08.31.02 l 9:26 countdown: 3 more days till school
hrs hrs hrs..been caculating pplz hrs all day long. all ive seen ish nothing but numbers. gah..hate numbers!!! i jus realize that school ish going to start in 3 days. i dont want it to b senior yr..it jus seem like yesterday was the beginin of freshmen yr. ::yeey:: no more carryin all those heavy books n waitin forever in the long lunch lines. but everything ish going to end so soon jus like when it began. fun ish almost over n responsibilties ish kickin in. so much to do in such a lil time. first semester ish going to b hectic. i still gots to rite an essay for the school scholarsip thing. ish due october 11th i think i still hab alot of time rite it. i hate writing essay especially the one that u hab to submit. mai grammer ish so bad n i habent written in a long time. ne one wanna rite th essay for meeh?? ish jus gonna b essay after essay next yr..blahz..
- i wanna go ice skatin but i dont kno hoz to.. ne one wanna teach meeh hoz to ice skate??
08.30.02 l 12:20am
i woke up extra earlie todai cuz i thought i was going to go watch feardotcom with pplz. went over to diana's house to kick it there with kan for a while but after like five or so hours of waitin we finailly decided to leave her house..we jus sat there n watched tv the whole time..i was pretty impaitence todai..didnt like waitin for so long cuz i wanted to go to the movies even since i got there but it jus lagged for so long..then we decided to go eat at this italian resturant..i love the chicken noodle soup n garlic bread there *yummie* cheese ish good tooh..i put like so much cheese on the beef ravolies u cant see the red tomato sauce ne more..we tried lookin for the theather but we ended up at golfland instead. mini golf was fun but it was so windy out there..i got last place..63 >.< but for the 18th hole i made a hole in one..that bout the onli hole in one i ever made..went bak to diana house n now caculatin summer hrs..
i got this werid fish fortune tellin thing from this game at golfland. all u do ish put the fish on the plam of ur hand n how it moves ish wht ur fortune ish..when i did it the head curled up.. head curlin up: jealous o.O jealous?? when was i jealous n wht am i jealous of rite now?? i tired to do it again but the same thing happened..i denyed the fact that jus the head moved..i thought i saw the side of the fish kinda twitch but there was a crease on the tail that y it couldnt curl up..ish jus all excuses i gab them but they dont believe meeh.. i guess some parts of it ish left from bak then but i dont remba being jealous recently..blahz..stupid fortrun ish rite..could that fish told the future?? imma try to do it again later.
08.29.02 l 9:55m
woke up at like 11:30 n there was nothing to do at home. i thought it was going to b another boring day jus sitting round n doin nothing. good thing i hab buddies like them. around like noon time meeh diana n hakrit bus it to cal state to shoot pool . it was gyrls against guys. it was soOoOo funnie. i guess ish jus the fact that none of us were good at it we kept missin the balls and thanks to them some of the balls went flying. i almost got hit bai the last one that hakrit flipped off the table. score: 4 to3 ..we beat him... we won the first three games n his excuse was that i got the better stick. i dont kno if it got to do with the stick or not but after i traded with him we kept lossin. thats how he won three games. i choose not to gib in to the fact that it was the stick but that thought did cross mai mind. the last game was so scarie cuz both sides were tryin to get the last 8 ball in. all of us kept missin the 8 ball but at the end we managed to shoot that thing in n won the tie breaker. =) those vendin machine junk food cost alot. knowin mai impulsiveness i bout some ne ways. gummy bears cost like 1$..argh...i think i kno where all mai $ ish going to go to when i go to college.
after that we went to LaChandel cold stone's nite to support them. first i bought those creation ice cream "banana vanilla cunch" *yumMmie* i love banana..hehe..didnt talk much to the pplz that were there, jus sat round n did nothing for a couple of hrs. after starin at ice cream for like forever i got another cup of strawberry cheesecake ice cream. waited for mai dad to pick meeh up took him forever. waited like almost 45 mins cuz he kept going to the wrong places to pick me up.. he told meeh ne knew where i was but he ended up at juice it up. then when i told him i was at main n first st he turned right instead of left. i hab to like jump up n down to try n get his attention. argh..i hate it when mai dad comes pick meeh up. i jus hate it when parents think they kno everything n dont listen to their kids. they get mad at u when u correct them n ish like they got to b rite all the time even tho their wrong..argh..pist meeh off..
i thought mai bro ish jus going to reinstall window but now it turns out every program on mai comp ish messed up n he gots to format it. nooooo..all mai mp3.. i dont wanna go n dl them all again. i hope he can save all those for meeh. for now i am stuck on mai bro computer till he can get it fixed..but it doesnt look like ish going to b netime soon..it looks very complicated..all i ate all day was drink alot of liquid..i feel so watery rite now..umm i hab a small slurpy, half cup of soda , 2 bowls of ice cream , n now a bowl of soup..i am turnin into a camel..noo..i must not gib in to the camelness..eek!!!
08.27.02 l 1:05pm
window Xp ish soOo blue o.O .. hehe..everything ish blue..not sured how to use it rite now but i guess i'll get it later..blahz..stuck at home all day cuz mai mom ish home..noOo, she might take tomrow off tooh...
this ish going to kill mai summer, at least whtevers ish left of it..almost a week till school starts *eew* imma going to b so busy..7 classes, 2 clubs n after school SAT class thing..i wonder if that 1600 club thing actually helps u in SAT..i wanna go bak to school jus to kick it with friends but i dont want to do hw..2 AP classes next yr, that ish going to b a hell of alot of hw..senior yr ish gonna pass bai so fast.. SATs again..ne one who ish going to take the SAT in october tell meeh..i dont wanna go alone..
10:50pm ayiah..it took mai bro the whole nite to install XP but now it wont net work to mai comp..argh..freakin now ish going to take forever to uninstall it..ish bout like 11 rite now..its not going to finish in time..oh wellz off to the phone i go or shall i start stuydin for mai enviro test on the first day of skool..
