Episode 11
Episode 12
Episode 13
Episode 14
Episode 15

Episode 15

The Quest

The next week Rhonda’s stayed closed, a sign on the door explaining that there had been a death in their family. Milly didn’t work or write. Jan cancelled gigs. Faye called in sick. Francis skipped classes. Tammy missed practices. Stella canceled engagements. No one’s life was untouched, and nothing was as it should be.

            And on the news Marcella was just a number, an unnamed casualty. The administration went right on saying we were winning the war, that the war was important for national security, and that the economy was getting better. There was an orange alert and gas prices went up again, but mostly the world was the same, except on B Street.

            After Adrian had a good cry with Stella she’d been able to more or less contain herself until they were at the cemetery, and even then she’d been able to hang tough because she just didn’t look at anyone. She just stood close to Francis, never letting go of her hand, and praying it would be over quickly.

            Inside she cringed at the idea of the fucking military funeral, about the medals they were giving Marcella because she was dead.  She wanted to tell them where they could stick their little speech about pride in service and country. Then they started firing those damned guns and Adrian stupidly looked at Milly. With every shot Milly’s whole body shook and she cried harder, and then the next thing she knew Adrian was sobbing so hard that Stella and Francis had to hold her up. She felt like she was letting everyone down, they needed her to be strong and she wasn’t there for them. Not for Milly not for Jan. She was too consumed with her own grief.

            After the service Joanna was given the flag and Adrian saw a moment when she almost threw it down. Joanna made Milly stand with her, and Marcella’s brother to greet – was that the right word at a funeral? – the other mourners. When Adrian reached Milly they just looked at each other and then they were holding each other and just bawling so loud. Seeing this got Joanna to going till Adrian wondered if there had ever been three people so grieved in the world.

            She barely remembered Stella and Francis getting her away from Milly and helping her to the car.

            When they got back to the house everyone just sort of sat around the rec room eating. Tammy had asked her parents to hire a caterer to bring in food, but she asked Adrian not to tell anyone where it came from, and no one was asking. Adrian made a note to send a thank you note to Tammy’s parents when all this was over. She and Jan certainly weren’t up to cooking and there was something uniquely comforting about food.

            This place was usually so full of life and today it was just… hollow.

            Then Mary showed up with Mikey. She put him down because he wanted down and then he just ran up to Jan who was standing talking to Yuri. No one really knew why Mikey always gravitated to Jan, but he did.

            “Hi,” he said and held his arms up to her.

            Jan smiled at him then reached down and picked him up then she looked at Adrian and Adrian looked back and smiled. Jan hugged Mikey and he started talking a mile a minute. No one had any idea what he said and he had no idea that he had taken center stage as a tangable silence filled the room. Stella siezed the moment as only Stella could.

            “We all loved Marcella, and we’ll all miss her for the rest of our lives. But this crap, all this crying and morbidity, that wasn’t what Marcella was all about. Marcella was about living every minute to the fullest. About embracing her friends and Milly every minute that she was with them. You know what I’ll always remember about Marcella? Her smile and how she always had that smile for everyone. Everyone else would be having some meltdown or another, everyone else was always steeped in drama, but not Marcella. She wouldn’t want to see us become this – people who don’t know how to enjoy our lives or each other. It’s time for us to go back to work, to embrace those things and people that we love and enjoy them again.

            “Funerals aren’t for the dead. Marcella’s gone. She doesn’t give a damn about any of this. This has to be about us finding some place to put our grief and clinging to one another so that we can get back to living again.”

She looked right at Adrian then. “We have lost a best friend. Joanna has lost her daughter, Milly has lost her partner. We all have to embrace each other and our lives. That’s what Marcella would have done. Quit dwelling on what’s gone and enjoy what we have.”

Everyone started talking again.

Adrian drew Francis close to her. For the first time in days she didn’t feel like her insides were all crushed. She was actually holding Francis because she wanted to, not because she had to or she felt like she’d fall completely apart. Jan hugged the baby to her, looked at Adrian, nodded, and then put him down and followed him across the room when he took her hand.

Life went on. Marcella was gone and that sucked, but life didn’t suck.

Joanna raised her hand. “I’d like to say something.” Everyone was quiet again, looking at her. “When Marcella first came out I was crushed, but I accepted it because part of me had always known. But I worried about her, about what being a lesbian was going to mean for her, and then I met all of you and I didn’t worry any more. Then she brought Milly home and I just had another kid to love and,” she sucked her tears in, “I’m just glad that she had all of you in her life because she died way too young but she lived more in that time than most people do in seventy years.”

Milly was silent, like some beautiful broken doll, and seeing her like that Adrian almost did cry again. What was she going to do about Milly? How could they ever find all the pieces to put her back together again?

Then everyone was just talking about Marcella – not focusing on her death but on her life. Adrian let go of Francis and Francis looked at her with the same worry she’d had in her eyes for days. Adrian kissed her check “I’m all right. I’m going to go talk to Milly.” Francis nodded, and Adrian walked over to Milly.

“How you doing?” Adrian whispered in Milly’s ear.

