Arnold Schwarzenegger - Conan the Barbarian

THE sword and sandal epic. Arnold stars as Conan the Barbarian and the movie chronicles his life death and life and final victory over the evil Snake god played by James Earl Jones. From his youth through the end of the film, Conan is obsessed with taking vengance on the snake god and understanding the "riddle of steel." A bit campy sometimes, granted. But taken at face value, this is not too bad a movie before considering its "other" merits.

Well, Arnie is a slave at the beginning, so you see him turning a giant mill wheel (single-handedly) and in chains and cages for most of the first part of the movie. Then he goes after Thulsa Doom (James Earl Jones). He dresses up like a monk and infiltrates the compound. He is sniffed out when a lackey recognizes the stolen artifact that Conan na�vely uses as ID to get in. He is grabbed from behind and dragged off by a mob of Thulsa's believers. They give him a good beating and toss him into the fountain. When James Earl Jones finally meets and interrogates Conan about the jewel which he stole, Conan is already bloody. His robes barely hang on his body and the 2 henchmen toss him about like a steroided rag doll. The snakegod is not amused with Conan, but James Earl Jones takes on this haughty tone and really plays the role of a god quite well. He tells Conan about the riddle of steel and then suggests that he "conteplate this on the tree of woe." And Arnie gives a look that indicates that he already knows what's next when Thulsa orders his henchmen to "Crucify him." The next time we see Arnie, he is spreadeagled and naked save a loin cloth, tacked to a huge tree with iron spikes in his wrists and ankles where he lingers for a couple of days before finally dying as a rescurer comes over the horizon.

Where to begin? First, this is Schwartzenegger in his youthful, body-builder prime. He spends a good chunk of the movie without a shirt or else in something that shows off his enormous arms. Second, Arnie nailed to a tree is quite a site, his corpulent power imoblized by the four spikes. He bites the head off of a vulture that attempts a premature snack. He expires from the crucifixion (so that he can prance about nearly naked for another 35 minutes or so when he comes back to life). James Earl Jones plays his role with such vigor and indifferent malevolence.