All women have odour....if you know what I mean girls, so this month, I've been asked to try out feminine hygiene products. From shagging to smear tests, pissing to periods, it's not surprising things can get a bit gammy in the downstairs department. But with the wide range of products available today, help is at hand for even the most kebab smelling of snatches. And, I must say, my boyfriend was over the moon that we got to keep the products afterwards. Makes mouthwash a thing of the past in our house!

This month, Mel gets to grips with femenine hygiene products

Tampons
First up on the agenda are tampons. Designed for comfort and cleanliness during rag week, this particular brand has a rounded-tip applicator for easier insertion. Not that it makes the process any more appealing at 3am, squatting down in the bathroom, shoving something up your bits while haemoragghing down your thighs, with your best pants soaking in a bowl of cold water. On the plus side, they do come in a range of different absorbencies. Unfortunately, not big enough to plug up my bits, I'm afraid. Overrated.
RATING **

Towels
If you like walking around for 12 weeks of the year with a brick between your legs, than these are for you. Not sure about the wings though; two adhesive things which stick to your pants and your pubes, bringing tears to your eyes when removing. This particular brand has a quilted, dri-weave topsheet, which gives added protection. Don't be fooled, girls - this doesn't mean your best French panties will walk away unscathed.
RATING ***

Vaginal deodorant
Ouch! Bugger, wish I'd read the instructions properly before testing out this particular product. Apparently, you're not supposed to spray it directly up. Honestly, it looks like a road crash down there now. Smells nice, though.
RATING **

Menstrual cup
Supposedly beneficial to the environment, the menstrual cup is an alternative to your bog standard towels and tampons. Made of natural gum rubber, the cap is worn internally during blob week, collecting all the gunk. Every six to 12 hours, it is removed, emptied, cleaned and reinserted. Bit of a farce, really. I mean, if you're anything like me, if you can't see something you tend to forget about it. Three months later, I found it. Just in time, as the money-back guarantee had nearly expired.
RATING ***

Disposable douche
Ooh, I like this one. Kept me going for hours. After the douche is gently inserted into the vagina, the solution is squeezed so all lovely-smelling fluid shoots its way up. Took it's time with me though, I can tell you. This is especially good for birds who don't get shagged much; the douching solution should flow freely out of the vagina after use. Feel like a woman*.
RATING ****
*Lyrics courtesy of Shania Twain.


NEXT MONTH MEL TESTS OUT FINE WINES