-- MONDAY GAME WRAPS: The Fall Session

A brisk fall evening with intermittent drizzle greeted the Sluggers in the first round of playoffs against Freedom Income Tax whom the Sluggers had faced the previous week and had lost impressively to that bunch. This time around with a shivering Mompler on the bench to scribble down hits, walks and runs - the Sluggers came out swinging after surrendering two runs in the top half to F.I.T. Johnny Wamp the super lead-off hitter (over 35 division) - reached base and the offense clicked all game. With the wintry conditions and a consistent breeze blowing in from off the highway -- no one for our squad left the yard (just as well as HR's are rally killers). The top of the lineup set the table and knocked in the runs as we won a contest called on time after 4.5 innings 19-14. Some nice defense by JoJo up the middle (Mr. Five-Man) in starting a late double play to kill a potential rally for F.I.T. Gus, MSTBWG and sometimes Johnny Wamp held their ground in the outfield (actually Johnny go back you might still catch that one). Tiny and Bo were able to hide the fact that Freak wasn't hitting with good lead-off AB's. Nice stick work by Rob and Thurm as well.

Turning the (scorebook) page, the Sluggers next encountered the Team Mapaville menace who had had their way with our squad in previous meetings. Again the bats came out blazing as we were now the Visiting club. Our first seven hitters reached before the Mapavillians could snag their first put-out off the bat of Commish. After Rob walked the Freak put an end to the fun with a 5-4-3 double play (or something similar because they were playing a 5-man infield so it may have been a 5-10-3 double play or some such). In the bottom half of the first the Mapas struggled with their offense (nice K looking earned by Commish) but after a little encouragement from our defense they obliged and also scored six runs. Rolling into the top of the second, Tiny got offensive spark lit and we rattled off another 6 runs. Then the unthinkable happened or at least something unexpected...we held them scoreless. Goose-egged! So we pushed a little harder on the gas pedal and *poof* three more runs to put us ahead 15-6. Keeping with the bottom line of the last inning we held them to two runs and won the inning. In the fourth and fifth not much happened for us and nothing ungodly bad happened against us and we were still in the lead 16-11.
In the top of the sixth the momentum train switched tracks and started to leave our station for theirs. Johnny Wamp who hits at Sun Valley like it's Coors Field hit an HRO bomb out followed in rapid succession by JoJo and Gus with outs to put the Mapas back in the batter's box. Then the evil ground ball and line drive demons came out to play. Nubber, blast, tazer, laser, dribbler, error. Line drive out to the Freak at second (nice grab kid). Seeing eye single, shot to the fence, rocket, bomb (grand slam), error, walk, fly out (nice play HammerNutz). From there I don't know. I think maybe Godzilla (the cool one from the old Japanese flicks not the gay one with Matthew Broderick) came in and made a diving catch to extinguish the last of their offense for the night. First five innings we allowed 11 runs - the sixth inning by itself we allowed 11 runs. Now trailing 22-16 we poked out of our hard shell and edged slowly forward. Our first four batters reached base and plated three runs before the RUNFLAT tires on the front exploded and our rally was stranded. 22-19 Game Over. Season Over.

What a fun year it twas. From the cool spring showers and dirty ruts at Wilmore to the chilled air and sandbox infield of Sun Valley what a season in between.

Action From Monday October 15th 2007

In a return to the diamond amidst the mist and rain - the Sluggers creaked and banged around against those pesky Freedom Income Tax fellers. A mis-aligned defense proved costly as the dam of runs was breached and Commish alone could not hold the deluge at bay. With Freak (at third base) and Rob (in left field) -- things were dicey at best on the defensive side. On the offensive side with the bats, hitting the yellow balls that their pitcher pitched - we did hit some balls. Hit some hard. Hit some soft. Hit some foul. Hit some grounders. Hit some bombs. In a roundabout way, the Sluggers used this first game to grab the wheel and figure out where this night was going to go. Towards the end of the first game the defense moved around and got things nailed down. Our offense was just starting to limber up and with nine runs against their 23 - we decided to save the rest of our firepower for the next guys: The Moose Knuckles who had previously destroyed us: 26-9.

After a break in the action (waiting for the next team to get done playing) - the guys hung out & discussed matters of importance while consuming an appropriate amount of beer to lock in our combined focus. Johnny Wamp got the show off on the right foot by reaching base safely (how is not important). After JoJo and Gus were finangled into making outs -- Commish nearly took off the pitcher's head with a single and MSTBWG went bomzilla on a pitch to his liking to put the good guys ahead 3-0. Do I hear the crowd asking for back to back jacks with the Freak due up next? Then to placate the multitude of followers The Freak shall deliver said deep fly ball to clear the fence - for a 4-0 advantage. Rob chose the high road and smartly swacked a single to save our remaining HR for later only to be forced out at second base by Thurm.