“Better, and worse,” Milly said with a sad laugh. “I wish I could just pretend like she’s not dead. Of course that’s hard to do since well we all saw her didn’t we?”

“Yes,” Adrian said, looking over at Jan.

“What about you? They say you took a hammer to the apartment building.”

“You know I think I’m going to be all right, I’m more worried about you right now and I realize I’ve been more or less worthless for the last week and I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. You know as awful as this is going to sound it actually helped a lot to know that you missed her as much as I did. And poor Jan.” Milly looked over to where Jan was still playing with the baby. “I was so glad to see Stella, and how does she do what she does?”

“I have no idea I’m just glad she can do it.” But she wasn’t looking at Stella. She was watching Francis across the room talking to Tammy, no doubt because Tammy had been there for Francis through this whole thing. Neither of them had known Marcella, but they were still caught up in the tide of grief. Francis had been Adrian’s rock, the one who’d held her up through this whole thing. Stella was her past and Francis was her now and her future. If she didn’t know that before she did now.

Milly elbowed Adrian in the ribs. “One of my biggest regrets is that Marcella never got to see you like this.” She pointed a finger between Adrian and Francis. “You know she used to worry about you, that you’d never find anyone because you were so stuck on Stella. She would have gotten the biggest kick out of seeing you with Francis.”

“She did see,” Adrian said with a sad smile. She patted Milly on the back.

“What am I going to do, Adrian?” Milly asked.

“I don’t know, Baby, I wish I had some answers for you. All I know is that you have to find some place to put it so that you can get over it.”

Milly saw her looking at Francis again and smiled. “I’m pretty sure I know how you’re going to get over it.”

“I don’t know how to explain it, Milly, but she just… she makes me feel better about everything. I don’t think I could have made it through this week if it wasn’t for her, and I can’t really tell you why.”

“You don’t have to explain it to me,” Milly said, her eyes glistening with tears. “I know. I had what you have. now I just have to figure out how I’m going to make it without her.”

            “I wish there was something I could do, Milly.”

            “But there isn’t. Stella says it just takes time. That in time I will feel better. I’ll find someone who fills the void in my heart and my life will be complete again and it’s normal for me to just feel empty inside now, but God it’s an awful feeling.”

            “Don’t be alone, Milly. There’s no reason for you to be, we all love you.”

            “I know it... I don’t know, Adrian. I’m sure it’s not the right way to deal with shit, but I think you’ll understand. I just want all this shit to be over with and for life to return to normal so I just don’t have to think about it. Marcella’s been gone for over a year now and I’d like to just be able to pretend like she’s still just gone and maybe when all this is over I will be able to do that. I feel like I’ve grieved enough and now I just want to heal. If I do that by just not thinking about it, well what’s so bad about that?”

            “Nothing. Whatever works right?”

            Except that it didn’t really work.

A week later Stella had gone back on the road, everyone else had gone back to class and work, and life seemed to be back to normal. Then the phone rang.

            “Hello,” Adrian said.

            “Hello, Adrian, this is Doug. I’m sorry to bother you so late.”

            Adrian looked at the clock it was 11:00 but they’d barely gotten home. “That’s all right. We weren’t in bed. Who is this?”

            “Doug Driskel. I’m Milly’s boss. She came in to work tonight. I told her she didn’t have to but she said she needed to get back to work but… well something’s not right with her. I think she’s taken something.”

            Adrian took a deep breath and let it out. It wouldn’t be hard for her to get something at the club. Most of the strippers were on something. Milly worked in an up-cale strip club – f there was such a thing – the clinetel couldn’t touch the strippers but the strippers couldn’t touch the clientele, either. Of course likely as not this was because it was the only totally nude strip club in the city. Most women needed something to get them on stage and take their clothes off. Milly was an exhibitionist, so as long as she didn’t have to touch them and they couldn’t touch her she had no problem at all strutting her stuff. Milly didn’t do drugs and never had to Adrian’s knowledge, but Milly had also never buried Marcella before.

            “You want me to come get her?”

            “I think that would be best I mean… Well, it’s Milly. She’s still putting on a hell of a show, but… Well I don’t like to see her like this. She’s always been clean, and I don’t want her to take the same path a lot of these girls do.”

            “I’m coming.”

            “I’ll tell the boys just to let you in.”

            Adrian looked at Francis and decided there was no way she was taking her very hot woman into a strip club alone and – when she was already expecting trouble. Jan was at work. Tammy was asleep and for once in her own room, so Adrian went and pounded on the door.

            “What’s going on?” Francis asked. She’d followed her.

            “I’ve got to go get Milly.”

            “What?” Tammy hollered.

            “Get dressed and come on. I need your help,” Adrian said.

            “Where is she?” Francis asked.

            “Work.”

            “At the strip club?” Francis said in disbelief.

            “Yeah. Everyone was going back to work and I guess she thought it was time she did, too.”

            “I’ll go with you,” Francis said.

            “Honey… no offense, but you’re more likely to cause a fight than you are to help me slug my way out of one if I have to.” Francis started to protest, and Adrian just said a very determined, “No.”

            Tammy opened the door and stepped out fully dressed and ready to go, even though she had no idea where they were going or what they were doing, and Adrian started to really apreaciate her as a friend.

