The phone only rang once per day. I don't normally notice anal stuff like that, but I was watching the phone all day in case a job called. (Jed faxed a bunch of my resumes from a fax machine at his work.) Thank God for cable showing decent movies the whole week.
Sunday's call was from Harry. He was the unofficial news source for Darren's legal status.
Darren wasn't technically under arrest, but the police told him to notify them if he wanted to leave the area. Basically, Harry said, they're not arresting him until they can get a good case going, something they can definitely prosecute. The case is based on the body, so until they find the body, Darren's not arrested.
"Maybe it's a good thing that we didn't find the body," I said. "It seems to be keeping Darren out of jail."
"Hey, I'm hoping we find that thing tomorrow," Harry said. "Darren's innocent, and that body can only help. Forensic evidence will prove him innocent. I'm positive."
"Yeah, I guess you could see it that way. So Darren's rooting for finding it."
"Actually, no. He's pretty sure he's being run up the river no matter what, so finding the body will only add to the prosecution's evidence."
"He doesn't want the body found? You don't think..."
"NO." Harry didn't scream it, but he said it loud. "Darren didn't do it. He didn't attack you two, and he sure as hell didn't torch some guy!" Now he screamed it.
"Sorry, didn't mean to insinuate anything."
"No. I shouldn't have freaked out like that. I'm just pissed off. An innocent guy's going to take the fall for this. There's not even any plans for a second body recovery yet. What the hell's wrong with these people!"
"I don't know. It's a bad situation."
"You know why he said he was looking for a candy wrapper, right?"
"All I know is, he's got some unaccounted time."
"He said Alex wanted him to find this bag of pot or something he dropped."
"The cops should stop harassing Darren and grab Alex. Hell, they've got him for possession already."
"I thought Darren couldn't find the bag."
"OK, they've got him on attempted possession. Just do something so Darren gets off the hook. He's a good guy."
"I know. This is a real surprise."
"I'm in this, too, on a selfish level. Darren and I were just sitting around the house when you and Jed were in the cave the first time, so I'm his alibi. If he goes away, I'm going away as an accomplice."
Monday's call was Henry, grotto president. We did ten or fifteen minutes of "this sucks" talk, saying how lousy Darren's situation was, while never outright saying he was innocent. We each had stupid theories on how to explain the crime other than Darren.
"I'm thinking that it's some sort of serial killer," Henry said, "someone who's framing cavers."
"But why cavers?"
"Takes a smarter man than I to figure that one out. You know, I heard most all serial killers have above average intelligence. It's like being a mad scientist: something stupid that only really smart people do."
"Thank God. A moron like me's safe," I laughed.
"You and me both," he said. "Morons forever."
"Speaking of moron, you know what I was thinking? Maybe there's someone still in the cave. That's the guy who torched the corpse and everything, not Darren."
"Good theory. But the cops have been guarding the Simpson entrance ever since you found the body last week, and there's no other way in or out."
"Maybe there's a lot of food in his pack."
"A week's worth, huh? Where was he hiding when we searched, under a rock?" Henry said, joking uninspiredly.
"Maybe wherever he stashed the body."
"I'll pass it onto Sgt. Addison when I see him."
"I'm just thinking of ways to find Darren innocent."
"Ditto, Ted. You know, I was thinking about that different page of the Simpson map."
"What page?"
"One of the sheets looked different. A new handwriting, not quite as aged, paper was a little thicker."
"Which section?"
"It was by Homer's Misery." Homer's Misery was a tight crawl off of the otherwise straight stream passage in the south. It was ten feet of cheese grater, then a sharp turn left, and a dead end after five more feet. Or so I heard; I was never able to make it to the bend.
"I figured it was just a page that got mangled, someone redrew it." Henry said. "I told the south team leader about it, and he said it'd get a thorough looking at."
"Anyone check Homer's Misery?"
"Yes. And no body."
"Damn. Maybe it was just a redrawn page."
"Yeah, but that was Darren's area to search."
"Oh." That didn't sound good for Darren.
"It's just a coincidence, really. Beyers was the one who assigned search teams. Beyers gave that spot to Darren."
"Who's Beyers?"
"He was running the show Saturday. Had a track suit."
"Oh, him. Didn't know Track Suit's name."
Darren did have a cop with him searching the same area, but if Darren pushed into Homer's Misery, he could stare at the body around the turn, say there was nothing in it, and the cop wouldn't know. How a stiff body could get stuffed in there, I had no clue.
Tuesday's call was from Darren, about 11:15 at night. Darren sounded drunk. "You stupid dumbass," he slurred, "you break into Simpson, pretend to find some body, and they're throwing me in jail for it."
