"Look, you guys!"
Charlotte, a friend of Rachel's from choir, pointed out the couple walking together. "It's Jacob and Rachel! Aren't they cute together?"
"Yeah, I guess," Carlos grunted.
"You're just jealous, Carl," shot back Abigail. "Just because she's your neighbor doesn't mean that you have a chance with her. Besides, she's a sophomore. You're a freshman."
"Well I'm older than her. Taller, too."
Charlotte, Abby and Michelle all gave him looks. "You're older than her?"
"Yeah, by like, four days."
"Cool. But that still doesn't mean you have a chance with her. Didn't you go to Mid-Winter?" Michelle asked.
"No� who was I supposed to ask?"
"You could have gone by yourself. Anyway, if you haven't heard already, Jacob and Rachel got together on Saturday."
"Really."
"Really? Oh, that is so cool!" Charlotte exclaimed. "Aww�"
~*~
"Oh, my God, I'm so sorry."
Rachel had bumped into Maria. "What are you trying to do, Rachel?"
"Nothing�"
Maria's face broke out into a smile. "I was just joking." Rachel hadn't seemed to notice and looked very sad. "Rachel, are you okay?"
"What? Yeah, I'm fine� kind of�"
"What transpired that I don't know about?"
Rachel shook her head as she walked into the classroom. "Nothing that you need to worry about."
"Okay� if you insist." Rachel grabbed a dictionary, her vocabulary booklet, and her literature book and headed for her desk, laying her head down before the bell rang. She wanted to cry. Rachel knew that it was going to be hard, but she didn't realize that it would hurt this much. Was she really doing the right thing? She had to. Her fate had been chosen for her, and, like Serena said, she'd be happy with either one of them. Now if she could only get through the next two periods without crying, she'd be okay.
"Rachel."
She looked up. Evelyn was standing there. "Hey, how's your boyfriend?"
"I don't have a boyfriend."
Evelyn looked back, confused. "Yes, you do."
"No, I don't."
"But�" she sputtered. "I saw you and Jacob at the dance."
"So?" Rachel sighed. "Look, just drop it. I don't want to talk about it."
"Okay, fine." The bell rang and she returned to her seat. Everyone picked up on Rachel's lingering sadness. Obviously, thought Evelyn, something happened between Jacob and Rachel; otherwise, Rachel wouldn't be so sad. She resolved to ask Jacob about it next period.
~*~
"Hurry up, Rachel. I have to bathroom."
A smile crept onto Rachel's face as Karina urged her to hurry. "Wow, that's a first. You seem really sad, Rachel."
"I am."
"Why? Shouldn't you be happy? You have the guy you wanted."
Rachel was silent.
"Ohh. Is this about Ethan?"
*silence*
The tears were threatening to fall. Through them, she could see the small image of Jacob as they walked toward his chemistry class (they meet their friend Jane there; also, it's right by the bathrooms). "Don't cry, don't cry," Rachel muttered.
Karina looked at her friend. "Rachel, what's wrong?"
"Nothing� just get to the bathrooms before Jacob sees us. Hurry."
Bewildered, Karina obeyed. "You didn't answer my question, Rachel. Hold the door." Rachel held the door as they continued to talk. "Does this have to do with Ethan? Why didn't you want to see Jacob?"
"Karina, you'll find out soon enough."
"Something's up, Rachel, and I want to know what it is."
"I can't tell you yet. The main people involved need to know first." Karina tugged at the door and Rachel let go.
"Look, I just want to know why you're so sad. I don't like seeing you like this." Karina washed her hands and tried the towel dispenser. Of course, there were no towels. "Geez. I have to go out there with wet hands."
Rachel didn't say anything. Jacob was still standing there, talking to his friends Nick and Casey. Her gaze lingered on them for a little bit before Karina broke her train of thought.
"Are you waiting for Ethan?"
"Yes, actually."
Karina sighed. Then she said, as she usually did, "Rachel, it's just Ethan."
"Just Ethan? He's the guy I gave up all my happiness for? He's the guy I finally decided on? Ethan is the one I broke two people's hearts for and you say he's just Ethan? How insensitive can you be?"