Since we were the home team I completely skipped over the other team's at-bat in the top half of the first but it didn't matter as they didn't score & that is boring to relate to the casual reader. The Moose Knuckles did plate two runs in their portion of the second inning which seemed to make our lineup mad or just think we could hit the ball far. In the bottom of the second Bo flopped a can of corn to left field. Next up Tiny tickled the lower part of the fence in left center field only to be outdone by Johnny Wamp #5 who slashed a dinger to the right side of the center field fence. After JoJo spanked (yes, he spanked it) a liner to left field, Gus tripled on the moist outfield grass to bring up #77 Commish who casually lifted a productive sac fly to bring home Gus. MSTBWG hit a ball hard but it didn't leave the yard and he jogged around to third and was immediately sent home on a base knock by the Freak. Rob laced a ball into the right field corner to score the Freak only to have himself gunned down tip-toeing into home on a high throw and drop tag (no slide - Bo would have slid and been safe. Rob didn't slide and he was out). Thurm started up the merry-go-round once again with a three bagger followed by Bo's double and Tiny snuck onto base with a walk. Turning the lineup back over to the top Johnny Wamp #5 (money, money, yeah, yeah) delivered an RBI double and scored on JoJo's well placed single. Gus, the wiley veteran, placed a ball where only a throw at his head could result from the play at first - he did and was safe only to be stranded when Commish failed to get a stinking hit.

After some schnazzy defense in the top of the fifth and leading 21-7 we needed but a single tally to bring the game to an abrupt conclusion. First up MSTBWG. He flicks his bat and sends a harmless fly ball to right center field into the waiting...rock facade beyond the fence. HRO since we were out of homeruns. Next up The Freak who was 6 for 6 on the night to this point. On the first pitch The Freak swats a sinking liner in between the left fielder and the left center fielder that the left fielder makes a diving grab on for the second out. Last hope is Rob who has already homered in the first game. Of course Rob blasts a ball about 20 feet over the fence in left so we go to the top of the sixth inning and all we have to do is keep them from scoring 4 runs and we win the ballgame. After some mini-drama when they scored a run and had a runner on third base with two outs -- Commish induced a routine fly ball to Johnny Wamp #5 who put it away for the victory. Good Guys Win Their 49th Game of the Season.

Next Up: Playoffs? or Club Imperial Night

Lager Sluggers go 1-1 on Monday September 24th & Sluggers drop two short games on Monday October 1st -- their first losing month (thusfar).

Imagine if you will a single cricket chirping alone in the grass. Then another cricket joins in. Soon a few more join the chorus and before you know it the damn crickets are as loud as a semi-tractor trailer's air horn. Even if you took several 200+ pound guys out with reinforced work boots to stomp the bugs to death - it would still probably take awhile to bring the crickets back into line. Such was the plight of a team called Bald Walrus on Monday night at Sun Valley facing the Lagersluggers.org. The team took a different approach and decided to break the game up into quarters like football. In the first quarter the Sluggers slammed into the endzone twice - both PAT's were good. In the second quarter we settled for a field goal even though the crowd wanted us to go for it. In the third quarter we scored another touchdown but missed the PAT. In the final quarter - knowing that the coaches poll would come out later in the week - the Sluggers got after it and racked up some numbers - two more touchdowns with two 2-point conversions and another field goal to bring our total to 42 runs tallied (I think that's more than the Rams have scored this year?) On the defensive side things were entertaining and interesting to say the least. Johnny Wamp #5 was a one-man circus in left field - dodging here, zipping there, waving his hands like a crazy person as the ball carried over his head again and again. It would be ridiculous to single out a hitting star when your team scores in bunches but the "table-setters" on the night were Eazy, Bo, Thurm and Tiny at the bottom of the lineup. MSTBWG went deep twice and DBO making his Sluggers 2007 debut also left the yard and racked up some RBI's. Gus and JoJo at the top of the order refused to not get on base (each one was 6 for 6). Commish, Freak and Bo did fine work in plugging the gaps to provide RBI opportunities for the middle of the order. If you had to find a negative in the game - it might be that we had more LOB than them (7).

Flipping the page the Sluggers wondered if the hitting shoes would stay warm and toasty on a pleasant Pevely evening. Up next on the yellow field was da Beavers. If you truly think you are a sharp minded person -- name all 11 Sluggers and each position they played by inning. It was crazy! Joe got eaten up by a 9 year old boy's wicked hopper. DBO practied kissing the chain link fence. Things got so out of control that Bo Jangles made it through an entire inning at shortstop - ERRORLESS! Commish gave way on the mound to the meatball specialist Gus. The Beavers fared slightly better than the team before them but in the end (5th inning was the end) stood little chance to upset the Sluggers. Victory #2 on the night 26-9. AS usual MSTBWG put one over the fence and joining him in the power stats was Johnny Wamp #5!! More smashing bat-work by the Beers on the Bats by scoring in every inning on the night. Just some garbage stat. In just four contests at Sun Valley the Sluggers have socred 100 runs. Not too shabby. Two really kick a$$ hitting games for the Sluggers and a tasty way to do it!

Sluggers Trek to Sun Valley for September Softball

Trotting out the heavy hitters for some south of St Louis action - the Sluggers invaded Sun Valley (Pevely, MO) after a long Monday night layoff. For their troubles they got to tangle first with a team that had a strong resemblance to a promising tournament team going by the Brekskeez. This team was called Team Mapaville so it couldn't have been any of those guys (wink wink). The evening was cool and breezy as the Sluggers went through a little pre-game warm-up in the almost desserted park (unless you were 3-4 foot tall and played little league baseball). When gametime hitched up - the Sluggers won the toss and hopped into a two touchdown hole before getting a chance to hit. And hit we did...not. At least not in the first inning -- as ts side was retired 1-2-3. In the next frame the Brewz...Team Mapaville must have been tired from the first inning as they were only able to tack on 10 additional runs. Trailing 24-0 might represent the greatest single deficit the Sluggers have been behind in their existence but I'll have to check the annuls for confirmation. From that point on the Sluggers owned Team Mapaville. We plated 4 runs in the bottom of the second and goose-egged them in the top of the third inning and chopped six more out of our deficit to bring the damage to 24-10 after three innings. Based on time constraints the umpire deemed the fourth all or nothing time since the Mapaskeez wasted all of our playing time scoring in those first two innings. Again we held them down allowing only two runs and did an even better job of holding ourselves down and scoring none. Final 26-10.

