| Back to fiction What not to do if � Your handy guide to those unlikely events. Lesson 1: What to do if you find yourself turning into a strange, elf-like creature. Probably the best thing to do if you suspect something like this is to sit down and think the facts through in order to make some sensible plan of action. I�m telling you this now so you know what a sensible person would do. Strangely enough, it is also one of the things I failed completely and utterly to do, finding myself in this exact situation. �Look at my hand. Look!� Lily gave me a glare that would�ve withered a small tree (had there been any around). �Not my face, my hand! It�s all white and slithery!� �As opposed to�?� �Are you telling me my hands looked like this yesterday?� �No, yesterday they were a day younger.� I paused to consider whether this was funny or not, decided I didn�t care on account of gearing up for a severe panic. �Lily, something strange is happening.� �You sound like Elijah Wooden. And shut up, Madame Mim�s coming.� We�d obviously been talking too loudly and had attracted the attention of the librarian. Still smarting from Lily�s last remark, I tried to look sullen, failed, was overcome by the Librarian�s resemblance to a constipated duck and collapsed into silent giggles. Lily kept a straight face but I knew she was preparing to humiliate the librarian as much as possible. �You two again.� �Us three,� said Lily, gesturing to an empty chair. �Rodin�s here as well.� I slid under the table. The librarian paused. I reflected that Lily might have her library card confiscated. She would probably consider it her proudest moment. �And who is Rodin, ladies?� The librarian tried to take a tone of acid sarcasm but failed horribly, causing me to fall off my chair completely. �The French sculptor, of course.� Lily�s face was stone-like. �Get out of my library.� I emerged from under the table, feeling quite weak. �You to. Come on. I shall speak to your form tutors about this.� �I�m sure you will,� I said thoughtfully. �You�ll have to unwrap him first. Rather you than me, I hear those mummifiers bind them quite tightly.� Pleased with my contribution, having temporarily forgotten my panic, I stood up and promptly fell over. �I suppose you find that funny.� �Yes miss.� My voice muffled by the carpet. �I felt a bit dizzy and had to lie down.� I stood up and followed Lily out of the room. I got as far as the door before falling down again and having some first years step on my back. Lily looked annoyed. �We were supposed to make a sweeping exit.� She grumbled. I tried to brush the footmarks off my jumper. �We still can,� I said, optimistically. �Nah, those firsties ruined it. Plus I haven�t got my cloak to sweep with.� After a moment she added, �why do you keep falling over like that?� �It might be because I�m suddenly six foot tall,� I mused, then, as realisation dawned, �NYAH!! I WASN�T six foot tall before!� Lily stared hard at me. �Could all this be linked to the fact that your eyes have doubled in size and you�re giggling more than usual?� I stared at her, trying to focus on her words but failing through being severely freaked out. I mouthed wordlessly, unable to produce an outraged sound. Lily rummaged in he bag and handed me some orange sweets. At this, I found my voice. �Sweets???? Lily, look at me! Do you think I want SWEETS?!?!� �My mum takes them for panic.� I grabbed the packet and ate half of them, stowing the rest for when the effects wore off. The effect was quite sudden and I sat down on the floor. Lily sat beside me, deliberately stretching her legs across the corridor so the first years that had stepped on me were forced to take the long way back to their classroom. She thought for a bit. �How many people do you know who have read more fantasy books than is considered healthy?� She asked. �Too many.� I said glumly. Then I raised an eyebrow. �You think we should get an expert�s opinion?� She nodded, slowly. �Normally I�d turn to you, of course, but you�ll be somewhat incapacitated in about fifty seconds.� �Really?� �Yes, those things you ate are fairly strong sedatives.� �Oh?� For some reason I didn�t care. �Hey, I just raised one eyebrow. I couldn�t do that before.� Home Read Chapter Two |