CHARACTERS:

BERNICE/POCAHONTAS CENTER:	Male, any age.
JANE/POCAHONTAS RIGHT:	Male, any age.
WOMAN/POCAHONTAS LEFT:	Female, any age.

SETTING:

PART 1:	The theater the play is performed in.
PART 2:	A museum in a very cosmopolitan city.
PART 3:	A theater in the same city.
PART 4:	To be determined.

stupidity is evolving
normally

--Rozewicz

THE IMPOTENT GENERAL was performed as part of Brick Theater’s $ellout Festival in June, 2006.

Director:	Meredith McDonough
Actors:	Chad Goodridge, Drew Hildebrand, Meredith Holzman
Sound:	Emily Wright
Lights:	James Bedell

This play is for Lydia and Joshua.

Extraordinary liberty was taken in quoting and misquoting Tadeuz Rozewicz, Clement Greenberg, Cervantes, Li Po, Agnes Martin and Henry Nash Smith.

CONTINUED FROM LAST ISSUE

THE IMPOTENT GENERAL
PART 3

Bernice seated in a theater with Jane.

Bernice and Jane are male, very working class.
They should have Irish and/or Eastern European accents (or any accent that works best).

They are unshaven, dirty; as if they have come right off of a construction site.

BERNICE
Fucking Sid is such a fucking pain in my asshole. Calling me a sellout because I got a new pair of teeth. What the fuck does he know? eh? You want to look good you have to make the effort. It takes time and money is what I always say.

JANE
I hear you Bernice. I get the same shit from Michael-I buy a new outfit and I'm a sell-out. Nobody understands us.

BERNICE
Exactly.

JANE
What a thing to call your own wife-a sell-out. Men have no sense of what it takes for a woman to survive in this world.

BERNICE
Go tell Sid that.

JANE
Maybe you should separate?

BERNICE
Ach, what good would that do? All men are the same.

JANE
True true.

BERNICE
Did you see that Pinter play?

JANE
Of course.

BERNICE
I gotta go see it. Fucking Pinter man. The guys on the docks man, that's all they talk about.

JANE
But now everybody keeps calling me. What do you think this means? What do you think that means? And y'know, the thing about Pinter is that he's so...ambiguous. Shit-it could mean anything.

BERNICE
Taxes are killing me-in three years I’ll be in the damned poor house.

JANE
Patrick calls me and he says, So at the end of the play, bla, bla, bla, what happens? And I say I really don't know myself, but then later it dawns on me that it's a symbolic choice at the end. And that is what happens in all Pinter plays-it's a symbolic ending.

BERNICE
You know Patrick, if it's not "Commercial" enough he doesn't like it-if it's not on Broadway with singing and dancing and puppies then he thinks it’s not real theater.

JANE
Exactly. Here at least in this little theater you get to see plays that are--they have something to say. They are the real thing.

BERNICE
Of course--they have a message.

JANE
And they make you think.

BERNICE
Of course. How can you say you like theater and only go to Broadway shows? That's not Art, that's just..a show...it's just entertainment.

JANE
It's entertainment, exactly.

BERNICE
It's entertainment. Here we have what, like, 50 seats, we have a show about..what does it say here..Oh-here it says..bla, bla, kidnapping, politics, murder, bla, bla, and South America-so okay, already it's a serious play.

JANE
These theaters don't make a dime but God bless them they don’t sell out for a quick buck.

BERNICE
A dying art form the fucking theater is.

Pause.

JANE
In these two films I saw, they-the criminals-both had Swiss bank accounts and both had dogs.

BERNICE
Both criminals? In both films? Different films?

JANE
Yeah-both films. Both different. Swiss bank accounts and dogs.

BERNICE
Were they pit bulls?

JANE
No, no, no, no. German shepherds.

BERNICE
I like pit bulls-I'm not afraid of them. They like babies.

JANE
AND, in BOTH films, they had TWO tender moments with their babies.

BERNICE
So both criminals in both films had German shepherds and tender moments with their babies?

JANE
Yes, yes.

BERNICE
Amazing.

JANE
Yes. It shows you everything is the same. They know..

BERNICE
They?

JANE
Hollywood.

BERNICE
Ah yes, of course.

JANE
Like they can read our fucking minds.

BERNICE
They do studies up the wazoo.

JANE
So they know what sells so they stick to the same formula.

BERNICE
Well of course it's a business.

JANE
Didn’t used to be.

BERNICE
No of course not.

JANE
Used to have integrity.

BERNICE
Well, it's a dying art form.

JANE
Every film's formula.

BERNICE
Of course.

JANE
The bad guy has to have his Swiss bank account, his Pit Bull, and he must like babies.

JANE
German shepherd

BERNICE
I’ve probably seen it so much I don’t even notice it anymore.

JANE
I do. Makes me sick.

BERNICE
You know maybe it’s because I'm an old fart but, well, with the people with their baby carriages, there is this sense of entitlement, and these carriages are huge, and so I’m walking in the street with my dog and these people, I mean I can't move so fast anymore, they just barrel through like they own the block. Y'know I think it's because all these celebrities are having children and it's fashionable, but really the sense of privilege these people have..it's like those people with backpacks on the train they turn around and you get smacked all the time.

JANE
I used to have these fantasies, that I’d be in prison.

BERNICE
Oh no.

JANE
Oh yes. And that I'd have the TV on all the time and that's all I'd do is watch TV all day.

BERNICE
Y’know there's this German film called The Promise..

JANE
There’s a Russian play called The Promise.

BERNICE
Very nice. So in the beginning they escape into a sewer-I could never do that I'm claustrophobic.

JANE
So when is this play going to start?

BERNICE
It's five after they usually wait until 7 after.

Silence.

JANE
I hope people stop calling me about the ending of the damned cocksucking Pinter play.

BERNICE
He’s a difficult playwright.

JANE
Well..that's not my fucking problem is it! If I can figure him out then they can.

BERNICE
I realize-he's a real artist. But sometimes people need a little help and they know you see a lot of theater so they ask. And..Oh for cripes's sakes. Can you believe? Happens to me every time..Someone sits right in front who I can't see over..this always happens.

JANE
Let's move.

BERNICE
I don't see any open seats. I'll ask him to crouch.
Mister...oh my.

JANE
What?

BERNICE
Oy gevalt.

JANE
What? What?

BERNICE
It's a goat with a tire around it's belly.

JANE
Yeah so?

BERNICE
What in heaven's name is it doing at the theater?!

JANE
It's the latest fashion. It's all the rage.

BERNICE
I can't believe this. Where's the usher? Usher!

JANE
Bernice! Chill man. It’s the fashion.

BERNICE
How can they let this happen? What is this world coming to? Is no art sacred?

JANE
You can bet your ass Rauschenberg sold his ideas to Calvin Klein or one of the fancy-shmansy designer people for a brick-load of cash.

BERNICE
That is disgusting. Is everything for sale?! I'm leaving!

JANE
Bernice, Bernice! Everyone needs to make a buck. Bernice!
Where are you going? You'll miss the play with the torture and the kidnapping. Now just stay here, ignore the stupid goat with the tire, and we’ll see some real Art. Not everything is for sale Bernice!

Silence. Bernice settles down.

BERNICE
Art can get away with anything because there is nothing to tell us what it cannot get away with--and there is nothing to tell us what it cannot get away with because art has, and does, get away with anything.

Lights dim. Judy Garland's version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" plays. Jane and Bernice listen until the song ends and the lights fade to black.

CONTINUED IN NEXT ISSUE

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