"Rachel, what are you talking about?"
"Nothing. Forget I mentioned it."
"No. I want to know."
"You'll know soon enough, damn it!" Rachel's temper was starting to flash� which doesn't usually happen. But did Karina back off? No.
"What is your problem? I was just asking a simple question."
"Well it's none of your business, okay? Now just leave me alone."
"Fine. I see how it is." Karina stormed off, leaving Rachel walking by herself. A few tears spilled out before she could catch them fall. She forced herself to think of happy days. The days when all she worried about was her best friend's problems. The days when she could see Angelika every day, with the people she had known since she wasn't tall enough to use the sink without a stepstool. The days with 3-2-1 (Rachel, Rachel, Robert, Alex, Angelika, and Tara), her crew� oh, those were the days. Rachel wished she could turn back time and not worry about the things she did now. Then maybe she'd be happier.
"Rach?"
She turned, her eyes still tear-filled. Through them, she could make out the blurred image of Ethan. He came towards her and gave her a hug, which she didn't respond to. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she mumbled. "I'm just sick and my contacts are bugging me."
Ethan scrutinized her. "Rachel, you don't have to hide anything from me. I know something's bothering you. Tell me."
"Later, okay? I need to look like I wasn't crying."
"Think of something funny. Here. 'There's no sense in beating a dead horse.'"
*Flashback*
Ethan, Rachel, Andrea, and Crystal were sitting in their math class, in their group, trying to figure out a problem. Their teacher, Mrs. Risinger, was trying to explain something to them, but they couldn't get it. "Okay, fine," she conceded. "I guess there's no sense in beating a dead horse."
Ethan and Rachel (who, at the time, did not know each other very well) turned and looked at each other. They started laughing. So did the rest of the class. "What, haven't you heard that expression before?"
"No," chorused most of the class.
After that had passed and the class was back underway, Rachel and Ethan would just look at each other and then crack up. "What is so funny?" Mrs. Risinger demanded, after this had gone on for a while.
"I just can't see someone beating a dead horse!" Ethan exclaimed. Rachel just started laughing again.
"It's a figure of speech," the teacher explained. "You're not supposed to take it literally."
"I know! But the mental picture is hilarious," Rachel stated.
"Whatever she said," Ethan agreed.
*Reality*
The memory made Rachel smile. "Thanks, Ethan."
"No problem." They walked into their French class together.
~*~
Evelyn nudged Jacob as Mrs. Risinger took attendance. "What's up with you and Rachel?"
"How did you know about that?" Jacob asked, surprised.
"I saw Rachel last period. She's a wreck."
"She is?" Evelyn had Jacob's full attention.
"Yeah, she was really sad about it and everything, and she looked like she was going to cry. Really."
Jacob was quiet for a little bit. Then he said, "Look, I can't tell you anything yet. If Rach does what she has to, I'm sure she'll tell you about it." His face fell as he said this. "Just know that there is no more Jacob and Rachel, at least for now."
"So you guys broke up?" Evelyn asked.
"Like I said, I can't tell you anything specific yet. Just wait."
~*~
"Rachel, can I check your answers with mine?"
"Sure."
Amalia, the girl that sat next to her in French class, took Rachel's paper and compared it with hers. Rachel couldn't concentrate. She tried not to think about Jacob. Then again, looking straight up, she would find Ethan. And that gave her some consolation. He was the whole reason she had given Jacob up.
Mrs. Chasez (no, no relation to that Chasez family� if you are a true 'N Sync fan you'll know what I mean) then held up the roll sheet. "Whose turn is it today?"
It was Monday. That meant it was Ethan's turn. Before Ethan could reach Mrs. Chasez to retrieve it, a beep was heard from the speaker in the front of the room. Rachel was being called up to the guidance office.
"She needs to come right away."
"All right. Here, then you can take it," the teacher concluded, giving the roll sheet to Rachel.
"No! They said that they need her right away, right? So if she goes to drop it off, then maybe she'll be late," Ethan argued.
"Ethan? It's only a few seconds," Rachel said, gently.
"Yeah, but�" He sputtered, and then protested, "But I want to take the roll sheet up!" He pouted.
