A very funny Lilys Interview

Lilys Interview
by Stuart Grayson & Robin Allport

The Garage in Islington has got to be one of the best venues in the country to see a band, and we were lucky enough to catch up with Kirt from the Lilys after they opened up for Urusei Yatsura. The Lilys have been kicking around now for a few years, enjoying some success in the USA with their last couple of long players, and most notably having one of their tracks as the backing to a Calvin Klein advert. They have just released their third album , 'Better Can't Make Your Life Better' in the UK to press acclaim and are currently backing this up with a series of live dates in the capital.

So Kirt, can you sum up the Lilys current mood in one word?
"Freebies."

One sound?
"Streamlined." (Is that a sound?)

OK, if you could rename various members of the British Royal Family, what would you call them?
"Scott, Mark, Paddy and Esther."

If the band could be sponsored by a product, what would that product be?
"Clarks."

If aliens landed in your back yard, what would you do?
"The first time or the second time?."

The first time…
"See what kind of tea they like…whether they like herbal or jasmine. Do you drink jasmine tea?"

I don't drink tea or coffee.
"You don't drink tea or coffee?? You're not a caffeine person?"

Its a bit of a soft drug for me.
"I actually enjoy the taste of Jasmine Tea, so its like… double your pleasure!"

Each to his own… Well, personally I am a beer and fags man myself.
"Ahh…that's the other twelve hours of my day. Beer and fags…good god!"

If you were collared by Dennis Pennis, what would you do?
"Den..Nis…Pen…Nis? What's Dennis Pennis?"

(A member of support band Eska then parp up and inform Kirt that Dennis Pennis is "He's a guy that comes along and absolutely tries to ridicule you in front of loads of people.")
"I would probably tell him that I wasn't shocked to find out that his mother is a man."

Barbara Bush, Hilary Clinton, Nancy Reagan - Which one do you do?
"There's a thing we have in America called 'The First Lady Menage-A-Trois' and I'd just take all three and find out what each one was good for. I mean, a first lady is a first lady….it doesnt matter which one you bag, if you can bag all three…. If there is a choice and you have all three in the room, then you take 'em all…. Experiment and explore…you create...My God! Impregnating three first ladies that were impregnable…that's what the aliens gave me - the ability to inseminate women past their flowering time. Thats what I said to the aliens, 'Here is some tea, and thankyou for the superspunk. Oh, and when will the Norwegians rule the world?' "..... "You know they're planning on it, a hostile takeover of the world."

If you are stranded on a desert island, and you can take 5 luxury items with you, what would they be?
"Urrm…A Smelting Operator, so that I could mould some of my own natural ores of the island. A thousand and one wood carving, and Ream My Ass 2, from the exotic buttmasters collection, because if I am by myself I am going to have to see some serious ass fucking, cos I know that I had been dealt a sour hand and know that the world was putting me on this desert island with an iron smelting device and a wood carving machine."

Why not take a woman with you then?
"What?! A woman is not really an item."

Well, we have asked similar questions of other bands, and they have opted for particular women…
"Well, that doesn't really count of possession though. That's very feminist of me…yes im looking to get laid. Three things… if I was to take three other things…hmm…Shit man, this is a pretty involved question. I would actually like to see what I could make when I was there, if I was gonna be able to build something really massive that would have taken the egyptians 200,000 men to build…I will just start small!"

When you were at school, what did you want to change your name to?
"My friends chose it for me, they called me Wally. If you look at any american press for the first four years of the band, I was referred to as Wally because even the writers did not know that my name was Kirt."

What message have you got to the people on the Internet?
"Be patient….I'll be dead soon."

(Note: all misspelling and errors left intact from original interview)

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