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| Author | Topic: ASK SPACE TART.... |
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Space Tart Member |
posted April 06, 2000 04:12 AM
  
This is my advice column for fellow LMBers. As an expierienced interstellar vixen I am now offering to answer all questions you may have about life & love. Fire Away! IP: Logged |
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bellbookcandle Member |
posted April 06, 2000 04:44 AM
Dear Space Tart,
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Shadowplay in Candlelight Member |
posted April 06, 2000 05:12 AM
WOW, Bell! Initiation by FIRE! (I always loved Happy, Dopey and Grumpy.) ------------------ IP: Logged |
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LumberFox Member |
posted April 06, 2000 05:59 AM
Dear Space Tart How can prevent myself from tearing my lover (or her leg) into itsy bitsy bloody pieces with my 6 inch long razor sharp claws during the troes of passion. Yours pointedly LumberFox IP: Logged |
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Lucien Member |
posted April 06, 2000 07:40 AM
Dear Space Tart Are they real or just implants? Also how can I satisfy a man who already was a power ring and knows how to use it? IP: Logged |
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kbern Member |
posted April 06, 2000 10:27 AM
Dear Space Tart, I met this dashing , strong, handsome, well-dressed nice man. It seemed like a match made in heaven. We both loved Paris in spring, lint-free semi-synthetic fabrics, and long walks in the woods. I was in heaven. Then it hapened. He told me his name was Gary. I said that maybe that wasn't the greatest name in the galaxy, but hey! it's o.k. as long as we have each other. Then he said that his chosen name was Gonnorohea Gary. My heart fell faster than a bad hairdo in the exhaust of a legion cruiser. What can I do? I think I ....love him? But I can't touch him. I can't have a rash so close to swimsuit season. Help!!! Kbern Kid. IP: Logged |
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Cobalt Kid Member |
posted April 06, 2000 10:46 AM
Dear Space Tart, How can a guys whose in the dog house with his girlfriend try to tell her that he really is sorry, and loves her, but wants to maintain some dignity at the same time? IP: Logged |
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Space Tart Member |
posted April 06, 2000 10:53 AM
Bellbookcandle: My suggestion is DON'T limit yourself. You have NEEDS, separate needs that will never be fulfilled by any ONE sentient. Allow all 3 of your selves to find love...then watch the sparks fly when you totally mystify your sentient-friend by say, swapping Dopey for Grmpy for a date. Always keep 'em on their toes (or tentacles, or whatever.....) Love: Space Tart ------------------ IP: Logged |
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Space Tart Member |
posted April 06, 2000 10:56 AM
Lumber Fox, I have one word for you: Manicure. We delicate fems like to be the ones who do the flesh clawing during intimate times. Just look at Cobalt Kid's back! Love, Space Tart ------------------ IP: Logged |
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Space Tart Member |
posted April 06, 2000 11:00 AM
Lucien, why don't you check for yourself and see? C'mon, grab a biggg handful! If your man is having too much fun with his power ring, I suggest you investing in an H-dial. I can assure you your sex life will never be dull again! Love: Space Tart ------------------ IP: Logged |
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Space Tart Member |
posted April 06, 2000 11:06 AM
Kbern, STD's are no laughing matter. When Infectious Lass accidentally gave me the gender-reversal virus, Cobalt Kid wouldn't touch me until I recovered. Despite the fun we COULD have had if we had been careful. So I beg you to realize Gary is not the only hot sentient in the universe. (FAR from it!) Dump him and find someone who has a more pleasant disease! Love, Space Tart ------------------ IP: Logged |
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Space Tart Member |
posted April 06, 2000 11:09 AM
Cobalt Kid: HHHMMMPH! This session of Ask Space Tart is OVER!!!! 'Tl next time, all! Love, Space Tart ------------------ IP: Logged |
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Newcru Member |
posted April 06, 2000 12:27 PM
Space tart, this is New. Can you recommend a good doctor? My friend Lard...umm, I mean, I have this friend who seems to have some MAJOR bowel problems. I mean, I don't know what's going on inside his body, but you wouldn't believe some of the messes that Lard...I mean, my friend, leaves behind him in the Outpost bathrooms. The stench alone will take all the body outta your hair, let me tell ya. Its pushing my toilet-cleaning abilities to the max, let me tell you. I'm just about ready to create one of my sani-fresh auras and shove it right up his.... Anyhoo, any advice you can offer would definately be a blessing. Thanks! IP: Logged |