Game two featured a change of pace for the Sluggers in 2007. Our opponent was not merely the same team from game one to see if one team learned anything from the first contest - no this time we played a completely different foe - Freedom Income Tax (FIT). Just for giggles we pretended like this was a preseason game and didn't want to show our opponent too much of our offensive gamebook and did not score in the first inning as the away team and to show to everyone our comeback prowess - let allowed them to score 8 times. With a little bit of helter skelter flavor added to the game - we scored the next inning (2) and they scored none. Over the next two innings we built our tally total to 12 while theirs climbed to 16. As was the case earlier in the evening we ran short on time so this time we were only allowed to make it to the fifth inning. Trailing by four we set our sights on scoring 5 runs to at least take the lead. I blame the beer on the beer but we missed our mark and overshot the target to the tune of 10 runs. Good thing we were able to tack on some insurance as the defense went a little haywire and leaked four runs before the good guys slammed the door on a can of corn into Limpert's glove.

The players for the Lagersluggers.org on this night would have to be expressed in 7 letters or less: Tim, Thurm, Tiny, Wamp, Rob, JoJo, Commish, Eazy, Limpert, Bo, Freak, and MSTBWG. Hitting Star of the night was probably Limpert going 6-6 with a bunch of extra bases hits and RBI's. Freak and MSTBWG both chipped in four hits and Hammer-Hands launched a pretty nifty bombzilla.

Next Up: The next games...

Johnny Wamp #5 most dedicated pull hitter Slugger in history edition -- Tonight, July 30th (Monday) - marked the end of the spring/summer session at Wilmore. The Sluggers clinched the league last week with wins and these games meant little except for the pure enjoyment of the sport. Game one started as a vicious beat down and we only let up late with 4 pity runs (if you consider the fifth inning late). After scoring 8 runs out of the gate and adding 10 more in the second we were pretty well set until game two. Final score in 4.5 innings: 19-4 Sluggers romp.

Game two proved to be no less malicious for the crew from Vitale's Bakery. We scored 6-7-6-6 runs in 3.5 innings to end the game, night and session 25-5 winners. Just a note in the four games we played against The Bakery we outscored them 71-14. That's like a bad girls high school basketball score.

Notable on the night were the POO SHOTS! Limpert, MSTBWG, Sterling and Commish took the pitches up and out. Speaking of up and out - Eazy had a monopoly on infield pop-ups - three on the night. Way to go Eazy you hit like Isabelle Sanford aka Weezie!! Limpert enjoyed a 6 for 6 night and got in some action at catcher. Gus began the night by hitting well left handed so he switched around to the right side and struggled to hit a line drive but played a solid first base. Bo Jangles recorded his first putout of the season from the shortstop position and chipped in a few RBI's for fun. Freak mashed the ball well all night including putting the ball off the top of the fence in left twice. Commish turned in two perfect innings in game one before MSTBWG took over and lost the no-no. Big Dawg patrolled the hot corner and turned in a couple of nice snags to tuck in his pocket along with some solid hitting. Some dude named Hammerhands lit it up offensively all night and played a casual left field even dropping a fly ball only to recover and gun the forced runner from first out at second. Sterling poo-i-fied a couple of shots and did his best work on the night from the hot corner. Appearing to be mostly recovered from his flesh eating groin injury, Cartman went 5 for 6 for the night and was in the thick of the scoring all night. D-Myz, in addition to verbally harassing the opponent, chipped in two hits in each game and made no noticeable defensive errors. Johnny Wamp hit the ball & ran faster than humanly possible when he wasn't making any outs on the balls that were pitched to him and not the other hitters. Got it?

Two awesomely fun games to go out & destroy your opponent while drinking beer and having a good time. Excellent session fellas. News on the fall to be decided soon.

Monday July 23rd from Wilmore - 'The Little Field' -- presiding over the action was Mr AusHoel, our not very friendly neighborhood umpire. Anywho, Cartman's plot to gain a personal runner for each time he reached base was quickly quashed by Mr. AusHoel even in the face of legit injury. Not very friendly or in the spirit of competition in my opinion - the umpire of course. To put the scenario in perspective, it would be like Freddie showing up with his grill but using it as a stool the whole time instead of a cookery type thing. Let me jump back to the subject at hand...

Earlier in the first meetings of the year between the two teams -- the Sluggers prevailed by yielding 5 runs in the first game and 8 runs in the second game. Let's see how these two game play out behind Walgreen's with a wickedly sunny backdrop for the early contests as is the norm. Balls Deep came out swinging and randomly nailed several pitches and took advantage of some lackadaisical defensive indifference to score 5 times!!! After that the defense entrenched themselves in the task and did not allow another runner to touch home plate. On the flipside, offensively speaking, a few of our guys looked silly. A few guys were six or seven minutes early on their swings nevertheless we built momentum and by the end of the fourth inning we were ahead. By the bottom of the sixth inning when MSTBWG (also the most injured we got) hit a ground rule double with Gus and Sterling in scoring position -- the game was finished and in the books. 15-5 victory after giving up five runs in the first half inning. Quite impressive. Also impressive was the Mark of Mamelian playing with a shredded groin and partially detached scrotal jimmy-jam. Pictures can be viewed on a pay-per-view basis with paypal account on lagersluggerwithagoat.gov.

