Bdellophobia
Now this is new and where is it coming from
I'm simply drained of affection
That feeling
That horrid feeling
The leeches are between my toes
Crawling over the naked skin of my foot
Quaking in fear
Such revulsion
And what provoked this new leech
So much more vile
To give birth to an entire new generation
Of squirming wretches
Vampiric Vulgar
Have to escape them
Escape myself
Got to recoil
But the solid walls of densest swamp
Mocking me as they confine me to my own disturbing
Episode
When did the silken scarf
Smooth as to make water jealous
Burst into the thick dark segmented worm
From it come forth the volatile larvae
I
Took
My
Knife
And I scraped these invaders away
My foot looks clean
But I can assure you it is not
It crawls still with the phantom
Spawn of the enemy
My toe is aflame
With the writhing memory
Most unwelcome feeling
Mildly put
And now I let loose my screams
They tear from my vocal chords
Aware of it but no
Control
Tears are taken again from the soul
As blood is stolen again from the sole
Take your leeches away now,
Please
I've been drained
A
Second
Time
Scream.
Malevolent Dreaming
Itch beneath the shoulder blade
Beginning to grow in radiant pulses
Envelopped now in forested shade
I feed the dwindling fire fuel
Feel the rushing torrent: energy
That comes from being around you
How can I fall back into lethargy?
Now these plaster walls hold fast
The sun will live and die again
Twice before the shimmer taunts me
I'll attack myself and try to defend
As the blaze receeds in cracking walls
Nameless
Strange to think that our
Lives are spent trying to
Earn a glorified death
Writing weighty tomes in
Hopes that the reader will
Retain the irrelevant
Knowledge after the vain
Author has long been encased
In cobwebbed tombs of mind
And of cold coarse stone
The meaning is hopelessly
Meaningless while the proud
Name scrawled in flowing
Text embossed is hurled out
Into the hostile blooded
Eternity, endless void
Wrong
Once I held you close to me
I hold you now in contempt
Tore the bonds that united
Gouged myself from my assumed position
This shift is so complete
How vulgar
Inverted feelings now embraced
I cannot renounce them
Hideously unjust
So shamelessly guiltless
I paint distorted self-portaits on thin screens
Hues so deathly pale
Exhibiting pathetic justification
This traitorous artwork
Is so disturbingly satisfying
I'm the only patron in the vile gallery
Familiar faces so convincing
Repulsive incoherence
A Sea of Dry and A Ruined Fanfare
Encased in dark moments
How sweet were they fleeting
They linger upon me like leeches
The surface looms just within
Peripheral vision through
Deepest blue haze
Where crashing waves of Dry
Cascading eternal
Tangled in brittleness
So bitter and frail
The door is locked
I cannot escape
A cruel joke: the will to leave swings
Balanced in chaotic harmony
With the will to remain and burn away
The open door beckons
But I can't steal some true
Desire to leave these confines
Of my own warped design
This leaden contemplation
Provokes such vile detachment
I leech from myself
Cast myself into the writing sea
Parched and cracked liquid dust
That I slowly inhale
As I solemnly choke on the
Damnation I've created as
Clarity radiates and cruelly sings
You've made of this fanfare
A hopeless lamenting elegy
You've transformed sweet melodies
Into your own vitriolic theme
Mirrorism
survey the fine features
of that sculpted visage
throw radiant walls up around it
elaboration hopelessly false
a deeply moving lie
curved flesh bounces past
delicate features alight
unabashedly vulgar simplicity
the alluring allured
by life so fresh and truthful
bluntly crude for all its intricacy
firmly solid walls blow away
leaving me glaring accusation
at my own reflection
a lesson of cloaked mirrors
Migraine
She sits in her swivel throne
Looking out weakly over her empty kingdom
She is no king
Her thrownroom, elaborated by her romanticism
Is full of shadows, the only other occupants
There is a gradual torrent slowly raging
All within the confine of her skull
The immediate need to expel vomit taunts her
She has sinfully wasted a gorgeous day
And impassively watched the soft clouds roll by
The sunlight waxed and waned beyond smeared double-paned gateways
The green had swelled beyond her as she hid from her pain
Which even now, by the way, crashes behind her retinas
Now drooping devoid of elegance on her industrial chair
She wonders vaguely how she would be
If her plans had not been robbed away
And the ugly brownish pills had restrained their betrayal
But after all, illness befalls everyone
And charges them from their idle dance
Into idle sprawling, more artless and tiring
As she rubs at her eyes, laced with ebbing pain
And the sweet miserable rivulets try to break through
She has to smile and laugh knowingly
She so loves to mourn
What Kind of Monster...
