| 2-11-02 ~un-titeled~ Why must you be sick again! Why must this time be with your heart instead of just your legs or blood pressure I am so terrified of lossing you to death. I know if you left me, you would be homw with Father, but must you leave so soon? Mom doesn't let on how worried I know she is... and even though she is making light of the matter... I know that the chances of your attack actually being nothing are slim to none... I have a sickening feeling that I will not have ou much longer by my side Father... and that is a thought that i cannot bear to think of.. I want you around.. I want you to walk me down the ile of my wedding day, and bounce your grandchildren on your lap.. I plan on having as many for you as possible... Please don't leave me, I am so scared I don't want to loose you I don't want my family to fall apart.. not when we had finially gotten it back togeather. I don't know what I would do if you were not here.. if my daddy was no longer here to hold me... take my side in fights with mom.. I odn't know what I would do if i never felt you hold me again..Your my daddy... and I don't want you to leave me. not yet not now not when things ahve been so good i love you daddy and i'm begging you please don't leave don't disapear on me again I don't want you to leave Cuz i love you daddy I love you |
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| ~Returning~ 2-12-02 The numbness is returning The sickening feeling the urger to see my arms and legs coverd in red yes old friend you are returning but even though you are back I can promise you that you will not get what you have come for. I will not give in! I will not slash! I will not return back to that dark void within with you this time! I have come to far to just give up! You cam fight me all you want! Make me as numb as you want! or make the pain so great it's impossible to bear! You can throw what you want at me! But my mind iwll stay the same. My fusteration is huge but my Abba is greater then this greather then this pain and I know I will find my life in Him . He will keep me from your pull and will keep me from returning with you! Come on!! I dare you! Keep throwing this life in my face! Keep making me think that there is nothing to this life! Keep trying to pull me into your firey grave along with you! But I tell you now, IT WILL NOT WORK! BECAUSE I WILL NOT GIVE UP! AND I WILL NOT GIVE IN TO THE TEMPTAIONT THAT YOU HAVE SET BEFORE ME! |