In game two as the visiting team with the sun becoming less of a factor by the minute, we charged again into the fray and bludgeoned the Deep Ballers into submission. Final tally 17-8. So for those of you scouting at home -- Balls Deep scores only five in first games against us and improves to 8 in the nightcaps. Just something to file away for future reference.

In recognition of the Tazermeister Cartman -- I think we should bow our heads for a moment of snorting and giggling as Johnny Wamp pulls his one millionth ball foul down the third base line in his lifetime. Mark way to suck it up & play kid. Sterling found a groove in game two (maybe it was the switch up from batting left handed twice -- once for a hit) and made a purty extended catch in dead center field on a bomb. Freak enjoyed a 3 for 3 game in the early contest when he could see nothing but the sun. Bo lined off on a ball (after hitting into a twin killing) and ... AND fielded a ball with his glove instead of his shins. MSTBWG had a so-so day at shortstop -- #6 hole in the field -- but delivered several moon shots with the Freak's Synergy before getting greedy late and changing bats and making an out. Commish settled down after getting rocked in that very first inning and led by example at the plate by using the whole field for his base knocks. Eazy continued to build a little credibility in right field with some nifty snatches of fly balls and the following throw to the correct base. Big Dawg rocked his usual base hits but chipped in a little more effort in the field -- even calling off Commish on a few pop flies. With JoJo MIA in the Great Northwest -- Johnny Wamp patrolled the left field corner (not that he wouldn't even if JoJo were here for the games). Johnny waddled up to knock down balls bouncing through his territory and per his contract, he must foul off the first pitch every single time unless he doesn't. Gus continued his torrid hitting (all left handed) -- and locked up the right centerfield area - making it safe for cans of corn to be caught and returned to the store shelves across the street at Schnucks.

Some would debate the big story on the night wasn't Cartman's best hitting display all season whilst being less of a man in ability to move about -- but D-Myz and his Jose Oquendo compatibility with covering the diamond. Over the two game span D-Myz played every position (yes even pitcher -- I don't think that bomb he gave up still has landed yet). Probably his best position was his time at catcher when he relayed a throw home back to third base to catch a stray runner and later when the relay came home D-Myz caught the ball and tagged the runner on the back of the neck - 'low bridge style' for an out. Nice work kid.

Back after a long BYE week the Sluggers geared up for games 19 & 20 of the session. Just a note: The first round against Nel's Pub we allowed our opponent 4 runs and 8 runs respectively. In the opener the game came down to some questionable calls late and the Sluggers had to settle for French kissing their sister via a 5-5 tie.

After a protracted debate with the lady umpire about an extra inning to decide the game, we started game two with said tie still enforced. In the second inning of game two, the Sluggers took their only lead of the night 3-2 in the bottom of the third inning. The prosperity was short lived as we fell behind immediately 5-3. The game lurched ahead to the seventh inning and the Sluggers had the hammer in their pocket as the home team but were unable to bring it to bear. Sluggers drop their first Monday night game of the season 8-6.

Fitting enough Big Dawg lined a shot that the shortstop made a diving catch on and his throw to first base double off the runner to end the second game. Just the way the whole night went. On the night...no Cartman. Playing on the third base side bench (odd and weird). A half a case of Busch Light disappeared without a trace. Freak Plus was in attendance. Ryan "Goody" Goodersonly played some third sack and contributed some on-baseness. Big Dawg rocked game one by reaching base every time. Gus reached base safely three straight times in game one including a two out knock and came around to score the tying run on a shot by Wampler after the umpire cost us a runner with a bogus 'didn't tag up call'. Bo had a tough night hitting and running for Big Dawg as he was repeatedly thrown out sliding into third base. Freak, JoJo and Eazy had little fantasy impact on game one but did contribute with the leather -- including Eazy getting an outfield assist by nailing a runner trying to advance to third. RBI's in game one: Wampler (3), Freak and Gus.
Game two RBI's: Commish (3), Gus, Bo and Wamp. Some we held them to 5 runs and 8 runs -- just one more than the first time we played them but scored 21 less runs ourselves. The team needs two wins the next time out to clinch the league.

Happy Monday July the 2nd!!!

In the hopper as opponent for this night was the Salty Devils (I picture kinda like the Planter's Peanut dude when I hear this team's name). The Salty Dudes to this point were the only team the Lager Sluggers had not mercy ruled at least once. Running with only 10 guys, the Sluggers were game one visitors. The early going quickly turned into the late innings as the Sluggers never trailed and with the exception of an unearned run (given away by the Freak at third base) -- never were threatened until it was past too late. Sluggers run away with game one 13-2. The hitting attack was founded upon the 1-5 hitters (D-Myz, Silver, Gus, Commish and late pick-up Chris).

Starting off our 18th game of the session, things got bumpy when a brand new ball was introduced and it flew past an unsuspecting Chris in left center field. Sterling meanwhile took over a shortstop and decided after a bad left-handed throw to switch the glove onto his throwing hand -- he turned a pretty nifty tag and toss double play to boot! After an inning and a half the Sluggers trailed 5-1. In the bottom of the second we batted through to plate 7 runs for a lead we would never relinquish. Sluggers pound their way to a 15-5 win. Silver, Chris and Freak sprinkled in round-trippers as D-Myz, Bo, Gus and Commish played the role of table setters.