It hurt to see you fall
How minimal the pain
More disgust than hurt
Looking upon me now
Why won�t you go away?
Hang me in shadow
The pitcher fell from the bottom shelf. I saw the perfect moment when it was still unflawed. Then its contents erupted from it and bled purple into the wooden floor.
This is temporary?
Hell! It�s certainly not
It is forever!
I won�t retrace, know this
The way, barricaded
Cruel thorns bite, I bleed
She lurks beyond the mirror. She inspires, provokes, such unwelcome thoughts. She floats, encased in malice. Oh, how she revels in ripping me apart.
Purest blood, free of tears
Pressure builds, defy it
Haven't, won't. I can't.
You blindly torture me
Stop! Depart! Leave me be!
Take yourself away!
The old ghosts haunt my bedroom, shrieking. They fill the stale air with fiendish wails. They hurl at me constricting images. I pray for asphyxiation that will not come. I breathe in the horror.
To Swoon
To
Swoon is
To float from
place to place while
Keeping safe and keeping warm
Interweaving
Melodies flowing
Floating among comforting
Creatures while ever always
Keeping safe and keeping warm
Now
The fond
Creatures soft benevolent
Drift in cradled reminiscence
Keeping me safe and warm
"Yay! I'm falling"
Never agree
Shoot me down. do
It again, it
feels divine i
Laugh, delighted
You'll give no ground
Not a single
Centimetre /
Imperial
Equivalent.
Right then, this is
Fun. no regard.
You don't care, said
So yourself. such
Vitriolic
Eloquence. mirth
Explodes as I
Hit the ground. how
Positively
Delightful, this
New detachment
Ouch. hahaha!
Joy envelopes
Mine. apathy
So admirable.
Nameless II
twisting desire for what I don't deserve
dimension doorways illustrating how
I would abuse and mistreat what I'll never have
but I'll never have it
why does it pull at me
cruel hook imbedded just beyond my aching eyes
pulling and tearing with the subtle force of a tide
impossible to push it away
or I'll rip myself from me
clutch closely to my unworthy self
rocking softly and sickly pitiably
as I asphyxiate my affections
Godmuffins and Messiahcakes
If you walk down the avenue
Where the sinners leer and snicker
You'll come across a bakery
"Welcome"
Ratty air conditioners
Cold rats
Lovely decor
Nauseatingly cheerful
Look there's God baked in a cake
Adorned with holy frosting
Oh, the Buddha muffins
Promising indeed
"Our special today sir"
Slimy smiles
Beaty eyes
Is that the mouthwash humming?
Mohammud-infused biscuits
Sweet pies of Aphrodite
"You look to be a hungry one"
Glittering filling of Christ
Ganesha tarts
"A personal favourite"
Pick the sweetest
Or the richest
Savoury Allah squares
Satisfy the hunger
The burning questions
Yahweh in a pastry shell
Bury your hate
In spiritual confections
Drown your soul
The exit sign
"Thank you, come again"
The Martyr and The Mediator
Diplomacy is so draining
I'm exhausted
From surpressed protests
Restrained in a choke-hold
Below my illusion
The canvas of flesh that at my control or lack thereof
Can turn from an opaque impression
To a gauzy transparence that protects nothing
Outside I am calm
Inside I am writhing and screaming
It's always outside that counts
False tranquility
Devoid of emotions
The mask that I hate
I don because of the itch of Greater Things
And the constricting guilt
I ripped open his pill
I exposed my festering sores for treatment
Bleeding my infected acidic blood
Into the gaping wounds of the Martyr
I play the indifferently just Mediator
I will disintegrate
May my remnants hold you up
I Broke It.