Tammy had never been to a strip club and didn’t really know what to expect. She was also worried because she’d never had to deal with drugs or someone when they were on them, well… except for Francis, and Francis had always just played with them and she’d never seen her wig out or anything. Also if there was trouble, which was why Adrian had brought her along, she wasn’t sure that she’d know how to deal with it. Tammy had a temper, and when someone pushed she pushed back, but that was different than walking into a position where you could have dozens of people trying to kick your ass. Tammy couldn’t imagine that you could go into a strip club and take hold of a naked dancer and take her away without the whole of the clintel jumping on you.

            Then there was that other thing. She wasn’t in any hurry to see Milly naked. She was pretty sure seeing such a thing could ruin you for other women, and how could you look in someone’s eyes to talk to them when you’d seen them naked?

            The guy at the door let them right in. Inside the music was blaring and it was lighter than she’d expected. The air was full of smoke and smelled like cheap cologne, cigeretes and beer. It was big – it had one large stage and two smaller ones, all with poles. It was fairly clean and there seemed to be as many lesbians and couples as there were single straight men. She also immediately noticed a difference in the demeanor of the lesbians – some of whom she knew seemed to have come in groups and were just laughing and having a good time as were the couples and the groups of straight men who’d obviously come there together to celebrate some occasion or another. But the straight single guys that were there alone all had the same blank expression on their faces. They’d be sticking money in the dancer’s g-strings and the dancers would be playing it up big time and they’d just stand there stone faced. The gal on center stage quickly had all Tammy’s attention – a long-legged bleach-blond woman with a tiny little waist and huge probably man-made tits was dancing around the pole.

            “Come on, there’s Milly.” Adrian grabbed her and dragged her across the room towards one of the smaller stages. And suddenly – there was Milly. For a second it was like there was no air in the room and no sound, just Milly. Milly moved with a graceful, sensuality as if she was dancing just for you. It wasn’t hard to see why there were more people gathered around her stage than there were at the main stage. She was beautiful. Tammy caught her breath and she could hear the music again – an old song Paradise City she thought. Milly moved in rythem to it, her hips thrusting. Then she was climbing the pole and she did a flip down it and then… Well there it was the prize jewel in Milly’s collection there for everyone to see. Tammy’s heart was pounding and the bass was so loud it was shaking her chest. Tammy just watched Milly work the pole, not moving till Adrian elbowed her in the ribs.

            Tammy still didn’t look at her and Adrian laughed a little and said,          “Yeah I know, come on.”

            Adrian pushed her way through the crowd and Tammy followed. As they got closer Tammy could see the not-quite-right look in Milly’s eyes. As they pushed their way up towards the stage a couple of guys gave them dirty looks but when they saw the determination in Adrian’s eyes and as they looked up at Tammy they stopped. Like maybe the only thing worse than having a couple of women crowd in front of them was to have a couple of huge dykes to kick their ass at a strip club.

            “Milly!” Adrian called out, and Milly looked at her fleetingly and then just ignored her, continuing to dance as the bills started to cover the stage. “Milly!” this time she didn’t even look at Adrian.

            “What now?” Tammy asked, never taking her eyes off Milly.

            Adrian seemed to be thinking about it. She ran a hand through her short hair and looked at Milly. Then she shrugged and said, “Stay here.”

            Tammy nodded. She had no problem with that whatsoever.

            Adrian was gone and then a few seconds later Adrian was on stage. Adrian, the hottest butch on B Street, wearing tight, straight-legged hip huggers and a white tank top, and Milly… Well, the hottest woman on earth, naked. The crowd went wild, obviously thinking it was part of the show, and that was before Milly started using Adrian for the pole. Tammy couldn’t blame the crowd for going wild; she’d cum in her pants. Milly just walked around Adrian, rubbing herself on her till Tammy had to wonder about Adrian’s restraint because her hands just stayed at her sides. Then Milly wrapped her arms around Adrian and kissed her full on the mouth.

            When she pulled her lips away from Adrian’s Adrian said, “Milly what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Then Milly collapsed against Adrian, crying. “Tammy, give me your shirt,” Adrian ordered, and Tammy pulled off the blue flannel shirt she’d been wearing and threw it to Adrian. Adrian put it on Milly and fastened it and the crowd booed her. Adrian moved towards the stairs off the stage with Milly, and Tammy didn’t even have to think about it she just moved to where she needed to be to cover Adrian, just like she would have done in a ball game. A couple of the bouncers came over to help them get Milly out of the club.

            “I tried to get her off stage,” the older one was telling Adrian, “but she was way beyond reason.”

            “I want to die,” Milly cried out. “Leave me alone. Let me go.”

            Adrian didn’t, and the next thing Tammy knew Milly had hit Adrian in the face with her fist. She went to do it again and Tammy found herself grabbing Milly’s wrist so that she couldn’t hit Adrian again. Then Milly was just crying harder. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Adrian.”

            “It’s all right, Honey,” Adrian said, quickly wiping the blood from her mouth with her free hand.

            “If I knew who gave her the shit I’d fire them on the fucking spot,” the guy said, so that was when Tammy guessed he owned the club.

