Drug Humour

Drug Humor

Top Ten Drug Using Cartoon Suspects

10. Gargamel (From the Smurfs)	Most likely LSD. Spends his life in pursuit of little blue guys in sissy white outfits and mentally abusing his cat. What does he plan to do with the blue dwarfs when he catches them anyway?

9. Olive Oyl	Probably Dexatrim abuse, maybe some amphetamines. Who is that skinny?! She might even be anorexic, she is always giving her burger to her friend. One side question, what the hell are Popeye and Brutus thinking? What is it, her personality? NOT!

8. Snagglepuss	Can't explain it. Maybe it's the name, or the look, but he is suspicious.

7. He-Man	This is an easy one. I mean c'mon. Roid monkey #1. "BY THE POWER OF ANABOL!!!!!!" Makes me want to root for Skeletor. Alone in his castle, hitting the weights. And on top of that he even injects the shit in his pet tiger. Can we say "Animal Abuse"?

6.& 5. Yogi and Boo Boo	We all know what is really in those picnic baskets. They go back to the cave and trip. Another side? -- Are they gay? I mean, take a look at BooBoo. Not that there's anything wrong with that...

4. Droopy	The number one downer abuser in toon land. Can't someone slip him an upper every year or two. The only time I ever saw him happy is when he sees the picture of the babe. Sort of makes you wonder.

3. Dopey Dwarf	He openly admits it. The other dwarfs deny involvement but they are under investigation. Allegations are that Doc is writing some extra scripts for Sneezy and all the guys partaking are afloat.

2. Daffy Duck	If he isn't using crack, Marion Barry is clean. He is so wired he bounces around on his head without pain. Blows his beak off all the time. Some symptoms might be from "daffiness" but Haldol wouldn't work for him.

1. Shaggy	By far the #1 suspect. His clothes, his hair, his bad goatee, the boy converses with dogs. But all of this is nothing until you go to the Munchie Factor. Anybody who averages 9.3 dog treats consumed per episode smokes pot, no if, ands, or, buts about it. And look at the way him and his friends painted that van! Pretty rad design dude.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

O mighty Oracle, why do people think legalizing drugs is The Answer? I thought The Answer was 42.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

The great and mighty Oracle has deigned to give you an answer to this question. You should offer thanks.

Throughout time immemorial, it has been asked: What is the purpose of human existence?

At first this was easy. The answer was food

You see, back in the Paleozoooliphic, the answer to everything was either food or rock.

What do you want? "Food" Where do you live? "Rock" Look, that guy is making off with your stuff, what will you do? "Rock make him food!"

As you can see, conversation wasn't too stimulating, and philosophers were stuck with saying things like "rock is rock" and "food is not rock" Luckily rock candy had not been invented yet.

Many years passed, vocab increased, and finally the ancient greeks got back around to the question. Socrates explained how the question had no meaning. He of course was wrong, but he was such a great pain in the ass that people agreed with him to shut him up. Finally, they slipped some hemlock in his tea, and that was that.

Later, once the vocabulary had gotten all settled, the Romans came up with another answer, one which many of us would agree with today. This, of course was sex. It was later found, however, that sex could not be the answer. Sex was the question. Yes was the answer.

This whole issue got more confused around the time of Jesus. You see, Jesus was convinced that Love was the answer. By this, he did not mean what most people think of as love, because then he could have just said that sex is the answer. That would lead to the problem above, Now, Love might be a possible alternative to sex, but the Romans were so upset by the idea that sex wasn't it, that they nailed Jesus to a couple of planks.

The Roman empire fell to the barbarians, and it was back to food for most of the dark ages.

When the Renaissance finally hit, the answer was Painting. Later on they decided that that was just too silly, and changed it to Enlightenment.

This worked fine for the aristocracy, but, at least in France, the peasants revolted, and settled firmly on food again. Not too much after this, drugs spread out through western culture.

Some people at this time suggested that drugs were the answer, but Opium isn't really powerful enough to blot out all other questions, so it was quietly shelved for a later date.

At one point this century, the proposal "Coke is it" was widely spread, but if Coke was it, what was New Coke? It flat and too sweet? No, that idea was also disregarded.

In the '60s, everything disregarded came back with a vengeance (except painting, it was still too silly) "Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll." The Republicans hated this (They thought the answer was Money), and they conspired to break the idea at its weak point; Drugs. So went the revisionists (who ignored the fact that George Washington grew Marijuana), and they outlawed drugs. Outlawing sex would have been nice for them, but even they realized that Republicans, at least, had to reproduce.

In 197something, Douglas Adams decided that the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything was 42. Being irrational, it made it difficult to refute, and so was popular among young Democrats (Who had lost so many brain cells due to drugs that they were equally irrational), and science fiction fans (who were so weird that they could just accept it).

You now see where your question fits in. Some people think that the solution is to legalize Drugs, and some think that the answer is 42. Others think it is sex, a few still believe in Coke, and food is a perennial favorite. Of course the true answer is there, and has been for a while...

The answer is....

Painting. Of course.

You owe the Oracle a Velvet Elvis.

10 Reasons Why Smoking Pot Is Better Than Classes

1. Pot is a quicker and more efficient way to fry your brain.

2. When you smoke pot, even your Calculus TA turns you on.

3. If you ever run for president, you could claim that you didn't inhale.

4. Pot makes dorm food taste good.

5. Pot is easier to get than most text books.

6. It takes twenty minutes to walk to class. In that time, you could smoke enough pot to be dreaming about Kathy Ireland for a week.

7. Class would never make you want to run naked through the fountain in the middle of January.

8. Pot clears the mind and soul. Class clutters it.

9. Smoking pot is much cheaper.

10. What you learn in class is gone in a matter of minutes. Pot can stay in your system for up to a year.

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