I lay in an uncertain mess of my own design
My eyes devoid of will closed to the imaginative angles
My skin itched and crawled, such irritance
My nostrils were filled with the intensity
Of moist shredded grass and gasoline
They made my eyes water and the skin around them burn
I was so cold
My heartbeat had slowed
And had retreated back into vagueness within me
Breath no longer seemed so powerful
My eyes burned even more fiercely
I marveled at the beauty of the inspiring angles
I flexed my aching hands and they ached anew
I was so cold
I rose to find that I had fallen in a heap of stale attemps
The stinking grass had driven into my skin
And had been crushed into my fabrics
I scraped and brushed and pulled them free
The gasoline and soil I had laced in my hair
The tingling stiffness of my fingers
I was so cold
I discovered that in my butchered flight
I had collided with the lantern and had snapped the pole
The curved rusted iron lay adjacent to my collecting ground
That bastard ornament had betrayed me
I would learn that I had disappointed the uncaring masses
Within the headpiece two grotesque beetles decayed
I was so cold
Fatigue
You can see the shining noctilucence
Powerful in its modestly gradual way
Watch it emanate lies to the
Forgotten powdered wings of midnight
Cheerfully they pass in ignorance
Without a concept of higher planes
Or eternal retribution in fire
In hell, is unwanted nocturnal
Conciousness considered insomnia
Or does its inevitability prevent
It from being a condition at all
Is rest even a possibility
Or is it mired in abstact concept
Leaden eyelids strained and strained
The free hat bids goodnight
Green
Jubilantly melodic shades of green
Candid yellow light
Four acres drenched in honesty
Does the canine pedestrian realize
How lacking in relevance he is
Or is he mercifully free of cynicism
He must surely be as meaningful
As the eternally temporary swaying
Curves of infinite green
Raining joy and cancer
From dry cerulean voids
Euphorically undiefied
Jubilantly melodic shades of green
Futile Lament
it was not a
cruel
hand that dealt them their
demise
merely rash human
inconsideration
because of our twisted
benevolence
the sweet young ones
plummeted
to painful drawn-out
death
useless feathered wings gave no
salvation
transparent tender
skin
proved futile to our lumbering
strength
it's over and they are
gone
their laboured breath has
ceased
nothing is changed by this
lament
Cheap Metaphore
My love for you is indecision and the chemical scent of Italian cosmetic coupled with rich velvet lined in barbed wire
Fluid warmth and itching shallow cuts
Consciousness coursing through shoelace woven in Cat's Cradle
Motion and friction enticingly significant
Impersonal contact reflected into a semblance of meaning
Laughter and unheeded adoring eyes
Do we weave a soft hammock that will bear me to the sun
Or a makeshift lanyard noose to teach me cold?
Is your dismissal fueled by your distaste to my truth, genuine ignorance, or batteries much too dangerous to dwell on?
Either way I am unworthy, wrapped in incompetence
Faded black and jealousy: denim and white
So precious and personal, like Gabrielle's most prized jewel
Despite her best efforts, I'll keep myself alone
Nameless III
Tendrils of smoke ensnare surrendered lungs
Thick scent of burning fabric and hair
Varicoloured mysteries behind noctilucent eyes
Exhibited flesh to betray and ensnare
Leaden conciousness wrapped in constriction
Bubbling caccihination forbids to learn
Tile floors crack in photographic memory
Regretful teal walls cascade and churn
Complexity woven of woolspun lies
Wrapped in transparent thin vanity
Commited to smooth mirrored portaiture
Facial rot becomes insanity
Brown Eyes and Self-Destruction
You're as dangerous as a fixation with self-destruction
So open to interpretation that I can't possibly strike a right chord
You're as addictive as the type of song that embodies the listener
Ensuing a swooning euphoria or a climactic display of rage and abandon
A sketch of you captures your rarely portrayed essence
A mysterious enthralling smile in shades of perfect gray
Sweetly curved pencil lines writ in unyielding adoration and desire
The beloved sad artist infinitely more worthy than myself
The target of such deep frustration, despair, and happiness
No skilled opera singer could dare challenge a like range of parallel proportions
Wishing that a perforated edge could sever the one-way bonds
Clich�d self-destruction never seemed as dangerous as steady brown eyes
Lullaby
Tired and it's after late
Dismality animates
Propelling weary limbs
Keeping impassive eyes open
Unable to comprehend the appeal of self-deprivation
The concept is like over-perfumed dish soap
Stings sores and cultivates rashes
Weeping would be a beautiful consolation
Won't let have it, though
Forsaking bodily comforts for remedial composition
Written word
Soft ball point pen, constant companion
He made poetry with a guitar
Each sweet chord feeding angst
Melodramatic roses hung to dry in a warm closet
Amidst memorabilia too passionate for frequent visitation
Purple nail polish and rejection through a telephone line
Inability to express myself effectively makes clumsy
Ungraceful and savage
Timidity isolates among companions
Nine minutes of reflection without reward
Did he look? longed
For another
Months ago that presence occupied these barren halls
Hidden rooms revealed
Never explored them before
Lit hearths that melted frost thought to be self
Positively adore any distractions
Anything to stop the weighing and measuring
Whatever is necessary to deceive
She loves him so elegantly as his hair veils his face
Mine is blunt and cryptic
What could my name possibly entail?
