painful love
never speak a word to me. the past it hurts, but the wounds have healed. to speak to me would stab my heart and i would bleed on you, my blood staining your perfect life.
i don't want the ice for my cheek
i hope it's black and blue tomorrow
i hope they call the cops on you
and i hope that they finally cart you off to jail.
and i hope they think im too screwed up to save and they pump me full of drugs and i die.
no one would care.
they'd come to my funeral and dab their eyes, but no one would cry.
they'd say "im sorry, my condolences." but really they'd never know who i was, they don't care. they'd go home and hang up their black suits and dresses, and they'd laugh with their friends, and eat with their parents.
but their parents wouldn't hit them or call them a stupid bitch. their parents wouldn't have the cops called on them or the CPA. their parent swould hug them, and love them.
and they wouldn't be afraid to have friends over because they wouldn't have to be afraid of their dad losin ghis temper or their mother having a fit.
they would cry about leaving the only person they loved as more than a friend. they wouldn't have to. everything in their life's fine.
the words hurt when she calls me a bitch, i cry. and when i cry, i think about him. i loved him. i really did. but he was too young, i know he wasn't ready. i don't know if i was, and he couldn've loved me. he thought he did, maybe. maybe he was on crack or retarded.
aren't we all? but i loved him. i loved the him i fell in love with though, not the him i dated. he was multisided.
maybe i'll blame that- he was a horndog.
but its my fault, i know. i'm crazy
not like everyone else on earth
but maybe then, everyone else is crazy too
maybe everyone has a mom with mentallness and a dad with anger problems
maybe everyone hates everyone else too
maybe, but i know it's just me
crying alone
as always
in perfect suburbia
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