 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Latest News |
|
|
|
Charles Stevenson is to quit football to concentrate on his full time career in netball. The leopards pocket dyanamo, who is often confused with wee willie winkee, has struggled somewhat since his move to the less challenging Cambridge leagues. Yesterday he gave this short shrift to any rumours of a rift between himself and Patrick Inglis. 'I look up to Patrick in everyway' he said of the leopards vertically challenged Captain. 'I don't regret my time at the leopards but, having grown up, I feel netball offers me greater opportunities' Chazzy promises to be 'head and shoulders' above his new teamates |
|
|
|
This was sent to me anonymously.
As the pundits line up to to summarise the season, there is clearly some controversy over the assessment of the leopards highest appearing striker/waste of space, Nick VandenArend. The self-syled 'award winning striker' (sic) has maintained that getting in goal scoring positions is just as much an indicator as actually tucking them away, A source who did not wish to be named likened V-D's scoring ability to his ability to finish novels. 'If only he could create as much time for himself in the box as he does in the office, I'm sure he'd bring down that goal to chance ratio.' There was however much less controversy over V-D winning for the 3rd consecutive time The Middlesex (South) Topiarists' association much coveted Bush head of the year award. He could only comment through tears of joy, 'I'm all cut up about this'. |
|
|
|
Rumours are going round the office here that the leopards are to leave fortress Kennington after planning permission for a new extended stand to accomodate the crowds of fans has been refused. Possible sites include Kensington and Kenworth. However fans don't worry, Ed Fenn-Smith is in charge of the new move |
|
|
|
Big Stevo is attending classes in New York in a desperate last ditch effort to learn how to clap. The course at the world renowned NYU runs for 13 weeks, taking students through the basic techniques to advanced 4 beat rhythms. Fellow leopards have applauded his decision, saying 'it certainly adds one string to his bow, however, we're still worried that he still falls short in the all important tackle departement |
|
|
|
Ben Rowland has hit back at his critics suggesting his persistent injury problems are directly linked to his ever burgeoning frame and unhealthy lifestyle. Over a 5 pie/5 pint lunch, Ben promised to, 'be in trim for the new season'. Meanwhile, a top London osteopath has suggested that consistent back and knee injuries were '100% linked' with obesity. Ben is still digesting the news |
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
|