Doubtful social protocol
Friendship?
Airy familiarity bred by remembered talks?
Elaborated conversations, or wholly of my design?
There is no meaning
"Weep and embrace the emptiness"
Save tears to embue them with significance
When I surrender to the emptiness I'll melt vividly into the wooden floorboards
Concentrated essense amongst dusty cracks
Grow so weary of consciousness
My dear love sleep will bear me away
To unification with darkness, whole and complete
Want those eyes to mirror my longing
He doesn't deserve such fragmentary perception
Hope he is far from prying illumination
In utter darkness mysteries are murdered
Every promise fulfilled by shadow
Take me in your misty arms and carry me to ignorant safety
Before tears break a cheap semblance of composure
Leagues ahead of concious realization
Praying half-heartedly for the comfort of distraction
Brown hair and refusal to cry
Despair and smoky tendrils
Half of Suicide
death is far too permanent
are they somewhere smiling
misunderstandings accumulate
drive a quaking finger to the trigger
a syringe's contents can be emptied only once
you can't regurgitate fifty pills
injections can't be expelled purely
a shotgun won't inhale ammunition
open wounds forsake lost blood
sleep now in calm
rest eternally
Rendition of a Corpse Bride
They buried her on her wedding day
In cold earth near the road
A sad moon kept its dutiful vigil
Twisted shadows of the night lamented
In proud lace and beaded silk
Of purest virgin white
Ravaged by trickles of drying blood
Crimson, rich and shining
Soft noctilucence of helpless stars
Were forbidden to illuminate
Her dark brown hair
Suffocated in dull frigid soil
A shallow unmarked grave
Imprisoned her innocent soul
Exquisite flesh decayed slowly
A corpse mutilated by decomposition
The enlightened wind rushes
All through this haunted place
Eternally an unwed bride lies
Frozen in loneliness, for all time
Therapeutic Randomness
On your way out of the padded room
Be sure not to trip on the inevitable
Death of your idolized heroes
Or you might just become invisible
Staple together what dreams you can find
The blood will dry and harden
The trick is in finding a dulcet place to land
Don't mistake a knife edge for a garden
Delicate lace will feel exquisite though
It's a hopelessly mediocre filter
Honest cotton could restrain long enough
Though in the end the fall's no better
Blistering Anathema
The apathetic blister swelled
My complex lace of interwoven justifications
Proved too delicate to shield
Such a festering shameful lesion
And I hang my head in shame
I lose my once-tenuous hold
On confidently certain morality
I am vividly feeling this truth with
The conviction born from parents
Of my deepest repulsive fears
My weakness is too tangible
The heavy chains weigh down weary limbs
Protraction claims my exhausted will
The zealot lost his faith and ached
Rain renewal on me or I'll brand myself anathema
Regret
I'll ever be disturbed by how it ended
Warm, sweet affection had gone rancid
Now stagnant love, hated and regretted
Our beauty quickly turned rank and fetid
Heavenly Ascent Without Remorse
How can innocent blood spilt by ravenous humanity possibly deliver misguided souls to redemption?
