Hey, remember the "Wuzzles"? T’was a fun little cartoon and toy line that followed the great tradition of 80’s cartoons and toys, in that it made you wonder what kinds of medication the people who came up with it were taking at the time.
This is not a “Wuzzle” information article. There are plenty of excellent fan websites out there. I link to the best ones below, in case you need to familiarize yourself with these characters again before we go on.
Instead, consider this an expansion on the article I have about weird questions raised by 80’s cartoons. This article intends to address an issue of great societal fallout, a question I have had about the Wuzzles since the characters debuted. Amazingly, my number one question about the Wuzzles is one that -as far as my research found- no fansite has yet chosen to even acknowledge.
For the moment, we are going to ignore the fact that kangaroo and elephant DNA just won't splice. For whatever reason, this (seemingly the obvious question raised by the Wuzzles) did not bother me too much as a kid. What I could never figure out - what I STILL can’t figure out - was this:

WHY does each and every Wuzzle, regardless of species, posses those stupid-looking pastel-colored vestigial wings on their backs?

And they are vestigial. (That’s the technical term for a body part on an animal that is basically pointless; examples include anything inside you right now that you might need to have removed at some point.) Unless you are a Wuzzle who is part insect, these wings are fairly useless. You can only flutter your wings when you are excited or scared, suggesting that they are merely there for decoration. There are, of course, real-world equivalents to this. For example, there are several flightless species of aquatic birds such as Gruiformes and Pelecaniformes, most of whom are able to fly (quite gracefully in the case of pelicans).
However, unlike the Takahe and the Galapagos Cormorant, the Wuzzles appear to be well aware of the crappy hand dealt to them by natural selection here. In one cartoon episode Elaroo even laments the fact that he is flightless. “If only my wings were strong enough to get me off the ground.” (NOTE: We are also for the moment ignoring the fact that Elaroo is male despite the fact that he clearly has a pouch. Don't know what's up with that. Don't want to know either...)

So the question is, why give the Wuzzles wings at all? As you can plainly see in the promotional pictures above, the stuffed Wuzzles all had a different style of wing, instead of the little fruit-fly deelies each cartoon Wuzzle had. This is very, very important. It tells us that, as far as the character designers knew, the wings were NOT arbitrary. So we know that something’s up here...

Thank goodness for thrift stores. I have found some particularly damning evidence in this here book. Here we’ve got a story about dear little Moosel having trouble finding a present for another Wuzzle’s birthday (this was the plot of his freebie storybook too). The story itself is a bit boring and gets to a particularly predictable ending, but things get rather intriguing at the top of page six:

Well, hello there? Our little Alcid/Pinniped is clearly attempting to fly here. And according to the text, he has every reason to think this will work. But why…?
No. Way.

Wuzzles. Flying. Blatantly. In the air. Even the least aerodynamically likely ones.
First, here’s the most likely reason why we’re seeing all the Wuzzles flying, and it’s the kind of thing that drives me crazy. There was probably little to no communication at all between the different groups of people working on all the different Wuzzle products. Perhaps there wasn’t much quality control either, and certainly no attention paid to blatant contradictions like this one.
This is very likely because, as we’ve already seen, there are many differences between the characters’ designs, depending on whether you are looking at the cartoons, or the toys, or the books. Here’s the worst thing: They probably assumed that the kids wouldn‘t notice. That kind of assumption REALLY drive me crazy.
But that line of thinking isn’t much FUN now, is it? So let’s approach this from the angle we’ve been using for most of this article. How come the Wuzzles are able to fly here? I have two theories:
THEORY A: This books takes place in the long, long-ago “Golden Age” of the Land of Wuz. Everyone was able to fly back then. Over time, for some unknown reason, many Wuzzles gradually lost the ability. Perhaps they forgot how to fly as they came to rely more and more on artificial means of transportation, such as cars and boats. Kind of poignant, really.
THEORY B: I actually like this one better, though it’s more of a cop-out. This book is actually an “Else-worlds” or “What If…?” Wuzzle story. Also, it takes place in the Matrix. (Shrugs.)
Major Addendum, 11/16/06
Oh how I love YouTube, let me count the ways. I got further maddening evidence of airborn Wuzzles here.
At the 15 second mark of this Wuzzles Doll Commercial, Elaroo is flying.
Elaroo is also hovering in the 18 second mark of the Opening Credits Sequence.
I rest my case. Elaroo knows Kung-Fu!
Tune in next time when I post my theory that the Fraggles are descendants of Troodontid theropods. Anyhow here are the promised

Related Links and Picture credits:
Aside from that truly confusing book, all pictures are from Alien Bytch and the amazing Unofficial Wuzzle Fansite. Finally, here’s a page that proves that I am not alone in my confusion here.

And for fun and kicks, here are links to some very odd images found in the Unofficial Wuzzle Fansite gallery:
Elaroo hearts Bumblelion. (This picture in particular makes me wonder about Elaroo. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)
Freakin' ouch! (Ditto for this one.)
Mayor Phelan recently revealed this mock-up sculpture of his favorite design for the new fountain being constructed in that park across from the Egg and I.
Sensitive water animal that he is, Moosel immediately intuited that maybe having Sam Peckinpah direct an episode wasn't such a hot idea.
And that went double for the Guy Richie episode...
The most messed-up picture of all! (This one REALLY makes me wonder... about the guy who invented the Wuzzles and what he might have been on.)

Special Disclaimer Thingy!
I am solely responsible for any inaccuracies in the preceding. Everything on this page that I did not think of myself is copyrighted to its owners and creators, none of which I am affiliated with, so no endorsement is intended. No libel is intended either, so please don't hurt me.

Yet Another Reiteration: Any movies, cartoons, songs and such mentioned herein are © their respective owners, and no endorsement (or it's opposite for that matter) is intended by the webmistress; with the possible exception of such cases in which she says that said material either "Rules" or "Sucks". Even so, she is NOT getting paid for it. >:P
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