            “I just wanted to quit hurting,” Milly cried.

            “I know,” Adrian said gently, and so low Tammy could hardly hear her. Tammy let go of Milly’s wrist but kept an eye on her hand. “Nothing’s going to take that pain away but time, Milly.”

            They had made it to the car and Tammy opened the door. Adrian put Milly in.

            “Take care of her,” the guy said. “Milly, you take care of yourself. Your job will be here whenever you get back. Take your time.”

            He started back in and Adrian stood up from putting Milly in the car. “Doug?”

            The guy turned. “Thanks for being the prince Milly said you were instead of the sleeze bag I naturally assumed anyone who owned a strip club would be.”

            Doug laughed. “Ah thanks… I think.”

            Adrian got in the car and closed the door and then Tammy got in, started the engine, and headed back towards the house as fast as she dared to drive.

            “What the hell did you take Milly?” Adrian demanded. In the rear view mirror Tammy could see Adrian wiping the blood from her face, and now Tammy noticed there was an awful lot of blood. Wow! She really popped her a good one. Of course if you can hang on a pole like that… Well you’d have to be pretty strong.

            “What did you take?” Adrian demanded again.

            “I snorted a couple of lines of coke, all right? It’s none of your fucking business.” And then she tried to hit Adrian again but Adrian was ready for her this time. She grabbed both her hands at the wrists and held them and then Milly was fighting her and Adrian was trying to hold her without hurting her. At one point Milly kicked Tammy in the back of the head so Tammy just pulled over and parked the car.

            “Jesus Christ!” Tammy yelled then took off her seat belt and leaned over the seat trying to help Adrian get the writhing pole-dancing devil under control. At one point Milly actually kicked Tammy in the face, hard.

            “She’s really strong,” Adrian said, trying to hold her down so that she couldn’t hurt herself or them. Finally, with some help from Tammy, Adrian was sitting on top of Milly’s hips on the back seat holding her hands against the seat over her head.

            “Go ahead, fuck me, Adrian, fuck me!” Milly screamed.

            “Calm down, Milly,” Adrian demanded, and now Tammy noticed that Adrian had scratches down the length of both arms and her nose was bleeding so bad that it was dripping on Milly’s chest. Tammy was thinking that was the end of that shirt, and then she realized that her eye was throbbing and knew Adrian wasn’t the only one who was hurt.

            Milly started moving her naked hips against Adrian’s crotch. “Fuck me Adrian, Fuck me!”

            “Damnit, Milly!”

            “Come on, fuck me! You know I can give you what that green-assed girl can’t, come on do it, fuck me! Fuck me hard.”

            Adrian looked at Tammy as if she could help and Tammy just shrugged, smiled, and said to Adrian. “Is it sick that this is turning me on?”

            Adrian took in a deep breath and let it out. “You’re a lot of help, pervert.” Tammy shrugged.

            Milly started crying. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Adrian let go of one of her hands experimentally and Milly just lay there, but Adrian didn’t get off her.

            Tammy didn’t wait to be told. She sat back down, started the car and took off again.

            “I don’t want to live! I don’t!” Milly cried.

            “But we all do want you to, Milly, and we aren’t going to give you permission to cash out on us the way Marcella did,” Adrian said gently.

Adrian didn’t know what to do with her. Faye was at work. So was Jan. Besides, there was a good chance that if Milly did her, “fuck me, fuck me,” thing to either one of them they would, and then there would be all that new drama.

            Francis met them at the door and helped her sit Milly on the couch.

            “My God what happened to you two?” Francis asked with concern, looking from her no doubt bloody face to Tammy’s black eye.

            “Angry, hopped-up pole dancer,” Tammy said pointing at Milly.

            “Damnit, Tammy, I was going to tell her we were attacked by the entire clintele of the strip club,” Adrian said lightly.

            “It’s not funny.” Francis started to cry. “You’re hurt bad.”

            “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Milly cried out, and then to Francis. “Oh Francis I’m so sorry, so so sorry.”

            “You ought to be. You beat up my lover and my best friend,” Francis said in angry disbelief, obviously trying to suck in her tears.

            “Um, I think she’s talking about trying to fuck Adrian in the back seat,” Tammy said helpfully. Adrian shot her a dirty look, which Tammy didn’t see, being too busy looking at the scratches on her own hands. “Luckly Adrian’s virtue is still intact.”

            “What the hell is she on?” Francis asked, sounding a lot less compassionate than she had when they first got there.

            “Coke,” Adrian said. “Do you know if our resident dope expert is home yet?”

            Francis shrugged, so Adrian reached in her pocket and dialed Jan’s number.

            “Hey what’s up?” Jan asked.

            “Where are you?”

            “Between sets. Why?” she must have noticed the distress in Adrian’s voice.

            “Milly did a couple of lines of coke. We had to go to the club and get her. She beat the hell out of Tammy and I. She’s completely fucking out of it.”

            “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Milly cried.

            “You got orange juice?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Apple juice?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Give her the orange juice first and then give her the apple juice. It will help get the crap out of her system. Just keep her hydrated, it should run its course in a few hours.

And stay away from her left hook,” Jan said with a laugh.