08.27.02 l 3:03am
i didnt realize mai heart ish lockin it self away
i didnt realize imma pushing all mai feelins deep down inside
i didnt reallize mai eyes were tearing up
i didnt realize he ish not going to b there for meeh
i didnt realize i dont even kno why i like him
i didnt realize i still hab feelins for him
i didnt realize ive been liyin to maiself
i didnt realize i am runnin away
i didnt realize i am starting to doubt everything
i didnt realize i dont even kno why i like him
i didnt realize he was never mines to begin with
i didnt realize i was tooh blind to see the things happenin around meeh
i didnt realize everything was jus in mai mind
i didnt realize he ment more to meeh then wht i thought
i didnt realize i dont even kno why i like him
i didnt realize i am putting so much feelin into something that ish not even there
i didnt realize i am still holdin on to mai feelin for him
i didnt realize its hurting meeh more then it should
i didnt realize everything ish jus a dreams
wht i didnt realize,in the begining,ish that i was going to fall for him
08.26.02 l 11:23pm
dreams ... y does it force meeh to think of the things that i choose not to think bout..will it ever leave meeh alone..ish the 4th time imma habin this dream..each time i dream of it the time interval between each dream gets shorter n shorter n like now ish jus nite after nite. i probably should stop listenin to that song..mayb thats the reason y ish on mai mind..i think imma going to take justin's advice n not sleep. but imma going to need something stronger then coffe to keep meeh awake since coffee doesnt work on meeh in the first place
went to kick it at jonathan's house with liSa n khon todai. i watched urban legend for like the 3rd time o.O i cant believe that some parts still makes meeh jump. went to eat at this pho place on valley. bbq prok on shreeded rice *yummie* .. then we decided to go to almansor park to kick it some more. liSa was driving.. *scarie* haha JMin u kno i said that with love..hehe.. sat on the big rock facin the pond n talked for a while. ish kool pickin on pplz =) the pond looks so nice at nite..omg,the duckies look so cute sleepin..there was soo mani of them there i jus wanna swim over to the other side to pet them..i was tryin to find that one i was chasin the other time but i couldnt find it .. i was so scared that i was going to see mai dad there cuz he goes there alot at nite. they wouldnt stop laughin cuz i kept hiding. then we went to the driving range, ive never been there before.. the fatherst i can hit the golf ball ish like 40 somethin feet..if i hit a lil further the guy were goin to treat us to lunch.. freakin jonathan's golf ball went like almost 130 ft..liSa n kHon's golf ball went pretty far tooh..such krazie golfers
08.25.02 l 9:30pm
^ woke up todai think of u .. n the other nite n i made mai way threw .. so mani dreams still locked in mai mind .. it can never come true .. i press rewind, i remba when .. i close mai eyes n im with u again .. but in the end i can still feel the pain .. evertime i hear ur name ^ i dont like dreams, they r sooo EVIL. *sigh* the things that i dont wanna think bout comes bak to haunt meeh at nite. i try so hard during the day to not think bout it but in the end it comes bak in the form of a dream. shall i call them nitghtmares from now on..should i take justins esay solution: drink coffe n stay awake 24/7 but then imma going to look like the walkin undead. he said that i dream bout the stuff that ish on mai mind like this subconcious thing but the werid part ish that i am not thinkin bout that. n then it comes bak in the form of a dream to force meeh to think bout it. ACUR6TYP3R: maybe whatever ur dreaming of has had a great effect on u so thats why u dream of it .. i think thats wht it ish..it prob has an greater affect on meeh then i think it does
8.24.02 l 12:58am
*sigh* ... i dont get this. did he realli get with meeh jus to get that gyrl jealous. i dont kno. after readin that i jus felt like somone took a knife n like slahed it down mai heart. it kinda made meeh think that i ment nothing to him. regretting? regretting ever getting with meeh? i dont kno that hoz i see it when i read it..but i dont kno.. cant get this out of mai head "To make her jealous, i didn't keep my word. Ever wonder if it worked, but kinda regret doing that." that realli made mai day. imma starting to doubt everything again..rite from the beginin to now..everything..*sigh* i guess i was jus naieve to think that when he told meeh bout that before i thought he was jus tryin to make meeh jealous. i guess i wasnt a realli jealous person to begin with .i see thing realli simple..frineds r jus friends n there r times that u jus think pplz r cute..no big deal..but i cant seem to think that way ne more..i feel like jus hidig n cryin. everything ish over now..it wont matter if i cry..no one ish going to care ne wayz..imma not going to gib in. imma not going to cry but can i hold it in forever? so mani thoughts going threw mai heard rite now...pplz jus leave meeh alone..curiosity has gotten the best of meeh again. i was going to take pic todai but i dont think i can smile rite now
nu flavor - all out of love
10:39 jus got home rite now..it was a prety fun day todai. went to shoot pool with some friends at rowlin heights. thankie khon for invitin meeh to go along or else i would of mooped around the whole day at home being sad. =) tried to go shoppin at this book store with alot of cutie things in there. surprisin i didnt get nething.. i cant believe k-town dont got that freakin korean CD that i was lookin for..argh..ne one kno where i can find that CD by kiss, the one who sang "Because i'm a gyrl" umm..ate at a thai resturan called The Boat. mangoo stickey rice *yuMmMie* big thanks to liSa Q n Vincet for tryin to teach meeh hoz to play pool. i wanna go play again >.< look u pplz got meeh addicted to it..after that went out to eat again ordered this tuna corsant thing at Garden Cafe..o.O i habent eaten so much in a day for a long time. it was fun kickin it with them n jus talkin. mai punchin bad ish soo kool =) thankie for the food. so ish ur time to feed meeh now huh??
