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 LMB--"5 Years Later" (Page 2)
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armsfalloffboy Member |
posted April 11, 2000 03:02 PM
 
As the sadness welled up within him, a grave on the funeral asteriod of Shangri-La stirred....suddenly Doorstop Dan realized that the LMB could never die, and the power truly was still his...suddenly the grave exploded, and four resurrected limbs raced at light speed towards Earth. Fade to black, and a splash page: THE LEGION OF MESSAGE BOARD POSTERS Doorstop Dan is forgotten, as Armsfalloff Boy stands fully limbed before the filthy mess that once was Newcru King. AFO Boy grabs Newcru and as he drags him to the showers, they run into Lash, Lard, and Shady. "Oh," says AFO Boy. "Did you guys see the splash page?" "Yes," LardLad says. "We're back, Lash, the Legion's really back." "I AIN'T taking no shower and I AIN'T wearin' no damn uniform" squeaked Newcru King. "Anyhoo, I guess we oughta find Beagle and get some grub," Shady sensibly says. "Oh, didn't you hear about Beagle Boy? He..." ------------------ "Yes, Bouncing Boy! You've proved you're the mightiest of us all!" IP: Logged |
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bellbookcandle Member |
posted April 11, 2000 05:24 PM
"opened a chain of restaurants and made a fortune, then lost it all. He ran a competition and the top prize was "everything you can eat" at his restaurants. Unfortunately Stateley Wayne Manor Eater Kid won, and ate everything in the restaurants, and then the buildings too." LardLad said: "That's right. I heard he was sleeping on Goon Boy's sofa." He activated the Lardforce and they were transported to Goon Boy's home. They greeted and hugged him, and asked where Beagle Boy was...several times. "I forgot his power was memory loss," said Lumborg Fox. "Goon Boy, will you join us.... IP: Logged |
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SharkLad Member |
posted April 11, 2000 08:14 PM
... in the shower? We have to wash Newcru." The newly reformed LMB dropped their clothes, broke out the loofa sponges, and crammed into Goon Boy's tiny shower. As the water washed over SharkLad, his animalistic nature began to return. "EAT MUST EAT!" he exclaimed. "No, Shark, it's SWEET ASS ..." Lumborg Fox started to, but it was too later. "Gross," LardLad exclaimed, "SharkLad ate his ..." IP: Logged |
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LARDLAD Member |
posted April 11, 2000 11:58 PM
...soap! Eeeeewwwww, gross Sharklad!" Bubbles were coming from Sharklad's mouth from the bubbles. They made him look as if he were foaming at the mouth. The image stirred something deep within Lumborg Fox's memory circuits. He looked in the mirror and saw his own face as it had been several years ago: savage, mindless, and rabid with foam coming out of his mouth. Then his mremories showed Sharklad racing toward him with jaws wide open, and then...Lumborg Fox passed out. When he awoke, everyone was dressed and ready to pick up the next former member. Lumborg thought he had remembered something important, but the memory had faded. Newcru King said, "It's ALL coming back to me! The cleanliness...the joy!" "Yeah, get over it, Newcru. Foxy is awake, so it's time to retrieve another member. Everyone prepare to 'port!" Accessing the Lardforce, the entire group dissappeared! They were surprised to appear on a world of fire. In the distance they could see... IP: Logged |
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GoonBoy Member |
posted April 12, 2000 04:05 AM
...Ultra Jo. "Hi Jo." said Bell Boy. "The LMB has been reformed but you know we can't make it without you." "Yeah, we need you to provide constantly updated lists of who our members are and how active they've been." agreed Lash Lad. A huge smile spread across Jo's face as he started to run towards a pile of junk. He dug out a pen and some paper and said... IP: Logged |
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HardshellTheTurtleBoy Member |
posted April 12, 2000 12:58 PM
"Who wants my autograph?" Getting no takers, Ultra Jo uses the paper to line a box for Lumborg Fox, and then joins the other former members on their journey through space. Already his mind was busy composing the next update list, and mentally undressing Shellie the Turtle Girl. He was bumped back to reality when.... IP: Logged |
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Cobalt Kid Member |
posted April 13, 2000 11:33 AM