            “Ha ha, have a good set, be careful. I love you.”

            “I love you too, Bud. Just remember that whatever she’s done she’s going through hell right now and just looking for something that might help.”

            Adrian hung up the phone, went to the kitchen and came back with a glass of orange juice. She approached Milly with caution. “Drink this,” she ordered.

            Milly took it, and started drinking it quietly. At least for the time being she seemed to be all out of fight. Adrian noticed she had a bruise on her cheek and might have felt bad about it if she didn’t most likely get it head butting Adrian in the face in the car. Tammy walked in. She had washed her hands and was holding a zip lock bag of ice to her eye. She sat down on the couch well within range of Milly as if she’d forgotten who had given her that black eye and cut up her hands in the first place.

            Francis took Adrian’s hand gently. “Come on, let’s go get you cleaned up,” she said.

            Adrian nodded and started to follow her. She turned at the hall and said to Milly, “Behave yourself.”

            Milly nodded and drank her juice.

            In the bathroom Francis sat Adrian on the closed commode, got a wash cloth wet with warm water and gently cleaned Adrian’ face. Adrian thought, So this is the second time in less than two weeks that she’s cleaning blood off me. I wonder if she thinks this is just going to be a common occurance.

            “So she tried to fuck you, huh?”

            “No, she begged me to fuck her. That’s different,” Adrian said, wincing as Francis cleaned her nose. It hurt.

            “Oh baby,” Francis said. “I think she’s at least fractured your nose, and your lip looks bad. We’re going to the hospital. Come on.”

            “It’s all right. My father broke it the first time when I was six. It’s fine, just bleeding like a bitch.”

            “You fucking hard head. You are really hurt,” Francis said, and she started to cry. She dug into Adrian’s pocket and pulled out her cell phone. “I’m going to call Faye. I think she just got off work. I don’t know what to do. If she says you need to go to the hospital, you’re going to the hospital.”

She punched the buttons. “Faye… Where are you? … Good. Could you just come right to our place when you get home? … Milly beat Adrian up pretty bad. I think her nose is broken… Milly…. That’s right I said Milly… You aren’t going to think it’s so funny when you see what she did to Tammy… She’s in better shape than Adrian… All right, hurry up.”

Faye grabbed a bunch of supplies from her apartment – because she was of course always stealing medical supplies from work – and she headed towards Adrian’s.

            She didn’t know what to expect but when she walked in Milly was sitting on the couch rocking herself and drinking a glass of juice. Tammy looked at her smiled and lifted the bag of ice so that Faye could see that her eye had already started to turn black, which meant it was a good one. Milly had a small bruise on her cheek.

            “I’m sorry,” Milly cried when she saw Faye.

            “It’s all right, Milly, how do you feel?” Faye asked carefully.

            “Fucked up. But I didn’t try to fuck Tammy,” Milly told her.

            Faye looked at Tammy and Tammy smiled and said, “She did try to fuck Adrian. Adrian’s in the bathroom.” She pointed in the direction and gave Faye a you better hurry up look.

            When Faye walked in the fact that Milly had come through the scrap with only a small bruise spoke volumes to the amount of control Adrian had used in dealing with her because Adrian was half again Milly’s size and strong as an ox and Milly had beaten her to a pulp.

            “Fuck,” Faye said.

            Francis was obviously paniced, had been crying, and was close to tears again.

            “Could you get me a chair?” Faye asked Francis. Francis ran off to get it. Faye sighed and shook her head. “You do know you should be in a hospital, right?”

            “Come on, Faye, it’s not that bad.”

            “Let’s see. Your lip needs stitches, your nose is broken, God alone knows how much blood you’ve lost. That’s lovely work on your arms and that’s just what I can see.”

            “But you can fix it, right Faye?”

            “I could lose my job…”

            “Like we’re going to tell anyone.”

            “I don’t have any sort of anesthetic. Adrian, do you have any idea how tender the tissue in your lip is? Not to mention that I’d hate to screw up the most perfect mouth I’ve ever known.” Faye stole everything she could from the hospital, but you couldn’t get your hands on narcotics without risking not just your job but jail time.

            “It cut on my teeth, so the cut’s mostly on the inside so it won’t show. I’ll be completely still, I promise.”

            “Come on, Adrian, let’s just take you to the hospital.”

            “Milly’s going to feel bad enough…”

            “You do know she’s all coked out, right? I realize she’s hurting, but she knows better than to do that crap and she beat the fuck out of you and Tammy.”

            “I’ve taken worse beatings,” Adrian said.

            “Which is why of all people she never should have beaten you. Why would she do that?”

            Adrian looked at her and sighed. “Because I’m the closest thing to Marcella right now and she loved Marcella and she’s so mad at her and where does she put all that rage? And then you throw drugs in that mix.” Adrian shrugged. “I understand the rage because I’m mad at Marcella, too. She didn’t have to die. She didn’t get a terminal disease –unless stupidity can be counted – and she didn’t have some freak accident no one could have prevented. She chose to go off and fight in this fucking war that none of us believe in for a president who has set gay rights back twenty years – if we can ever get them now. She died for nothing. Absolutely nothing. There was no point to it. The world isn’t any better because of this war, it’s worse. We have less freedom now than we did when it started so what the fuck was she fighting for? So I understand why Milly’s so mad, and if beating me senseless helps her deal then it’s worth it. Now get whatever you have to have and take care of me. And please try not to freak Francis out.”

