Part22

Part 22

Josh stood up and said "Okay I know where you going with this. I will leave and call you tomorrow. I will let you think about this and everything that had happened."
Shawnie stood up and said "Josh I really think we should break up. This relationship has move way to fast and me just thinking about it will not slow it down."
Josh looked at her and said "I can't believe what you are saying. I have wanted to go out with you for so long and you the same way and now you want to break up."
Shawnie walked over to the window and said "Yes, Josh we need to break up and start over."
Josh stared at her and said "I don't know what to do with this."
"There is nothing to do with it. It is just that we need to start over." Shawnie said as she stared at the window.
Josh sat down on her chair beside her vanity and said "Shawnie, I need to ask you a question and I want you to tell me the truth."
"What is that?" she said with out looking at him.
"Do you love me or did you just use me so you wouldn't go away to college and be a virgin.?" he asked her.
Shawnie looked over at him and said "You have got to be kidding me. You have to be so stupid to even ask a question like that."
"Well I think it is a logical question to ask. I want to know." Josh asked with his head down.
"Josh, I have always loved you but you were going out with someone all the time, and for you information I did not use you to lose my virgity because I was not a virgin when I saw you or I thought it was you. To set the record straight I lost my virgity when I was fifteen and I regret having sex so young, and also I didn't have a choice in the matter either because I was date raped by the guy that I had dated once. That is also why I never had a boyfriend in school because I was scared, but then your brother came along and said that he was you and I let my guard down and went for it. I have wanted to be with you for so long, but I never had to courage to go up to you and tell you that. Even though we were friends I still couldn't go up to you, because I loved you that much. So that is why I said your question is so stupid." Shawnie said as she moved over to him and sat down on the floor infront of him.
Josh looked into her eyes and said "Oh my god Shawn I had no clue about that. We all thought that you didn't need any destratctions with your cheerleading and swimming. We never even know that you had that happen to you."
"Well that is not surprising because you are the first person I have told. No one knows about it. I kept busy with cheerleading and swimming so I wouldn't think about it. Do you see why we have to start over? We need to start fresh. We need to go on dates first and then we can talk about getting married after we have been going out for at least a year or two." she said grabbing his hands.
Josh looked her in the eyes and said "Shawnie I just want you to know that I have always wanted to go out with you ever since I first saw you and we became friends. I went out with all of them other girls because I thought you didn't want a boyfriend. I guess we all thought that you need to concentrate on your cheerleading and swimming. Why didn't you ever tell us about you being raped?"
Shawnie looked away and said "I didn't want anyone to know because I didn't want people to act so weird around me. I wanted a normal life, but that didn't happen because after that my parents got killed and every one was still acting weird around me because they didn't want to say anything to offend me so I guess it would have been better to have told you all about it but I just wanted to forget it. You are the only person that knows about this. Skeet doesn't even know."
Josh pulled her up off of the floor, wrapped his arms around her and said "I won't tell anyone about this. You can trust me."
"Thank you Josh that means alot to me." she said into his chest.
Josh ran his hands through her hair and kissed the top of her head. They stayed that way until Skeet knocked on her door and opened it.
Skeet poked his head in and said "Shawnie, you have a phone call. Do you want me to take a message or do you want to take it?"
"Who is it?" she asked.
"I don't know he wouldn't tell me his name. He just said that you would know who it is." Skeet said.
"Take a message for me please." she said to him.
"Okay I will. I will post it on your door. Sorry to intrupted you two." he said and closed the door.
Shawnie had walked over to the bed to grab a kleenex, Josh was sitting on the window seat looking at his hands. Shawnie started laughing and said "You must think I am a psycho now don't you. I have so many problems that you didn't know that I had."
Josh looked at her and said "No not at all. We both have secrets. You didn't know that I had a twin brother and now you do, in more ways than one."
Shawnie started laughing and said "Yes I do. Why didn't you tell us about that?"
"I don't know I was scared I guess. I have another question to ask you." he said.
"What?" she said sitting down on her bed.
"Did you ever turn that guy in for raping you?" he asked.
Shawnie looked at him and said "No, I didn't. I didn't want anyone to know. I also didn't think that he did anything wrong at the time. I thought that I deserved it, I was in denile about all of this, and also I had alot going on in my life right after that so I didn't have to dwell on it."
"Can I ask you one more question?" he asked again.
She shook her head yes.
"Who was it?" he asked
"I don't want you to know that, because if I told you, you would go and kick his ass and I don't want that. I just want to drop this okay. I want to forget about it. It is in the past. Leave it there please." she said to him.
"I'm sorry honey I will leave it alone, but I just want you to know that if I do find out who it is I will just put the fear of life in him that is all." he said to her.
"Josh leave him alone. You will never find out who it is because I will never tell you." she said to him.
Josh looked at her and smiled. "I was just teasing you. I wouldn't do that to you. I love you to much."
Shawnie heard Skeet posting the note on her door, so she walked over to it and opened it. She grabbed all of her messages and started reading them. Josh was watching every move she made. Shawnie stopped dead in her tracks and dropped all of the messages except one. She started to shake and Josh had seen it. He walked over to her in two giant steps and said "What is it?'
"Oh my god." is all she could say.
Josh tried to read the message but she folded it up so he couldn't see it. She looked up and starred him in the eyes and said "Josh I have something to do can you come back later."
"Yeah sure, do you want me to go with you?" he asked.
"No, I can do this by myself. I will call you when I get back." she said as she grabbed her purse and her cell phone.
Josh followed her out the door and downstairs.
"Skeet I am leaving I will be back later." she yelled.
She grabbed her keys, and basically ran to her car. Josh caught up to her when she was about to get in the car and said "What is going on Shawnie?"
"Nothing, for you to worry about. I will call you when I get back." she said as she sat down in the driver seat.