A hooded figure appeared in front of them all! The hooded figure spoke in a monotone voice, saying "The Time Mouse Trapper comes for you...beware..." As the LMB members pondered this turn of events, they were suprised to see that... IP: Logged |
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kbern Member |
posted April 13, 2000 12:11 PM
the Time Mouse Trapper had a piece of toilet paper stuck to the bottom of his robe. "EEWWWWWWW" Shady and Turtle girl shreeked The rest of the group bust into laughter. Their moment of levity is ****tered when a large cloud of golden smoke fills the room."poof". As the golden sparks fall a figure steps out of the cloud. "What a dump! Soap bubbles,mouse droppings, and what is that smell? " Kbern King states. "Planet LIZA was getting boring so I thought I would stop by.Shady, you look fine lady.What is your secret?.Turtle Girl,I want Gary's purse back. Lash, Did that rash clear up? " "Hello Kbern, I have your bar tab with me.Didn't you get the collection notices?" Shady askes with a slight venom in her voice. " Uh, I didn't get the bill, So anyway what is that smell?"Kbern asks Everyone looks with a knowing glance at.......... IP: Logged |
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SharkLad Member |
posted April 13, 2000 05:45 PM
... LardLad. No one had wanted to admit it 'til now but LardLad had begun to smell, worse than Newcru, when he first arrived back on the LMB scene. "What's the deal, Lard?" Lash asked gingerly. "Yeah, you stink!" offered Turtle Boy/Girl, holding his/her nose. Quietly, Lard looked from one LMB member to another, and a chubby tear formed in his right eye. "I need to tell you all the truth about why I left the LMB," Lard started. "The 'Mundane Wars' were pretty, uh, well, mundane, but it was more than that. I have a terrible secret that has been haunting me for the past 5 years. One day shortly before I left, I had to go to the bathroom really bad. I rushed into the bathroom without looking and I accidentally sat on one of our reserve members, who was visiting for the day. That reserve member became lodged inside me, and their rotting corpse is still there to this day. And that reserve member was ..." IP: Logged |
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LARDLAD Member |
posted April 13, 2000 05:55 PM
...Clark Marlowe." "So THAT's what happened to him! That's ONE longstanding LMB mystery solved!" pondered Tsarin Kid. Several members consoled Lardlad, finally giving him some brownies to calm him down. The next day, the cruiser swings by the planetoid Whatcrawledupyourassanddied to pick up 5-Year Gap member Sir SBD. He along with Sharklad, Clark Marlowe, Loose Lass and Ejaculad were inducted at the same time. Suddenly Lardlad wasn't the smelliest member aboard, and that suited him just find. The next sop was... IP: Logged |
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Lev Member |
posted April 14, 2000 06:26 AM
the planet wizardworld hey, this is the place i recruited Lev lad from back when he was still Leviathan, i wonder if there's any possibility that he's returned there-shouted lardlad Lardlad who the hell are you talking to, asked shady no-one it seems, just take the damn cruiser down there. the cruiser hurtled towards the strange planet, and crashes outside of a tall funny looking building all of a sudden five young people come charging out of the building 'Legion of wizard board posters attack' as soon as the group gets close to the cruiser he stops dead no it can't be, IT CAN'T BE lardlad 'ports out of the cruiser Lev lad is that you yes, it's me once i thought that there was no lmb, i tried to start my own group, the LWBP but i can't stand any of them, please let me come with you the two 'port into the ship and carry on their mission until........ IP: Logged |
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LARDLAD Member |
posted April 14, 2000 05:12 PM