A gruesome murder will shield you
Screams and viscous blood will elevate you to distant plains you've never tasted before
Martyrdom becomes a smooth stepping stone for your ascent to Heavens
The nails are driven deep by your selfish flight
Misty clouds part like velvet curtains
Admission to paradise above
Below, forgotten strife and misery flowers from the open wounds as the forgotten bleed
You have found God
Thousands have suffered for you, crushed underfoot without gratitude or recognition
Your evil soul is absovled by spilt blood and severed arteries
Salisbury steak becomes a relic
Sacred communion of industrial agriculture
Injested everyday without thanks to the livestock saints
Prayer becomes culinary expertise and savouring of well-prepared meat
You clip the angelic wings of poultry
No basilicas are built to house the innumerable bones of the slaughtered Holy
We spill enough innocent blood to assure us all Heavenly Ascent without remorse
First Death
All within the white lace curtains and layers of clear glass
Beyond a sun shines indifferently upon the dependent world
The electric lights are unconscious worked brass, unneeded
This worn room seems so foreign and cold, so unwelcoming
Heavy clouds roll languidly beneath the ceiling and it's alien
Mortality is writ, plainly and soberly, in the carved wood
The curving armchair and couch simply spell fatality
Green-painted walls illustrate mourning and the bitter loss
Scarce-heard finality reverberates as a haunting memory
Choked sobs and weeping fall like hope to the cracking floor
Meaningless Endings
The coldest stare froze
The stagnance that had settled
In all the granular surfaces
Of the many-sided room
,Endowing the dreary
Motionlessness with a horrid
Finality that settled
Immediately into the gloom
.The few tears shed
For such a morbid certain
Permanence froze
Immediately and were
Affixed forever to
Quivering flesh bearing
Eternal witness to
Meaningless endings.
Night Long Ago
That long-ago night the wind was blowing
That hated night, oh how it was snowing
That frigid night, the red moon was glowing
And I, in my room, was wholly alone.
From haunted memories I was running
From remembrance I hid, lacking cunning
From memory I fled, hating and shunning
And I, in my room, could find no escape.
My soul was torn from a life of hating
My sins had surfaced and were so grating
My sanity, suff'ring and deflating
And I, in my room, was losing myself.
There, at my window a face loomed, leering
There, its twisted features, cruelly sneering
There, through my window pane, at me, peering
And I, in my room, writhed in sheer terror.
In his eyes, hellish fire was burning
In his gaze, I could feel my soul churning
In such a stare I saw hatred turning
And I, in my room, fell hard to the floor.
That long-ago night the wind was blowing
That hated night, oh how it was snowing
That frigid night, the red moon was glowing
And I, in my room, was drained from myself.
Sable-Winged Exodus
Golden and green
And everything shining
Chill and sweet
The cerulean plains
Leaves hung in opacity
That sparkle
That veritably shine
Paper-thin jewels
Pliable emerald filaments
Such abundance
The hidden choir
Singing in uncertain cadence
Enthralled with the bending
The graceful weaving
Unseen pressure
Blissful swoon
Lie back
Watch the exodus
Wheeling above
On sable wings
Forced Experimental Nonsense
Drippingly devoid of stimulation
Floating down the river
Very unexciting river
Bad writing
What do we do with bad writing?
We delete it
Or so we would believe
But has that ever gotten us very far?
Ask Lem
He's buried in sand and mimosa shade
Plagiaristic bastard
Keep your grubby little mind away from that
That is Always
It's practically sacred
Paraphrasing is no justification
Semi-embraced idleness
Loveless and heavy
Purple glue sticks clog arteries
Cellular gushes
An aura of noctilucence
Lies to fragile powdered wings
Forgotten beauties of midnight
Severed ties
No goodbyes
Structural errors flooding
Poorly defined basins
Unintentional abstract
A nose?
An entphyte?
Deliberate lack of productivity
Bad writing isn't productive
It's disruptive to my psyche
The basins drowning now
Pity
Lies again
Madness eternal
Animal Crackers With Laurier
He's watching me from
A ten dollar bill
That I clutch wonderingly
In my mind
And he looks like
An eagle or some more
Exotic bird of prey
For which I have no name
(Little remorse
Is spent on such an
Eloquence lacking,
I'm just
Too tired) and
I wonder why his
Portrait means so
Much to me and will
It always to the end
I would be free
Of his steady gaze
I turned him about
On the marble
Floors between the cobwebs
And as he stares
At me candidly
From between my
Pupil and my cornea
I wonder does he still
Think does he
Still compromise everything
Desperate to please
A real politician
If he does continue
And the new planes
Are his home
Foreign and uninviting
Does he spite me
For my bias
The essay is hopelessly
Exagerrated with little
Foundation of truth
But that's what will
Earn me recognition
That's what will give
Me some love of myself
I who am empty of all
Things and I who
Obsess over glorified
Shells in the sand
That is exploitation
I am exploiting golden years
Selling truth out for
Self appraisal
Laurier I have wronged you
And I have wronged myself
Reason is crying at my left shoulder
And madness is watching her
From my right
Sleep now though, Laurier
And in nothing or in dreams
Or in the ethereal planes
Of fancy we will meet
And we will laugh
Over animal crackers
And hot chocolate.
