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| Clever Girl... >> Myself >> Pearls of Wisdom >> Part 10 15 Jan 2002 - Don't get me wrong if I'm looking kinda dazzled... Just a quick entry to record a fleeting pseudo-memory that would otherwise quickly erase itself from my consciousness. A happy little dream. One that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and lurvely inside. Awwww... 15 Jan 2002 - I hate your way a little more every day... It seems that **** derives great pleasure in torturing me, in making my stomach churn, my heart palpitate, my arms feel weak, my blood quite literally boil... 16 Jan 2002 - Love's not for me, quite simpley... It's one of the great mysteries of the world that tonight, when I found out that Ethan Zohn of Survivor had a serious girlfriend, I felt distinctly pissed off, even a little disappointed. Odd indeed, not only because I never really entertained the possibility of going out with him, but because even if I did, to be honest, he wasn't REALLY my physical type (cute, sweet, and lurvely - sure- but all that hair would have to get to me eventually), and I probably wouldn't go out with him even if I had the chance. Okay, maybe I would. Hell, I don't KNOW if I would. Fortunately, it is a dilemma I am unlikely to have thrust upon |
| me. 19 Jan 2002 - I go about my business, I'm doing fine... I'm once again feeling excited and enraptured about my life (aside from, of course, my love life ;)) and all the things I'm planning to do... but... not about him. It just won't fit either way. 23 Jan 2002 - Everything breaks sometime... It seems as though I bounce between loving and hating people (not anyone in particular, but the concept of people in general) every few hours at the moment. Often people feel like such a hassle, like they're inevitably going to betray you if you let them in close enough, and then, suddenly, something incredibly minor will happen that makes me feel as though there's nothing I love more than being around people, socialising, and just acting as nice and friendly as possible. 25 Jan 2002 - And in time it will end... I wish I could go into some deep analysis, but I just really can't be bothered. I feel too weak. 27 Jan 2002 - And the same old song, they're playing it again... Well, I'm sitting at my computer, bawling my eyes out. Why, you might ask? Well, it's not because my heart's been broken. It's not because two of my so-called 'best friends' (although of course former best friends, not current ones) bitch about things they know nothing about behind my back (go team **** for making ^^^^ think I'm completely unstable). And it's not because I'm afraid of never being friends with ^^^^ again, because I could deal with that completely fine. It's because, in the past half an hour, I've once again lost all sense of control and agency regarding my life. 03 Feb 2002 - Let me show you the shape of my heart... Why can't I write about happy things in here? Ahhhhh yes, because that would be my 'public face'. What real need do I have to reflect on karaoke, or going down to the Bondi Hotel to disturb Chris and Kath's romantic interlude, or Penny practically ***************, or going to Opera at the Domain, or giggling and making fake phone calls and confessing to my secret teensy tiny crush that no one was supposed to know about, or the secret, non-existant appeal of ****? You get the idea. ;) previous next back |