...the proximity alert goes off. "The LWBP are following us!" Lardlad yelled. "They're opening fire!" "oh, GOD! The won't let me go!" Lev cried frantically. "They'll never take us alive, right?" Lev looked around to see the LMBers giving him a stern look. "We're just teasing, Lev," Shady said, "RIGHT fellas?" "Yes Shady," they all replied robotically in unison. Shady turned to Lardlad, "their weapons of ignorance and hate are powerful! You are going to have to use the Lardforce to transport the ship and us out of here!" "B-But I can't risk such a big 'port! I might die again like I did before Helen saved me!" "No you won't, sweety! We'll let you absorb as much fat and calories from us as you need to safely make the 'port! RIGHT, guys?" Again the robotic affirmative. Suddenly everyone feels as if they are being drained. Then, they feel as if they're being inverted. Just as quickly as it began, it's over, and they appear several light years away. "We won't be able to pull that stunt again any time soon. The strain might kill us all next time," Lardlad said. "Yeah, I'm famished!" Beagle Boy, Cobalt said, "time for some victuals!" After a hardy meal, the LMBers get an urgent message on the monitor. It's from... IP: Logged |
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Tsarin Member |
posted April 14, 2000 09:50 PM
...Tsarin Kid, whose long-overdue facet-grinding was interrupted by... "...a break-in. Repeat, the HQ has been compromised. The Silence Police from the Universal Library ID the trespassers as the RETROs." whispered the crystalline LMBer into his ultralight microphone headset. "Not the...RETROs," a distraught, but still highly focused Shady responded. "Yes...the RETROs," Tsarin answered. "Beatnik Belly Dancer Boy and Hippie Hula Girl are in the atrium as we speak!" "Watch out for Beatnik Belly Dancer Boy's fingersnaps, Tsarin. They unleash a strange cool flame..." Shady advised. "Will do, Shady. I'm on the lookout for Hippie Hula Girl's peace sign gesticulation. I wouldn't want to get leid..." Tsarin replied. ("Though Beatnik Belly Dancer Boy does have a nice belly..." he thought to himself.) "Shady, you really know your villains..." an admiring Lardlad muttered. "Don't *you* read the Silence Police Bulletin?" an incredulous Shady asked in reply. "But they might not be villains. The Bulletin lists them in their 'unclassified' section." "They do appear to just be looking around..." Tsarin interrupted. "They're coming closer. They're outside the lab. What's that noise? Is that bongo drums? They're coming in! They see me! LMBers, help! AAAAAAAH------" Tsarin IP: Logged |
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LoserLad Member |
posted April 15, 2000 01:01 AM
...the monitor screen erupts in static, then goes blank. The transmission is lost. "C'mon LMB," cries Lard Lad, "we must get back to headquarters immediately and try to save Tsarin Kid!" The others agree, and fire up the cruiser, destination Earth, headquarters of the LMB. Lev Lad takes the helm, lays in the quickest course and begins to engage the warp drive. The cruiser shudders, and begins to move, then comes to a sudden halt. The other LMBers, unprepared for the sudden halt, are tossed about the cabin. "Lev! Why have we stopped?" asks Shady, as she picks herself up off of the cruiser floor. "I don't know," replies Lev. "Someone cut power to the engines." "I did." said Cobalt Kid, in a solemn tone. "We cannot go back to headquarters. This must be a trap. After all, we've been disbanded for five years. What the hell would Tsarin be doing in our old headquarters?" "Oh," replied Lard Lad, scratching his head, "that's right. But can we take that risk? If he's there, we must try to save his life. I say we push on." "Allright," says Cobalt, "but don't blame me if we all get ****** up." The LMB cruiser resumes it's course, and quickly reaches it's destination. The LMBers climb out of the cruiser, and approach the darkened building that onced housed the LMB. The Century 31 "For Sale by Owner" sign still hangs on the door. Lumborg Fox kicks in the door, and the LMBers rush in to find... IP: Logged |
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bellbookcandle Member |
posted April 15, 2000 06:53 AM
Tsarin Kid tied to a chair, weeping. "He kept reading me poetry. Really terrible poetry. He kept calling me ...Daddio," he sobbed. They consoled him and untied the ropes. Newcru King and Kbern Kid went to search for Hippie Hula Girl, and Lumborg Fox and SharkLad went to look for Beatnik Belly Dancer Boy. Shady told them to alert the others when they saw the vilains, and not to fight them alone. "But they should be okay. Newcru and Kbern can resist that hula-dancing siren and Lumborg and Shark should be safe from Beatnik's sensory powers." Tsarin mumbled "I think they might have brought friends ..." IP: Logged |
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SharkLad Member |
posted April 15, 2000 12:40 PM