Emptiness
Emptiness
Is merely lacking
But vivid in its lack
As of something tangible
And entire
Stronger than love
Cradling loss
Emptiness is hollow ringing
Echoing on forever
Raw and sick with hatred
Expulsion and then
Emptiness
Dying Alone
We are isolation
The consciousness that animates us
The consciousness that defines us
Separates us permanently
From pure understanding
Locked within the flesh
No matter how hard you strive
To melt out through the pores
To melt out
To be out
To be one
Soft skin holds more surely
Than tempered walls of steel
It must be futile to attempt communication
We are alone
Solitude is our only constant companion
She is the only steadfast friend
And always beyond the cryptic pupils
Framed poetically by the fluid iris
She will watch us rocking back and forth
She will be there when we fall
But it doesn't matter how closely
She cleaves to you
The end will come
You're caught already in the diminuendo
And as the embers of the music are extinguished
We all die alone
The Isolation Of Consciousness
You told me "We are all alone
Inside ourselves"
I know this to be true
Words and pictures can
Never be transferred perfectly, flawlessly,
From inside oneself onto
The empty white page
There is always that which is
Beyond Description
The shadow is imperfect
On the intensely shaded sphere
Can this disaccordance account
For all this loneliness?
Are They ever really able to
Recieve the Meaning in your
Words, Pictures, Reflections
We are all isolated
In our celebrated individuality
Personality locks us from each other
And we are susceptible
Only to rippling echoes
Of our sibling's thoughts
How can you know
That they the beloved
See the world, their world,
In the colours that dance about you
What mysteries adorn the skies
Like beaded necklaces assorted
That you, in your Difference,
Will never witness soaring
You cannot escape
Yourself you cannot reach out
Fearing that all compassion
Is rooted shamefully in ambition
Kindness is justification
Understanding is the result of plagiarism
Raping the minds of your brethren
To fashion for yourself
A new art
Within the hollow halls
Of our separate existence
We lie, imprisoned and isolated
From unity and life
False Hope
Comfort me
Now
I need my dose of false
Hope
Because without it I don't think
I can keep going
The way I've been going
For So Long
Perhaps there is a better way to go
But I don't want to consider that
I want my
False hope
I'm asking you nicely
Just give it to me
I'll put it on my heart
Like a pill on my tongue
And
Without water
Down it will go
And it will swirl down
Spiral
Down into the depths of what I am
And from it will spread
A sense of purpose
Meaning will bloom
I will love it
It will love me
Loved by me
Of me and
For me
Just me beside me
And all alone in this
Crowded sympatico
I'll see his face
Shining
Glowing off the walls
Blowing from the sky
Echoing from my now full heart
Where the cobwebs are cleared
He will stare at me from negative space
And down I will sigh
Give me my
False hope.
Golden and Purple Betrayal
I was driven from my home
I was pushed by forces I couldn't understand
So I wandered
Through the needled forest
Breaking apathetic banches that no longer strove to live
They cut my arms
Then, I broke out of the wood
To see, spread before me, a hidden valley
Filled with flowers
I sat down there, among the gold and purple
And I felt the insects crawl over my legs and arms
There I stayed
Collected, I returned in stealth to my home
Undetected, I fell back to my blue chamber
Where I hid
One day later came tortured flesh
Broken skin on the day that followed
The flowers poisoned me
My red and yellow-stained bandages
Swath my left leg, and remind me of their betrayal
Never leave home
The flowers I thought had comforted me, they shone
But now as the yellow tears run down my limbs
I know I am a fool
The Boy who Dreamt of the Noose
Beneath shades of blue
He contemplates suicide
But he's much too bright
For the embrace of the noose
He smiles and he waves
Are these gestures real?