8.23.02 l 9:45pm
pool party todai at mrs.sedano's house...i actually wanted to go into the water even tho i cant swim..i was jus bobbin round n splashin water at pplz..pplz r so mean, even tho i was already getting in the water they still hab to push meeh in.. the sun was out n it was still so freakin cold inside the water..prob cuz i was wearing shorts. no one has seen meeh in shorts since like 6th grade. haha..if u wernt there then tooh bad. ish funnie tony got throwin into the pool like 5 times..i was so happie i didnt get throwin in..still tramatized from the other time at jeff's house. ate bbq *yummie* , meeting , n then bak into the pool. water fight!!!! it was all gyrl (meeh, ling, n jenny) agaist tony. splashin water ish soo kool. hate the feelin when water gets into ur ears. still got alot of water in there =/ it was pretty fun tho, better then last yr...
08.22.02 l 11:19pm
think i woke up like at 10..imma wakin up 30 min earlier each day, probably bai the time skool starts i can wake up at 7 without feelin so dead. umm..kan wanted to go eat lunch n we both decided to wake diana up.she got this funnie look on her face when i woke her up. ish not mai fault that u onli got like 4 hrs of sleep last nite. i didnt kno 0=) haha..ne ways..ate at carl's jr..we watched urban legend in reverse order..urban legend the final cut was soo lame..it was a movie within a movie within another movie..diana cant build roller coaster for nething..tryin to torture those poor poor pplz..kan fell asleep threw all the noise n started snoring. then we walked to get boba n another block buster to see if they got the first part of the movie..hope i remba wicich block buster to return the tape to.the first part ish better. watchin the sequal kinda killed the moive cuz i already kno wht ish going to happen..everyone gets killed based on urban legend stories..the movie wasnt scarie at all but like i didnt want to walk up to her second floor in the dark..i made her trun on the lights..for ur information i am not scared of urban legend..i jus didnt want to walk in the dark alone..whts the point of makin a sequal when it sucks???
if someone ish hella mad n they start sendin happie faces does that mean they've gone psycho??? freakin eh...stop scarin meeh >.< tell meeh if ur okie..ish okie to let the anger out..cuss all u want..dont hold it in...
08.21.02 l 1:44pm
woke up like round 10:30 cuz i was stupid enough to drink tooh much water before i went to sleep..sat round doin nothing n tryin to finish the stars that i was foldin for someone birthday.. jus need 200 more to hab a total of 823 stars..i think imma probably going to go over to diana's house later to watch "The Ring" ish suppose the scariest japanese ghost movie..something bout who ever watch that tape ish going to die unless u show it to someone else within three weeks..the ghost crawls out of the tv n scares the hell out of u..if i cant sleep tonite, some of u guy arnt going to sleep either >=D
11:40pm imma beginin to think that the things pplz been tellin meeh ish true..as much as i choose not believe it ish been happenin rite infront of mai eyes..i dont kno hoz long i can ignore this feelin, it jus seems like i dont feel nething rite now but when i sai that i dont i end up getting this werid feelin when i see him..ive been liein to maiself thinkin that he doesnt kno..all the bad feelins that imma gettin already shows meeh that he does kno but i choose not to accept it..ish kinda stupid if he doesnt kno since all of his friends does..oh wellz..if this ish hoz ish goin to b from now on i jus wished i kept mai mouth shut n didnt tell ne one bout it n jus keep it to maiself..
08.20.02 l 8:15pm
priority processin todai >.<..pplz woke meeh up at like 9..i was still half asleep when i got ready to go to registration..it onli took meeh like less then 15 mins to turn in mai emergency cards n pick up mai schedual n stuff..it was funnie to watch diana standin next to the door n the nark let everyone else behind her go except her..wht a loser..haha..
schedual for senior yr
1 WLD LIT 7 - WILLIAMS
2 TRG/PRE CAL - CHIN
3 PSYCHOLOGY - BOTTGER
4a ENVIRO AP - HYKE
o.O i dont hab lunch..
4b ENVIRO AP - HYPE
5 AM GOVT/ECON - LAU
6 MUSIC TH AP - CARTER
7 TRI CITY ORCHESTRA - RICHARDSON
class rank 91 out of 823 o.O ish that good?? i missed top 10% bai jus 10 ranks,it gets cut off at like 81 >.< ish all good tho..i feel sorrie for the person who ish 82..mai total GPA ish 3.61 i wonder wht ish the GPA for the person that ish first..she must b hella smart..
08 . 19 . 02
alot of walkin todai with mai sis..chinatown,mall, then diana's house..due to procrastnation i almost forgot to fill out the stupid emergency cards..y do we gotta fill this out every single yr..ish such a waste of paper..but fillin out the diploma form n readin all the senior dead line made meeh realize that there ish onli one more yr of high school left..it jus sad to kno that everything ish going to end so soon..imma not ready to b a senior n manage all those responsiblities..imma gonna miss alot of pplz when we graduate..i wanna go somewhere far away from home but i dont wanna leave all mai friends behind..it jus seem like yesterdai was the beginin of freshmen yr..this might sound weird but i wanna b a freshmen again..everything bak then ish jus so simple n the relationship between pplz are not as complicated as it ish now..no worries..no responsibilities..wht i would gib to start everything over again..alot of things i wanna go bak n change n do it over again in a different way..but ish jus not possible to change the past..
i feel original again..thanks to a friend n java script..i'd like to see hoz pplz gonna try n jack mai pic again..muhaha..if i spent time makin something imma not gonna let pplz jack it like that, at lesat not that easily..hab fun tryin to take it again >=)..ayiah..nm i dont feel original ne more..must she type like meeh..must she freakin hab the same icon as meeh..for reals imma gonna kick her now..alkjdfljskd..
- still waiting..still thinkin..still wondering..*sigh* but u will never kno..does wht pplz sai bout u ish true, that'll i'll never kno until the day i completely loose feelin for him..
