time: 11:27pm
listening to: "she bop" cyndi lauper
bah its almost tuesday and i have no idea when im goin home or how im gettin there...oh well....what can ya do?
today was kinda outta the ordinary....i talked to erin today on icq which is awesome cuz i havent talked to her ferever....also she told me that sue had said that i should call her.....i havent talked to sue fer ages....so anyway i chatted with erin fer a bit....diana and i watched some tv and she left fer work around 4....i called sue and we chatted fer a bit on the fone....she told me about her trip to edgefest and we talked about our summers and stuff...it was good to catch up...she said she would prolly be going to london some weekend in the next few weex and that we should get together which will definitely be fun....after i was done on the fone i came online again and then zach msgd me.....we talked about edgefest and stuff....after i had my shower i went over to his place and watched "fear and loathing in las vegas"....oh johny depp what a funny lookin bald man u make....so zach and i hung out he made some grilled cheese and we watched some game shows and shit....i wonder how he feels about me....cuz we held hands and cuddle and shit again tonite....and i wanna kiss him but im not sure if thats a good idea...i dunno if the thought has even occurred to him...fuck i should just do it and find out i spose....but tomorrow hes sposed to be riting his essay and im prolly goin out with chantal finally :) cuz shes finally home from china (not really china but whereever it was she went this weekend) so i dont even know if ill see her....and diana has wednesday nite off i think so that would definitely not be time to be trying to kiss zach....and thursday nite im guessin i mite be goin home if dave ever comes back.....argh.....boys make things so complicated....
speakin of boys diana went out fer a drink tonite after she was done work with the delivery boy shes been talkin about like none stop since b4 i came here....its so cute.....just last nite i was tellin her she should go out with him after work....she said she was gonna bring him home so i could meet him...."check out the fresh meat" if u will.....i hope she brings him home tonite....altho i hope its not tooo late cuz im kinda tired after zachs...damn hippies :P
so i think thats it fer now...maybe ill have more xciting stuff after diana gets home.....til then kiddies
time: 3:15am
listening to: "fade away" scratching post
to quote hugh grant "fuck me fuck me fuck me fuck me".....tonite is strange....mir had a crisis which meant she was crying and i cant do anything to help xcept try and offer solutions and tell her how much i totally understand cuz i so been there....so that got me all into the computer...and now im talkin to kirk...about zach...weird....whoda thunk?? not me but i spose hes a good guy to ask fer advice on the situation given the similarities....yes i do know how to pickem...but anyway blah
oh ya diana didnt end up goin out with the delivery guy tonite...they closed up the bar early so she ended up goin to a co-workers place and sippin some wine instead....but she sez shell bring him home so i can see him....yay....yes im easily amuzed
03/07/01
time: 7:08pm
listening to: "total eclipse of the heart" bonnie tyler
dude i remember this song from when i was a kid.....me and my mum used to sing it....ahhh....back in the day.....i dont remember much from when i was a kid...its just spotty memories of this and that.....weird little tidbits that really dont make much sense when u string them together....
well mosta my life is like that...i have a horrible memory...thats part of the reason that i do this...cuz someday i know ill be like "what the hell did i do with those yrs of my life?!?!?" and ill be able to read all this shite and reminsce about my retarded little obsessions and tangets and stuff...oh ya....ive got it all planned out...i am the man
so anyway rite now im really bored....dianas @ work....so is zach.....and chantles @ school til 9....bah....2 hrs with nothing to do....god i hate waiting...im so impatient....i constantly need to be entertained and im not very good @ doing it by myself......blah...and now i dont really remember what else i wanted to rite about.....
oh wait i know....so last nite me talkin to kirk about zach....holy weird shit batman!! kirk said all this weird shit that sounded like hints that he still wants to fuck me....well @ least thats what it sounded like to me....its fuct....and im tryin not to read into it cuz i totally dont understand him @ all but dude its so fuct....i really dont get him....he hates me i make him want to die...he cant be with me.....and then he does weird shit like this...that boy is THE most confusing boy i know....once again i state "i sure know how to pickem" sheesh...but thats it fer now...maybe ill go eat something....my tummys growlin @ me....ttfn
04/07/01
so i finally did it....i kissed him.....a few times...and it was nice...but sadly i still have no idea where i stand....and im a really big geek i actually asked him if it would be ok if i kissed him....but whatever it worked....and i want to kiss him more....a lot more....but i dunno....i dunno what he thinx about me...if he feels anything for me...or if im just another girl who wants him....but i dont just wanna fuck him....i wanna be his girlfriend...i want a relationship....and i think itd be good with him....i mean hes nice and hes funny and i feel really comfortable around him and all that stuff....but i dont know if he wants a relationship....with me i mean...cuz i could really careless if he wants one with another chic...that doesnt help me out any....i dunno...i just....i want something substantial.....or @ least an attempt @ something like that....argh the pursuit of happiness...or @ least what i think will lead to happiness
anyway i actually know when im goin home now...friday after 12 sometime...whenever daves classes r done.....and then its back to walkerton fer me...i cant help but wonder whats gonna happen on the zach front....if anything...bah.....i dont wanna think about it...just something else fer me to obsess about i spose...just what i need...ah well....something fer my brain to amuse itself with i spose...
i wonder if other ppl do this...the whole thinkin and rethinkin...i wonder if zach thinks about me....i wonder if other girls do this about boys...so many things run thru my head on a daily basis....about everything....not just boys as one mite think...bout my life bout ppl in general bout my life...blah...but now im bored and i want to talk to ppl...im thinking its chat time...ttfn