            Francis showed up with a chair. Faye smiled at her and wondered just how she was supposed to do this without freaking Francis out. “I have to go back to my room. I need a couple of things.”

            “She needs to go to the hospital doesn’t she?” Francis demanded.

            Adrian glared at Faye and she forced a smile. “It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

She started out of the apartment.

            “How is she?” Milly asked with a sniffle. Faye started to just unload on her about the drugs and blacking Tammy’s eye and scratching up her hands and forcing Faye into a position where she had to sew a friend up without anesthetic, but Milly was her best friend and Milly had lost everything but her friends and she needed them.

            Faye smiled and said. “It looks worse than it is.”

Faye had found some Oragel and she’d rubbed it on Adrian’s lip but it had still hurt like a bitch when Faye put three stitches in it. Adrian had been dead still. Faye set her nose and the blood had gushed again, so Faye had cleaned it up and now she was just sitting on the can with sticks up her nose and Faye was putting some sort of bandage thing on the bridge of it.

            “That crazy little bitch,” Faye was saying for the fifteenth time as she started cleaning the cuts on Adrian’s arms.

            “You know when she really creamed me? I thought Tammy and I had her restrained in the car and then she head butted me. I just flat ass did not see that coming. If you’re ever going to the mean side of town and need protection I’m thinking Milly’s your man,” Adrian said.

            “Francis isn’t stupid, Adrian, she knew you sent her to get ice cream to get her out of here. She just did it because she didn’t really want to know what I was going to do to you and she knew she wasn’t going to be able to get you to go to the hospital.”

            “She’ll be all right.”

            “Honey, I wouldn’t be all right. Milly going Rambo on your ass is bad enough but then she’s trying to fuck you.” Faye shook her head and Adrian wondered who had told her about that. Probably that big mouth Tammy. “If I was Francis I’d kick Milly’s ass… Well no I probably wouldn’t because Milly’s a bad ass,” she sighed. “Your lip has blown up like a fucking ballon, your eyes are already getting black, you look like Sylvester Stalone at the end of a Rocky movie.” Then she laughed and said in the best imitation she could muster. “Yo, Adrian, why’d you let that pole dancer kick your ass?”

            Adrian laughed then stopped when it hurt.

            Francis walked in then and flinched when she saw Adrian. No doubt because cleaned up she didn’t look much better than she had before. Faye slowly removed the sticks from Adrian’s nose and Adrian was glad it seemed to have quit bleeding.

            “She should have gone to the hospital,” Francis said, glaring at Adrian.  

            “Yep, but you can fight with her about it. Soft foods, Adrian. Clean it with mouth wash cut in half with water three times a day. I’ll take the stitches out in about five days.” Faye got up gathered up her stuff and left the bathroom.

            Adrian got to her feet and discovered that her ribs were tender. She lifted up her shirt and looked in the mirror and there was a big red spot that was probably going to turn into a bruise.

            “God damn her,” Francis swore.

            “Calm down, Franny,” Adrian said. “Help me get my tank off.”

            Francis did so, holding the bloody shirt away from Adrian’s face as she pulled it off, and then Francis was just looking at her face and she started to cry. “You look awful.” She leaned her forehead against Adrian’s shoulder, no doubt because it was the only spot she was sure wasn’t hurt.

            “It will heal, Franny.” Adrian patted her back. “You’ve got to let this go, Baby. What Milly’s going through, it might never heal. I don’t know what I’d do without you, and I don’t want to ever find out.”

Milly had laid down with her head in Tammy’s lap and Tammy had just patted her back and said nothing.

            Faye walked in with one of the dining chairs and put it back at the table. She looked at Tammy.

            “You’re one hell of a lot braver than I am,” Faye told her and sat on the coach next to her.

            “I’m all right now,” Milly said quietly. “Is Adrian all right?”

            “Yeah, she and Francis are going to bed. It’s late.”

            “Seriously, how bad is she hurt?”

            “Don’t worry about it Milly,” Faye said.

            “Oh God I wish they’d just knocked me the fuck out.”

            “I’m going to remind you of that the next time,” Tammy said with a laugh.

            There was a knock on the door and then Jan walked in. She knelt by the couch and took Milly’s hand then said something that didn’t match either her body language or her expression. “What the fuck were you thinking dumb ass?”

            “I don’t know, I don’t know,” Milly cried. Jan looked up at Faye then and Faye just wanted to hold her. She shook the thought out of her head.

            “Adrian all right?”

            “Mostly, go check on her if you want. She and Francis are just going to bed and for once I doubt seriously you have to worry about walking in on anything.” Faye said.

            “You’re going to be all right, Milly,” Jan said, and then followed it with, “If you ever do anything stupid like this again I’ll… get a big long stick and beat you because I’m sure not getting close enough for you to grab me.”

            Jan got up and went to check on Adrian.