08 . 18 . 02
dreams..does it subconciously reflect wht ish botherin u or ish it jus ur own thoughts tryin to untangle itself? i had a feelin that was botherin meeh but i guess i didnt want to believe it..ish been a while since i felt like that..i dreamt that i was runnin away from him n hidin from them..it all started out that i was jus talkin to her n he jus appeared out of no where..when they started talkin i jus turned round n started runnin..*sigh* everything sorta makes sense..i kno y i was runnin away..i guess that feelin never realli left meeh..it made meeh realize that even tho i dont feel it when it happens i still care bout it..some pplz sai that dreams r the last thing on ur mind before u fall asleep..but i was sure i wasnt thinkin bout that when i fell asleep..or maybe ish cuz i kinda let alot of mai feelins out n told stitch alot of the things i kept inside..ish kinda hard to tell someone wht ish wrong when they r apart of the reason y ur feelin sad....
for a moment i thought that i almost stopped breathin..i wasnt breathin rite n the room was felt soo stuffy..mai lungs r hurtin cuz imma forcin air into it..it doesnt feel like nething ish goin in tho..imma scared to tell mai mom cuz i kno she ish goin to nag..i wanna sleep off the feelin but imma scared that i might complete stop breathin..someone make this feelin go away..i dont hab ne inhaler or medication at home for this..i dont even kno hoz to use an inhaler rite.. ish so hard to breathe..it feels like someone ish stranglin meeh rite now..help meeh ..
08 . 17 . 02
argh..damn it..cant get the freak "back" link to work on this page...argh..i gib up..dont wanna mess with it ne more...ive been sittin here for 30 mins n ish not getting meeh ne where *sigh* cant conecntrate n i freakin dont hab the patience rite now to do nething..i feel realli confused rite now..dont kno y..feel pretty bad inside..ish jus this feelin..something subconciously ish botherin meeh..i realli wanna kno wht it i dont kno where to start to find the answer..thing r startin to build up..life sux..i hate feelin this way..blah..i wonder..wonder but *sigh*
woke up round like 10:30 this morning..went to the beach with 3 lisa, khon, lil john, leena, vincent, n david .. it was fun kickin it with them..gotta lotta sand in mai pocket..freakin salt water taste realli nasty..ish the first time i went in the water that was waste deep..freakin kohn draged meeh out there..it was so cold todai, not a realli good day to go to the beach..feel kinda sick rite now..hate the damp n dry feelin from the air at the beach..makes u feel all stickie n ickie..burried kohn in the sand n then went shoppin in the promena..all the pplz n lil stores reminded meeh so much of new york..i freakin ate like the coldest ice cream in the world..it was like made with dry ice..a lil bowl freakin cost like 3$..pplz r krazie drives these day..drivin so fast n cuttin pplz off in the fee way goin like 120..it was fun tho kinda felt like a rollarcoaster..some point it was scarie cuz like the driver kept changin lanes n it seem like we were gonna hit the car infront of us..dropped bai alans house a lil to help them finish the bbq from yesterdai
08 . 16 . 02
-last day of work..whoOo =D
-sang's house for bbq...both mai hands feel so numb rite now..freakin slap jack..argh..i think at one point i lost feelin cuz i hurted to much..i got alot of bruise on mai hand thanks to jonathan n booty..hehe thanks guy for tryin to protect meeh..i kno it hurts n all but i still love the game..i tried so hard not to scream n like after when jothan n mike slaped meeh one after another mai eyes were freakin tearin up..it hurted so much..ish all purple n red rite now..i think ish swollen >.< mai arms feel so weak, i cant even hold a fist without shakin.. parts of mai right hand where i got hit the most ish realli puffy rite now and mai left hand ish all bruised up..still hab that tingley feelin in one of mai arms..ish not that bad rite? i'll live..i dont kno if i still wanna watch a walk to remba ne more..the beginin seem all werid..didnt even make ne sense..but i still wanna see it..ne one wanna so nice as to lend it to meeh???
- part of meeh wanted to b where he was..but i couldnt make maiself move towards him..i jus sat there n looked round..wonderin wht hes thinkin..tryin to not let those feelin get the best of meeh..song of the moment: nobody's angel ~ i jus can't help myself ...
08 . 15 . 02
countdown: 1 more day of work left =)
thanks for callin last nite even tho u were a couple of hundred miles away..i dont kno if u hung up on meeh or i hung up in u before i got a chance to pick up the phone..prob talkin bout it would of made meeh cry but i mananged to hold everything inside n jus slept thew the nite..i was so dead asleep i didnt even hear the text message..hehe..thanks again..now that u remba dont 4get mai shell or else ..*muhaha* i hate to admit but i am a hypocrit..pplz should stop using mai own words against meeh
drama drama drama..ish an never endin cycle of gossip..soo much things happeend between the time i left work yesterdai n this morning...this guy worker was accused of hrassing one of the 13 yrs old gyrl at the center o.O there wasnt much of them there jus the 5 lil gyrls in the bak swimmin..she told her friends that the guy was like rubin her thigh or something but that guy sai that he didnt do it..the gyrl onli told pplz that cuz like she wanted to get close to him but he didnt let her..i dont kno who to believe..earlier this lady that i was workin with in the library resigned cuz she got fed up with the kids..she didnt want to put up with them ne more n jus left..i think ish kinda stupid on her part cuz the vocbs words she made them learn, alot of us cant even pronounce it..let alone spell it..psorisis, logorrhea, chihuahua <~~ wht kinda of 9-12 yrs olds can pronounce that..she jus askin tooh much from a bunch of kids that jus wanna hab fun at summer camp..notice the word camp..ish not skool..i dont kno why they want them to do work in the first place..
