Salvaged Yesterdayland Stuff: Volume Two!

on TOYS and VIDEO GAMES

the Hugga Bunch - Yes there was a live-action/puppetry Hugga Bunch special. Here's what you probably remember about it.
The plot concerned a girl going into Huggaland (barf, LOL) on a mission to save her grandmother because her mean brother led her to believe that her being retired meant that she was being "put out to pasture". So the little Hugga Bunch dolls lead her through the mirror so they can ask the Bookworm, who lives in Huggaland, what they should do. After noodling around in the girl's house and in Huggaland for a bit (and getting the girl's shoe stuck in the mirror, in-between dimensions - ah, NOW this show's coming back to you), they finally get to the Bookworm's house. He tells them to seek the magical apples of youth, which are guarded by a witch in some kind of Bizzaro-Huggaland called the Valley of Schmutz or something.
(LaGremlin takes a drink of cold water, rubs her temples and groans a little, and continues...)
The witch and her minions are defeated somehow, I really don't remember this part as well, and they go back to the real world with the apples. But wouldn't you know it, if you drop the apples on the ground, they vanish, and that's exactly what happens. But Grandma ends up being okay anyway so there's a happy ending.
Other odd things that happened in this movie: the visit to the Hugglets nursery/garden (Hugglets are baby Hugga Bunches, and the -um- adult Huggas look like human babies, so Huggaland is like the Island of the Alive [in "It's Alive! 3"] but toothless). The psychedelic elephant guy, the scary scene where the witch ages eighty years in three seconds because of apple withdrawals, and the scene where the lead Hugga gets trapped in a washing machine (YES!!! Ha ha ha ha!!!).

Popples - Yes, there was a live-action segment that was part of a "Popples" video collection. The name of the tape is "Fun House Follies", and here's how it went down.
Bonnie and Billy's family is watching football. Bonnie gets bored and goes into the attic where there is a big cool box of old toys and stuff. Suddenly, she hears laughter and something pops out of the box. It's Party the Popple incarnated as a cheap-looking puppet, and Bonnie's first inclination when faced with this STRANGE animal is to go over and pet her. O_o
Bonnie brings Billy up to the attic and they get introduced to the other Popples who put on a little song and dance for them. Meanwhile, the kids' parents take note of how much the kids seem to enjoy playing in the attic and decide to give them a nice surprise. The next day, they bring Bonnie and Billy to their brand new refurbished (overnight???) attic playroom. And the first thing Billy says in reaction is, "WHERE ARE THE POPPLES???????"
Of course, the parents have no idea why the kids are so dismayed; but they soon realize that they are guilty of "sending a box of their imaginary friends to Goodwill!" (LMAO!) So the next day the whole family piles into the car and searches all over town to find the thrift store where the box ended up. And if the intent of this thing was to get kids to donate stuff to Goodwill, I think they went about it the wrong way, no?
Anyway, the kids find the box just in time, and they and their parents (and the very scared and confused old lady running the store) get a musical performance from the Technicolor marsupials. I'm guessing that this isn't supposed to be part of the cartoon series' continuity as no adults ever knew about the Popples. Anyway, it's a very strange video and hopefully the curious Popple collector will be able to find a copy somewhere.

"Tetris" - Remember that episode of "Star Trek: the Next Generation" where Riker starts playing this game that's similar to "Tetris"? And how eventually the entire crew gets hooked on it? And they find out -too late- that it's some kind of mind-control device? And they all go insane but Data saves the day just in time?
Didn't it always make you want to play more "Tetris"?

on MOVIES

"the Breakfast Club" - "Who are you? I am the Walrus!" "You are a gutless turd!" "It is *wrong* to destroy literature." "Here's MY impression of life at Big Boy Brian's house." "So, what's your poison?" "Screws fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place." "NO!!! I *NEVER* DID IT!!!!!" "You see us as you *want* to see us." "Do you know how popular I am? I'm SO popular, everyone loves me...!" "I wanna be an AIRBORN RANGER! I wanna live the LIFE OF DANGER!!!" "What? Claire did it." "I am the eyes and ears of this institution!"
The best damn teen movie period, but it would have been a whole lot better if Alison had made over Claire. And Brian shoulda got him some lovin' too.

"Flight of the Navigator" - Largely forgotten and demented Disney movie that starts out a little bit like the last act of "Contact" but with some annoying kid in the Jody Foster role. The little robot guy (voiced by Paul "Pee-Wee Herman" Rubens, please note) was cool but how did he get his nifty CGI silver space-walnut to fly? What was propelling it? I like that the kid got a pet alien out of the adventure, but what would you feed it?