Cartman as always made friends with the umpire in between AB's, Big Dawg knocked in a couple of RBI's, Johnny Wamp #5 hit no balls foul down the right field line, D-Myz sparked the offense and ran down some fly balls, Sterling in addition to hitting nothing but extra base hits -- was begging for the other team to hit a ball to him at shortstop but it didn't happen. Gus played some solid D and showed good plate discipline. From the mound an achy Commish kept the strikes coming (including a swinging strike out) and peppered thw outfield grass with base knocks. Chris wearinga St Charles A's hat played some shortstop (good) and left center field (not as good) to go along with laser beams off his bat. The Freak recovered from an early throwing error to notch some assisted putouts. Bo was goaded into sliding for nothing on his tour of the bases to make up for a booted ball off of his body. A good couple of wins to hold us over through our BYE week next week.

Checking the Cardinals score as we begin game one at Wilmore Park on a muggy Monday June the 25th -- the Cards and Mets are tied at 1 run apiece with Mike Maroth (newly acquired) cruising despite some defensive lapses behind him. Now onto the team that is a real crowd pleaser: the Lager Sluggers!

We begin the action as the home team and after a herky-jerky first half inning -- WE'VE GOT THE RUNS took the lead 1-0. Oooohh this could be a nail-biter! Sorry just had to get that out of my system. After we recorded defensive out #3 -- it was time to bat. If he's really, really young and fast and his name starts with a "D" bat him first is usually a good rule. Over the next four innings we as a team would hit for the cycle (thanks to D-Myz circling the bases for our lone HR). MSTBWG, Freak and Commish did some of the heavy lifting going 8 for 9 from the 4-6 spots in the lineup. In the early going the ante was raised on individuals making the last out of the inning with the stick. "Gobbly" the homespun knitted turkey hat with dangling feet was introduced and promptly given to Sterling and he accepted his fate and played left center field as such. Bo Jangles drew the ire of the Commish and team alike by refusing to don said "Gobbly" hat in favor of the B*TCH visor when his AB ended an inning later. (Rumors are flying that Bo will be traded before the deadline...stay tuned.)

The conclusion of the game was no mystery to the followers of Monday -- Sluggers roll 15-3.

With Cartman unavailable for these games (hunting for coins or the drink astronauts love in Indiana), Commish mixed up the defensive alignments and gave over the pitching assignment to Sterling who in a good show of team spirit walked to the mound proudly displaying "Gobbly" on his head. This game also saw the Sluggers collectively notch a cycle with D-Myz again punching the round tripper and representing the three bagger category was Big Dawg who did a nice job of carrying over BP into the game. Nice ropes kid. In this game as was the theme of game one -- our opponent was trailing after the first stanza. This game did go the distance however -- mostly due to the fact that a few guys took the challenge of hitting a ball out to right field (we were on the "big" field) to heart. Alas no one did into a serious cross wind and of course el musho ballz! In the end the outcome was similar -- Lager Sluggers keep their Monday perfect record in tact with a 17-3 victory and improve to 16-0 on Mondays.

It was nice to have the Wamplers back and for the Cardinals update...Russ Springer to Shawn Green on a full count...that's a bomb! 2-1 win in extra innings for the Mets. Good night!

D-Myz got the night a-rockin by socking a ball over the fence for a ground rule double...and the hits just kept on coming. Silver followed with an RBI double and MSTBWG blasted a ball over the right part of the fence for a 2-run homerun. Commish and Gus followed with singles and then we jump to Bo ending the inning and earning the B*TCH visor (it's pink did I mention that?) Nothing happened in the second inning so Eazy took the visor next. Third inning saw DEEZ-NUTZZ (D-Myz) start with a single, Silver with a two-bagger, MSTBWG nearly tore off the outfielder's glove but he was out and then Commish taterized one to clear the bases. Third inning visor update: JoJo. Score after three innings 6-1 good guys. Fourth inning: Freak, Cartman, Big Dawg and Eazy reached in succession with one out, poor Bo. DEEZ-NUTZZ SAC'd one home (that really doesn't sound good). Silver left the yard to add three more runs. MSTBWG and Commish reached base before Gus telegraphed his scorching line drive to the first baseman. Grab that visor and a glove full of sticks Gus. In the fifth, we made a mini-rally for a tally that ended when Eazy had to have the visor for himself. Through five Sluggers up 12-2. D-Myz and Silver opened the sixth with back-to-back doubles before MSTBWG again hit the ball way to hard and the outfielder caught it and flipped it back to the infield for an out. Commish got a base knock RBI and JoJo fisted one out to the grass before Bo reclaimed the visor glory for the sixth inning. In the seventh with the Sluggers leading 14-8 it was let'er rip time. D-Myz kept up his hot hitting followed by another Silver bomb. MSTBWG, Commish, Gus and JoJo slugged their way on base. The inning wound down with a fly out by Eazy for the final visor pass of the first game. The Sluggers held The Ballers to two runs in the bottom half of the seventh for a 20-10 victory.