08 . 14 . 02
countown: 2 more day of work
i never knew that i can make pplz laugh n smile.. keep smilin dont b sad okie? but if onli i can make him smile..recap of todai..woke up at 7:30 n got to work at 8 .. i literally sat there n sorted crayons for 4 hrs straight..it was a freakin BIG box of crayons donated bai target or something like that..i think ish jus those broken boxes of crayons that they cant sell...they jus put it in one gigantic box n i hab to sorta them out..first i separated it bai the colors then bai the name..i was hella bored..it was better then vacumin the floor..everyone includin meeh didnt believe that i sorted every single one of them..there must of been at least 1000 crayons..learned some name of interesting colors todai.. eh, macronnie n cheese o.O hot dogs again for lunch...sat putside in the heat for two hours watchin the kids in the pool..i wanted to jump in n join them..it was so freakin HOT
11:45 *sigh* dont think i can hold it in ne long..imma scared the next time i wont b able to hold it in ne more..tryin so hard not to let it out..imma sorrie i cant help it but b a hypocript rite now
08 . 13 . 02
countdown: 3 more day of work
Staring blankly ahead, Just making my way
Making a way through the crowd, And I need you
And I miss you, And now I wonder
It's always times like these
When I think of you
And I wonder if you ever think of me
'Cause everything's so wrong
And I don't belong
Living in your precious memory
'Cause I need you, And I miss you
And now I wonder, If I could fall into the sky
Do you think time would pass me by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you... tonight
And I.. I , Don't wanna let you know
I.. I , Drown in your memory
I.. I ,Don't wanna let this go
I.. I ,Don't
08 . 12 . 02
countdown: 4 more day of work left
after 6 hrs of workin with the lil pplz i went to the movies with jonathan n bradley..stupid edwards with their freakin cheap sheats..hate sittin in those chairs..dont even kno y i still go there to watch movies..mayb ish cuz i cant go ne where else...those seats r so hard to sit in..tripple X was kool except that gyrl with the russian accient..it was so hard to understand her but besides that the action was good..Signs was so boring..that movie didnt make ne sense..the endin was so gettho, it didnt make ne sense..freakin jonathan kept laugin thew the scarie parts..i thought he was tooh scared n started to laugh like an idiot..i hab to admit some of the scene made meeh jump but then ive seen scarier movie..should i kill the movie for everyone..ish not like ish an movie worth watchin ne way..such a waste of time..i wanted to scare jonathan tooh..argh..next time..i think bradley got scared the most...not even half way threw the first movie i kinda felt lonely.. i couldnt stop thinkin bout him..prob cuz he was suppose to go tooh...couldnt put maiself to concentrate on the movie..i keep driftin off into mai own thoughts..i hab this strange dreamz bout him the other day..i cant remba wht ish bout rite now..but imma pretty sure him n alot of other pplz were in there..i dont kno if it was a dream or was it mai own thought cuz i kno i was onli half asleep but i was tooh tried to try to rite down everything that happeend..as soon as i was kinda awake i forgot everything..even tho i kno it jus a couple of minuets before..
- so here i am all by myself..thinkin of you nobody else..there ish a feelin inside and as hard as i try it jus wont go away..so mani feelins emotions runnin away with meeh - bbmak
08 . 11 . 02 11:34 pm
- woke up so freakin earlie this morning at 5 am to go to samuri 5k..didnt feel like i slept at all..so freakin tired..i didnt wanna wake up..think bout onli 2 hrs to sleep
- 6-9 am samuri 5k...runnner registration n drink set up
- 9-2 pm tofu fest .. i habent seen so much freakin tofu n strawberry in mai whole life..spent like 2 hrs standin in the heat cutting strawberrie.. after that i freakin smell like salmon the whole day cuz i was helpin them make "smoked salmon on soft tofu with vingerette horse raddish sauce" ..doesnt that sound applealing???
- watched some of the festival stuff..pplz *u kno who u r* were checkin out the drummers..freakin tony got a comment for everything..funnie day tho..kinda knocked over this ladys plate when i tried to take off mai tofu t-shirt n it spilled lemon snowcone juicy thing on her o.O ..krazie pplz dressed up as anime characters..there ish this anime i must watch..damn it now i gots to look for it..
- never eat at ne buffet in little tokyo..ish freakin expensive n there ish nothin to eat there..lisa n wendy made this nasty lookin mix of all the left over food..it freakin look like barf..lookin at that made meeh sick..i feel sorrie for the one that cleaned the table..yohan..ddr..frustration/speed..
08 . 11 . 02 1:43 am
wish i could ask but *sigh* i choose to remain silent
I wanna know why this feels so right
I wanna know why you hold me tight
each and everynight it keeps me up all night
thinkin about the things I like
can't believe your in my life
I wanna know why your the one
that thinks that they should
if you've already done
God sent you straight to me
you make me wanna sing
La da da da
But when you look at me
do you see your wife
can you picture us loving each other for life
are you playing the role, just like the rest
these are the questions I ask myself
if another should come who's finer then me
and she'd wanna take your love away
would you leave baby please
answer these questions
could this be my whole fantasy
maybe you could just be too good for me
if I don't wait then I won't see
cause if I'm not the one you met, then who is in me
In the mist of the tears how come
I love you more and more then one
I never longed for no one yes it's true
seems like these questions keep me, here with you
If you really wanna be with me
then i'll say I love you endlessly
one thing that I really wanna know
..will this end or will this throw us in now
If you really wanna be with me
I'll love you endlessly
one thing that I really wanna know
will this end or will this grow..
