Only in Your Dreams Chapter 21
Joey quickly stood up from his chair, nearly knocking it over in his rush.
�Oh�oh no�I need to get out of here,� he choked out, as he frantically looked about him, before taking off at a quick sprint. Joey ran along the side of the house and disappeared into the shadows.
�Joey! Joey!� Jan screamed as she attempted to run after the young man, but she quickly found that his speed was to great for her. She quickly backtracked and ran back to the patio door where a confused Chris met her.
�Jan�what�s the matter? I heard your screams. Where�s Joey?� he asked.
�He took off Chris�we�ve got to find him,� said Jan, her voice shaking with emotion. Hundreds of questions flew through Chris� mind, but he realized that now was not the time to try to find out what had upset Joey so much that he would run off. Now was the time to find him.
�Which way did he go? He couldn�t have gone too far.� Chris grabbed Jan�s shoulders when she did not answer his questions quickly. �Jan�it�s okay�he�ll be fine�we�ll find him. Now which way did he go?�
�He headed along the side of the house toward the road. He was so upset Chris�I don�t know what he�ll do�Chris�� Jan took a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves. She needed to get control of herself.
�Let�s get the others up.� Chris grabbed Jan�s hand and the pair quickly made their way back into the living room to begin
waking up the rest of the group.
�Guys�get up�Joey�s taken off. We need to go look for him.� Chris shook JC�s shoulder with one hand and nudged at Lance�s shoulder as he lay on the floor with his foot before moving on to Justin. Jan, in the meantime, quickly ran upstairs, grabbed her keys and wallet and met the group back downstairs. After everyone was awake, Jan quickly told the others what had happened outside. They all listened in apprehension as Jan finished her story and Chris began giving instructions.
�Lance, you and JC stay here and take a look around the yard,� said Chris in a business like manner. �He may not have left the grounds at all. The gate is locked and the fence is high, but he may have tried to climb it.� Lance and JC nodded their heads and waited for Chris to continue with his instructions.
�Jan, you and Justin take a left at the road and look for him. I�ll take a right and look in that direction. If we don�t find him in an hour, come back here and we�ll call the police. Make sure you�ve got your cell phones turned on so we can let each other know how we�re doing.�
Everyone nodded their heads in understanding before breaking off into partners. The group quickly dispersed and headed for their vehicles. Lance and JC headed out the front door after grabbing flashlights and began their search as they watched Jan and Justin leave in her car, followed by Chris in his car.
Justin and Jan slowly drove with the top of Jan�s convertible down. Jan had her high beams on and was holding a flashlight in her left hand, looking at that side of the road. Justin was also shining his flashlight at the opposite side of the road. They were both calling Joey�s name as they moved down the road at a snail�s pace. Their fear and frustration was mounting with each passing minute.
�Do you think he could have gone this far?� ask Jan.
�I don�t know. I hope Chris is having more luck than we are,� said Justin.
�Me too,� answered Jan.
Chris was also traveling slowly down the road headed in the opposite direction. He was having as much luck as Jan and Justin. He was becoming angrier by the minute as his calls to Joey was being unanswered.
�I�m going to kill him when I find him,� he muttered. �I�m getting too old to be this scared. His butt is mine.�
JC and Lance called Joey�s name as they continued to walk the perimeter of the massive yard. They were careful to shine their lights into any trees and bushes that they happened to pass in the hope that Joey was just hiding from them. It wasn�t 10 minutes into their when Lance and JC came upon a crumpled figure lying on the far side of the lawn against the fence.
�That�s Joey!� yelled Lance as he took off toward the body lying in the grass.
�I�ll call everybody!� yelled JC as he trotted after Lance.
Lance could hear that JC was talking to Chris, explaining that they had found Joey and that he was hurt, as he continued his approach.
�Don�t move him�he might be hurt pretty bad,� said JC as he reached Lance�s side.
�I didn�t plan on it,� said Lance as he knelt beside Joey who seemed to be unconscious. Lance played the flashlight beam across Joey�s face and discovered a goose egg sized knot on the left side of his head, right below his hairline. He moved the beam further down the young man�s body. He saw that Joey was lying at a twisted angle�his upper torso laid flat on the ground, while his lower torso was twisted, slightly to the right. As Lance moved the beam of light further down Joey�s body, he discovered that the Joey�s left leg was twisted at an odd angle.
�Oh�man�JC�I think his left leg is broken. You better call 911.�
�I�m already on it,� JC replied.
