| Hurt and Confused |
October 8, 2003 |
Why don't I fit in here? At first I felt totally like I did. But now...I don't. People aren't nice to me, no one really likes me, and since Amy left I feel like I lost one of the few people I really liked here- now I have no one. It's obvious Samara doesn't like me- she tries, and I appreciate it, but she really is harsh sometimes and I see that shes only nice because she knows she should be- afterall, carpools and manners and all that crap. But still- I don't know.... It hurts to be me. I like someone and I know that he doesn't like me. Samara- I'd give my fucking life for her, but she hates me, which is pretty obvious. I don't know why, but seeing her yearbook made me feel like killing myself- and I haven't actually felt that way in a while... I guess I'm jealous. Here she was, and everyone signed her yearbook. They didn't just be like "Hey nice boobs. Have a good summer. Good luck at Summit" (which I kinda ASSumed) or "u r funny- dont lose it. dont lose ur sense of humor" like in mine... They wrote real, sentimental, fun ones. Like I tried to write for people. God, I guess... Aw fuck, I'm just making myself hurt more. I don't understand life at all. Samara's room has this sign, right? It says something like "The only people you should love enough to cry over are the ones who will never make you cry" Well, I love too many people obviously. But humorously enough, almost all of them have made me cry.
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