Game two saw the arrival of an injured Freddie "McGee" to keep the scorebook and dole out errors (JoJo & MSTBWG according Freddie) for the first time in Slugger's history. Now as the home team, we looked to continue our shenanigans (Gus, Cartman did not put those sticks in your glove). Freak followed DEEZ-NUTZZ lead from game one and lost the first ball over the fence for a double. Cartman did his job bringing the Freak home. Big Dawg fouled out and Eazy "The Visor Whore" grounded into a 5-3 double play to end the inning. Trailing 2-1 after their half of the 2nd inning, we batted around. After D-Myz was robbed of a hit, Silver "doubled" on a ball into the poo, followed by moon-shot homeruns by MSTBWG and Commish. The fun did not stop there. After Gus walked, JoJo and Bo doubled and then Bo scored from second on perhaps the longest ball the Freak has ever hit in a game at Wilmore on a Sportscenter-type catch by the centerfielder way beyond the second light standard (way far dude). Cartman and Big Dawg worked base hits before Eazy ambled along again (still wearing the visor) and flew out to end the 6-run inning. The third inning is where the Sluggers really flexed their muscles and made The Ballers not want to play anymore. The first seven hitters of the inning hit their way onto base before their pitcher refused to pitch to the Freak and therefore walked him. Cartman singled and was whipped around the bases by a Big Dawg triple!! After the next two hitters in our lineup were retired, Silver "doubled" and MSTBWG and Commish went back-to-back for OOOOOOOOOOOOH POO shots! Gus rounded out the inning by taking the pink visor - the visor really brings out the color in his stubble. Up in the game 20-2 we headed to the 4th inning. The Ballers hatched a run and then it came down to whom would end this contest in the fourth. Cartman threatened The Freak with spooning in the dirt if Cartman (appearing fourth in the fourth) did not get a chance to hit. After JoJo walked, Bo made certain of a Cartman AB with a pop-out. The Freak was once again passed by their pitcher. Cartman's bid to walk-off was denied by an outfield catch. Big Dawg, Eazy and D-Myz followed with base hits to put the task on Sterling's shoulders and he rifled a line drive over the third baseman's head that knifed it's way past the outfielder to the left field fence. Game over 23-3.
Excellent games, Excellent BBQ. Good times all around -- sorry the Wamplers had to miss it.

After a short break (we finished the first game in like 33 minutes or something ridiculously fast), we took our turn as the visiting team. We scored first & then took three innings off from scoring. When the top of the fifth rolled around we trailed 3-2. With the sun not as much a factor in hitting, Joe got loud and we started to hit. Now Johnny, now Danny on Comet and Blitzen! Wait...nope there's no Comet or Blitzen on the roster. I must be confused. Anyway we put up four runs in the fifth and nine more in the sixth and that was the ballgame 15-3 and it still wasn't even 8 o'clock yet. Honestly I must say, two of the most ho-hum games ever played. The other team only scored in 4 of the 11 innings and never more than two runs in any inning. The umpiring was consistent (one good call, one bad call, one good call, one bad call) and we had cold beer on our side. Monday Sluggers improve to 12-0. Next up: the Ballers - who gave the Monday Sluggers their closest game 16-14 and also our most lopsided win of the year 27-3. I think there needs to be a petition in place to never play on the little field again -- especially when it's early.

And remember if your boss makes you mad or if your teammate is lollygagging -- just walk right up to them and say, "Hey Mr. Poopy Tailfeather, what you're doing is not right and I'm not going to take it anymore!!" Also if someone could research how many breast reduction surgeries Soleil Moon Frye has had -- I would greatly appreciate it. Also in case there are any wrestling fans out there -- how many of you knew that King Kong Bundy was still alive AND...has a MYSPACE PAGE??? Mind boggling.

I seem to have lost my train of thought...OH YEAH!! The Monday Sluggers humbling some cocky Crest Ballers or something. I wouldn't trust a single one of them as a dentist or even if they recommended what chewing gum helps fight cavities. Alright enough of that shtick. Game one was played first (go figure). In between whines from their bench about irrelevant rules, the Sluggers methodically tried to interject some excitement into the game but their pitcher insisted on throwing the ball about 30 inches short of the plate with every awkward heave. Trailing 3-2 after three innings, the Sluggers lumber jacked their way to a big inning. Walk, walk, chop. Walk, Walk, chop. Justin capped a 6 run bonanza with a RBI double over the big fence on the little field after he distinctly said to me before the game (windy gusting noises in background) - "There's no way anybody is hitting a ball out tonight" which I countered with, "Aw, it (the wind) will die down when the sun goes down". I guess we know who was right there. Anyway, I told you so's aside -- we pinned the Ballers of the Deepness under our thumb for the rest of the contest -- Sluggers win 13-5 as the visitors.

After a short break, we as a team decided we wanted to win the second game also. Being the greedy b*stards that we are, we steamed ahead. But just like the first game, after three innings, we trailed by a run -- this time 8-7. Then a storm of poo rained down on the unsuspecting Ballers. We turned a 8-7 deficit into a 13-8 lead and then a crushing blow in the bottom of the fifth of 8 more runs to mercy rule the Cresters 21-8.