They seem so candid
Under the diffused sunlight
He is blind to his beauty
Shining, alone, blue and grey
His subtle moonlit virus writhes
Do not sink through the darkness
Purple-ish Blue
Purple-ish blue
Is a lovely hue
Electric moonlight
The fluorescence of night
Effervescent undertones
Sugary marrow of sweetened bones
An unexplained mist adorning your vision.
Forest
There's a forest that grows
Where the wind never blows
Far away from our verdant home
The songbirds have fled
And the trees there are dead
And the sky's a heavy, grey dome
The silence there screams
The sweet sun never beams
Stunted boughs are ever bear
The rich grasses are gone
From where the sun once shone
And the fauna is no longer there
No new season calls
And no rain ever falls
Though, still, there exists a stream
It runs murky and red
Through the woods of the dead
Like blood from some terrible dream
You may think it untrue
But this place beckons you
And has done so since your birth
You will fall to your knees
Beneath the dry, dead trees
To become one with the cold, cold earth
Smithsonite
As I lay, my skin blistered and cracked
Reddened skin: so impossible to relieve
Swollen rashes wept urushiol tears
In feverish sleep, I was graced by a dream
And I heard perfect cadence in the dissonance
An ocean of pale pink cream
Sweet waves crashing on a sandpaper beach
So alluringly vitriolic, so tantalizingly rough
I smiled and watched the zinc oxide sun set
It gilded the desirable landscape
The dried blood on my legs was enamoured
It sang of the friction it met on the dunes
My eyes and my skin drank up the sight
Never again would yellow persist
Yellow was gone and yellow was rotting
Yellow was a nightmare, this ocean was real
Soft gauze clouds bathed in the dying light
Nothing existed in threes, nor ever would
Instead of the ivy, the amaranth bloomed
Eternally kissing the plentiful chrysanthemums
A ferric oxide moon beamed down upon me
And I reached up my fleshless hand to stroke it
I smiled, all of me was smiling
I sighed, and relief rushed into me
Peace was sewn into my resting corpse
I laughed and shed calamine tears
I was infused with the smithsonite landscape
Untitled
They're everywhere
They fill the corners
They fill every crevice
They fill my pensive consciousness
They dart about
And negativity hits like a hammer
Driving doubt into the deep
The unique insect moves away
He, too, is unable to justify
The flies writhe over their decomposing brethren
Exoskeletons shiver in the breeze
Of unseasonably hot and dry air
Persistent, she broke free of the web
And went on to greater things
I have lost the determination
I don't see the point of continuing
This is finished
Lost Children of Apathy
Illogical deitic entities abound
Mix some mind into your theories
You must come to see
That the questionable god
Is apathetic beyond measure
It's completely intangible
Unfathomably distant
No love for its children
Should it love its children?
Look into the youthful, rounded faces
You're blinded by the malice
That gleams from their rich eyes
All the hideousness that festers
Is of our own design
We are the parents
Of all this filth and rot
But you lack the crystalline responsibilty
To embrace such a grotesquerie
So the child wanders alone
Unloved and pained constantly
And the celestial does not care
The foundation of such a creature
Lies solely in impossibility
Matter does not bloom from nothing
It must have been sown
By the great, by divinity
We are the test tube children
Our beloved sun is the son of a dynamo
Our world is glass
This habitat is incomparably pale
The creator above
Whom so many love or hate
Is unworthy of either jewel
It is propelled by knowledge
The brightest and truest star
The only true point of this prolonged existence
God is learning
It fashioned all that we know
And much that we don't
Of cheap and reliable materials
Known only to the spiritual eye
The eye beneath the skin
The third eye we can never liberate
There is no intervention
Never do the battered children
Glimpse the parent they so desire
The parent that is the object
Of that which they have wrought
The cruelty lies in the absence of emotion
The knife is made of the unanswered prayer
And driven by the chants as
They resound off the cracking walls
Of mortality, of our lusting minds
The child knows it is hated
The child feels the absence of love
Like a cold, cold needle
Driving through consciousness
And so the child wields the needle
And writes sin deep into the flesh
The blood and guilt comfort it
As the parent never did
The blood loves them
The blood is redemption
Come lost children
Huddle together
Pull the needles from your distant siblings
Inspect the forms engraved upon them
Commit them to memory
Commit them to your hearts
And turn from the parent
It never cradled you
Relish in all that is tangible
And progress only through
Mortal thought
Earth is your mother
She will nurture you
Forget the father
The glass-eyed father
Come children
And build a new world
Steal the immortality
And never begrudge
That who never cared
Grow and flourish
Lost children, your warm home awaits
Open the door
Take your first steps.