Three hours later, Dr. Shannon made his way from the emergency room to his office where Jan, JC, Lance, Chris, and Justin were waiting for word on Joey�s condition. He quietly opened his office door and stepped inside. He glanced about the dimly lit room and found that all but one of its occupants was asleep. Dr. Shannon wearily grinned as he stepped over sleeping figures situated on the floor in front of the couch where Jan was sitting.
�You�ve taken the body pillow to a new level,� he whispered to Jan.
Jan was sitting in the near middle of an extra large couch. Justin was lying at one end of the couch with his head in Jan�s lap while Lance was half sitting, half lying at the other end with his head on Jan�s left shoulder.
Jan gave the doctor a tired smile that disappeared as tears began to track down her face.
�Sh�sh�Joey�s okay�he�s really okay.� Dr. Shannon knelt down in front of Jan and squeezed her knee.
�I know�I know. It�s just that�you know�How is he?� she whispered, trying not to wake the rest of the group up for the moment.
�He has a very slight concussion some contusions, bruising on his head, shoulders, and back. He had a clean break of the tibia in his left leg. We were able to set it without his facing surgery.�
Jan leaned her head back upon the couch for a few seconds, trying to take in the information that Dr. Shannon had just given her.
�Will he need to stay overnight?� asked Jan, once she had composed herself again.
�No. I�m going to let him go home. I think that would be the best thing for him right now. He is not showing any signs of confusion or memory loss from the head injury. He is pretty upset about something, but he wouldn�t let me know about what. Do you have any ideas?�
�No. We had been talking about his dreams when he suddenly jumped up and took off. He had such a pained and scared look on his face before he ran. I tried to catch him, but he was just too quick for me.� Jan felt a few more tears track down her face. Dr. Shannon stood up and reached toward his desk for the box of tissues sitting on the corner. After handing the box to Jan, he again knelt in front of her and spoke.
�Listen, let�s wake the boys up. It�ll take about 15 more minutes before Joey can be signed out. By the time you and the guys get downstairs and pull the car around, we�ll have him packed up and ready to go home.�
�Okay�. and thanks for understanding and taking such good care of one of my boys.� Jan squeezed the hand that Dr. Shannon had placed on her knee.
�I feel like they�re my boys too Jan.�
Jan nodded her understanding and then went about the task of waking Justin and Lance as Dr. Shannon woke JC and Chris up.
�How�s he doing doc?� asked Chris as he sat up on the floor.
�He�s doing just fine boys. He has a very slight concussion, some bruising and contusions, and his left leg had a clean break of the tibia bone. Overall, he is a very lucky fellow. It could have been much worse if he had fallen from the top of the fence.�
�He didn�t make it to the top?� asked Justin in confusion.
�I thought for sure that he had with the way that he looked doc,� added Lance.
�Yeah�how far up was he?� asked JC.
�He said that he was only about half way up when he slipped and fell. He remembers hitting his head first against the fence, when his left foot slipped and then he blacked out right after his left leg hit the ground first. He says he distinctly remembers that the last thing he heard before he passed out was the sound of the bone snapping.� Dr. Shannon gave a shudder as he gave the information to the group.
�Oh�that�s graphic,� said Justin in a quiet voice.
�Just what I needed to hear�thanks doc,� said JC is a slightly sarcastic voice.
�Well, Joey does have a flair for the dramatic,� said Jan with a sigh.
�I need some air,� Chris said as he and Lance quickly got up. �We�ll go get the cars. Jan, give Lance your keys, okay?�
�Okay.� Jan reached into her pocket and tossed her keys to Lance as she spoke again. �We�ll go downstairs with Dr. Shannon and sign Joey out.�
�See you in a few then Jan.�
�Was it something I said,� asked Dr. Shannon. As soon as the words left his mouth 5 pairs of eyes gave him an exasperated look.
�Just asking�just asking,� he said as he raised his hands in surrender before leading the group out the door.
�Are you comfortable Joey,� asked Jan, as she helped Joey get better situated on his bed. He was lying, semi reclined and had his left leg propped up on several pillows in order to minimize the swelling. He was wearing a pair of shorts and t-shirt and was covered with a light blanket. The others had gone on to bed and Jan had decided to stay up to make sure that Joey was going to be okay.
�Yeah�thanks Jan,� Joey said quietly, not even raising his eyes to look at Jan who was sitting on the side of his bed.
�Would you like me to get you anything? More pillows for your leg? A glass of water?�
�No�I really appreciate everything that you�ve done,� was his quiet reply.
Jan remained silent as she began to fidget with the covers on the bed as she was trying to decide whether or not to ask Joey why he had run away�what had made him run away�had she been the reason. As Jan was deciding what to do, Joey interrupted her thoughts.