Tonight was a tribute to Turkey Bowls past. With the success of the night in our back pocket, Commish decreed that the rest of the season was Turkey Bowl gear mandated. Big Dawg overcame a slow start and reached base 3 times in game two. Scary enough Eazy "The Bada$$ Slot Machine from Hell" put a thumping on some balls in his plate appearances. Cartman, in addition to his contributions behind the plate with a temper mental pitcher, slashed a ball to right field and chugged into third with yet another triple (he has more triples than half the team!!). Justin played bomb-diggity with the short fence and made a splendid play on grounder to shortstop he fielded, spun and threw to first base to nab a speedy runner. Borgie "The Human Highlight Reel" did his usual by getting hits, scooping up ground balls on defense and made several crucial decisions to send runners when acting as the third base coach. On his watch in the outfield, D-Myz shut things down and found his stroke by not hitting corn to the outfielders. Johnny Wamp, "The Hater of ALL Trees" broke out of his mini-slump by pulling a few balls early and showed off the arm to keep their runners at bay. Patrolling left center and speaking fluently in English, Big John "Turley" stayed under the radar most of the night but contributed during the rallies and made an interesting catch or two. Commish tonight was working with some filthy breaking stuff that directly led to several key outs - some right back at him. At the dish he was no Cartman but he did reach base all four times in game one. The lord of the 3-1 counts, tonight Gus was struggling to find a comfort level in the box (heh-heh). He did successfully protect his happy zone from vicious line drives in the outfield. Good work Gus. The Freak enjoyed a good night at the plate including a ball off the short fence that almost resulted in him passing Gus who stood at first base admiring the shot. Freak's football /slash/ softball shoes made an encore appearance but may be headed to the goodwill soon or not. I like to keep everyone guessing. Faux Elvis or the man named Bo who is a notorious high-ball hitter had pretty slim pickings with their pitcher constantly pitching short. But undeterred, Bo was able to chop a ball or two as high as his hat for a base hit here and there.

The Monday Sluggers are 10-0 to this point. The Thursday crew needs to come out of their shadow and play some good ball for the next two weeks to wrap up Fenton.

Have you ever tried giving a chicken a bath? Or spanking a turtle? What was your personal high score on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles video game? Just curious. Just FYI, my spellchecker does not like Borgie. Borgie. Borgie. Borgie. Borgie. Borgie. Anybody seen my Commodore 64C around? I'll go look for it. Until next time...be better than everybody else.

Game one pitted the team in green (as an Irishman's pee on the night of St Patrick's Day) also known as Nel's Pub. They're a pub -- not a bar or a pube but a pub. It is well known fact that Tiger Woods would fail as a speed skater. Just thought I'd throw that out there. Anyway we were home team -- we only scored twice in the first couple of innings. The guys from the pub were slightly better scoring three tallies. That's where their keg ran dry. The Sluggers plugged the gaps like some dentist ought to do to Jewel. Good guys knocked in 5 runners in the 3rd and 4th innings to build a lead 12-3. After our defense surrendered a run, we struck for four consecutive hits culminating with a two run single by the Freak to push the game in mercy rule waters. Sluggers win in five innings 15-4. Commish closed the middle down for business and should have a sporty new bruise to show off at the urinal tomorrow. Borgie led our offense with some energy -- falling just a triple short of the cycle.

With the first game done so quickly we waited a little bit to resume our groove. The early innings found the Sluggers scraping for runs. After four innings, the Sluggers trailed 5-3. In the fifth, Wamp, Commish and Borgs produced three runs by scoring (funny how that works). Nel's Pubbers scored to tie the game and the shocking conclusion would be decided in the final two innings.

Driving in a run in the top of the sixth with a triple, Cartman continued his torrid hitting on the night and scored on a base hit by Eazy who also had a productive night a the dish. In the bottom half of the sixth inning, Commish and Co had a lockdown inning and retired all three batters without incident. After a lead-off round tripper by MSTBWG, the next two hitters were retired. Things looked as if we would need to hold on defense or continue to rally with two outs. We decided to try option "B". What the heck right? The next 9 hitters reached base safely - including Cartman's second triple in as many innings - until Big John "Turley" shot a ball to the second baseman to end the fun. We stretched our lead from 8-6 to 17-6 in the very long blink of an eye (more like a nap than blinking really). After retiring the first batter, Nel's Pub fought back to plate two runs but that would be as close as they could get. Final in seven innings: Sluggers 17 Nel's Pub 8. Monday Sluggers notch their 8th win of the season without a defeat. Oh and another side note: the movie Black Christmas is terrible. Probably one of the cheesiest, like Kraft Mac & Cheese cheesy pieces of crap to ever get green lighted for production. Now back on topic... Putting aside MSTBWG's bomb-diggities - some of the most clutch hitting came down to Cartman, Eazy and Bo and those guys came through. Turley did his best to let us know when it was time to play defense by wrapping up three innings in game two.

JoJo flung his body around like a ragdoll after balls at shortstop and made several nice catches. Gus, who is in the process of breaking in a new glove, made a couple of nice ranging catches and one solid throw to Cartman's foot at catcher. Bo again was unable to produce a slide for the fans but did make all the plays while spelling Big Dawg at first base. Johnny Wamp smoked the third baseman on several occassions as well as hitting every first ball foul by 30-40 feet. Poor trees - they just can't get out of the way!! Borgie sustained a minor injury while playing second base but took an aggressive stance at third base (as the coach) and sent everyone he could home. Props to Mompler on keeping the book - excellent handwriting - blue ink - questionable adding skills but we love her anyway. With the exception of Joe rising to the occassion on several comebackers, it was a workman like performance by our group. Everybody chipped in something and the wins took care of themselves. Is that Bronson Pinchot? No it's not. It's just my stapler. Wow where'd that come from? Anywhozit, Sluggers are off next Monday but return in two weeks for a special Turkeybowl shirt edition from Wilmore on the little field again. So long!!! GOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!

Back in the lead-off saddle, D-Myz altered the generic face of the Sluggers by sporting a self-inflicted Mohawk! Anchoring the dish was the ever-audible Mouthy Catcher AKA Cartman AKA Ralph Kramden AKA Mark. Commish resumed his pitching duties after being on house arrest in Connecticut for propositioning a nun who incidentally was asking for it by showing him her g-string. On this night, none of that mattered. On the strength of a Gus sac fly the Sluggers took a 1-0 lead in the first inning. The lead grew to 12-1 after 3 1/2 innings. The game was pretty much on cruise control with the defense backing the pitching the rest of the way. Good guys prevail 16-7. Big Dawg and Wampler led the attack by reaching base 3 times apiece. MSTBWG and JoJo shut down most of the infield grounder traffic and Big Dawg snatched all that was there to be snatched.

