Things I hope don't happen in "Matrix Revolutions"!
No, I STILL haven't seen it yet!!! If you tell me what happens, ANYTHING of what happens, I will kill you!
Alright, I'm sorry. And no, I'm not actually gonna kill anybody (regular readers know that the warning sign would be the sudden appearance of an unusual amount of Britney Spears related stuff). Anyway, here's how I hope things aren't going to end. This countdown goes all the way to eleven!
11 - Morpheus is trapped in the Old West, and everybody spends the *entire* movie going to rescue him.
10 - Trinity shaves her head, then lures the machines into some molten ore, gallantly sacrificing herself. And it bums everybody out.
9 - Neo makes his peace with the Matrix, like he said he would at the end of the first movie, and is changed into Neomus Prime or something.
8 - All this time, Niobe's had a magical time machine thingy and a rogue Hippogryph...
7 - Rufus and Bill arrive in their magical phone booth and just kick Neo in the head and leave.
6 - Leader of the machines turns out to be an insane, self-aware Furby!!!
5 - Turns out that everyone and everything is really some crazy guy hallucinating on his way to his insanity hearing. (Now I rather liked... um... the movie that I watched recently that ends this way. But I'd be the first to start the rioting in the theater if we get anything similar.)
4 - Kurt Russell meets everyone in an elevator in some mysterious building, where he calmly explains that they're all dead and dreaming the whole thing. (Again, rioting in the theater. Also, the movie that ends this way blows. [It was "Vanilla Sky" - see, I hated it so much I'm not even going to refrain from ruining it.])
3 - For some reason, everything -the entire conflict, the battle between the forces of good and evil, the end of the world as they know it, EVERYTHING- boils down to a friendly scientist talking about marzipan. And something about funky Tapir-like creatures with wheels.
2 - A bunch of Ewocks come out of nowhere and break all the machines with logs.
1 - Very last scene: The camera pulls back to find Bugs Bunny at a drafting table. "Ain't I a stinkeh?"
Yet Another
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