Welcome to the second edition of "In the Spotlight".
Due to an overwhelming lack of complaints (and lower than average numbers of threats of violence from fans and workmates alike), I'm back again this week with another hard-hitting interview. So get comfy and strap yourselves in as your favourite "man in the stands", Preston Prince, takes you on another voyage of Hulkamaniacs discovery…
Ring, ring….. ring, ring…
Monkey: "Ooooh, ooooh oooooh, ahhh, ahhhhh"...
PP: Gimme that phone you little... Welcome to the Public Relations
Department of the Hulkamaniacs Basketball Club, a franchise of Ryan Sports
Entertainment Incorporated, Preston Prince speaking, how may I help you?
RK: Hi Mr Prince, it's Ross from AAPT speaking...
PP: Fantastic, you've saved me a call Ross, all ready to go?
RK: I'm sorry, what are you talking ab...?
PP: Great stuff, let's just get straight into it then. When you were
a kid, what did you always want to be when you grew up?
RK: Not me. I had no aspirations and was constantly chastised and berated
because of it.
PP: Have you ever considered suing for pain and suffering, cause I
know a guy who might be able to help?
RK: No, think I'm over it thanks.
PP: OK, who introduced you to the game of basketball then?
RK: A couple of classmates of mine when I was attending grade 6 in Primary
School at Ararat West. Interestingly one of them went on to play for the Ballarat
Miners - Daniel Sutton.
PP: Oh yeah, old Danny Sutton eh? How's he going then?
RK: You've got no idea who he is have you?
PP: ah... nup.
PP: Here's one for your legions of adoring female fans - boxers, briefs
or other?
RK: Generally boxers - have tried all kinds for various reasons... more
detail on request.
PP: Easy big fella, this isn't for a sealed-section. That's Ross K
ladies, C/O Hulkamaniacs Front Office.
PP: Working for a phone company, you must be right up with technology.
Do you have a mobile phone, and if so what is your current ringtone?
RK: Yes - Sony Ericsson K700i and my current ringtone is an MP3 "Smack
My Bitch up" by the Prodigy.
PP: Sweet, is that the one with the frog on the motorbike?
RK: Not exactly.
PP: The absence of Jay from the team since the first half of last season
has been a bit of an ongoing mystery, but more importantly (and conveniently),
has allowed you to cement your position firmly in the team. Can you confirm
(or deny) allegations that you have in fact been controlling Jay with a voodoo
doll to keep him off the court?
RK: Voodoo Schmoodoo. I have been injecting him with LSD and he thinks
he is actually playing when in reality he is locked up in my cellar... Umm...
I mean I am really lucky that Jay hasn't been playing...
PP: Can you also confirm that you tried to keep Adam away from the
referees during the finals, but couldn't find a voodoo doll strong enough?
RK: Tried and failed. The Jedi mind tricks didn't work either. Oh and
there is no correlation between his recent absence and Jay's disappearance
either
PP: Do you feel more inclined to brush your tongue now that new toothbrushes
have those ridged, fluoro-plastic bits on the back of them?
RK: I'd give it a go, not a big fan of the whole bad breath thing.
PP: I see what your doing there. Clever angle too. I can see you in
the next Colgate campaign - "smiling assassin now has fresh breath". That's
Ross K, C/O Hulkamaniacs Front Office for all you dental advertisers out there…
PP: Now everyone has a favourite basketball player, but who is your
least favourite player all-time; the guy you love to hate?
RK: Setting my massive respect aside that I have for anyone who makes
it to the NBA/NBL etc. I would have to say Scott Fisher who played for the
North Melbourne Giants back in the day. He had an ego that barely fit on this
planet. One time the Giants won a game at Adelaide and he went off the court
and then came back out on the court by himself, ran into the centre, slid
in on his knees and shouted "Yes!" while gesticulating his fists in defiance
of the Adelaide crowd. Not cool. Other than him. Andrew Gaze.
PP: Word brother. I find myself disliking people with talent all the
time. It's always hard to take someone with grey hair playing professional
sport too.
PP: Give us your best "knock-knock" (or other suitably lame) joke:
RK: A piece of bacon and a sausage are frying in a frying pan. The sausage
says the piece of bacon "Wow, it's hot in here!" and the piece of bacon says
"Wow, a talking sausage!"
PP: Well done, I'm pretty sure that qualified.
PP: What's your favourite musical band or artist (current and all-time)?
RK: Ahhh, I'm a musician of sorts so this is difficult to summarise...
I probably would say most influencial would be Nirvana, Soundgarden, Prodigy,
Aphex Twin, Chemical Bros.
PP: Hardcore! Guessing you haven't been sending too many text votes
to Australian Idol with that phone of yours then...
PP: A bus leaves the Bendigo station at 10:30AM and travels 140Km to
Melbourne into a head wind at an average speed of 80Km an hour. Given this
information, would the amount of time taken for the bus to travel to Melbourne
still be quicker than the amount of time required to fuel your car using one
of those piddly little hoses at the Safeway petrol station?
RK: Yes, and it would be Ange (fiancé) who would be pissed off by this
as I don't drive and furthermore getting even more pissed off searching for
one of those discount dockets that are always out of date by a day or two.
PP: And I thought that only ever happened to me!
PP: If you were going to perform in the adult movie industry, what
would your stage name be (generally derived from the name of your first pet
and your mother's maiden name)?
RK: Twinkie Florence. Best of these I ever heard was derived from the
first pet and first street you lived in method, and the name ended up "Sodapop
High." I can just imagine her being a friend of Rollergirl's in Boogie Nights.
PP: Now there's something worth imagining...
RK: Ahem
PP: Sorry, back with you now. For the record, I'd be "Champ Evans".
PP: I guess we better get back to basketball. Do you get the chance
to train very often? If so, where do you train?
RK: At the moment, not one iota. When I get my yearly bonus this year
I am buying the best huffy rollout backboard setup for my house that money
can buy so stay tuned all and come around for some shots.
PP: Just par for the Hulkamaniacs course then. Make sure you don't
forget my invite. You'd be surprised how often people do.
RK: I doubt it.
PP: Finally, can you leave us with your favourite inspirational quote/motto?
RK: Here's 2. "Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most"
- Ozzy Osbourne. And... "There is no I in team, but there is in Win"
- Anonymous.
PP: Ross, thanks for your time.
RK: My pleasure. Now I was actually ringing to discuss your outstanding
account.
PP: ... ...
RK: Mr Prince our records indicate you have had two reminder notices yet
we have not received your payment?
PP: "Oooooh, oooooh, oooooh, aaaaah, aaaaah, aaaaah"...
RK: Mr Prince, we've been talking for the last 10 minutes. I know you
aren't a monkey.
PP: ... ... Click.
That's it for another week folks.
Don't forget to read the previous edition of In the Spotlight with Beau.
Be sure to stay tuned because you never know who'll be next "In the Spotlight" with Preston Prince.