�Jan�I want to tell you�what made me run like that.� Joey�s voice sounded strained�almost as if he was in pain.
�Was it me Joey�did I do something wrong�I didn�t mean to do��
Joey looked up at Jan in disbelief. He had no idea that Jan had been worried that she had been the cause for his actions.
�No�it wasn�t you at all Jan. I was so upset because it dawned on me why I had been having those dreams where the guys are getting hurt or killed. I just didn�t want to believe it�I couldn�t believe it.� Joey�s eyes were filling with tears, as was his voice.
Jan reached over and cupped the right side of his face in her left hand.
�Oh sweetheart.�
Joey closed his eyes and gripped Jan�s hand with his right hand. His tears flowed freely as did Jan�s. It was several minutes before Joey found his voice again and began to explain himself.
�I realized that those dreams with the candles had been missed opportunities. Each time that a flame was snuffed out or each time I couldn�t light a candle, I was facing failed movie deals and tv deals. Then, it hit me�the dreams about the guys had to be out of jealousy.�
�What do you mean honey?�
Jan pulled her hand from Joey�s face and gripped both his hands in hers. Joey looked down and seemed to be gathering his thoughts. He seemed almost unwilling to look Jan in the face. Jan could sense his hesitation, his fear. She quickly tried to push his fears aside.
�Joey�look at me. Honey�nothing that you can say will ever change how much I love you�how much I care about you.�
�Are you sure Jan?� Jan�s heart almost broke when she saw the uncertainty on Joey�s face, as he finally looked her in the eye.
�Oh Joey�baby. I love you and the others so much. Nothing can ever change that. Don�t you believe me?�
�Yes ma�am,� he whispered.
�Then please tell me what you meant.� Jan�s voice almost sounded like a plea and this spurred Joey on.
�Lance has his own management company. He�s been so successful in such a short amount of time.� Joey�s voice was becoming stronger as he continued to pour out his feelings, his frustrations.
�Justin has his own foundation and look at all the people who have benefited from it. JC has some of his songs on our newest album and is producing too.� Jan could tell that there would be no stopping Joey now. He was finally releasing all the pent up feelings and emotions that he had been apparently holding back for quite some time. �
And Chris has his own clothing line that is growing like crazy. What do I have outside the group? Nothing�absolutely nothing!�
�But Joey��
�No Jan! Let me finish!� Joey�s voice took on a harsher tone as he continued.
�I�ve been busting my butt trying to make a place for myself outside the group�something to rely on�to fall back on! I�ve tried and tried and nothing has been happening for me!� Joey�s voice was getting louder by the minute and Jan was beginning to become a little nervous. In the background she could hear voices and approaching footsteps, knowing that the rest of the boys were being awakened by Joey�s shouting.
�Joey, I think you need to�� Joey cut off Jan again, as he continued to let go of his pent up frustrations.
�It is so unfair! I don�t understand it! What is so wrong with me that I can�t be successful on my own?�
Joey was so far into his venting that he did not see the rest of the boys enter the room. They had all heard almost every word that he had said and they were all standing by the door, the mouths opened in shock. Joey happened to look up at that very moment to see his brothers standing at the door with shell-shocked expressions on their faces. Then he looked at Jan saw that her face reflected sympathy and sadness in all that he had said.
�I am so sorry�� Joey choked out as he began to sob openly, putting his hands over his face.
�It�s okay�you needed to do that,� Jan whispered as she scooted closer to Joey and enveloped him into her arms.
JC and Justin made their way to the far side of the bed and sat down while Chris and Lance sat down beside Jan. They all sat quietly, reflecting on the things that Joey had said. They had never realized that Joey had felt that way. Why hadn�t they noticed that? What had they done to make Joey feel that way? Each boy felt guilt tugging at their hearts as they contemplated Joey�s words.
�Joey�I never knew�I�m sorry if I did anything to make you feel that way,� whispered Chris.
�Me too. I should have known something�� added JC.
�No guys. Please�not now. Let�s talk about this later,� said Jan as she continued to hold Joey in her arms.
�No Jan. I need to finish this. Please let me,� pleaded Joey as he pulled out of her grip.
Joey took a shaky breath. He kept his eyes down cast as he began to speak, his voice empty of all emotion.
�I realized�that those dreams�where you guys were hurt or killed�had to do with my jealousy�of your successes. Each time I had one of those dreams�it was just after I had heard from Marty. Another deal lost�another opportunity down the drain�another flame snuffed out. I was the one in the dreams doing those terrible things to you. It was me�always me.�
�Oh Joey�� was all that Jan was able to say as she again pulled him into her arms.
�Please help me�� Jan silently prayed.