| Back to Chapter 2 We emerged from Lily�s house complete with stupid clothes and a list of people we knew who might be able to help me. �Right,� said Lily, �the list is: the homeopathic remedy shop and the people at the fantasy bookshop.� �That�s all?� �Yeah, and the first one isn�t even that good. You think there�d be more people to deal with this sort of thing.� *** �What is it,� the woman behind the counter asked as we approached, �gum disease? I can�t deal with another case of scurvy.� �Um, not exactly.� I said. �Right, have you got bleeding gums? Rotting teeth? Abnormal mutation? Bad breath?� �Yes! Abnormal mutation. That�s the one.� �Oh. That�s got nothing to do with gums.� She sounded a bit disappointed. �No�� She got up and stated pulling things off the shelves, talking all the time. �I�ll write down the address of someone who�ll help you. He�s great for this sort of thing. In the meantime � what?� A boy of about nine had come out from the back room. His expression was faintly worried. �There�s someone on the phone claiming to be Belgarion of Riva.� She grabbed the phone. �Hello? No. Right.� She gave it back. �Wrong number.� I felt a giggling fit coming on. Seeming to notice us for the first time, she smiled genially. �Oh, hello, again.� I collapsed with laughter. Lily shook the son�s hand and told him not to mind me, as it was just a symptom of my illness. I waved a hand to confirm this. �You look like a nice girl,� the woman went on, �would you like to marry my son?� Lily thanked them both but said no. We backed out of the shop fairly quickly, laden with homeopathic remedies. �Hey, she gave us an astro-proverb chart.� Exclaimed Lily, fishing about in the bag. �It gives you a proverb and your lucky herb for each sign of the zodiac. Listen: �when a prince comes knocking at your door, tell him to go back to his princess�. I groaned. They weren�t even very good proverbs. I glanced at the address the woman had given me. I was reluctant to accept the advice of someone madder that myself but I was getting fed up with giggling at things that weren�t funny and the squirrels were chattering and getting to the point of unbearability (which wasn�t even a valid word). �You know what I think?� I realised Lily was still talking. �I think whoever wrote these proverbs just wanted all the princes for themselves.� �How rude.� I replied. �Come on, here�s the bus.� If you have ever tried to catch a bus with a goat, you�ll know the sort of �hilarious scrapes� this can get one into. Lily and I took up one seat while my menagerie took up another. The conductor glared at it. �You paying for that goat?� he asked. I thought quickly. �I hope not.� �Well, I�ll have to charge someone.� Lily and I quickly reviewed our funds. We had 20 centimes, a button and a mouldy softmint. Lily offered this to the driver but he said that it wasn�t the goat fare. He seemed to find his incredibly funny (even I wasn�t laughing) and had to sit down. To pass the time, the goat took a bit out of a briefcase. �Is that your goat?� the owner of the briefcase asked, rather indignantly. �No,� I replied, �it�s my master and he says it�s time to get off this bus.� Home |