"I'm really sorry about all this Darren."
"Oh yeah, real sorry, you leave the grotto, fart around on your own, then come back and frame me for murder."
I didn't do anything intentionally to get him in trouble, but I was still feeling guilty. "Come on Darren, no one wanted it to end up this way."
"Yeah, no one did, and everyone thinks I'm innocent."
I paused. I probably shouldn't. "Yes. Yes, of course everyone thinks you're innocent. They know it. I know it."
"Why'd you pause like that?"
"I don't know, I really don't want to think you did it, it doesn't make sense to me why you would, but ... there's no other option that makes any more sense."
"Well, I didn't do it, and I'm probably going to rot in jail the rest of my life for your asinine illegal caving. Hell, you and Jed weren't even supposed to be in the cave! They should bust you guys for this."
I felt like garbage. "I'm really sorry. I'm trying to think of some way to fix this all."
"You? Fix it? You're not Perry Mason! You're some fat loser who can't even get a job, and you're going to get me off for this?!"
"You're drunk, Darren. Go to sleep."
"You want to do something? Go to the police station and confess. That's the only thing that'll make any damn difference." The phone went dead.
Wednesday's call was from Jed, real excited and at 9:03 in the morning. "Ted, I got it. I've figured it out.
"What?" I was still three quarters asleep.
"Pretty much everything. I haven't worked out where the body is, but I've got everything else. Who attacked us, who torched the body, who moved it."
"Who?" I was down to one quarter asleep.
"Can't tell you. I'm gathering everyone, to tell them all at once. The final act is drawing near."
Now I was awake. "That's insane. Call Addison."
Jed's geeky laugh on the other end told me he hadn't. "We're all going to the police station together, surprise him. Harry's going to drive us all in his station wagon."
"Who's the we?"
"You, me, Henry, Darren, Harry, Alex, Gunther and Marv."
"And the real killer's in there? He'll go to the police station where he knows cops are waiting to bust him?" "Criminals have their vanity like that, they think they can get away with it all. Come on, give me my moment. I'll give the speech, keep everyone in suspense, then throw the big old accusing finger, and whammo, you've got your evil genius confession spilling out."
"It's not going to work."
"It'll work. I've thought of everything. Trust me."
"So what was the motive?"
"Don't know yet. But everything else I do, I swear." I really should have hung up and told Addison to contact Jed. But no, I went along, let Jed play detective.
The Thursday call came from Alex. "Harry just cancelled. He had to work late. Grading tests, I think."
"Geez, nice of him to tell me."
"He called me, and I told him I'd tell you. Do you still need a ride? He said he was caravanning everyone to the station for Jed, so I figured I'd pick up the slack."
"Sure."
Alex showed up within half an hour, driving an old maroon minivan.
"Get in the back," he said through the open passenger window. "There's an oil stain on the passenger seat, stains every ass that sits on it." I slid open the back door and jumped in a seat, clearing off a long metal dog chain.
"You know I've had this car for six years now?" Alex said as we drove, giggling a little. "And my parents drove it for three years before that. I treat it like crap, just sorta wait for it to die, but it never does. Never never. I was waiting to buy a new car as soon as this one died, but this kept going so long I bought the new one anyway, keep this guy buried in the garage." He was babbling. "What a word, garage. GAR-aje. Almost a palindrome."
"You OK? Want me to drive or something?"
"I'm fine. Just nervous. Hey, can I make a confession? This is sorta my fault."
"Sorta?"
"Well, I dropped a bag of weed in Simpson a few months back."
"I heard."
"What, Harry tell you? Man, that guy's like Wolf Blitzer. Anyway, it was one of those Ziploc bags with the label printed on it, and I think my name was on it. I was pretty sure I lost it in the stream passage by Hans Moleman, and I didn't want a drug rap, so I asked Darren to check when he was looking."
"So Darren goes wandering off for a few minutes ..."
"And doesn't want to tell the feds why he went off."
"Darren hasn't mentioned this to the cops?"
"You kidding? He told them as soon as he was in a police car. He doesn't want to go to jail. They called me, I corroborated. I'm positive Darren didn't do it."
Jed's house came into view. Alex honked the horn, and Jed quickly ran out. He slid open the back door, and jumped in. "Ted, Harry."
"Harry can't make it, Jed," Alex said casually.
Jed's face went blank. "Oh no," he barely managed to push past his lips.
"What?" I asked, worried.
"Can I make another confession?" Alex said, giggling a little more. "I killed that guy in the cave."