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The Porch im laying on the porch, on my stomach, thinking empty thoughts. my hair is drying slowly and beginning to curl. nothing special. i keep hoping someone will call. jarred or amy would be nice. or harriet. no one else would probably want to. paranoia. samara said she'd call me, tell me if i could come to the bellermine dance tonight. i dont think she wants me to. im sure she doesn't, ok, whatever. i can dig it. ill sit at home and study. maybe ill talk on aim to the guy whose already fallen for someone new. i didn't realize how great he was until he stopped loving me and wanted to be "just friends" ok i dropped that bomb, but to hear him talk about her on and on hurts. he doesn't even care that i kissed paul and might/probably will go out with jarred. ok matt. im not mad. have jill. but i miss you. like me again! am i pulling a popular girl? a popular guy liked him, but she had a boyfriend. but when he liked someone new- someone different, she got all mad. i dont want to do that. but i think i am. god im crazy. i feel like ive been dumped. maybe . i dont know what it feels like though. while im sitting here, everyones moving peacefully around me- they know who they are and what they're doing. i wish i did. |
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