08 . 10 . 02
current mood: eh..not sure
slpet threw most of todai n the time i was awake imma jus online starin at the screen..i realli wanted to go out but there was no where to go..i was tooh sleepie in the morning when i woke up at like 1pm to get ready n go to kids field..stupid pplz kept wakin meeh up *ahem* ( stitch n diana >.< ) mai sis dropped meeh n diana off at alan's house round like 7 .. when we got there no one was home..sat infront of his house for like round an hr to hr n half jus talkin...it was kinda cold n the sun was setting..kan came n took us to the paseo..i offerd to treat them all out but ish so sad he wouldnt take it =( prob cuz he ate like a freakin cow before he got there..hehe..
on the drive there i was pretty out of it..i jus kept starin out the window until kan poke meeh n scared the heck out of meeh..knowin kan n his sense of directions i was going to tell him when to turn but i was so lost in mai thought that it didnt realize that we passed the Paseo..mai mind wanders so easily when imma lookin out the window..i seem to do that alot now..lost in mai own thought..still wondering bout,i rather not sai.....i tired to talk normally but i couldnt stop thinkin of him..i pushed it away but things had to come up n bring it bak..i almost forgot it bai the time we got into the resturant..but then where we sat remined meeh again..i think i was realli happie that day when all of us went there to eat the other time..everything from then on made meeh forget all the sad things i was goin through at that time..but everything ish jus memorie now..dont think ish gonna happen again..oh wellz...hawaiin buger at islands was good, endless tortilla chips n salsa kinda made meeh sick rite now..freakin kan scared the heck out of meeh..hope no one heard that i screamed..should i sleep now?? i gotta wake up in 5 hrs to go to samuri 5k n tofu fest..there goes mai sunday..ne one wanna come visit meeh tom..imma b in lil tokyo for 12 hrs
Is it all, Or are we just friends
There are times it seems to me
I'm sharing you with memories
I feel it in my heart
But I don't show it, show it
And then there's times you look at me
As though I'm all that you can see
Those times I don't believe it's right
I know it, know it
08. 09. 02
recap of yeterdai n todai
- i jus realized that onli 4-5 hrs of sleep in the afternoon
- stayed up all nite to watch sun rise
- 6-12 sleEpIn -_- zZzZzZ
- 12-2 freakin diana woke meeh up n wont let meeh go bak to sleep
- 2-7 online..no sleep
- last day of ROP .. work
-PAY DAY!!!!! =D
- jeff's house..swimmin o.O
meeh diana kan jess n gan all went to jeff house to swim..it was funnie to watch kan throw diana into the pool but wht comes round goes around >.< freakin kan n jeff both lifted meeh off the ground n freakin threw meeh into the pool..i almost drowed..freakin drank alot of those salty water..dont kno it tasted kinda salty to meeh..when i was in the pool i realized i couldnt stand or hold on to the side rails..basically i was jus bobbin in n out of the water tryin to breathe..played this werid game where u sit on someone shoulders n try to push the other team into the water..haha.. it was soOo fun...
game -
round 1 : meeh n gan vs. diana n kan - result: lost
round 2: meeh n kan vs. diana n jesse - result: won =D
round 3: jeff n gan vs. kan n jesse - result: kan n jesse won
round 4: jeff n gan vs meeh n jesse vs. diana n kan - reslut: 2nd
freakin jeff kept pushin meeh into the water..argh..imma gonna get him bak..kan ish a cheater..he kept cheatin..all of them were cheating...got bored n decided to try n float..the last time i was in the pool was a yr ago when freakin will threw meeh into the pool at mRs.sedanos pool party.. -_- whts with these same kinda pplz throwin meeh into the pool ...jesse and gan tried to teach meeh n diana hoz to swim..i freakin look so retarded when i swim..when i tried to swim across the pool i freakin got a cramp on mai leg..it hurted alot but besides that everything was soo kool..thankie guy for tryin to teach meeh hoz to swim
08 . 09 . 02
3:37am [thought of the moment]:
feelin ish one werid thing..so hard to deal with n doesnt make ne sense..hoz u feel bout a person determines hoz u treat them..feelins ish something that ish so hard to hide even tho u try so hard to..it alwayz shows even if u think uve fooled the world..*sigh* each time u learn form ur mistake n when it happens again ur heart shields itself to protect u from gettin hurt..hes rite i am scared..all i can think bout ish nothing last forever...everything seem like dajavu..the scarie part ish that ish happenin at the same time..i stopped thinkin cuz i dont want to think that ish goin to send the same way..pushin everything aside for now but when it reach the top n i cant push it away ne more..wht am i to do then..mai mind tends to make up explination without meeh knowin it..i try to find answers to explain with ish happenin n everytime i do i pick the worst possible outcome..i cant think positive ne more..mai mind doesnt wanna accept the fact that nething positive ish happenin..i wonder if he knos...i dont think ill sleep for the rest of the nite
5:48am
imma still up.. *surprised*.. made jonathan n diana stay up n keep meeh company =D..i wanna see the sun rise..the last time i did this was when i went to new york 2 christmas ago..i didnt sleep all nite but i kept fallin asleep chting..they not going to sleep till i go to work >=D ..muhahahaha ..the sky look so pretty rite now..ish so clearish blue..i should of sat outside n looked at the stars all nite =( ..n posibally talk to someone on the phone all nite..all the stars n the darkness in the sky ish gone now..nothing much to look at it the plain blue sky..prob hab to wait till tonite to look at the stars again..ne one wanna take meeh up to the mountains to look at the stars from up there??
things to do later todai:
- ROP then work
- watch tripple X later with pplz
- slEeEpie..need more sleep
08 . 08 . 02
- ROP then work.. onli one more day left =D
- went to dollar tree to buy things for the scavenger hunt.. spent 26$ o.O
- online..bored to death..
- took this quiz.."What Do You Want Out of Life?" result: o.O
You're a hopeless romantic. You fall in love easily and quickly, and often have your heart broken. You like romantic movies, books, and you're always trying to think of some way to wow your honey. People call you sentimental or idealistic, and sometimes they even make some comment about they might vomit if they have to listen to go on and on any more. Phew. Some day, though, you will make someone very happy.
