The Island of Misfit 80's Toys
First, I need to share a theory with you that my cousin came up with a while back. She says that most of
the cartoons and toys of the 80's followed this formula: (1) Be colorful; (2) Be Sci-Fi and/or
Fantasy-themed; (3) Make very, VERY little sense.
I seem to recall that we've already covered that last point. Several times, in fact. And I've talked a lot about well-known 80's toys and cartoons. But this morning... Well, not THIS morning. The morning of May 10 is when I thought of this article, did the research, and typed the first draft. Obviously, I like to go through many, many drafts before posting new features.
A little research proved that some 80's toys have since faded into obscurity. I was doing a Google search for "the Wuzzles". I'm sure we all remember them. Heck, I was researching for my magnificent in-depth piece about them (should be ready to post any month now), and was hoping to find some other opinions and information and pictures and stuff. Well, I found a picture in some little auction website where a guy was selling three Wuzzles… and three Firffels.
I jumped up out of my chair screaming, "THAT'S what they were called!?!" And I did my wee little Happy Dance! And I reset my Google search to find more Firffel information…
All I got was more auction sites. Nobody remembered these things! Curiosity about Firffels led me to searching for the BeMores. Then the Jumbles. Nothing! Nobody remembers these completely insane 80's toys!
Well, I remember them, and I know I'm not insane, even though these descriptions might seem too nutty to be for real. So here's my little tribute to three toy lines that nobody shows love for anymore. All of these toys were plush stuffed animals, they each had a story to go along with them, and they were each sold in a now-defunct Bradlees department store in Quincy Point, as I recall. Pictures will be provided whenever they are available. Note that this information is based largely on my unreliable and fuzzy memory.
Firffels!
These are the guys that inspired this article. One of the auction sites I found them for sale at lovingly described them as "Wuzzle Rip-offs". That sums up their likely genesis, I'll bet. Remco probably saw the mint that Disney made with their cute little genetically mutated furballs and said, "WAH! Me TOO!!!"
Firffels could be renamed "The Wuzzles Who Didn't Make It". Here is a list of the characters I can remember:
Burtle = Half Bear, Half Turtle
Butterfrog = Half Butterfly, Half Frog
Fird = Half Fish, Half Duck (Woah, Remco can dodge bullets…)
Dicken = Half Dog, Half Chicken (Or not.)
Take a look at that there lineup and you see why this didn't catch on. Splice together a monkey and a rhino and you are hardcore. A dog crossed with a chicken is stupid and reeks of poo. More importantly, this toy line probably failed because kids aren’t stupid. They can tell when they're being had.
However, it is good to see that Butterfrog can still find work. See "Dragon Tales".
BeMores!
"See a BeMore, well it can be MORE! / See a BeMore, well it can be MORE! / See a BeMore, well it can be MORE! / I love my BeMore dinosaur!"
Obviously the result of a fever dream, BeMores were essentially Transformers for girls. Make a stuffed animal, but make it one that, through the magic of oddly placed pockets and Velcro flaps, can transform into something almost but not quite entirely different. Also, throw dinosaurs into the mix. Dinosaurs kick ass. Everybody loves them.
I think there were a grand total of three BeMore characters. One was a sauropod that turned into - a magical dragon! Another was a ceratopsian that transformed into - a magical dragon! And the last one, the fellow pictured here, was a carnosaur who transforms into - a bunny rabbit!
Nope, just kidding. He turns into a magical dragon also! Thank you BeMores for supporting the Legendary Creatures = Misinterpreted Fossils theory, better known as the We Don't Think People are Capable of Using Their Imaginations theory. (I feel bad for Gryphons.)
Perhaps the most amusing thing about these toys was the fact that they had stolen their names from some My Little Ponies. I think one was called Gusty and another might have been called Heart Throb. I think we should stop right there and show you more fun things to do with Velcro that will mess with kids' heads.