"Fine, whatever you want." Rachel handed it over to him and left. Ethan caught up to her after she had walked out the door. "Rachel, why were you crying?"
Suddenly, Rachel burst into tears. "I can't help it, Ethan."
"Can't help what?" He put an arm around her and tried to console her while walking at the same time. She was sobbing by now, venting all the welled-up feelings inside of her.
"Ethan, do you know what it's like to lose someone you love?"
He nodded sullenly. "Yes."
She looked up at him and realized what she had just said. "Oh, Ethan, I'm sorry." Then she brightened. "But you know, you haven't lost me."
He exhaled. "You have a boyfriend."
"Not anymore."
Ethan stopped walking and said, "What?"
Rachel smiled. "No, I don't. That's why I'm crying. I do love Jacob, really I do, but� there's someone else who I love more."
"That would be�"
Rachel didn't say anything, just went back to Ethan, looked up at him, and wrapped her arms around his neck.
"�me?" He continued his trail of thought. "Rachel, does this mean�"
"I chose you, Ethan," she nearly whispered.
"Are you sure about this?"
She nodded. "Believe me, I thought it over a lot. I mean, Jacob is great and everything, but I know you better. Besides," she added, a mischievous glint in her eye, "you live closer to me."
"Oh, I see how it is," he played along, running his hands down to her waist. A chill went down Rachel's spine. She looked him in the eye, and he leaned down to kiss her. Right before their lips met, she turned around and said, "Ethan, they're going to be wondering what happened to us." But she was smiling. Oh, how she loved to torture him.
"Oh. Yeah. Right." He caught up to Rachel again but this time put his arm around her waist and together, they walked up to the offices. Rachel said, "Wait for me, yeah?"
"Of course." He kissed her forehead before going into the attendance office. She walked on, alone, to the guidance office, where she met with her guidance counselor. They finalized her new schedule and said it would take place starting tomorrow. Rachel graciously thanked her and headed out, clutching the piece of paper with her schedule, scanning the area for Ethan. He wasn't there. It wouldn't take him that long to return the scans� Puzzled, she walked towards the direction of her class.
Suddenly, someone grabbed her from behind. She screamed, but before anyone could hear her, she was engaged in a kiss. When she pulled away, she saw it was Ethan. She glared at him playfully. "God, Ethan, you scared the hell out of me!"
"Hey, but I couldn't wait any longer to do that." He smiled.
"Well, if we're going to make it official, can't we at least do it right?"
Ethan was quiet. "You do have a point. So we are going out?"
"Well we haven't actually gone out, but yeah, I guess�"
"That's easily fixed. You wanna go out with me on Friday? We can go watch a movie or something."
"Sure." Rachel beamed.
"Now. It's official. So what do you say? We do this right?"
Rachel nodded, not really listening to him. She was looking into his deep turquoise-blue eyes, and something came over her. "Damn, I want you."
He gasped and then grinned. "My God, I never thought I'd see the day you'd say that to anyone, especially me."
"Ethan, just shut up and kiss me already."
He happily complied.
~*~
(10 minutes later�)
The couple [FINALLY!] pulled away from each other. "Wow� I mean� oh, my God, I can't believe I actually made out with someone," Rachel stammered.
Ethan laughed. "Look at you."
Rachel's hands went up to her face. "Oh, God, I must look like a mess, huh?"
"Not to me you don't."
Rachel smirked. "Then again, look who's talking."
"What?"
"Nothing. I suggest you go in first and� check a mirror. Yeah. Check your face or something."
"They'll be wondering where I was."
"Say you got� sidetracked," Rachel suggested.
"Sidetracked. Right."
"Seriously, Ethan, you should be back first. All you had to do was take up the scans. See, my appointment could have lasted all period."
"Fine, fine, you win." Ethan softened then. "But come back soon, okay?"
"Don't worry. I will." She gave Ethan a kiss on the cheek and watched him head into the room. As soon as the door closed, Rachel headed to the bathroom to make herself look� well� normal. When she was done, she sighed. She was happy with Ethan, but� there was this longing in her for something. Ethan promised her that he'd never betray her. Somehow, though, she got the feeling that maybe Ethan wasn't the one for her.
