I had concentrated as best I could and turned my eyes black, as black as I had ever made them, using the speed and agility boost it gave me to snatch a roll of bread before pivoting and running through the courtyard and out into the garden.
And now I could hear the footsteps of fully grown clones who were so much bigger me, even in my teenage body, growing louder and I squeezed my eyes shut briefly in fear before opening them in time to take a sharp turn to my left and scrambling up the branches of the nearest tree I came to.
My training made me aware of every mistake I had made, from the footsteps I hadn�t covered up to the less than direct route I had taken to get to my obvious hiding place. And, at four and a half Earth years old, I was terrified.
I took a sharp breath inwards as I heard the older clones approaching my hiding place and I held it for about a minute as they looked around before loosing interest and leaving.
It was with shaky legs that I clambered down from my hiding place, dropping as softly onto the muddy ground as I could manage before tucking the bread up my shirt and heading into the housing section of my current master�s extensive grounds.
I could see Forty-Six in the sleeping quarters we shared with four others but she was luckily alone and I ran towards her quickly smiling as she noticed me and I pulled the bread from under my shirt and gave it to her with a smile as we sat on the stone floor.
�I got this for you.� I mumbled shyly and she gasped,
�Wow, Twenty-Three, thanks!� She smiled before lifting it to her mouth then pausing. �What about you?� She asked and I shrugged,
�I�m fine.� I answered but the loud growling of my stomach said otherwise and Forty Six gave me an irritated look.
�Twenty-Three, you promised you wouldn�t do this.� She said earnestly, snapping the bread in half, handing me a section. �Now eat it.� She said mock-sternly and I shot a pretend-hurt look before biting into it and sighing in pleasure at having something in my stomach that had been empty for days.
�Take it easy.� Forty-Six instructed watching me attempt to stuff the whole thing into my mouth at once. �You don�t want to get sick.� She said gently before placing a smooth hand on my scraped cheek. �I don�t want you to get sick.� She whispered softly, placing a kiss where her hand had just been and I nodded, resting my head on her shoulder as we leaned back against the wall, enjoying what the coalition considered a basic right for their people but was a special privilege for Kelownan�s like us, eating
�Oh my word�� I looked up at the sound of a shocked and confused female voice and knew, before I even realised she was looking at me, what she was thinking, the same thing so many others before her had thought and I winced at the inevitable gasp of,
�Jonas?� And flinching at the hand that reached towards me, almost if to test that I was real.
�Laura�� The woman turned at Colonel Jack�s voice but didn�t say anything, speechless with shock, like most people were when they first saw �Jonas� aka. me. It was with pained, grey eyes that I watched the Colonel slowly lead the woman away from the table and I strained my ears to hear the conversation, all too aware of the semi-discreet and sympathetic glances the waitress kept throwing my way.
�Twin�captured�prisoner�tortured�PTSD.� I sighed and looked away as I realised Colonel O�Neill was just telling the woman the cover story and I couldn�t help but wonder, as I stared into my spaghetti, how the woman would react if she really knew why there was someone who looked just like Jonas in her restaurant.
�I�m sorry, Quinn.� I looked back up at the touch of a gentle hand on my arm, �We should have warned you that might happen.� Major Sam�s eyes were filled with regret as she apologised and I shrugged.
�It�s alright. I knew it might. I don�t care.� I lied and the Major nodded but her eyes showed me she knew I was lying and, most likely, she knew I knew she knew. I shook my head at the confusing trail of thought and poked half-heartedly at my pasta having, perhaps for the first time in my life, lost my appetite.
Had I not known that the Colonel had just told this woman the �story of my life� I might have found her sudden change in attitude incredibly confusing as she approached the table again. As it was, I understood the reason behind it but her behaviour was still baffling as she rushed over, apparently having noticed the disinterested way I was eyeing my food.
�Is something wrong, Honey? Is it too cold? Don�t worry if you don�t feel like eating it all, it�s perfectly ok, no one will mind at all.�
I simply leaned back a little in my seat as the woman blared questions at me without pausing to take a break.
�It�s�It�s very nice, thank you. Th-there�s no problem.�
�Are you sure, Sweety? Do you want something else? Do you want us to heat it up? Would you like another table?�
Another round of questioning and I shook my head again. �It�s fine�everything�s fine.� shifting uncomfortably in my seat.
�Am�am I not doing it right?� I asked worriedly, watching as the woman�s face crumpled into one of pity and I looked away feeling guilty, she was pitying me for something that had never happened. I had never fought for America, I hadn�t been captured or tortured, I wasn�t deserving of any of this.
�Oh�Sweety�� She gasped and I just bit down on my lip trying to keep my eyes as green as possible, all the while hating this woman for pitying me, hating myself for keeping silent and hating everything and anything that I could just because, for a brief second, it felt okay to. For a brief second it felt right to be angry.
And then, as suddenly as it came, the rush of anger was gone and I was left weary and tired and in its wake, not even feeling a twitch of emotion as the waitress walked away obviously on cue from either Colonel O�Neill or Major Carter and I felt my hands cramping as they unfurled from fists I hadn�t realised I had rolled them into.
�Quinn?� A soft, female voice laced with concern. More concern, more pity but I couldn�t seem to muster the energy to feel angry about it.
�C�mon Quinn�It�s alright.� I realised my eyes were probably pretty grey and I tried to get them back to normal all the while staring into Major Carter�s blue eyes. Something about her always clamed me and I sighed sadly.