NO PICTURES AVAILABLE <:(
Jumbles!
Now this one is clearly the work of a madman. Follow this story.
Once upon a time, some cute stuffed animals were outside playing and having a fun party. But then an accident happened. Based upon the results, the accident might have involved the local Ninja clan having a demonstration on proper throwing-star safety. My memory's a bit fuzzy on this point. Anyway, afterwards, all the little stuffed animals were lying in pieces on the ground. The Ninjas hastily put them all back together using the secret long lost martial art of Velcro, but got everyone -wait for it- JUMBLED! And from then on, the stuffed animals, who now proudly called themselves Jumbles, could exchange their body parts with one-another through the magic of Velcro!
W-h-a-a-a-a-a-a-t???
Yes, what you got in your box was a stuffed animal whose limbs had all been hacked off and attached with Velcro. So you and your sister, who presumably got a different Jumble character, could have hours and hours of fun switching limbs with each other.
I would give anything within reason to see a cartoon based upon this concept. Can you imagine how wickedly great it would be?
DANNY DACHSHUND - "Dude, the basketball tournament is this weekend! I need to borrow your legs!"
GERRY GIRAFFE - "No way. Besides, I'm already loaning them to Benny the Bass."
BENNY BASS - (Weeping with joy) "I can walk! Listen! I CAN WALK!!!"
Oh yes, I would watch that cartoon. Too bad it doesn't exist. Maybe there's an upcoming episode of "Naruto" where they learn the Art of Velcro?
Well, I hope you enjoyed these weird toys. And I can only hope that somebody out there is doing their Happy Dance cause of this. That would be great.
Special Disclaimer Thingy!
I am solely responsible for any inaccuracies in the preceding. If you want to know what these toys were actually like, you'll have to search around, I'm afraid.
Everything on this page that I did not think of myself is copyrighted to its owners and creators, none of which I am affiliated with, so no endorsement is intended. No libel is intended either, so please don't hurt me.
I seem to recall that we've already covered that last point. Several times, in fact. And I've talked a lot about well-known 80's toys and cartoons. But this morning... Well, not THIS morning. The morning of May 10 is when I thought of this article, did the research, and typed the first draft. Obviously, I like to go through many, many drafts before posting new features.
A little research proved that some 80's toys have since faded into obscurity. I was doing a Google search for "the Wuzzles". I'm sure we all remember them. Heck, I was researching for my magnificent in-depth piece about them (should be ready to post any month now), and was hoping to find some other opinions and information and pictures and stuff. Well, I found a picture in some little auction website where a guy was selling three Wuzzles… and three Firffels.
I jumped up out of my chair screaming, "THAT'S what they were called!?!" And I did my wee little Happy Dance! And I reset my Google search to find more Firffel information…
All I got was more auction sites. Nobody remembered these things! Curiosity about Firffels led me to searching for the BeMores. Then the Jumbles. Nothing! Nobody remembers these completely insane 80's toys!
Well, I remember them, and I know I'm not insane, even though these descriptions might seem too nutty to be for real. So here's my little tribute to three toy lines that nobody shows love for anymore. All of these toys were plush stuffed animals, they each had a story to go along with them, and they were each sold in a now-defunct Bradlees department store in Quincy Point, as I recall. Pictures will be provided whenever they are available. Note that this information is based largely on my unreliable and fuzzy memory.
Firffels!
These are the guys that inspired this article. One of the auction sites I found them for sale at lovingly described them as "Wuzzle Rip-offs". That sums up their likely genesis, I'll bet. Remco probably saw the mint that Disney made with their cute little genetically mutated furballs and said, "WAH! Me TOO!!!"
Firffels could be renamed "The Wuzzles Who Didn't Make It". Here is a list of the characters I can remember:
Burtle = Half Bear, Half Turtle
Butterfrog = Half Butterfly, Half Frog
Fird = Half Fish, Half Duck (Woah, Remco can dodge bullets…)
Dicken = Half Dog, Half Chicken (Or not.)
