"So?" Alex said, still giggling. "Where's the gasp of horror? 'Oh dear lord, we1re riding with a murderer.' That stuff." A quiet roll of thunder from the sky punctuated his remark. The first drops of rain spattered on the windshield.
"I already knew it was you," Jed said. I really needed to thank Jed for dramatically holding off the murderer's identity until we were IN THE CAR with him.
"First things first," Alex said, strangely calm. "Tie that chain around your left foot, both of you," he gestured toward the pile of dog chain on the floor by us. "I'm assuming you both know knots. You're working off the same chain, so leave some slack between the two of you. Give yourselves freedom of movement."
Jed and I wrapped it around as he said. Neither one of us made anything that was remotely related to a knot. But we made a good show of it.
"Might as well actually do it, because," Alex turned around, a pistol in his hand, "when we stop the car I'll check, and if it's not, it'll just waste my time." He wasn't pointing it, but the barrel was aimed toward Jed.
We came to a blinking red light. Alex stopped for a good thirty seconds, gun in hand, looking back and forth between us. Jed was closer to the side door, but I heard the door automatically lock once the car went past twenty. Fumbling for the lock would give Alex plenty of time to pull a trigger, twice. After several seconds of undisturbed raindrops hitting the van, he smiled, turned around, and hit the gas. "Good. Just so we're straight on the whole not escaping thing."
"How could we? We're tied together with dog chain," Jed said. I was hoping not to mention the chain, hopefully get him to forget it, but I guessed Jed thought Alex was too smart to forget it.
"Even if you did manage to pop out, there's Leo."
"Leo?" Jed questioned.
"Yeah, he's behind you." We both whipped our heads behind, to the back seat I assumed was empty. I thought the big dog that belonged to the chain would bite my throat out, but the back seat just held two helmets with battery lights. "He's in the car behind us, Einsteins," Alex said.
I could see something low to the ground and red following us. Jed squinted at it through the rain. "That's the Ferrari, isn't it?"
"Yep."
"Leo's a human," I said like a moron.
"Technically."
"Who is he?" I asked.
"You don't know him."
"Who was the guy you burnt?"
"You don't know him."
"Where'd you hide the body?"
"You'll see." That couldn't be good.
"Where are we going, anyway?"
"Simpson." I saw we were on the road leading up there. Where he had a habit of dumping burnt bodies. Jed and I were silent.
I was hoping Jed had some plan going. I was thinking about punching Alex, but that wasn't a plan so much as what to do if a plan goes wrong. I probably should have been thinking about how we were betrayed by someone we knew, but I had barely met Alex. I could give a rat's ass about him.
"So how'd you figure me out, Jed?" Alex said, almost like an icebreaker.
The best thing to do was stay silent and not give any information to Alex, but I could tell Jed wanted to brag how he found out. Hell, this was how Alex captured us. "I talked to Marv a few days ago," he said.
"Oh," Alex said understandingly.
"Marv's in on this?" I blurted.
"No, but he's involved," Jed explained. "OK, you know Marv wasn't allowed in Simpson for the search. The cops had a list of people allowed. But they weren't checking photo IDs. Marv told Alex's cop partner that he was Alex, and they let him right in."
"So Marv did the search?"
"Yeah, the middle section. Didn't find anything. But that was just so Alex could sneak around in Simpson."
"I was the first one in," Alex said, beaming. "They asked my name, and I was on the list. The order went caver-cop-caver-cop in, but no one noticed it started and ended with a caver."
"Alex can do whatever he wants since he's not accounted for in Simpson," Jed continued, "so he smashes our lights and runs out with the north search party before we come back and report it."
Alex snorted. "You guys weren't any sort of priority, BTW. I was there to adjust the body, be 100% sure no one would find it. Then I overheard that the two of you were by yourselves, no cop partners. I couldn't resist that," he was giggling again, "so I just snuck over to you guys and hit you."
"Just for the hell of it?" Jed said, unsure.
"I needed some chaos, or else me in the cave would be the weirdest happening and thus draw curiosity. I was going to plant a bag of weed with Darren's name on it, but then you guys gave me an opportunity, so I went with it and kept the weed. Good stuff, too."
"Why'd you frame Darren?" Jed asked.
"Don't worry about him, it's not like he's getting anything he doesn't deserve."
"How does he deserve this?"
"He's a tax cheat."