- "What Mood Are You In?" result: eh...
What's Your Mood?
- imma hella bored rite now..someone save meeh...
08 . 07 . 02
one hella boring day todai..didnt do much but sleep
*sigh* still wonderin....
08 . 06 . 02
didnt wanna wake up this morning for freakin ROP..onli 3 more day of class n ish over..played that card game again todai..this time tony didnt play o.O freakin pplz kept killin mai cards..some of them were so mean they took the card that i need n they onli took it cuz they kno that i need it >.< they r all CHEATERS !!! our van driver lady was late..we were waitin there for like 15 minuets..she ish a freakin krazie driver..swirve in n out of lanes and doin all these krazie stuff..i hate sittin in the font seat cuz it feels like ur going to fly out the big wondow..none of us put on our seat belts n she breaks so hard that u kinda lift up from the seat..onli 3 more day *knock on wood* spent almost like 3 hours drawin this egypitan thing..damn that pharos head took forever to draw..it was funnie hoz this kid made the pplz get on their knee n worship him because he was the pharo for the day...some of them actually plop on the floor n start prayin o.O
went with rosanna to this printin place after work..then off to the freaks house to watch anime..taco tuesday *yummie* ..dna sq. was soo kool...haha junta was soOoOoo cutie..haha..didnt get to finish it..watched like almost 7 esopides..imma half way done..prob gonna finish it tomorrow...i wanted to stay n finish it but i gotta go home..ice cream *yuMmie* baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka baka ..HAHA...diana san wa baka no hito to omoisamu !!!!! dame desu neHAHAHAHA =P ..ish funnie tryin to talk to her on AIM in japanese..u freak stop jackin mai phrase!!!
ish so easy to stare out the window n start to think..everythin outside the window seem to peaceful but yet inside mai mind ish so complicated..as we grow older we dont see things the way we used to..i kno i dont..relaity sux..i cant seem to sort out alot of things in mai mind rite now..after seein everything that has happened in this short period of time, it made meeh see things in a whole new perspective, i can sometimes tell apart wht ish wht but at times i would rather not kno wht each feelin ish ment.. i still wonder bout alot of things..things happenein now, bak then, n the "wht if.." i hate trappin maiself in a corner..imma jus lost..lost in mai own thought..would there b someone out there to help meeh out of this or do i hab to continue to think on mai own and go through this alone...blaque~question..i wonder if he or ne one reads mai journal
08 . 05 . 02
it didnt seem like i slept at all last nite..freankin so tired in the morning..the first half of ROP i was studyin for environment n then the other half went to play this realli werid but fun card game with daniel will judy n tony..freakin tony wont stop cheating..he kept lookin at mai cards..that freak..haha i think i won that game..almost 200 points..=D
i dont even kno whts the name of the game..
- goal ish to get rid of the cards
-all the face cards and ten r worth ten points
-the ace ish worth fifteen points
-n the rest of the cards are worth five
-u can onli put down straights of the same suit n three of a kind
-deal ne odd number of cards
-the person left of the shufflers starts first
-u either pick a card from the deck or pick it from the pile that pplz dropped
-u can put down ur cards on ur trun onli
-u got to make use to the last card or ull b floatin
-at the end of the game whtever card left in ur hand u deduct the points
work seem to pass by pretty fast now since i hab something to work on in the lib..the club sandwiches was genovesis ish good..but then tooh much vinegar..hate vinegar..dont kno y there ish so much of that in italian food..went to party city after work..n walked down every single freakin asile lookin of things that look egyptian..didnt realli find much things..bought like gold rings, serving tray, cupcake foil, candy corn, n streamer n that freakin cost meeh like 14$ >.< dont kno y i am spendin that much money on lil kids..
08 . 04 . 02
- didnt do much the whole day todai..went food shoppin with mai sis in the afternoon..will called meeh to go out at like 8:30 at nite to jesse surprise bday party..
HAPPIE 19th BDAY JESSE
ur old >.< hehe.. JKin
i was surprised that mai mom let meeh out that late o.O...usually i cant go out after 6.. hehe..i literally had to run out of mai house to meet Kan at burger king so that he can take meeh to wills house..umm..shanta, michael, jesse, kan, gan and of course will was there then diana came later..when we were waitin for her we played this game cube game with all the nintendo characters..freakin kan beat mai pikachu with this werid guy..we all sang happie bday to jesse..guy come up with the weridest convo..seriously it jus comes out all werid n funnie..it was fun i was laughin most of the time..then we decided to go to gravity hill..i called up richi for the directions..when we got there it took us almost an hr to find that freakin spot where the car rolls up the hill on nutural..it was kinda scaire like 6 azn guy were standin outside at like round 12:30 in the morniing..jus standin there n lookin round..didnt kno wht they were doin there so late..maybe jus like us who knos..we were drivin until we ended up at haunted forest..it was so hard to find that spot but when we found it kinda stayed there n mess with that spot for a while..then shanta drove meeh home..it would of been kool if we went to haunted forest instead..it would of been so scarie cuz ish realli late..didnt get home till like 1:30.. ish surprised mai parents didnt get mad..they were pretty kool bout it..oh wellz ish gettin late rite now gotta wake up in 5 hrs to go to work -_- gotta get some sleep in before i cant wake up tomorrow..so tired
08. 03. 02
roberta called in n sorta woke meeh up but i woke up jus two seconds before the phone rang..he asked if i wanted a dog..tooh bad i couldnt keep one -_- i always wanted a dog but then come to think of it imma not going to b a good owner..sometimes i even forget to feed maiself o.O hope the lil doggie finds a good home..ate a lil bit of viet noodles for breakfest/lunch..kinda went online for a lil while..mai sis dragged meeh out of the house to go eat with her..when were done i fell asleep in the car n i ended up at west covina mall..i was like wht the hell when i woke up..i seriously didnt kno where i was..i got one of those gray GAP sweaters for 7$ o.O originally ish for like 48$..didnt kno hoz that happened, think the casher guy made a mistake or something or was it on sale..walked round for like 3 hrs..so freakin tired rite now..bought like a long coat, t-shirt n jeans..she ish rite i am an impulsive buyer..
