Posted by San Francisco Jim [SanFranciscoJim] on April 03, 1999 at 18:00:04 {Ed9c7782HMiwIi3K4oq2Io/2Q/5fjU}:
For the second year in a row since my being expelled from the JW�s almost 19 years ago, I attended the Memorial. The purpose of my attendance was the same as it was last year: an information gathering mission. Since I have been out of active
contact with the Organization for almost two decades, in that I am actively involved, both with local support groups here in the San Francisco Bay Area, as well as heavy involvement on the internet, I felt that it behooved me to keep
abreast of the ever-changing doctrine and
teachings of the Society in an effort to disseminate accurate information to those who are reaching out for support and assistance. Last year, I attended the Memorial with a curious "worldly"
friend who had heard me speak of the JW�s and wanted to go and see for herself what I had been telling her about. Her curiosity was more than satisfied, especially after I pulled my little "disappearing act" when I revealed to the
congregation after the meeting that I was disfellowshipped, and no one would talk to me any more. Her comment to me was "If I hadn�t seen it for myself, I wouldn�t have believed it."
Well, this year, eight of us descended upon a San
Francisco area Kingdom Hall - four gay men and four straight women, all active members of the two ex-JW support groups in the area here. This was the first visit to a Kingdom Hall for at least one of our members in over a decade. It was
decided that we would meet at a neutral location, a local shopping mall, and take two cars over to the Hall. As we arrived one by one, shrieks of hilarious laughter wafted out of the mall parking lot as each of us got out of our respective
cars, some of us dressed in Witness-like garb. I was wearing the same suit and tie I wore to work that day. It dawned on me as we shared this
hilarious moment that years before, we would have been complimenting one another on how nice
we looked, and now we were making light of the comedy of the whole situation.
As we waited for the final member of our happy band to arrive, we talked about how we were feeling. There was a feeling of exhilaration in the air to be sure.
A couple of our group were a bit antsy. One who used to attend another Hall only a couple of towns away was concerned that she might be recognized. Another expressed their concern over how they would reply if
members of the congregation
started asking them questions. A poll was taken as to who was planning on partaking of the emblems and who was not. Three in
our group said that they were. I informed them that I preferred not to, as that was not my purpose in going. An
interesting observation was made by one of our members as we departed the parking lot and headed over to the Hall: Here we were, eight disfellowshipped or disassociated persons attending a meeting of Jehovah�s Witnesses because we wanted to
be there, not because we
were obliged to do so as we once were when we were active. The person making this observation suggested we look around the Hall upon arrival and see how
many people were smiling, looking excited to be there.
They were right! When we walked in, we were unquestionably the happiest group of people there!
We walked in, heads held high, making eye contact with all who would look at us. It was quite obvious, I�m sure, that most of us were not JW�s by
our dress. Although I was in a suit, my hairstyle (mohawk with a long ponytail)and three earrings in each ear made that point clear. We were all smiling. Most of the congregation were not. They looked bored. Rather than sit together, we
scattered throughout the Hall. The three who planned to partake sat prominently in the front of the Hall. I sat alone towards the rear so I
could better observe, although several others in our group sat near me. While seated waiting for
the talk to begin, one of the members of our group overheard a "sister" remark on my hairstyle, using the term "trippy". I took it as a compliment.
Prior to the talk beginning, the congregation stood and sung "The Lord�s Evening Meal". A
"sister", seeing me without a song book, graciously handed me hers. I thanked her, took the book, but did not sing. Only one of our group sang. As the congregation sang (in a dull, monotonous tone), I leafed through the song book, because
it was different than the one I used to sing from. I looked in the index and noticed several songs I remembered, including my favorite, "Here I am, Send Me" had been retained. I also noticed that there was no live pianist. Kingdom Halls, I
am told, now
dispense Kingdom Songs through "canned music".
The talk proceeded. The "brother" giving the talk began by emphasizing the JW belief that Jesus died on an upright stake, even demonstrating his impalement using two large
railroad spikes. Of course, the date Nisan 14 was mentioned right away, and the congregation just blindly accepted this as fact. A couple of days before, I was referred to a web site hosted by an Orthodox Jewish organization showing Nisan
14 on their calendar as March 28. Could it be that the JW�s had specifically chosen April 1 as the date for the Memorial knowing that the next day was Good Friday and that many people would have the day off from work, thus potentially
increasing the number
possible attendees?
