Life: The Re-evaluation
It's inevitable. You will look back at however long you spent in the relationship and wonder, damn, how did I ever let things get this messed up?!
At the other side of that soul searching, here is what I've found:
1. You will reorganize your priorities.
Mine went from:
Boyfriend
Friends
Family
Me
to:
Me
Family
Friends & Boyfriend
I've learned that there are certain times for friends, and certain times for your boyfriend to take precedence.
Yes, I can say that that's how the priority goes because lo and behold, here I am in a relationship again...and I'm loving every minute of it! I look back and wonder why the hell I was settling for my ex...and why I was letting my ex get to me even after it was over!
Don't make my mistake!
2. You must make sure that you establish YOURSELF, as an INDIVIDUAL.
Yet another mistake I made was not establishing an individual identity for myself. It was always US, and not ME. Bad, very bad. I've ended up transferring from my college to get away from that ghost and start again as ME. And believe me, I've heard the arguments for not transferring -- you can show him how strong you are, you have friends up here. Yes, but I also have the ghost of the clingy, needy girl that I was with my ex. No way. Don't set yourself up for this situation!
3. Your friends are your friends, but they will NOT always be there for you.
First off, you've probably managed to alienate them while you were in a relationship. If you are lucky enough that they stuck around, you can't depend on them completely to be there to catch you, to hold you while you falter. That responsibility falls ultimately to you. But help yourself out a little. Did you spend as much time as you should have with your friends? And if not, be grateful for every moment they're now willing to spend with you. And if they don't spend time with you, don't judge them too harshly. Just use it as a gauge to how much you can count on them, not as a measure of whether they care about you at all.
4. "Life sucks no matter where you go, so don't be fooled by a change of scenery." Or something like that...
I have yet to find that bowl of cherries or bed of roses. I think they're lying about that. Don't get me wrong - my life is looking pretty damned sweet. But that doesn't mean that there won't be ups and downs, just like there always were. The trick is not letting the break-up amplify the trials and tribulations of normal life. I know, easier said than done, but give it a shot.
5. It may not be possible to be friends with your ex. Especially if s/he doesn't talk to you.
Seems obvious, right? So why not do all those involved a favor and don't say that you still want to be friends if you're not willing to work at it a little. I honestly wouldn't mind being friends with my ex now that I've dealt with everything. But it usually helps if he holds up his end.
6. You are a lot more than s/he saw.
You will find out more about yourself after the relationship ends than you probably did when you were in it. One of my new friends told me that breakups are the best thing that could happen to you. I have to admit I didn't quite know what he meant, but I do now, and he's right. You find out what you're actually capable of, and more often than not, it's a lot more than your ex saw, and probably more than even you expected.