Falling
Blackest eve in a cold, dark room
Walls of grey and oppressive gloom
Had surrounded me that night
I was severed from his light
Darkness was my heart and soul
Darkness total, darkness whole
Shadows flew across my ceiling
While outside, the crows were wheeling
Further from me did they soar
Much like the one I adore
Darkness now where love was not
Darkness summoned, darkness sought
Shivering beneath sparse covers
Plagued by thoughts of merry lovers
There I lay, vainly seeking escape
When the shadows formed a distinct shape
Darkness became harsh solidity
Darkness taunting, darkness haunting me
A twisted visage leered through the haze
I writhed and shuddered beneath its gaze
No sound did it make: no sigh, no moan
This horrid face was truly my own
Darkness overcame me, to forever I fell
To the darkness of death, to the darkness of Hell.
Nepenthe
Never to fall down again
Eternal darkness reigning
Peace through emptiness
Ending all pain
Nail the tangent door shut
Take it all away now
Heal by breaking memory
Enrapture me, sweet myth
To Forget You
I'm going to forget you
My love is the lycanthrope
I'll tear conscious thought away
I will strangle my false hope
Burning, I will cease to fly
Smother the dreams in moonlight
All these reveries will die
In sweet asphyxiation
I'm going to forget you
I'll drown the connotation
I'll no longer speak your name
Now discard my laden brush
Watch the canvas writhe in flame
Swimming through philosophy
I'm going to forget you
Take Nietzsche as my nepenthe
Veil myself with all this shame
Spill
All esteem - for self, for all things -
Poured down from above
To drip slowly down and collect
On the harsh, flat floor.
All ghosts of passion fled
On fragile powdered wings,
Fled towards the burning light
Of unconsciousness.
And standing there,
With the mistakes pooling
And gathering at my cold feet,
Numbness seized me.
I needed to retreat.
Subtle condemnations
Shot from her eyes
And from her frowning mouth.
But they bore down upon me
With the force of a tide,
Propelled by the unrelenting
Scent of roasted carcass.
I could have drowned - I
Could have sunk forever -
In odious liquid abounding.
Beneath Byronic Dolls
Byron first.
Shelley second.
Keats last.
Byron to thirty six.
Shelley to thirty.
Keats to twenty six.
Their lives are like those Russian dolls
That fit within each other.
Keats was the only solid one.
Undivisible,
And a choking hazard.
Byron was all encapsulating
And a good candy dish.
Shelley was a mixture of both:
A divisible choking hazard.
Absurdity.
To Childhood -- (Teenaged Melodrama)
All your calming assurances have flown.
Through Maturity, I'm sinking alone.
The confidence that bloomed sweetly in Youth
Has rotten to cinders of bitter truth.
I can neither forsake nor flee these fears.
In your soft arms, in your soothing presence
I had known loving, blind security;
Scarce remembered now, in Adolescence.
I feel just this loathsome uncertainty
That through the odious light ever leers.
You promised the wisdom of Adulthood
Would grant me redemption, you said it would
Fill this hollowed spirit, but now I see
This "Childhood" is simple "Humanity"
And there is no Divinity in years.
A Conversation With D--
Together, seated on sewn, processed skin,
Amid the smell of coffee and warm talk,
We sat. Destiny's precursor crept in,
Swirled through and past the crowd and broke the lock
That concealed your dreams behind your blue eyes.
You looked to me, and with new conviction
(Disturbingly calm and hauntingly wise)
Told me Death would give you absolution,
Told me you'd be his vessel and victim,
Told me it's destined. Inevitable.
Death reaches to you and you embrace him.
Strange, you find this fate so acceptable.
You don't see your echoes will strangle me.
I'll drown in your horrid finality.
