| ~I can no longer Imagine~ 11-23-01 Only a short moment ago, I realized that I can no longer imagine what my wedding day would be like. I can no longer imagine what it would be like to have a husband or live a life with him. Why can't I see my self a married women? Why can I no longer imagine what it would be like to be tuly loved by a man? I can no longer imagine being a mother... Why? I used to be able to see these images so clearly, and now I only see them fading away into the abyss. Why? Why are the images that i've held so close, now disapearing? I close my eyes... the white flowing dress is shriviling up the faces of my guest are becoming distorted... The whole picture of my perfect wedding isn't so perfect anymore... wish i could understand why, now all of a sudden... I can no longer imagine my future? kvw |
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| ~Un-Shed Tears~ 10-9-02 After so many years of training yourself not to cry, when I finally need to cry.. I can't/ My body is screaming to release my pain. Inside, my soul throbs wich the sesire to be free from my un-shed tears... While outwardly my eyes are not only swollen with lack of sleep, but with my un-shed tears that are fighting to escape. Why is it so difficult for me to cry? It takes weeks.. some times months of things.. pain.. building up inside of me before I brake.. I wish it didn't take so long for me to shed my un-shed tears. My eyes are fill to the brim with my un-shed tears, but sor somer eason they never go past the edge. I pray for the day that my body is finally broken of the habit of keeping my un-shed tears... un-shed.. kvw |
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