| Back to Chapter 1 I was still quite out of it by fifth period and was struggling to stay conscious during my maths class. �Elizabeth! Stand up!� Mrs Franklin barked from the board. I stood, somewhat laboriously and leaned heavily on the desk, swaying back and forth. �Seeing as you already know enough not to listen, you can do this problem. What do we do with x?� I stared blearily at the board, processing what she had said. I felt vaguely that some kind of answer was needed fairly soon. �Kill it.� I said, confidently. Mrs Franklin�s eyes narrowed. �Any more of your hilarious wit, Elizabeth and I will send you to your head of year. I doubt she will approve of your hairstyle today.� �Hairstyle?� I asked. Lily leaned over. �This might be a good time to tell you, you�ve got ivy growing in your hair.� She whispered. �Really?� I said, out loud �Must be a side effect of this thing I�ve got. Explains why everyone�s been laughing behind their hands at me.� Several people looked embarrassed. �Yes, you lot.� I continued. �Just cause I�m slightly sedated doesn�t mean I�m stupid!� �I think the question is, what is it doing there?� Mrs Franklin snarled. I shrugged. �Probably just wants to be there.� I replied. Her eyes narrowed. I realised (too late) that she was very angry and prepared myself to feel her wrath. I was saved, however by the arrival of an old woman who hung around our school called Miss Plekkit. She wasn�t a teacher, more of a school ornament, the sort of thing everyone thinks someone else is dealing with. Miss Plekkit blinked like a rabbit in headlights when she came into the room and immediately withdrew into the corridor. She returned a moment later and announced, �Geraldine McAlastiar, it�s time for your piano lesson.� �I don�t learn the piano, Miss Plekkit.� Said Geraldine, fairly patiently. Miss Plekkit looked perplexed and shuffled out of the room. Mrs Franklin was about to continue my punishment when the bell rang. Lily, seizing the opportunity, grabbed my arm and hauled me away. �I�d better get you home, you sound like you�ve had about five too many pre-ops. I hope we�ve got some Prozac or something to wake you up.� �It�s all about the Prozac.� I murmured happily. I woke up with Lily shaking me. �Seriously, I didn�t invent the toaster.� I said. She frowned. �I know you didn�t. You�ve been asleep for ages, though. How do you feel?� �Like something died in my head.� I sat up, trailing foliage from my hair. It had grown while I was asleep and now included several fruit bearing plants. �Can�t I do something about this?� I asked. �It�s the animals that are really annoying me.� Replied Lily. �What an� oh.� I had just noticed several squirrels and a goat asleep at my feet. I groaned and they woke up. �There�s also a family of owls in the wardrobe and a white horse in the hall which just will not fuck off. I think it�s probably pheromones.� Lily informed me, as if this explained everything. I put my head in my hands. A particularly annoying squirrel deposited some nuts and berries in my lap and I snapped. �Get off me you nauseating creature! I already have nuts and berries, THEY ARE GROWING IN MY HAIR! In fact, that�s probably where you got them from!� I stood up and, with a lot of rustling, prised the squirrel from the top of my head. The owl made an indignant noise and flew over to the squirrel to comfort it. I stared at it. �Owls are supposed to kill squirrels, not try to make friends with them. What have I done?� I span round to Lily and caught sight of myself in the mirror. I gaped. �What,� I gasped, �what happened to, to my clothes?� �The owls did it while you were asleep.� She said, airily. �Relax, it suits your eyes.� �My eyes are twice their usual size!� I raged. �Why would I pick my clothing to suit them? Look at me! I�m a pixie who attracts overgrown rats and I�ve got woodland plants growing from my scalp. Just to add icing to the distinctly elvish cake, these vile things have dressed me in leggings! Great, I am an elf from the 70s!� I had no chance to continue as one, I was taken with an untimely fit of giggles, and two, I was knocked down by a very impatient glowing horse. Said horse, which had smashed through Lily�s glass door, preceded to neigh very heroically, rear onto its back legs and crash through the window. I went to the window and leaned out. �He�s standing outside, looking a bit peevish.� I reported. �Probably realised he dropped his bow and arrows.� She replied, handing them to me. �Hey!� I shouted, waving them, �You left your archery equipment behind.� �Liz, you�re shouting at a horse.� Said Lily, matter-of-factly. I sat on the floor, absently feeding the bow to the goat. I seemed to be doing that a lot, probably through the shock of about eight times the normal amount of strange things happening to me all at once. I decided that to avoid going clinically insane I would probably have to ignore this last little escapade. I could still see the horse, which was now standing at the bus stop, still glowing faintly but I had blocked it out of my mind. I was quite pleased with this piece of mental trickery and called out to the horse. �You think I�m aware of you, don�t you? Well I�m not. I can�t register you, you hear? Ha! I�m not going to go mad! Hahahahahaha. Never.� Unfortunately, I was facing Lily and she assumed I was talking to her. She looked at me, sceptically. �I think you might have cabin fever.� �I was talking to the horse.� I said irritably. Read Chapter three Home |