Welcome to "In the Spotlight" - the first of what we hope to be a series of space-filling exercises on the Hulkamaniacs website.
After turning down our initial request to "go and get us coffee", our intrepid cadet reporter Preston Prince has been given the task of finding out a little more about the names and faces that make up the Hulkamaniac franchise.
First on the list (or possibly the first guy he bumped into in the hall) was Beau, Hulkamaniacs player and all-round nice guy.
Let's see how well Beau handled the heat as Preston took up the dictaphone* and asked the big questions on everyone's lips. *Please note: due to the unreliability of the third-hand dictaphone purchased by Preston at the Long Gully Presbyterian Ladies Fete, some aspects of this transcript may have been edited.
PP: Let's start off nice and easy Beau… if that is your real name…
BM: Huh?
PP: Sorry, I've always wanted to say that. Ahem, what is your highest
ever individual score in a game?
BM: 36 points last season Vs the Hornets.
PP: No one likes a bragger. Just remember that.
PP: Did you have a favourite childhood TV show?
BM: The Simpsons…..who am I kidding that's my favourite adulthood show
as well.
PP: Rumour has it you have a bit of a thing, a fetish if you will,
for shoes. Just how many pairs of basketball shoes do you own, and is Casey
jealous?
BM: 18….sad huh….Casey's not jealous cause there not high heels…..thats
a whole other collection I will go into later.
PP: Well I'm pretty busy, but we'll see how we go…
PP: Most of the fans know you as the brawn and burley Beau - "wild
man of basketball" - but what does the off-court Beau do to relax?
BM: Plays some Basketball (socially, comp can be too stressful), PS2 and
watch NBA on ESPN…..when they show it that is….stupid ESPN.
PP: Beau represents himself solely in the above statement (and I think
he was drunk). The Hulkamaniacs franchise would be proud to be associated
with ESPN and all the potential sponsorship bling, bling they currently withhold
from us.
PP: Moving right along, who would you least like to be stuck in an
elevator with and why?
BM: Murray…he he, kidding…..umm probably Osama, cause you know its not
going to end well.
PP: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Note to self: do that Murray guy
last, sounds like he's gonna suck.
PP: What is your most memorable basketballing moment (good or bad)?
BM: Hitting 6 3-pointers against the Magic Men ranks up there. Losing
in the Grand Final twice in my career is also something I wont forget easily.
PP: Were you ever guilty of wearing "happy pants"?
BM: My god where did you get these questions? Umm yes, c'mon I was an
80's kid, it was cool…
PP: Come on, cry me a river, that's what they all say. I just hope
you've learned your lesson.
PP: This should be pretty straight forward, given your previous answer.
Give us your favourite Simpson's quote (and character please):
BM: Aaaahhh so many…..one off the top of the head (cause it was on the
other night): "Being with Marge is great, its like being married to my best
friend and he lets me feel his boobs." - Homer Simpson
PP: That's gold my friend. Speaking of gold, what was the first music
album you ever purchased (vinyl, cassette, or CD)?
BM: The first CD I ever got was Vanilla Ice - Extremely live….did I just
admit that?
PP: I'm afraid so.
PP: Back to the court now. What is the highest number of consecutive
free throws you have ever made (training or playing)?
BM: Absolutely no idea but after last night's game I would say…1?
PP: Now to a more contentious issue amongst fans and the media alike.
What are your thoughts on the News Monkey; misunderstood genius of social
commentary, or resentful and bitter slave?
BM: I would have to go with misunderstood genius of social commentary,
cause he makes me laugh…he he he
PP: Is it true that you wring the sweat out of your headband into a
jar following each game and sell it on eBay as "Eau de Beau"?
BM: Untrue…..I simply sell the complete headband. Wear it and smell like
me…mmm spicy…
PP: Not exactly the Lynx Effect, but I'm sure the punters love it.
PP: What household chore do you dislike the most?
BM: What household chore do I like at all?....they all suck
PP: Now I'm not as generous as your average nambi-pambi, bleeding heart,
run of the mill genie, so if you had just one wish, what would you wish for?
BM: Ummm about 8 inches……of height…yeah I saw your mind, in the gutter
you were…
PP: Sicko! There's no way I'm asking you what your favourite position
is then. By the way, everyone knows you should wish for a never-ending supply
of wishes. Duh.
BM: Whatever. Can I go now?
PP: Please do. I ran out of material about 8 questions ago.
There it is folks. You read it here first, from the mouth of the man himself, Beau "unplugged".
Be sure to stay tuned because you never know who'll be next "In the Spotlight" with Preston Prince.