| Wacky Realizations |
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| 01/04/01 (01:45 a.m.) - Don't let people know how you really feel, it just lets them know how to hurt you. I never told them before and I never got this hurt. I never cried this much. I don't want to hurt. 01/16/01 (12:15 a.m.) - Tylenol Flu allows me to breathe! 01/17/01 (12:45 a.m.) - Apparently when guys spend an extended period of time away from women, they don't care what they look like anymore....my solution: Send all men to boyscouts and put them on submarines. (Info gained from midnight conversations outside of my door.) 01/18/01 (12:05 p.m.) - As soon as I try to lay down my computer will wack out. 01/20/01 (02:35 a.m.) - Don't ever be too happy, life likes to make you pay for it. But I still want my fairy tale ending. I want my prince in shining armour to come and sweep me off my feet and ride off into the sunset with him. I may not be happy when I'm awake, but my dreams, that's where I soar. Just wish I didn't have to wake up. 01/21/01 (03:00 a.m.) - I'd rather be the heart than the head. Somehow being the head makes me feel like I am less. I know that is not how it was meant, but that is how I feel. But what to do about it. I am so confuesd. What you don't understand is, admitting your feelings may give you practice on how to deal with getting hurt, but you get hurt in the process. I'm not that strong yet. But I must say, my paranoia was justified! And that pisses me off all the more. 01/21/01 (11:19 p.m.) - I don't understand...I thought I was doing good. Why am I getting yelled at? You people confuse me so much. I don't know what to do. I count on you to help me, it doesn't work if you contradict each other. Please remember, it takes time There's no switch that I can hit to make me feel differently. Sometimes I wish there was. I wish I was Data and I could tilt my head and then I would feel nothing. I'm not that lucky. I have to deal with this and I don't want to. I don't know how. 01/27/01 (09:20 p.m.) - I WANT MY DANCE! 01/28/01 (10:54 p.m.) - Funny how you can be bored out of you mind when you stay at home and watch tv or put together puzzles, but sitting in a friend's kitchen playing a "bored" game for 7 hours can be so entertaining. 01/30/01 (09:47 p.m.) - (Shamelessly stolen from someone's aim info) What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry? 01/30/01 (10:20 p.m.) - Ignore all above. I LOVE AIM!!!......on second thought....ignore this 02/02/01 (01:20 a.m.) - That makes two :*( Thats it I give up! I can't take it anymore! 02/03/01 (01:00 p.m.) - So far the score is Amanda 3 Anne 2 Jess 0. That's it, I give up. I don't want to play this gave anymore. 02/05/01 (01:01 a.m.) - For a few seconds there I thought if you would only turn the knife a little it wouldn't hurt as much. Now you have and I want to cry out in pain. Why me? If you're gonna stab me in the heart...cut the vein, I don't want to suffer through this. I'm not strong enough to surive so don't make me suffer. 02/05/01 (04:48 p.m.) - (Another shamefully stolen aim info) I learned to never fall for the same mistake. twice. I give up once again on you. 02/08/01 (08:32 a.m.) - Weird dream. Full of video games, cats and dogs, and sirens. Some sort of air raid. For the first time in a while it wasn't a horrible dream. I liked that. Stupid alarm clock. I would have liked to see where this dream went. But then again, it's probably a good thing. My luck it would have turned into quite a monster. It had all the indgredients to, it just didn't. Oh well, should get ready for class. 02/08/01 (11:12 a.m.) - (While walking back from the language holding a conversation with someone in my head, yeah I'm not nuts) THAT'S IT, I'm joining the nunnery NOW!!! 02/10/01 (06:05 p.m.) - Never plan how your day is gonna go....it never works out that way and you only end up crying. 01/12/01 (12:40 a.m.) - Good day. Like my plans for yesterday came true for today. Worked out good in the end. I'm happy, really happy. 02/18/01 (03:34 p.m.) - Interesting weekend. All in all, not too bad. Lots of laughs. Scared myself a lil. 02/20/01 (08:36 a.m.) - Bad dream....French girl come to my door with someone running after her with a gun. Couldn't under stand her...see how much I'm learning in class? Let her in and call 911. We go hide in boat. She pulls a knife. I lock myself in the cabin of the boat and hide under the table. Bad to be locked somewhere when you are afraid of locked small spaces. 02/29/01 (10:36 p.m.) - I feel like I'm outside the loop. I'm outside the circle suddenly and I can't get back in. I was replaced. 02/22/01 (08:45 a.m.) - Wierd dreams lately. At my house and we were being kidnapped. Then they decided that since we were hungry they would take us to Colonial for dinner. One of them slipped a flashlight in my pocket for some reason. As we were leaving a platapus came running out of my sisters's bedroom. We then went outside to get in the truck and the driver kept doing all sorts of odd things like driving on sidewalks and such. Then the alarm went off. Would really like to finish one of these dreams one day. 03/05/01 (01:10 a.m.) - I did it again. Why don't I ever learn? I'm not a stupid person, but somehow...I always end up too happy. Why can't I just saty content? Once I get happy, I end up driving home crying, hey, I'm even getting pretty good at driving when I can't see. Rather I didn't need to know how though. 03/03/01 (12:07 p.m.) - Everyone tells me to hurt back, or to move on. But it's not thtat easy, I don't want to hurt you, but I don't want to hurt either. I'm tired; tired of crying, tired of hurting, tired of life. That is not a good way to be feeling. Only leads to more problems. 03/05/01 (03:12 p.m.) -What's so wrong with me? What did I do? Why do you make me cry? I don't want to cry. It hurts so bad. Sooo tired of it all. 03/06/01 (08:48 a.m.) - No, I will not accept this. I just got him back I am not losing him again. I can fight if necessary. I am not spending the last half of the semester like I spent the first half. 03/10/01 (02:20 a.m.) - Ok look, we all know I'm some sort of massochist....but was it really necessary while playing Never Ever have I Ever to beat me by bringing it up every five seconds....I mean really, come on. Don't you think I hate it enough? If you know how to get me to stop, I'd love the input.... 03/26/01 (11:02 p.m.) - Life sucks and then you die. Nice mood I'm in huh? 04/17/01 (03:40 p.m.) - Just realized I haven't written in a while. Not too much good stuff has been happening. So far I've been accused of being pregnant twice. Then basically told I was a fat pig in the middle of a restaurant. Hmmm...just realized I need a new page...guess I'll work on that. |