"... even more irritating than them." "Like who?" asked Shady worriedly. "I was delirious from the bad poetry," Tsarin started, "but I think there were three of them ... a girl whose outfit looked like a lampshade, a guy in a leisure suit and someone who looked like the dad from Leave it to Beaver." "You mean 'Freaky Flapper Chick,' 'the Mod Man,' and 'Leave it to Beaver Larry?'" gasped Shady. The others turned to her in awe. "Shady, you really know your stuff," LardLad said admiringly as he felt a stirring grow deep, deep, deep, deep (okay, you get the point) within his massive frame. "Freaky Flapper Chick used to come into my lounge all the time. She's the one we have to watch out for. Her Charleston is hypnotic," Shady revealed to her teammates. "Leave it to Beaver Larry is very preachy. He's been known to bore his enemies to death. And the Mod Man ... I shudder to think ..." Shady trailed off. "We have to warn the others," Turtle Girl said. Suddenly, a ferocious roar resounded through the halls of LMB headquarters, signaling to our intrepid heroes that the battle had begun ... IP: Logged |
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Cobalt Kid Member |
posted April 15, 2000 08:34 PM
The renewed LMB fought hard against the villians, but unfortunately, they were very out of shape and starting getting the crap kicked out of them. As Cobalt Kid helped heal Tsarin with his new spiritual powers, Tsarin mumbled "No... have to get off Earth... it's going to blow up in hours anyway..." Cobalt gave a big gulp, turned to LardLad and said... IP: Logged |
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LoserLad Member |
posted April 15, 2000 11:27 PM
..."Big Gulp is a registered trademark of 7-11. 7-11, number one in service and convenience." "Oh no," Lard Lad cried, "Cobalt's been possessed by the spirit of our long lost foe, the evil Ad Exec Man!" "Yo Quiero Taco Bell," replied Cobalt. With Cobalt Kid out of commission, the out of shape LMBers continue their battle against the fierce time warped attacks of the RETROS. Freaky Flapper Chick unleashes a devestating Charleston attack, and soon, half of the LMB are dancing. "What are we going to do Lash," asks Shady dancing madly to the sound of an imaginary big band, "we can't possibly defeat these guys in the shape were in. Mod Man's got Beagle Boy and Armsfalloff Boy on the run, and Leave it to Beaver Larry's morality rays have Lard Lad crying uncle. And Cobalt Kid keeps asking me 'Where's the Beef'. How am I supposed to know where the damn beef is?" "Only one thing to do, Shady." responds Lash Lad. "Call for backup." Lash Lad, still dancing wildly, activates his LMB signal device. "Let's hope some of the old LMBers still have their signal devices on..." IP: Logged |
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Cobalt Kid Member |
posted April 16, 2000 12:48 AM
...but in the mean time, the LMB were getting there butts handed to them. So they all realized there was only one thing to do, while they waited for backup... LardLad, BBC Kid, LoserLad, Cobalt Kid and Shark Lad ran into the center of the battle, and Tsarin began playing a bubble gum type beat, that made the 5 start dancing. Shady couln't believe it as she realized that they had formed The LMB-street Boys!!! As the 5 began singing hit tunes such as "Road to your heart" and "Our Love is True", they were able to hold off the villians until backup arrived. But a new problem had arisen, as millions of young girls, Carson Daly, and MTV created a stampede outside. But the battle raged on... IP: Logged |
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SharkLad Member |
posted April 16, 2000 02:41 PM
Across the galaxy, the signal went out. Heroes far and wide heard the LMB emergency signal and responded. The Lingerers, the Heroes of Rollal, the Amazing Cans - a group of voluptuous beauties Space Tart had founded during the 5 year gap - and even the JerkForce heads toward earth to help the LMB in their hour of need ... Back on earth, the sensational new LMB boy band does their best to contend with their legion (hee hee) of fans. Carson Daly, however, proves too annoying, and SharkLad has no choice but to eat him. Immediately, he becomes violently ill. "What's wrong with me?" he asks, "I didn't think Daly had enough substance to him to give my stomach any problems." Suddenly, the Time Mouse Trapper reappears. "It's just as was foretold. Carson Daly's death at the hands, er, teeth of an LMB member shall signal the beginning of my eternal reign ..." His laughter fills the halls of LMB headquarters. SharkLad meanwhile lays dieing. "Shady, please, there's something I have to tell you," SharkLad says, his voice trailing off, "I always loved you ..." IP: Logged |