"Labyrinth" - Freaky, sexy, cool collaboration of the creative imaginations of Henson, Froud, Bowie, and a little help from some guy named Lucus. The special effects are incredible and this stands as one of the most inventive fantasy films ever made. I think it's Jim Henson's single best movie.

"the Last Unicorn" - I remember the first time I saw this movie, it was some kind of benefit for a really old theater. My mom was very excited to take the whole family as her father had something to do with the benefit. I suppose she read that title and was expecting something a bit more "My Little Pony"-ish.
The thing you need to understand about both the book and movie "the Last Unicorn" (and you can debate until the end of time as to which was better; I like them both but the book has more of an edge), is that neither were really meant for children. You need to be somewhat mature to get all the nuances, and to appreciate that the tone is so ironic it hurts.
Anyway, while I love the movie to this day, mom hasn't given it a second chance.
We haven't agreed on what a good movie is since.

"the Neverending Story" - I had the pleasure of watching this longtime favorite on DVD recently. It remains one of the very few really excellent fantasy films. And it is also - and this is something I just noticed on this latest viewing - a fine exploration of growing up a Geek among non-Geeks (poor old Bastian's dad is a disillusioned Muggle among Muggles).
I maintain that what Bastian is screaming out of the window at the finale was deliberately made hard to understand, so that we'd end up debating it for years; sort of the same idea with the glow in the trunk in "Pulp Fiction". Bastian's mom's real name is common knowledge on the 'net now, and I have only two words to say about it: Hippie Parents. Either that or a way-too-literal translator.
Fans should definitely read the book as well. And let's all just pretend the sequels never happened.

"Return to OZ" - A much-maligned movie and I think it's all because of that title. It sounds too much like a sequel to MGM "the Wizard of OZ" movie. It's really an amalgamation of the written sequels to L. Frank Baum's book. In the books, OZ is a much trippier, even scary place. Try reading it sometimes (I probably ought to warn you, as it comes as a pretty nasty shock, that Dorothy's friends are rather blasé about the ol' Ultraviolence - especially the really heartless Tin Man). What I'm getting at is that "Return to OZ" is much closer to the original OZ stories. You probably haven't watched it since it scared the pants off you back in the day. Give it another look; it stands with "Willy Wonka" as one of the ballziest "children's" movies ever made.

"the Secret of N.I.M.H." - My favorite movie of all time.
Then again, how can you say anything against a movie that signifies super-intelligence with the ability to read?

"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: the Secret of the Ooze" - Any dealing with the second "Ninja Turtles" movie cannot proceed without first acknowledging the one key Golden Moment in the film. The greatest scene in "Ninja Turtles 2" seals it's place in the annals of motion picture history.
Vanilla Ice's "Ninja Rap" number.
Now think about this for a second. You have the Turtles in a tense, climatic battle with the Shredder's Foot soldiers and other assorted henchmen and hench-creatures. They make their way into this club where Ice is performing. Ice takes a look at the Turtles and he up and writes a song off the top of his head about the Turtles and performs it right then and there!!!
The early 90's were very strange days...

"Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" - If there's a darker, scarier, better children's movie than "Willy Wonka", I've never seen it. This movie is the sh*t. No questions. The Oompa-Loompas, the Wonkatanea freakout, the Blueberry gum, the Wonkavator, and the Fizzy Lifting Drinks (the scariest damn scene in any movie I've ever seen). Roald Dahl would be very proud.
(P.S. - The DVD, with its cast commentary, is highly recommended. And check out the "Slurm Factory" episode of "Futurama"!)

"the Wizard of OZ" - Munchkinland, "Oh-wee-oh! Yo-oh!", "If I only had a brain!", the suicidal Munchkin myth (it is a bird, people), "I'm melting! What a world!", Pink Floyd, "Hearts will never be made practical until they are unbreakable", "I had the weirdest dream, and you and you and you were there!", the Lollipop Guild and Lullaby League, "There's no place like home", the Dorothy sensor device in "Twister" and "Kansas is goin' bye-bye" in "the Matrix", Flying Monkeys!, the rather Goth Fairuza Balk Dorothy in the underrated "Return to OZ" (which is actually closer to the wigged-out and scary printed-page book OZ), "We're off to see the Wizard!", Ruby Slippers, David Lynch's insane tribute "Wild at Heart", "the Wiz", and, of course, "I don't believe we're in Kansas anymore..."

