One! -the history of Tackey- Pamphlet
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At first when i heard about the show, honestly i was worried. Because of the way people would see it, it could become something pathetic. "How can I show my difficult past to everyone ?" I had that kind of problem. I didn't mean to hide it but neither to show it. But with the message, as i was saying earlier "everyone is different, there are diverse ways of feeling things", if it is showed precisely, i realized its signification could be important. This is why i don't want to just say "i am pitiful right ? i do a lot of efforts right ?"
This time the staff is really careful about me and i feel it strongly. As it is a true story, they thought that if it went to deeper parts, it could make me feel sad. They gave what i wrote about the events to a limited number of people ; when they showed them to other people they needed my approval. They made rules like that. But it is something funny, i am a leader and i didn't pay attention to that (laughs). That kind of things, the fact that everybody has different ways to feel things. For me i had only one parent, and i live thinking that it is common, it is something normal. This is why i really don't need people to care about that. In addition to the familial change during my childhood, the important factor that made me become the man that i am, is the fact that i entered the entertainment world that is Johnny's. For the title "One!", it includes those meanings : it is only one thing, one solitude. But even saying solitude, there is a distinction from being alone and abandoned. I wasn't isolated. It is just that we couldn't show just the happy moments. I wanted to show the reverse of the happy times too. The concrete things, for those who are going to see the show from now on i won't tell about it but, i wanted to show all the moments since i was Junior to when i was enlightened by the spotlights, all at once in a short time. And then, about the reaction of people who have seen this change in one time like that, even if people reject that, there are also people who gives their support. Me who was right in the middle of it, i felt loneliness. At that time, there were periods of time when my seniors had me as their junior backdancer. For me there were really hard times. There were times when i wondered "Can i forgive that ?". But though i say it often, it was my personal impression. There must be people who in the same situation wouldn't think like that.
Now, remembering my history in the Johnny's, the good and the bad times, i have the feeling that there were plenty of both. I also think that i won't show those hard times anymore. But, even if it is hard i have to do it. But i don't show those hard times for people to tell me "it is really hard", i don't want to show that. I will show it when i will be 50 years old... This time i will show it in "Two!" maybe (laughs). Saying that it feels like i think that it really is a hard world but there are even more funny moments and moments that were just for me. What became an advantage for me more than anything, is what makes me mentally strong. It was also that when my parents divorced, this experience became a plus for me. I had to not flee, thus i stopped being weak for ever. When i became an adult, i thought all the things that were more difficult than in the childhood were a wall that i had to overcome. Like Mario in the video game. At first he is short but by eating mushrooms he grows and becomes powerful, he accumulates experience and finaly succeeds on beating the big boss. If he had fled at that time, suddenly he couldn't have fight the big boss. This is why you must not flee facing hard times. There are only two possibilities. "Flee=abandon" or "give it your all". As i chose the second one, in addition to doing this job, i don't want to do it without strength. There are things that we can't keep from hitting us directly. But at that time, thinking deeply about it, after that you have to accept it. Because we accept it, another way may open. When you go with all your strength, you may show your bad sides at that time but when you think about it again, you have done it for yourself, whatever the result may be, i think there would be no regrets.
About what i'm expecting from the future, right now i have no expectations. I don't see anything. I have a vague hope like "I would like it to be like that". The best goal would be to become a funky grandpa whatever the age. Always keep on with an eager spirit, i am aspiring to a way of life were i won't have to change to a defense mode. When becoming a grandpa if you think that you have reached a certain stability, at that moment you must not protect that but turn every new thing into a challenge. Always having the lightness of the footwork, i think it could be good to be able to live like this. Concerning my profession i didn't and still don't care about it that much. And what about making a show like "the story of Takizawa Hideaki", what is that ! (laughs) Of course, the possibility of being able to pursue this job until my death is great. I talked about the footwork always light just before but, the truth is that if i reach an high age maybe i will think "This kind of life is tiring. I want to have fun with my grandchildren freely" (laughs). This is why in my current situation, the image of my future self doesn't come easily to my mind. But i don't feel like i am living the present moment either. Maybe it's a little hard to understand but, rather than living the present moment in real time, you can say that i am constantly imagining myself in the near future. This job is a world where you can want things that didn't exist until now, there are always new things. Because somewhere in my heart i'm always looking for that kind of things, i can be aware of them in advance. Quietly enjoying the present situation... i realized recently that i may not have that kind of feeling. It's the present though it is not real, it's that feeling that has changed for me a little.
If i was born again, maybe i would choose something completely different. Since i'm tasting life as an experience now, in the next i would like to make different experiences. I really don't know if we can be reincarnated, if we can think about it on a large scale. There is one thing i can say, in my next life i want to be a man too. If i was a woman there would be many other roads that would open, and i know i could make really different experiences from what i had done since now, it can be interesting to live a woman's life but... hum, but i really want to live as a man.
What i am talking about now may seem difficult and serious but in fact it is a really simple thing. In the show this time i can answer to the personal experiences that everybody normally has, with events which were my own experiences. For the audience, as an imaginary story, the composition and development, all the events are easy to understand. It may be a simple show. As for my stories themselves, you may say there were some stirs but i can't say it myself. For me it is obvious when i see this. And since it is an obvious world, it is difficult to not do too much in the show. I was really anxious, wondering "is it going to be ok like that ?". For every event i put in my own thoughts but i was wondering what the public would think of it. I had this anxiety until the beginning of the show. The first time i saw that the public was laughing at some moments i didn't think they would, that they would cry, when i saw those kinds of reaction i thought "ah a lot of people feel those emotions there". I have made various discoveries like that. In the show this time i think there are as many different impressions as there are people who have seen it. And any impression is correct, there is no wrong ones.
In the show what i want to convey most of all are my "feelings". Living as a human being, sometimes there are things we are worried about. To give advices like "Of course it exists, but don't do the same thing again", or a more harsh feeling like "even if it bothers you, there are many people in the world who feel the same as you", and that encouraging feeling "it's something you can overcome so good luck !". The messages being followed, every impression being carried away, i think this is why this show exists.
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