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| Alexander stevenson yesterday sought to allay fears that his "Hard Man" image was not a thing of the past. The hard-drinking, tough-tackling Leopards central midfielder is currently starring as a mermaid in an all-male underwater panto production of Cinderella. The transfer from 11-a-side to treading the boards has been seamless: "I spend a lot of time sitting around waggling my tail" Big Stevo said, "and my fellow thespians have been very impressed with my ball juggling techniques |
| Doubts surfaced over the weekend about Dennis Stevenson's long term commitment to the Leopards, when Ed "Country Gent" Fenn-Smith received his annual copy of Who's Who. After nodding his way approvingly through the entries for most of his antecedents, Ed alighted with some surprise on the entry for one Dennis Stevenson - whose named clubs included the Pitt, Boodles and Stringfellows, but NOT the Leopards FC. Dennis has moved swiftly (proving once again that he is everything off the pitch that he is not on it) to quash such rumours, saying "although I was alive in the 50's, I'm a long way from being too cool for cats |
| Bed Fenn-Smith Patrick Inglis yesterday shot to the defence of stayaway start Ed Fenn-Smith, saying "he's going nowhere". Ed, who once played for the Leopards, has been plagued by a series of niggling love affairs since the start of teh season, and has spent much of the last six months flat on his back. Ageing skipper Paddy spoke to the wannabe casanova last night: "Ed's heart-broken by this latest little niggle. However, luck permitting, the affair should have settled down in the next couple of weeks, and subject to the results of the latest in-laws test, we expect him back bigger and better very shortly." Ed is reportedly looking forward to being able to rise majesticallly in the box once more. |
| The controversy surrounding the late penalty given to the Leopard's on-loan striker VDA was settled today with the report from the FA's video review panel. The panel released the following statement: "Following video review, the penalty given to VDA on Sunday was judged to be the correct decision. The video clearly shows a short gust of wind colliding with VDA in the penalty box. Further, this short gust of wind came from VDA's blindspot providing the player no time to prepare himself for the challenge." The video review panel took the extraordinary step of reviewing the video evidence with the sound turned off. Sources close to the investigation suggest this was done to shield the group from VDA's verbal appeal -- a noise described as the cry of frustration made by a small country animal when cornered by the dogs. Paddy Inglis was quick to jump to the defence of his golden boot and jacket wearing striker, "While it is very difficult to establish the exact location of VDA's blindspot when he is only two yards from goal, moving a player of his stature is no mean feat." |
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