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I'm pretty independent
in some ways, and dependant in others. I struggle with issues
like work, friendships, feelings, health, money. I'm hypoglycemic,
so my emotional state and physical health are one and the
same. I have an incredibly supportive partner, who also struggles
with his own issues in life. And neither of us are perfect,
but we love each other, and we work together to grow and live
and experience life to its fullest. I also have the cutest
dog in the world: Bob.
I'm a student
counsellor, studying at CTI. I'm also a reiki level 2 reactionary.
At various times in my life I have been a manager, journalist,
mediator, teacher, pagan high priestess, born again youth
leader, actress, friendly counter face and visual artist.
What I am always,
(even when I'm not is school) is a perpetual student. I crave
knowledge and love to learn. I'm usually in the middle of
reading at least 5 books at once, have many different projects
and ideas on the go, and tend to absorb myself completely
in whatever I am doing at the moment. If you were sitting
in class with me however, I'd be the student at the back of
the room who rarely ever spoke but handed in great work. I'm
not "exactly" shy. I love public speaking, but based
on my own past experiences with groups I tend to shut up and
listen.. but I'll talk about that a little more on another
page.
I love the arts,
because they allow me both an expression for how I see the
world, and free my imagination. I'm a huge advocate of eliminating
the word "impossible" from our language. I have
experienced "miracles" in my life because I did
not believe it was impossible to create what I needed at that
time. I think that the more creative I can be, the more solutions
and possibilities I can create. And when stuck, creativity
can help me build a ladder, a trapdoor or a skylight.
I'm not a web
designer. I'm a writer and teacher to my bones. So when you
are reading and find that there's a lot of text: that is what
I do :) Just under two years ago I arrived in vancouver after
leaving a very difficult relationship. I was writing a small
newsletter about the tarot, and wanted to be add more visuals
to my words.. so learned how to code my own pages, use photoshop
and illustrator . Now I can proudly say that I know how to
design for the web, and yes, it is something I would love
to do for a living.
I truly believe
that each of us can transcend our experiences and that every
single person is a brilliant light. But that we hide or get
trapped under layers of baggage. We are all gifted and have
something unique and of priceless value, and it belongs only
to us. My own calling, if you want to call it that, is to
help others unwrap those layers, and become lighter, freer
beings. I have experienced the power of love and it is perfectly
divine. But I know that when I'm stuck in my box, everyone
outside of that can appear really scary, and there are people
who do terrible things to others. I get angry when I think
about it, but I still think about it, and have the urge to
"do something" about it. Something permanent.
I study metaphysics
and the aura extensively. I've always been a very "spiritual"
person.. this is not to say I sit around all day meditating,
eat tofu and speak only in abstracts (although there's nothing
wrong with that if it works for you). I feel connected to
the universe when I'm passionate about life, and when I'm
not afraid. I want to know "how things work" and
"why" "why" "why". I believe
intensely in the idea that our feelings affect our physical
bodies, and vice versa. This is one of the reasons I am studying
to be a counsellor- because I have seen what happens when
emotions are released and watched the mind heal the body.
One of my long
term goals is to create a community. Originally I planned
to start with an arts and tech cafe which catered to Xers
(when I was politically minded), and then it became an enlightenment
center (for the guru in everyone). Since I'm still changing,
I'm open to the idea that it will change again... but I don't
think of that as a loss, I see my goal becoming clearer to
me as I become clearer to myself.
I've made some
very difficult (and foolish!) choices in my life, and I've
lived many negative patterns. I have lived in some very dark
places, and I've been hurt in my life by people that I've
been very close to, that I've looked up to, that I've turned
to for spiritual guidance, and love. I have experienced all
of the different forms of abuse I write about in these pages.
I've also struggled with clinical depression, self-abuse,
bulimia and anorexia. Any poetry that you read on the website,
is my own, and was written while struggling with issues of
my own.
I've also experienced
incredible wonder and beauty in my life. I've reached up to
the sky and been handed stars. I've known some of the most
incredible people on the planet (of course I don't believe
there's a shortage- and I can't wait to add you to my list
:).
So when you
read my website, please keep in mind that I believe there
is a spirit. I believe that each of us are here right now
for a reason- and that we chose that reason before we arrived.
I know that there is more to life than what we can see and
touch. I believe that the physical is only the final manifestation
of what exists. I believe thought creates reality. However,
I don't in any way believe that someone who has been abused
should feel guilty or like at fault for what has happened
to them. When I see someone sitting on a street corner begging
for change I never judge them as being less than me. Just
as I don't believe that having a lot of money makes you any
more special. It just means you've been able to program yourself
to have that money- and I'm still working with a self-limiting
belief in that regard.
I think that
freedom of choice is one of the greatest things we possess.
And I try very very hard (even though there are a lot of times
I just want to make it easy for someone to change, or to offer
my own answer) to give everyone the right to make their own
choices, so that they can learn from the decisions they make.
I have been impressed by the assistance I'm receiving with
this... the help I'm getting to support and empathize and
provide love without taking anything away from the person
who comes to see me. And that includes the right to think
things out for yourself, come to your own understanding of
what you believe, and choose your own path instead of trying
to follow one I've created for you.
So when you
wonder about me and who I am, I'm a person who has my own
struggles in live, my own lessons to learn, a lot to offer
to others, and I accept each of you as being a reflection
of me. We're all connected, and so each step that you take
towards healing, each painful experience you let go of, and
every damaging thing you choose for yourself, I also experience
in some form. But hey, that's my belief and self, and if you
disagree... that's fine by me. I appreciate you taking the
time to know yourself that much better.
Love and healing
in all ways,
Amanda
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