            “You should just take her back,” Milly muttered, and Faye pretended not to know what she meant. She was sure Tammy heard her, too, because she stiffened.

Marcella walked through the house and into Adrian’s apartment. Milly was on the couch.  Marcella knelt on the floor by Milly’s head and watched her. Even in sleep she looked troubled. “You stupid little pain in the ass,” she yelled at her. Milly hardly stirred. “You won’t even let me rest in peace. Don’t you ever do anything stupid like that again.” She kissed her cheek and then walked into the guest room and there was Faye in bed with Tammy. Marcella shook her head. This was all wrong. She knelt on the floor by Tammy’s head. “Now here’s the deal, you’re a nice kid, if I were alive I’m sure we’d be great friends, but Faye is Jan’s woman, and it’s just never going to work out…”

When Adrian woke up in the morning with her lip on fire and her head pounding she knew what she had to do. She got on the phone and called Ryan. “Ryan can you take Jan’s place today?”

            “Sure.”

            “And can James take my place?”

            “You’ll have to call and ask him.”

            “Or you might just roll over and tell him,” Adrian said.

            Ryan laughed. “Yes I could do that, too.”

            When she’d finished getting Rhonda’s set for the day she called Jan.

            “Get up,” Adrian ordered.

            “I get to sleep thirty more minutes.”

            “No you don’t. We have to go on a quest.”

            “A quest?”

            “Yes. I figured out what we have to do for Milly.”

            “All right. I’ll see you in ten then.”

            Francis was still asleep so Adrian kissed her on the cheek then winced, got out of bed, got dressed, and went to the kitchen. She put the coffee on then poured some cold cereal in a bowl and added milk. She went and sat down at the dining table and wondered at the idea that hurting like a mother fucker she felt better than she had since Marcella died. Milly was still out cold, which was probably a good thing. She got up and unlocked the door before Jan got there so she wouldn’t knock and wake everyone up.

            When Jan got there she went and got herself some coffee and cereal and sat down with Adrian. Adrian was having all kinds of trouble eating the cereal and she remembered Faye had said something about soft foods so she gave up and just drank the milk off it. Even drinking her coffee hurt and Jan looked at her battered face shook her head and said, “So tell me about this quest.”

            “Shsh,” Adrian pointed at Milly.

            Tammy walked in then, stretching, and her eye looked horrible. Adrian had an idea. “Tammy you want to come with us?”

            “Where you going?” Tammy asked in a whisper and then she just walked over and fixed Milly’s covers which Adrian thought was a little odd, all things considered.

            “On a quest,” Jan said, getting this look in her eyes that Adrian knew meant she was thinking some crazy-assed thing.

            Tammy shrugged, “All right.” She went to the kitchen and came back with some cereal and coffee. “She’s still wearing my bloody shirt,” Tammy said, making a face.

            They ate breakfast in relative silence till Jan laughed and said, “You two look like shit.”

            “Fuck you very much Jan,” Adrian said.

            Milly stirred then. “Quiet,” Tammy said in a theatrical whisper. “You might wake it up and it may need to feed.” She looked at Jan. “You could end up looking like us.”

            “Come on, let’s go.” Adrian got up walked over and grabbed her sketch book off the coffee table. She flipped it to a clean page and put it by the coffee maker where she was sure Francis would see it.

            “What are we doing?” Tammy asked again as they walked out the door.

            “On a quest,” Adrian said. “I went to sleep thinking that I had no idea what I could do to help Milly and when I woke up I had the answer, weird really.”

“What’s it say?” Faye asked Francis.

            “It says,” Francis cleared her throat, “Jan and Tammy and I have gone on a quest. Love. Adrian.” Francis shrugged.

            “Oh that can’t be good,” Faye said.

            “Why not?” Francis said.

            “Adrian would get something in her head and then she’d grab Marcella and Jan and go on a quest to find it,” Milly said sitting up on the couch.

            “They return with hardware, or tree limbs or God alone knows what. It will take them all day and when they get home they’ll be super excited about whatever it is and it will just look like a bunch of crap. Of course we’ll be expected to act like they’ve struck gold, and if we fail to do so they will be crushedm” Faye said. “Practice with us Francis…”

            And then she and Milly said together, “Oh, yes that’s amazing! It’s wonderful! How ever did you find it?”

            Francis laughed and found that she really couldn’t be mad at Milly, which made no sense because she’d been ready to kill her last night.

            “I feel like hammered dog shit,” Milly said, running her hands down her face.

            “Yeah, well you deserve it. What a stupid bunch of shit,” Faye said.

            “How’s Adrian?” Milly asked.

            Francis shrugged. “I don’t know.” She held up the note. “She’s on a quest, so how bad could she be, right?”

Milly went back to her apartment. When she unbuttoned the shirt it was actually stuck to her body with Adrian’s blood and she cried when she thought about what she’d done to Adrian and Tammy. Then she got in the shower and turned the water on and had a good cry while the water washed her tears and the blood away.

            She owed Tammy a new shirt and she didn’t know how she was ever going to apologize enough to Adrian – or Francis for that matter.