Take a look at that there lineup and you see why this didn't catch on. Splice together a monkey and a rhino and you are hardcore. A dog crossed with a chicken is stupid and reeks of poo. More importantly, this toy line probably failed because kids aren’t stupid. They can tell when they're being had.
However, it is good to see that Butterfrog can still find work. See "Dragon Tales".
BeMores!
"See a BeMore, well it can be MORE! / See a BeMore, well it can be MORE! / See a BeMore, well it can be MORE! / I love my BeMore dinosaur!"
Obviously the result of a fever dream, BeMores were essentially Transformers for girls. Make a stuffed animal, but make it one that, through the magic of oddly placed pockets and Velcro flaps, can transform into something almost but not quite entirely different. Also, throw dinosaurs into the mix. Dinosaurs kick ass. Everybody loves them.
I think there were a grand total of three BeMore characters. One was a sauropod that turned into - a magical dragon! Another was a ceratopsian that transformed into - a magical dragon! And the last one, the fellow pictured here, was a carnosaur who transforms into - a bunny rabbit!
Nope, just kidding. He turns into a magical dragon also! Thank you BeMores for supporting the Legendary Creatures = Misinterpreted Fossils theory, better known as the We Don't Think People are Capable of Using Their Imaginations theory. (I feel bad for Gryphons.)
Perhaps the most amusing thing about these toys was the fact that they had stolen their names from some My Little Ponies. I think one was called Gusty and another might have been called Heart Throb. I think we should stop right there and show you more fun things to do with Velcro that will mess with kids' heads.
NO PICTURES AVAILABLE <:(
Jumbles!
Now this one is clearly the work of a madman. Follow this story.
Once upon a time, some cute stuffed animals were outside playing and having a fun party. But then an accident happened. Based upon the results, the accident might have involved the local Ninja clan having a demonstration on proper throwing-star safety. My memory's a bit fuzzy on this point. Anyway, afterwards, all the little stuffed animals were lying in pieces on the ground. The Ninjas hastily put them all back together using the secret long lost martial art of Velcro, but got everyone -wait for it- JUMBLED! And from then on, the stuffed animals, who now proudly called themselves Jumbles, could exchange their body parts with one-another through the magic of Velcro!
W-h-a-a-a-a-a-a-t???
Yes, what you got in your box was a stuffed animal whose limbs had all been hacked off and attached with Velcro. So you and your sister, who presumably got a different Jumble character, could have hours and hours of fun switching limbs with each other.
I would give anything within reason to see a cartoon based upon this concept. Can you imagine how wickedly great it would be?
DANNY DACHSHUND - "Dude, the basketball tournament is this weekend! I need to borrow your legs!"
GERRY GIRAFFE - "No way. Besides, I'm already loaning them to Benny the Bass."
BENNY BASS - (Weeping with joy) "I can walk! Listen! I CAN WALK!!!"
Oh yes, I would watch that cartoon. Too bad it doesn't exist. Maybe there's an upcoming episode of "Naruto" where they learn the Art of Velcro?
Well, I hope you enjoyed these weird toys. And I can only hope that somebody out there is doing their Happy Dance cause of this. That would be great.
Special Disclaimer Thingy!
I am solely responsible for any inaccuracies in the preceding. If you want to know what these toys were actually like, you'll have to search around, I'm afraid.
Everything on this page that I did not think of myself is copyrighted to its owners and creators, none of which I am affiliated with, so no endorsement is intended. No libel is intended either, so please don't hurt me.
Yet Another
Reiteration: Any
movies, cartoons, songs and such mentioned herein are © their respective
owners, and no endorsement (or it's opposite for that matter) is intended
by the webmistress; with the possible exception of such cases in which she
says that said material either "Rules" or "Sucks". Even
so, she is NOT getting paid for it. >:P
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