me and laurie.....aint we purdy??
time: 12:58pm
listening to: "sleep walking" scratching post
bah....i just got up......my mom scared the shite outta me.....she called.....see no one ever calls me....especially during the day seeing as how long distance is mucho dinero and all that....but she called....cuz she loves me.....awww......aint she sweet?? i love my mom.....shes the coolest mom in the world.....anyway
so ya....last nite i went to see "hannibal" u know the movie with anthony hopkins follow up to "silence of the lambs"....well i liked it....it was kinda gorey....but i like gore....it makes me laff....so theres this part where he cuts off a piece of some guys brain and feeds it to the guy cuz hes still alive...did i ever laff.....i feel sorry fer the guy and the girl sitting beside me....they must think im one sick fuck...but cmon...its funny....it was ok....but i mean i wasnt xpecting it to be anything like "silence of the lambs" so i wasnt really disappointed u know? i think all and all it was a good way fer me to spend $5.75....and i got new york fries.....mmmmmm.....i love fries...so anyway i went with jay leslie meg and miriam...and then after the movie we saw marissa and her bf...it was like after midnite so we were all gonna take a cab back to campus but the van cab guy wouldnt take 7...only six...so me meg leslie and jay said that wed walk back to campus.....and we did...the others took a cab....so we walked.....i talked with meg the whole way....shes really cool i like her....we talked about our roomates and about school....she doesnt get along with her roomate....i didnt know that....i couldnt imagine how horrible my life would be if i had a roomate i didnt get along with...so i guess my life could be worse...and we also talked about vampire boox.....she loves anne rice....shes cool....so anyway we got to the tim hortons by the campus like and hr and 30mins after we left downtown....i got a honey glazed donut...mmmm....but i really wanted black forest cake but i didnt think i had enuff money so no cake fer me....so then there was just the walk back across campus....well jay decided we were gonna walk thru the snow....holy shit..it came up to my knees almost!! me and meg helped leslie cuz she was wearing shoes but we really werent much help....
im going to eat now......more later......mmmm.....food
time: 2:52pm
listening to: "fleetwood" the weekend
so ya....last nite....we got home some time after 2....mir and i ended up talking till late and blah ya...i went to bed....woo...
ok....so in the caf i was sitting with jay and some other ppl from my house.....and i saw this guy that ive seen around...hes well...my type....hes cute and ya....he was wereing this really cool blue and pink plaid shirt.....ya...and so i told jay that he was a guy that i could go for.....and well.....our friend natalie knows him.....so when we got back from the caf jay called natalie and blah....so his name is clayton and hes single....and ya....i feel like a retard....i hate this part....the whole getting to know someone deal......i mean....i dont want to get rejected.....and i dont know why he would want to get to know me.....im boring and weird and fuct up.....i dunno....plus this thing i have fer him is totally superficial so i mean hell prolly thing im an idiot.....and blah....i am....oh....im nervous.....god....im a freak....oh well....so i mite not go home tomorrow i mite go out with natalie and just happen to show up at the same bar as this clayton guy....oh...im gonna be so uncomfortable.....im so shy around ppl i dont know.....hes gonna think im an idiot......ahhhh!!
but i must.....will go work on the presentation that i have to do tomorrow......tata
time: 11:04pm
listening to: "on and on" crash vegas
so i did work....ya me!! and i got the pic of me and laurie from formal scanned woooo!! so here it is....
so anyway....blah.....im bored fer now.....no more.....more later tho im sure.....gotta get a hold of kirk...bah....ta ta
time: 2:02am
listening to: "love song" the cure
u know what i really hate?? defending kirk to ppl who dont know him....almost everyone i know tells me what a jerk he is tells me i can do better and all this shit.....how many of them know him like i do?? none....half of them dont even know him?? who r u to judge?? ppl tell me this shite to try and make me move so i feel better.....it just makes me worse.....how would u feel if i told u that the thing that u loved most in the world was a piece of shite?? that the thing u value most isnt worth yer time of day?? how is that sposed to make me feel better?? am i sposed to say "wow yer rite! ive totally waste the last year of my life on a waste of human xistence??" and thank u fer it?? i dont think so......he is an amazing person regardless....and rite now my friends r hurting me almost as much as he is.......
time: 4:10am
listening to: "how" cranberries
well i was under the impression that kirk was gonna call me tonite and tell me what he figured out....seeing as how he had to think things thru and all.....hes had 2 days...and he told me hed have it figured out b4 i came home.....im going home later today....most likely....but anyway he prolly went to mo gravy tonite and got picked up by some chick and is fucking her stupid while type...cheers to him....maybe then hell be able to figure all this shit out and my life wont be so fuct....and if he is fucking some chick i hope he has balls enuff to tell me....cuz really im a big girl....i can handle it...im starting to just feel numb....its nice....i like it.....maybe ill just stay this way fer a bit....give'er one fer me baby.....ram it in real good....i sit here reading what i rite and wonder why i dont really care....it sounds a little bitter......and ill give u that...i am bitter...u would be too if were told one nite that u were someones one and only.....something that ud been hoping to hear fer nearly 2 months and he knew it....and then the next day he took it back.....so ya....it fuct me up....i cut....but i dont care....i dont feel the urge to die i dont feel the urge to cut i dont really feel anything but empty....which in itself is not a good thing....but hey...ive bottomed out.....he cant do anything else to me.....i want to fuck him....and when he loox into my eyes theyll be empty....maybe then hell get it.....but too late im dead on the inside....oh well....no more pain no more sorrow.....just lonely and empty and dead...but i have a test in 4hrs i should sleep....tata