            She dried off, combed her hair, and just looked at herself in the mirror. She didn’t even look the same. She saw Marcella’s favorite shirt hanging on the back of the bathroom door where it had been ever since she left. It had stopped smelling like her months ago. I should have had that buried with her. I should have…never let her go over there. I could always get her to cave to what I wanted except the one time it really counted, and now I’m alone and I was alone before but it didn’t feel like this because it never felt so fucking permanent. What the hell is wrong with me? My head is pounding from the fucking cocain. Why did I think that shit was going to help? I’m going to fucking tell Doug that Ulonda was the one that sold it to me. Bitch has been dealing to all the girls; it’s time she took a hike. That shit’s poisen. I beat the hell out of one of my dearest friends, blacked poor Tammy’s eye, and all they were doing was trying to help. What do I do? Then her eyes fell on Marcella’s shirt. I can’t do it. I can’t look at her things every day anymore. I left that there because it meant she was coming back and now she’s never coming back and I have to put it away. I have to put it all away.

            She called Faye and Faye showed up with Francis and boxes and they started to pack Marcella away. She knew she had to do it, but that didn’t make it easy.

            They had just finished carrying the last box into the basement and Milly was making them all some tea in her apartment – it was her apartment now. Not her’s and Marcella’s, it was hers. She’d lived here with Marcella, and Marcella was gone and pretending she was going to come back hadn’t helped at all. She had to move on, but some part of her was still refusing to let go. She guessed that was what this time thing everyone kept talking about was going to do.

            “How you feel?” Faye asked as Milly handed her a cup of tea.

            “Like it had to be done and I’m just glad it’s over. I’ll talk to Joanna and see if there’s any of it she wants, but not now.” She frowned. “There were things I kept because they had been Marcella’s but they became mine, and they’ll remind me of the time we spent together. In time it won’t hurt so much to just think about her, but I just don’t need it in my face all the time.”

            “Like a giant elephant on your wall?” Faye asked gently.

            Milly smiled. “No, he’s one of those things that was hers that has become mine. I love that fucking elephant now.”

            “You want to hear something funny?” Francis said, obviously trying to change the subject. They looked at her expectantly needing desperately to hear something funny. “Well you know how Adrian is sort of OC.” Faye and Milly both nodded. “Well I noticed that we just use tons of disinfectant spray but I just figured three women in an apartment right? Well the other day I happened to open the bathroom door and Adrian was flushing and this is what she does. She closes the lid and then she grabs the can of Lysol in one hand and flushes with the other and then she just sprays all around the rim until the toliet is completely quiet. I ask her what she’s doing and she tells me that millions of germs fly up out of the toilet every time you flush – like what she did was not only perfectly normal but that’s the way it should be done.”

            They all laughed.

            “So here’s the really funny part. Now I can’t stop thinking about the germs escaping and she’s got me doing the same damn thing. Like I’m a fucking ninja on the germs.”

            Milly was glad Francis didn’t seem to be holding a grudge. She liked Francis and more importantly Francis was good for Adrian. She hadn’t thought so at first but now it was obvious that they belonged together.

            It got quiet the way it did when you’d basically run out of things to talk about. “You know guys I think I learned my lesson last night. I promise I won’t do anything that stupid again. I’ll try to play it cool. I’ve been living alone for months. I can do it. I appreciate your help but you don’t have to baby sit me. Besides, any minute the great white hunters will come back with whatever they went looking for and you should be practicing being awestruck.”

            There was a knock on the door. “Who the fuck is that?” Milly got up and went to the door. It was unlocked and her friends would just walk in. She didn’t want to deal with anyone else. She opened the door and there were Jan, Tammy and Adrian – poor Adrian – she hoped it really did look worse than it was because it looked really bad – and they were just grinning like idiots.

            “So did you have a successful quest?” Faye asked at Milly’s shoulder.

            “Yep,” Adrian said. She looked at Tammy expectantly and Tammy reached inside her shirt and pulled out a puppy. “He’s a whiney little shit. Tammy had to keep him in her shirt to shut him up.”

            Milly took the puppy and held him against her chest and then she hugged Adrian’s neck. “Oh thank you, Adrian.” She released Adrian, came in, and sat down in a chair and just held the tiny bundle of fur close.

            “What is it?” Faye asked. Walking over to Milly she reached out and petted him.

            “It’s a dog, Faye,” Jan said.

            “I know that moron, what kind of dog?”

            “It’s a French bulldog,” Tammy said.

            “Tammy remembered that at the zoo you said you liked French bull dogs so we quested this entire city till we found him.”

            “I love him,” Milly said, “Thanks so much guys.”

            “But wait that’s not all,” Jan said. She walked into the hall and came back. “You also get this lovely plush dog bed and this book on training your puppy.”

            “And a fifty pound bag of puppy chow,” Tammy said, going back into the hall and carrying it in.

            “And,” Adrian pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket, “this written note from me saying that you have my permission to have the dog.”

            “You guys,” Milly cried and looked right at Adrian and Tammy, “and after I beat you up.”

            Adrian coughed and said. “Yes, well, that’s your part of the deal.” She looked at Tammy.

            “You’re never allowed to tell anyone that you beat us up again,” Tammy said.

            “Deal,” Milly said, laughing.

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