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HardshellTheTurtleBoy Member |
posted April 06, 2000 02:17 PM
Ok so here's the situation, and i think you are the one to help since it involves Space and Tarts, sort of. See here's the deal. I'm in bed with the wife. right? Ok, so I scooch away from her, needing space (that's the space part, get it?). Well as soon as I do, I hear this voice saying "Turnover, (that's almost like a tart right?)I need to fluff you" So what's a Turtle Boy to do?? ------------------ IP: Logged |
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LARDLAD Member |
posted April 06, 2000 04:27 PM
Dear Space Tart, I have this problem. I have a friend, New...ah, nevermind. He's kind of a super psycho neat freak. New...ah, this person wants to clean ALL the time yet complains when someone gives him plenty to clean. THEN, he goes off and makes WILD accusations about people's health and hygiene. I really like New...ah, my friend, but it's getting irritating! What's a (Lard)lad to do? Your pal, P.S. In the fictional land you used to inhabit, did you ever meet Hummer Lass or Girl Girl? If so, do either plan to materialise like you did? IP: Logged |
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mordru Member |
posted April 06, 2000 08:54 PM
you're really a guy are'nt you, you may fool the depraved but you can never fool the realllllllllllllllllly depraved, i bet you're not even legal, don't be fooled legionnaires IP: Logged |
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JO Member |
posted April 06, 2000 10:30 PM
Dear Space Tart, What is most important in a relationship: LOVE OR TRUST ? and why ? What topics/issues should be discussed prior to diving into a serious relationship ?
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Space Tart Member |
posted April 07, 2000 04:23 AM
Newcru, my advice is to get some NEW friends. These new friends should be considerably less prone to the splatters. Ask any potential friends if they are in the habit of eating prunes, oat bran or American-made Mexican food. This should solve your fecal dilemma. ------------------ IP: Logged |
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Space Tart Member |
posted April 07, 2000 04:25 AM
Uuum, Hardshell, if you are turning away from your wife in her time of need I have 2 suggestions: A) Get a new wife
Love, Space Tart ------------------ IP: Logged |
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Space Tart Member |
posted April 07, 2000 04:31 AM
Lard Lad, well I feel that cleanliness is next to godliness. And smelling good will take you to Heaven. My advice is to keep a book of matches nearby every time you feel that certain shifting in your intestines. Your pals will be much happier if you do! Love, Space Tart ------------------ IP: Logged |
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Space Tart Member |
posted April 07, 2000 04:34 AM
mordru, you didn't ask for my advice but on the matter of my gender: If you doubt my femininity you are welcome to check it out for yourself! Love, Space Tart ------------------ IP: Logged |
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Space Tart Member |
posted April 07, 2000 04:41 AM
JO, FINALLY a serious question and it deserves a serious answer. In my lengthy interstellar tawdry encounters I have found that neither love nor trust mean squat. If you don't have LUST then your're going nowhere fast. I don't trust Cobalt Kid as far as I can throw him, and he doesn't love me, but our sheer LUST for each other keeps us wound tightly together! As far as pre-relationship discussion, I have 3 words: Tattoos, STD's, & Position. Love, Space Tart ------------------ IP: Logged |
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MLLASH Member |
posted April 07, 2000 05:09 AM
Dear Space Tart, Help! I've....I've got the hots for a fellow member of the LMB (sorry, but it's not you)....but...but he doesn't even know I exist! What's a frustrated poster to do?!? IP: Logged |
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Lucien Member |
posted April 07, 2000 06:28 AM
I was gonna make a suggestion only.... well, it was far too rude. Oh and Space Tart, I would have a feel only I have no idea what they should feel like. Sorry. IP: Logged |
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Space Tart Member |
posted April 07, 2000 08:01 PM
Mllash, Well, you can either retreat into a deviant, delusional fantasy world dreaming about this guy, OR you can get off your rump and make your presence felt. Either way usually works! Love, Space Tart ------------------ IP: Logged |
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