"But I finally have him after so long," she said, out loud, to no one in particular. She decided to ignore the voice.
~*~
Rachel strolled into her French class as Mrs. Chasez was entertaining a question about the worksheets. She locked eyes with Ethan, and he looked questioningly at her. He wondered how she could look normal after the� *ahem* incident. She returned the look with a smirk. Rachel knew that everyone had noticed his wrinkled shirt, his tousled hair, the little streak of lipstick at the corner of his mouth� oh, what a sight for sore eyes. She could not help but giggle.
"Rachel, are you okay?" Maria wondered as Rachel sat down. She couldn't help but notice how Rachel had done a complete 180 on everyone.
"What? Oh, yeah, I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Hey, Maria, what are we doing?" Rachel asked, changing the subject.
As Maria explained the lesson, Rachel smiled. Life was good. Almost.
~*~
Beep!
Everyone practically dashed out of the classroom, except for Malia, the girl that usually walked with Rachel to the corner, Ethan, Rachel, and a few other people. Rachel quickly told Malia that she couldn't walk with her today so that she wouldn't be late for the bus. As Malia left, Ethan's hand found Rachel's and he intertwined their fingers. Rachel smiled. "Hey."
"Hey. I'm still walking you home, you know."
"Fine with me," Rachel said. They headed on as Rachel said, "Wow, today has been a long day."
"Rachel, were you with Jacob this morning?" Ethan asked.
She looked up at him. "Why do you bring him up?"
"Because, you know, people might start to wonder about you. Of course, I know you better than that, but if I was someone who didn't really know you, and at the beginning of school I saw you with Jacob, and then at the end of school I saw you with me, I'd wonder."
Rachel raised an eyebrow. Ethan did have a point.
"Well let them wonder. It's their problem."
They continued on in silence, until Rachel started softly singing.
I hold your picture next to my heart all the time, oh yeah baby
You're my dream come true, so glad you're mine
And I wonder how it would be
if I was your lady and you were my friend
I would put my heart in your hands and it would never end
"Hey, what are you singing?"
Rachel drifted out of her trance. "What? Oh. Just some song that's in my head."
"What's it called?"
"'Walk Me Home,'" Rachel replied.
"Interesting. Sing more for me," Ethan urged.
"Okay."
Baby, would you walk me home
I don't wanna go all the way alone
Baby, would you walk with me home
Baby, would you take my hand
Come with me now to our special land
Baby, would you walk with me home
Every day and night I want to hold you
Understand that I am going to love you in my own special way
Rachel stopped singing and said, "Hey, speaking of which, I have never heard you sing before. Sing for me, yeah?"
"Well� what should I sing?"
Rachel smiled. "Whatever you want to."
"Um� okay� hey, I have it." Ethan began to sing to her.
I'll be your secret, if you can keep it
and I'll be your friend, if you really need it
and I'll be the answer to your "why"
if you're willing to give me a try�
(I'll be your secret)
Don't let them tell you how to be
Just open up your eyes and see
that you belong to me
Why should we care what people say?
Why should we let them stand in our way?
You don't have to be afraid�
"Oh, my gosh, I love that song."
"Yeah? Cool." By then, they were almost to her house. "You walked me all the way this time," Rachel observed.
"Of course. It's not right to just leave you walking by yourself just because my house is on the way there," Ethan said.
Rachel smiled. "Thank you." She paused and then said, "Ethan, you sing really well."
"Not as good as you do."
"Well�" She hesitated again. "You still sing good. Well. Sorry, wrong grammar."
"Whatever." They had arrived at Rachel's house. "Hey, we're here."
"Yeah, I can see that." Ethan said, "Well, I guess I better be going, huh?"
Rachel pouted. "Do you really have to?"
"Yeah, I'd better� sorry."
"That's okay. Call me later?"
"Definitely." Ethan kissed her then, leaving Rachel breathless. "'Bye, Rach," he said, giving her a hug.
"'Bye, Ethan." She watched him leave and then let herself in. Rachel was happy, and that was all that mattered.
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