�I didn�t want her to feel sorry for me.� I explained and I watched Major Sam give a sympathetic smile but my eyes were drawn to the almost �proud� look on Colonel O�Neill�s face. I didn�t understand the reason for it but it cheered me up a little anyway and I scooped another forkful of pasta into my mouth.
�Hey, c�mon kiddo, cheer up.� The Colonel nudged me on the shoulder playfully and I did my best to smile even though I felt anything but smiley on the inside. The whole night had taken more of a toll on me than I thought it would. Everything about the restaurant had been new and confusing and, whilst it was interesting and I was desperate to learn more, the whole thing was just a little overwhelming.
�Hey, I know!� The Colonel had a smile on his face and a look in his eyes that suggested he was up to mischief and, despite my low mood, I found myself, as always, getting caught up in his excitement. �There�s another dessert we haven�t introduced you to!�
I widened my eyes and asked, �What?� Hoping it was something as nice tasting as Jello.
�I believe the Colonel O�Neill is referring to Ice Cream, Quinn.� Teal�c elaborated and I frowned,
�Ice Cream?� I rubbed my eyebrow thoughtfully, �Why would anyone want to eat ice?�
The Colonel�s chuckle was my only reply.
I soon discovered that Ice Cream was perhaps the most delicious thing I had tasted so far and had definitely been the highlight of the night. Colonel O�Neill had seemed to have had just as much fun insisting that I tried all the flavours and suggesting various combinations. I agreed to try everything except banana, having tasted the fruit already with Teal�c I had no desire to eat anything to do with it. The Colonel had looked shocked and a little amused by this and I was beginning to get an idea of why but I didn�t want to bring it up. Jonas had featured a little too much in this night already for my liking.
And so it was a rather sluggish and bloated version of myself that stumbled from the restaurant into the deserted car park, hours after we had first set off from the base, although after me and the Colonel�s ice cream binge, the same couldn�t be said of Jack�s wallet which was looking dangerous close to skeletal.
The first time I heard the whimper I thought I was imagining it, my overactive mind trying to spoil what had so far been a nice evening. The second time I felt my eyes grey as I was sure I heard an accompanying thud and some familiar sounding laughter that caused me to freeze briefly in panic. The third time I didn�t even wait until the sound had finished echoing off the walls, my advanced hearing quickly pinpointing a sound that none of my companions had even heard, and began running in its general direction, all traces of sluggishness gone. Why I rushed towards the sound instead of away from it I�ll never know but all the while my mind flashed with images from my past that I didn�t want to see, accompanied by the repetitive thumping as my trainers hit the concrete over and over � drawing me closer to what sounded all too familiar to me.
It was only when I skidded to a halt at the entrance to an alley way and my black eyes attempted to take in everything at once that I realised I actually had no plan to deal with whatever I found. My eyes were immediately drawn to the immediate danger, two youths, looking to be about 19 0r 20 Earth years old. In terms of a Kelownan clone�s growth cycle this would have made them about five to five and a half years but I had to remember, these weren�t clones, these were people with over a decade of fighting experience and I felt my fists clench as I felt my mind racing as I considered the probability of victory and my alternative options.
It was only when I heard the whimpering again that I allowed my gaze to waver, one eye remaining on the two youths, the other straying to what at first I thought was simply a pile of bloodstained clothing but, after a brief moments focusing, I realised was actually some kind of animal. It was whimpering softly and my advanced vision could see blood stains and bruises where clumps of fur had been torn out.
I sat against the wall whimpering as the two trainers stood over me. A clump of hair had been torn out at the roots and my skin was littered with bruises and cuts.
�Please�� I whimpered as the two men moved towards me, �No more��
I shook my head out of the flashback and looked back up to the two young men who were sneering at me.
�What are you doing?� I asked in a voice that didn�t sound my own.
�Stop, please, what are you doing!�
Forty-Six�s voice was filled with anger and fear as she watched the metal rod slam into my ribcage again.
�Why are you doing this?�
�Why�Why are you doing this?� I echoed my dead friend�s words as I looked from the injured animal to the bloodstained hands of the youths before me.
�What the Hell are you gonna do about it?� The elder looking one sneered as he stepped forward slightly.
�What are you gonna do about it, Bitch?�
I wanted to protest, to stop her drawing attention to herself but all I could manage was a choked gurgle as I struggled to breathe enough air to stay conscious through broken ribs.
�It�s only a piece of Kelownan trash.�
�It�s only a fucking dog.� The younger man�s voice brought my attention away from the flashes of memories but I didn�t really hear his words, instead my attention was focused on the hammering in my chest as my heart rate sped up and my fingernails cut semicircles into the palms of my clenched fists.
�What did it do to you?� I asked angrily, memories of myself in a similar position causing a rage to build up - a surge of anger I hadn�t felt since just before I had touched the mirror, and this one was, if anything, stronger.
�He never did anything to you!�
The sound of Forty Six running towards me and I tried to ward her off with a hand that wouldn�t do what I wanted it to.
�Leave him alone!�
�Leave it alone.� My words were ice and I tuned out the sound of SG-1 approaching as I focused totally on the two men who I was beginning to hate more than I had ever heated anyone. And, as my heart rate levelled out to its maximum and the blood vessels in my eyes began to turn black giving my eyes a fractured look, past and present collided as I heard the same words spoken in reality and in my memories.
�Make me.�
�Make me.�
And that�s where the similarities ended as I launched forwards with a blow intended to kill.