An Open Letter to the Man who
Hurt Me
It's so hard to see you. At least for me. Is it for you? Does it hurt you a little, to see how I've changed? How I'm starting to grow without you?
You sent me crashing down to earth, forcing me back to reality. We were so wonderful. But I wasn't enough.
Or maybe we weren't enough. Maybe you have done all you can for me, too. Maybe this is the second best thing you've ever done for me.
But that kind of serenity is far off. I won't feel that completely. Because I stumble across a card, a note, a letter...Something that meant a lot to us. But now it means less than nothing to you.
"Nahhh...it's allright." Do you realize how those words burn? How they twist my heart and stomach into knots?
Do I want you back? The answer to that question gets hazier from day to day. Today? It's a conditional no. The man who hurt me, the one who said "nahhhh...it's allright", and that there was a moment where it felt right to be with someone other than me...That man can stay as far away from me as possible.
But the sweetheart who I gave my all to, who loved me, and wasn't afraid to show how much that concert meant...if he's around, tell him I'm waiting and loving him still.
So why write something so revealing and post it for the world to see? Because maybe someone out there is feeling the way I do and can't articulate it. If I can help someone else reach their emotions like I am with my words, that's motivation enough.
It's hard for people to speak or write or communicate their feelings. Maybe you're feeling something like this and don't know what to say. Let me say it for you. Let my words and knowledge that you are not alone help you.
It's all so confusing. I don't know the protocol for all this. But I do know that no one is here to guide me through it. Maybe if I'm really lucky, someone will read this and find comfort.
August 16 - Further note: I wrote the above letter in a very different stage in my recovery. That's what this is all about -- recovery. Moving on. Reading this over now, I'm not still loving my ex. I love the memory of us. I love what we were to each other. I think that's the most valuable thing -- don't regret the relationship.You loved the other person once. Don't deny that. If you do regret it, either there was something very wrong and it's better that it's over, or you're still extremely hurt by the end, and need more time to heal.
Need someone to talk to? Talk to me!