"Taxes!" I screamed. "You framed him because of taxes?!"
"I framed him because someone had to take the fall for hitting you guys. I'm enjoying it because he's a tax cheat."
"And cheating on your taxes is a far worse crime than, say, murder?"
"He was bragging about it, to total strangers. That's not the way you get away with something. And I pay EVERY CENT of my taxes, BTW." I had a sense Alex could ramble for hours about taxes, and I could give that same rat's ass about it.
"You're also smart enough to get way too elaborate." Jed said. "If you didn't do that switch with Marv, I wouldn't have found out you were up to anything." I hoped Jed was toying with Alex for a reason.
"But I'm smart enough to plan for it, for Scooby Doos like you."
"But no one would have noticed in the first place if you didn't do something asinine like the rock thing."
"Well, who was stupid enough to climb into a car without checking who the driver was?" Alex's voice was going up. I was hoping there was a plan.
"Well, who's stupid enough to have hostages in the car while he's going 73 in a 40?"
Alex rushed the brakes on. A blare of honking came from Leo, who almost plowed into us. The van rolled by a SPEED LIMIT 55 sign, and Alex floored the pedal again.
The gun came out again, and thrust with a shaking hand inches from Jed's face. "Well, who's stupid enough to piss off a loaded gun?" Jed didn't say anything. The gun was slowly withdrawn. "I thought not. Now just shut up the rest of the trip."
For a while, we did. The rain continued rolling down, adding to the gloom.
I couldn't help but wonder what would happen once we reached Simpson. The burnt guy probably walked into Simpson, since there weren't any char marks going in, and Alex said to tie the chain for freedom of movement. I didn't see any cans of gas, but for all I know the body was shot before burned.
Who was that body, anyway?
We were getting close to the Simpson site. Jed tried talking again. "How are you getting in Simpson? It's still under police guard."
"What do you think Leo's for?" Alex honked his horn twice, and the Ferrari blasted past the van.
"Where's he going?" Jed asked.
"Local police don't have the manpower to keep a 24 hour guard. A cruiser's at the site, but they can be called away."
"You're going to have Leo commit some other crime just to distract the cop?" Jed asked.
"Not a real crime. Just speeding. There's a speed trap close to here."
"What's Leo going to do when he gets caught?"
"He's not going to. You haven't seen him drive."
Alex pulled off the paved road, onto the gravel one that led to Simpson. Halfway through, he pulled a sharp right and crashed into the woods.
Well, not really. The van went down a steep gravel bed I didn't know existed. Alex stopped a foot from a cluster of skinny trees, and shifted to park. The van was completely obscured from the road's view.
He took the gun out and casually held it in his lap as he turned around. "Now, we wait to vacate."
Less than a minute later, the lights and sirens of the police cruiser whizzed behind us, the lights barely visible through the tree cover and hill. "Red Ferrari going 100 in the rain, that'll get cops moving."
"This is where you hid when we found the body," Jed said.
"Yep," Alex said, a note of pride in his voice. "I put the car here after the paintball, then doubled back on foot to move the body when you left. Leo just took off. I was driving my other car then, the Land Cruiser. Does this hill a hell of a lot better than a minivan."
Alex put the van in reverse, and floored it for the ascent up the hill. The rear of the car went up at a steep angle. Jed fell forward, right against the dashboard and into Alex. His left arm shot out purposefully.
Jed didn't reach for the gun. He reached for the gearshift. He threw the car in drive, right as Alex was flooring the engine in reverse.
I always wondered what this would do. Turns out, it makes a noise no engine should, and the van comes to a grinding halt. Of course, we were at a 45 degree angle, so we rolled right back down that gravel bed. Alex and I were thrown back against our seats; Jed managed to stay standing.
The van bowled into the tree cluster, buckling the hood. None of us idiots were wearing our seat belts. Alex got caught by the air bag. I smacked my head into the front seat, not enough to cause damage but enough to hurt. Jed's head went in the windshield. It didn't shatter, but a halo of cracks shot out from the glass.
Jed didn't seem fazed. He dove for the sliding door and stumbled out of it, the dog chain not even pretending to be attached any more.
Alex was momentarily stunned. "Let's get out of here!" Jed screamed. I dashed out, grabbing a helmet so I had some light source in the dark. By dumb luck, I had managed to latch my chain together, so the twenty feet of it dragged after me like toilet paper.
Behind us, I heard Alex cursing.