Then, I heard a sound which was familiar to me many years ago but which is no longer a part of my life: The speaker said "Let us open our Bibles to�." At which point I heard the flutter of dozens of onion skin pages simultaneously. It was an eerie sound and memory.
The early part of the talk contained repeated references to Jesus� command to celebrate only his death, not his birth or resurrection. The speaker
made
scriptural references to Jesus leaving his place of glory only to feel pain and sorrow, finally surrendering his soul "on behalf of his friends". The
speaker made it clear that the suffering and torture of Jesus was in
accordance with Jehovah�s will, and that this was a "fine example" for his followers. Years ago, I would have looked upon such martyrdom as heroic. After hearing that talk, I began to wonder if Jesus were a masochist.
As the talk
continued, I listened intently for dates to be mentioned. There was only one date mentioned in the talk: 1513 BCE. The phenomenon of a Memorial talk dispensing with any mention of the years 607 BCE or 1914 CE utterly amazed me! I noticed
they weren�t mentioned at last year�s Memorial I attended either, and thought perhaps it was a "fluke". This year, I knew
it wasn�t. When I was a JW, every other sentence contained some reference to the "generation of 1914". This year�s
references to who was of the anointed
were extremely vague. The speaker did mention, however, that JW�s were to "continue proclaiming the death of the Lord by celebrating the Memorial until he arrives". I was always taught the "parousia"
occurred in 1914. If this has changed, this is a major doctrinal shift.
The speaker continued his talk with a lengthy discussion on who does, and who does not have the right to partake of the emblems. He mentioned that
last year�s
Memorial attendance was 13,896,312 people, with 8756 partakers. He then used some logic I�ve never heard before: He admonished the congregation to look carefully at the plate of unleavened bread, as well as the cup of wine being passed along
the congregation, and to keep in mind that there wasn�t enough there for everyone. This was curious: Had he never read of the Biblical story of the loaves and fishes? In talking about who has the right to consider themselves "anointed", the
speaker made a very strong reference to 1 Cor 11: 17-34, stating that these ones must "be faithful up to the end of their earthly life" and that hypocrisy or apostasy will disqualify them from their status as an "anointed one". This
was
unquestionably a reference to Ray Franz and others in high places who have walked away or been expelled. Before passing the emblems, the speaker made reference to Jesus as "the greatest man who ever lived", thus stripping him of all
divinity in typical JW fashion.
The emblems were then passed. As the attendants approached the three in our group, I watched the looks on the attendants� faces as the three of them ate the unleavened bread and drank from the cup. One of
the group gleefully chewed the bread and looked right at one of the attendants, who had a look of horror/judgement on his face. Later on, I found out that a "sister" sitting behind these three had said aloud "ay-ay-ay" as they partook. I
must admit, I had a hard time keeping a straight face, not over these three partaking of the emblems, but the priceless looks on the attendants� faces. After the final song was sung, several people flocked over to the three who
partook
(no one in our group identified themselves as former JW�s) and were immediately asked "Are you of the anointed, or are you �just Christians�?" They surely wanted to keep their attendance figures accurate, and suddenly having three partakers
sitting together, none of whom were recognizable to anyone in the congregation, must have been quite shattering for them. They are undoubtedly still being talked about.
Afterward, I walked into their library to see what books they had in their collection. I must admit I was surprised to see an "Aid" book prominently displayed right at eye level! It was at this moment that I was approached by an older "brother" who asked if I was familiar with Jehovah�s Witnesses. I told him I was, and that I was impressed with their collection of books in their library. I further told him how I was fascinated by Charles Taze Russell�s having been a pyramidologist, and that the JW�s had very metaphysical beginnings. He looked a bit confused but said "Yes, I heard something about Russell liking pyramids". I told him he more than liked them, and proceeded to tell him about the pyramid shaped memorial at his gravesite in Pittsburgh, which he had obviously never heard of before. A seed planted? Perhaps.
After we left, all eight of us went to a local restaurant to compare notes on our experiences and feelings. We were all glad we went, if for differing
reasons. For some, it was a feeling of
vindication. For others, it was an opportunity to share an experience with other ex-JW�s on a level we would
not be able to at our local support meetings. For me, I got the information I was looking for, and reinforced within myself the
fact that I am grateful
to have escaped from behind the walls of the Watchtower.
JIM