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Tsarin Member |
posted April 16, 2000 03:36 PM
..."Mmmm. Sweet vibes, man. But you're down for the count. You've been cosmically 'leid'." The illusion of Shady hovering tearfully above the toothy LMBer faded. Hippie Hula Girl breathily spoke as she undulated around the fallen Sharklad, fingers on each hand extended in her peace sign whammy. Sharklad looked down and saw a garland of flowers encircling his neck. He gasped in horror. And then sneezed. "Damn these allergies..." he thought. "Cool it, chick-io." Beatnik Belly Dancing Boy undulated in time to HHG's hula. He snapped his fingers, causing a cool flame to separate Sharklad from his attacker. "This cat's not for skinning- I think we've been played...besides, any cat that'd eat Carson Daly can't be an enemy of ours...maybe we should change grooves..." "It's not that easy, BBD," a teary-eyed Shady- still reeling from Sharklad's confession- spoke up. "Look around you! You'll have to pay!" But then Tsarin and Lardlad... Tsarin IP: Logged |
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LARDLAD Member |
posted April 17, 2000 01:08 AM
...approached Shady to calm her. "Hey, it's okay, Shady," Lardlad said, "Time Mouse Trapper is the major threat. RETRO is calling off their attack. Tsarin Kid is forgiving them. Right, Tsarin?" "Right!", Tsarin said, "No harm done--truth be told--it was rather enjoyable!" "I wasn't referring to that--I was addressing the traitor!" Shady barked. "Traitor?" Lardlad and Tsarin responded. The eyebrows of the other LMBers as well as those of RETRO perked up. "Yes! During the battle, I sensed with my morale powers that there was some one present without morale. I recognize the particular strain from the time when Ejaculad turned traitor on us. Ejaculad is dead and buried, but I sense the same signature on one of our members present today--that member has the backstabbing stench to him. He reeks of it! The traitor is working for the Time Mouse Trapper and is prepared to destroy us immediately!" "Who's the traitor, Shady?" quivered Lash Lad. Shady stood up, pointed her finger, and said, "the LMB traitor is..." IP: Logged |
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Lucien Member |
posted April 17, 2000 07:49 AM
"well alright then it's me" said Lucien Lad emerging from the shadows, "but I'm sorry, the LMB Street Boys? A boy band!? How could you?!! When I first joined the LMB all those years back I looked up to you all and sought to follow your example without question (well, apart from in the matters of dress sense, but that sort of goes without saying). But now *sob* a b...b....b...boy band *sob, gulp, sob* I'm so ashamed, I had to stop you before things got worse. I didn't mean to cause any real trouble *sob* (i hope someone's recording this, it's bloody Oscar material this is) *sob, sob*" As Lucien Lad collapses to the floor and the shocked LMB looks on in a mixture of shock, disgust and admiration for the fact that Lucien Lad looks absolutely stunning even when being a traitor, something starts to happen. Lucien Lad's nostalgia powers start to function in unexpected ways and... IP: Logged |
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bellbookcandle Member |
posted April 17, 2000 04:45 PM
Restore his friends to the way they were before their ordeals. Lumborg Fox got his body back, BBC Kid got all his bodies back and ... IP: Logged |
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LARDLAD Member |
posted April 18, 2000 11:03 PM
...Lardlad is no longer FAT! and then everyone joins hands around the Christmas tree and starts singing their who Chrismas songs while Beagle Who prepares the roast beast and... "Waitaminute! Lardlad was ALWAYS fat! What the hell's goin' on here?" says Tsarin Kid. Suddenly, the joyous music abruptly stops as if an old LP player's needle has been wrenched loose. The happy illusory world fades away. The ragtag band of LMBers appear in limbo, gnats in the presense of a gigantic Time Mouse Trapper. "Okay <screch-screech>," says Time Mouse Trapper, "the time for <screech-screech> toying with all of you has <screech> passed!" The Trapper lifts up his clawed furry toe and begins to lower it down to squish the pesky posters once and for all... IP: Logged |
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