on FASHION (and some other stuff that doesn't fit anywhere else)

Aqua-Net - I didn't have my first big run-in with hairspray abuse until middle school in the early 90's. To this very day, I associate the stuff with the one hairstyle that screams early 90's louder than any other: Teased Bangs!
If you would like to replicate this stunningly beautiful look yourself, here is what you must do:
1) Grow your bangs really, really long. You'll know they're long enough when they annoy you when you're trying to read. If you can't see anything at all, you're definitely ready!
2) Get a fine-toothed comb and about three cans of hair spray. I'm talking enough to have your own Ozone hole. Added fashion benefit: you'll be the first on your block with a tan!
3) Spray the hairspray in your hair as you comb your bangs upwards out of your face. Your bangs should end up looking like a little wave of hair and they should be stiff enough to slice through cheese when you are finished.
There! Now you have teased bangs! You will earn the eternal admiration and respect of the Gremlin if you go out like this.

AVON - You are reading the words of a former AVON lady.
In high school, one of the girls hit upon a great way to earn money for our class. Avon Skin-So-Soft! I wish I had saved the initial advertisement for this stuff as they touted it as the miracle invention of the new Millennium!
AVON Skin-So-Soft! It repels mosquitoes! It eliminates stubborn fabric stains! It's a non-irritating sunblock alternative! It can clean your leather! It's an aromatheraputic cure for indigestion! It's a new cheap source of renewable energy! Arthene Metatarsis bought a bottle and she won the lottery! Dockray Crepuscular didn't, and he got run over by a bus!
And I guess it's a reasonably good bath oil as well.
Later on, we'd sell different AVON products from our fun little catalogues, including impostors of different perfumes and videos of movies made in alternate universes. By about the third year of this, the moment passed and we sold flowers and garden supplies instead.

Cat-in-the-Hat Hats - Sprung up overnight and vanished just as quickly. Think of them as the red "Thriller" jacket of the mid-90's.

the New Romantic Movement - I read an essay somewhere that started out with, "the 1980's were all about fantasy. Watch 'Jem' someday. Realize that people would actually dress and act like this. Now you know why many people fear that show." Ha ha ha.
Anyone who dares go for the dead-serious New-Ro look (not just it's modern day adaptations by Goths and Club Kids) for no special reason earns my Eternal Respect.
(By the way, if you can't find any episodes of "Jem", "Purple Rain" also works nicely.)

Propeller Beanie - I dub the Great Propeller Beanie to be no less than the Single Greatest Innovation in Headgear EVER.
"Come on everybody let's flip yer lid!"

Slap Bracelets - Ah, the maligned slap bracelet.
I remember seeing these things with slogans like "You can't touch this!" printed on the fabric, and mine was a plastic-coated one that doubled as a ruler. At one point, these things were so ubiquitous that my friends and I came up with a list of Other Uses for a Slap Bracelet that 'd kill to find today.
Now, for us kids, this little contraption was our first experience with Fashion at the expense of Safety, or indeed Common Sense. The slap bracelet was, after all, just a piece of metal with sharp points covered in a thin little layer of fabric or something. They instantly lost their popularity on the day we started hearing horror stories of kids accidentally slitting their wrists while playing with them. Even so, only the Klick-Klack (that instrument of darkness that consisted of two balls attached to a stick by plastic struts; you spin the balls and make The Most Annoying Sound in the World) strikes me as the more distinctively early 90's retro-sound. And check out the "Twirl-King Champions" episode of "the Simpsons".

Unicorns, Aliens, ect. Logos - The 80's were all about fantasy and romanticism. As such, this was the perfect environment for the Unicorn to flourish... sort of.
See, these weren't the classic, dangerously wild cloven-hoofed creatures with foot-long blood-red horns. No, these were less threatening spiral-horned horses. Not to knock the more familiar version, but it's a little tainted by overuse in airbrush and velvet paintings.
For a time, Aliens were to the 90's what Unicorns were in the 80's. Believing in aliens made you a unique person, but after a while the alien logo became so popular that the intended message got lost. And it's worth noting that the alien logo was based off the familiar "little green men" with the big heads and bug eyes. Go read anything about the Burgess Shale fossils if you want to understand why I can't stand the idea of vaguely humanoid aliens. I'll believe in these guys on the day they decide to land near MIT to discuss astrophysics.
Nowadays, the Totem Creature for the new Millennium is either the angel or the dragon, which seems strange to say seeing as they never really went out of style. But when are we gonna see gremlin logos? :(