if i hab to sit here n figure out hoz to make the skins for three hrs imma seriously going to go to her house n kick her..freakin got meeh addicted to makin a web site, riting journal n makin that skin..there better not b a list startin but it dont matter mine list ish always gonna b longer then hers..haha ish a good idea that she can use the one i make n i can use the one she made..oh wellz wish meeh luck imma try to make it rite now..i hab a feelin imma not going to sleep netime soon tonite
08. 02. 02
work was pretty relaxin todai didnt realli do much..most of the kids werent there n like there was more then enough workers to look after the kids..jus kicked bak n help plan the egyptian scavenger hunt..ate grilled cheese sandwich n pizza for lunch..OMG i dont wanna go bak to work ne more..ish was so freakin scarie..i found out todai that the day care center used to be a mourtury...thats scarie..kinda explain y the doors keep slamin shut n open n closin bai itself..there was this door that led to the font office it freakin like opened and closed all the way bai itself..it looks like as if someone was peekin in to take a look at the lil kids sleepin and also that freakin door at the arts n craft room slammed shut rite behind meeh..freakin scared the hell out of meeh...everytime i go into that room now i alway look behind meeh to see if the door ish gonna close or not..damn eh i dont wanna hear that door slam again..alot of the works freak when like the doors slam stuff n they alway got that realli scared look but wouldnt tell us y thwy were that scared..argh..i alway thought the center used to be a church cuz it got tho yellowish tinted arch window n the bell at the top..ish jus the way that it was build looked like a church..i remba one time durin quiet time when i was watchin the kids i was wonderin if it was a church n hoz was those asile long chair were placed..like where would the pplz b facin if they were there to liste to that guy talk bout church stuff...that was so freakin scarie i dont wanna be ne where alone in that place..imma so freakin paranoid when imma alone..jus those paranoid thoughts freakin pop into mai mind n mai imagination freakin scares the hell out of meeh..i was about to stay over nite there tooh for the camp out..dude if that guy told meeh earlier i wouldnt of like to stay in those rooms bai maiself but it would of been a kool camp out storie cuz ur there late at nite n no one ish round to see if nething happens...
afta work went to meet up with diana, kan, kevin, n helsie at starbucks...it was so freaki hot todai..i almost died from the heat when i walked from skool to star bucks..imma in bad shape, it was jue like three blockes n i was tired..gotta start walkin more again but this ish tooh freakin hot to walk ne where..i wanna go to paseo..ne one wanna join?? walked to kan's house to watch anime..i think ish called chobits or something like that..then jesse joined us..we were suppose to go to glendale but then some pplz took forever so we decided to get boba..peach snowbubble =P..walked all the way down 6th steet to kick it at her house..watched more anime, this time ish love hina..i like that way better then the other one..hehe ish funnie he always gets beaten up ai gyrls..no kan it does not show that gyrl r evil it jus show that guy r idiots =D haha JKin..ne one wanna lead meeh the eposides for love hina..i dont wanna dl it maiself ish freakin gonnna take forever..i cant freakin find nething to do onlie these day, not alot of pplz talk n i jus end up sittin infront of the computer n fold star..freakin i hab no life -_- so boring i wanna go out rite now..
umMm..it was so hard tryin to explain wht i was saii in mai journal the other day to her..ish jus that the feelin passed n imma jus in lost of words rite now..or ish that i dont kno hoz to explain wht i was feelin..humm...everytime i try to it jus seem to confuse the heck out of her cuz imma not makin ne sense..oh wellz..would possibablly ne one kno hoz to felt that moment..prob all i can sai ish try to be on the other side n ull get every single thing imma saiin..
08. 01 . 02
dont kno y ive been so tired lately..i think i slept for like 11 hrs last nite n i still cant seem to wake up in the morning..i was almost late to ROP again this morning..danm jus found out that it ish required bai law to take a lunch break if u work for more then four hrs..damn!!! i wanted to leave earlie tooh..argh!!! i dont wanna stay there for extra 1/2 hrs..i wanna leave..ish kool if i volunteer there tho..ish all good but workin there ish bad..i think imma gonna miss some of the kids when i leave...ish so sad =(..some of them r pretty kool once they dont get on ur nerves..for some reason i wanted to stay over night for their camp out tonight..it seem like so much fun..i cant believe alot of the lil pplz there knew mai name but i dont realli kno theirs tho..i wish i can be a kid again..no worries bout nething..
after work went to get boba n then kick it at diana house with stitch...freakin diana got meeh addicted to like the pokemon stadium kids stadium game..haha it was so funnie...i kept challenin her again n again cuz i wanted to beat her..poor stitch wanted to get food but then i made him stay *pat pat* ish okie being a lil hungry ish not going to kill ya..hehe..i couldnt believe that i couldnt beat her in the rattitat rat race..argh...that sux..but it didnt take meeh long to beat her =D..it was so kool cuz i beat her bai one second..haha..jus ONE second..but i still couldnt beat her at the lick-a-tongue sushi eatin thing..i was gonna freakin stay at her house till i beat her but then i wanted to finish watchin anime..hehe..love hina was realli funnie..haha..kei(4got the rest of his name) was funnie he kept flyin in the sky n everywhere he went there was this three wise men walkin round gibing weird advice..yupyup..imma going to go over to her house from now on to finish watchin those anime..we didnt get to finish the second episode cuz beyond belief was on >.< kan came n i went home...rite now imma talkin to stitch on the phone..then diana called in..rite now imma so wide awake for some reason...