The Porch
i sit on my porch i gaze out upon the perfet world surrounding me.... i bite my lip and close my eyes and i wish that i could join them. but instead, i sit on my porch, with my lukewarm coke, watching life pass me by
im laying on the porch, on my stomach, thinking empty thoughts. my hair is drying slowly and beginning to curl. nothing special. i keep hoping someone will call. jarred or amy would be nice. or harriet. no one else would probably want to. paranoia. samara said she'd call me, tell me if i could come to the bellermine dance tonight. i dont think she wants me to. im sure she doesn't, ok, whatever. i can dig it. ill sit at home and study. maybe ill talk on aim to the guy whose already fallen for someone new. i didn't realize how great he was until he stopped loving me and wanted to be "just friends" ok i dropped that bomb, but to hear him talk about her on and on hurts. he doesn't even care that i kissed paul and might/probably will go out with jarred. ok matt. im not mad. have jill. but i miss you. like me again! am i pulling a popular girl? a popular guy liked him, but she had a boyfriend. but when he liked someone new- someone different, she got all mad. i dont want to do that. but i think i am. god im crazy. i feel like ive been dumped. maybe . i dont know what it feels like though. while im sitting here, everyones moving peacefully around me- they know who they are and what they're doing. i wish i did. in perfect suburbia
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