In the win or kiss your sister (with tongue) game, the Sluggers came out in a funk as was a slight tendency last year. After 2 1/2 innings (they were the away team this game) we found ourselves in a 6-1 hole. But with three runs in the bottom of the third and eight more in the bottom of the fourth we were in a more comfortable position leading 12-7. Team Salty tried to chip away but it was too little too late. Salty was no match for a patented Bo Jangles pop-up slide (OK the pop-up part doesn't happen right away). In both games the bottom of the lineup did its part to contribute -- game two bottom guys: Gus, MSTBWG, Commish and Silver as well as game one bottom guys: Cartman, Freak, Eazy and Wamp.

Much tater business on the night by MSTBWG (I think that light standard is still vibrating) and a carton of extra base hits from: Freak, D-Myz, Cartman (no not a typo), Commish and Silver. Justin did a fine job of covering alot of the plains in left center and ripping the fielder's gloves from their hands with scorched line drives. Gus led the team in sac flies with 13 or something and nearly got passed on the bases on a bomb by MSTBWG. Wampler closed out a perfect night by posting a 6 for 6 line in the book. Borgie had an off night at the plate by his standards (no head-first dives or ankle breaking home runs) but still he found cracks in the defense and turned in a few nice plays from the simmering corner when MSTBWG wasn't Hoovering everything on his shifts. Eazy posted a two hit first game and made a nice ranging catch in right field to quell an uprising from the Salty Ones. Big Dawg was low key in the field but made quite a racket at the dish by reaching base safely in his first four plate appearances of the night. With just a 4 inch wide stripe of hair on the top of his melon, D-Myz looked like the biggest fourth grader I've ever seen. When Danny wasn't getting screen tested for retro 80's rock videos he was chasing down rainbow flies in left field and smoking the ball through the porous defense. Commish was his usual fiery self (perhaps angry at the recurring diarrhea or memory loss from Saturday...um that's the day before Sunday). His breaking ball was working well in the early going with several ground outs to third and shortstop. Along the course of the games he even punched out a couple of batters on strikes. At the plate, Commish didn't put any in the poo (big field kids, not the little field) but he did mash a ball for a triple that subsequently was an out trying to stretch into a homerun. At shortstop and getting dirty on a regular basis was of course JoJo who has found a new right field stroke. The stroke was not there early but clicked into place by the second game. Excellent coverage and range by the former Turkeybowl MVP - JoJo. Rounding out the squad, myself the Freak had a pair of triples in game one and spelled the infield defenders at first base, second base and shortstop with no disastrous results. Good coaching Joe! The Monday Sluggers take a week off and return for late games on the 21st against Nel's Pub. Hope to see everyone there...

Monday April 30th effectively closed out the month of April (go figure) and saw the Sluggers take the field without their leader and captain --  Commish -- who took a leisure trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriipp to Connecticut to teach people how to turn on faucets or something a little more involved with schematics and shtuff. In his absence the poo bombers of Sluggertown went into battle with a rebuilt Big Dawg ready for action. In charge of the defensive and offensive strategies was Mompler. She constructed a fearsome lineup on paper that took a little while to gel on the field against the fireballer for WE GOT THE RUNS. Their pitcher got our offense off rhythm early (we were the visitors for the first game) as he was able to master a heavy, soggy pitch that left his hand at stomach level and traveled to the plate on a completely flat plane. The umpire, sporting a gall bladder surgery scar on his knee, took pity on the "RUNS" team and gave them some questionable strike calls causing our hitters to be jumpy and off-balance. At one point we actually were in arrears on runs and said screw strategy. We were led by Cartman who was screaming like a 13 year old girl who shaved her head bald because the voices in her head said doing so would make her wildly popular and make her able to lift a Pontiac Bonneville just by wiggling her ears. Where was I? Oh yes...the rally! We ordered a Big Buford with super curly fries with cheese and insisted on getting refills on our drink in the drive-thru as we singled and walked until we tied the score. The next couple of innings featured much of the same until we got to the bottom of the seventh inning with a lead of 14-7. Silver (Justin if you are nickname impaired) knuckled a pitch to the final batter of the first game and the ball landed in Willie Mays Hayes' glove basket-style...or maybe that was Gus. Come to think of it, yes it was Gus in left center field. Nice catch dude. We win 14-7. Interim coach Mompler nets her first "W" of the season.

Feeling that her status as coach was in jeopardy from Rick Majerus, Mompler decided to get cocky and bat Eazy lead-off. She was also hampered by losing Borgie who re-aggravated an old injury towards the end of game one. Picking up the slack in the lineup was none other than Johnny Wamp #5 with a pair of round trippers. Others contributing leg driven taters were Sterling, MSTBWG and Gus. On the mound Sterling held his tongue even though the umpire was clearly bias or just borderline retarded - giving preference to the low balling pitcher from the other side but not acknowledging some crafty work by Justin. Actually Justin really shouldn't have been mad. The umpire had a system of calling balls and strikes that was quite predictable and had little to do with the placement or trajectory of the delivery. Each time the umpire heard an earthworm fart, the pitch was a strike. Or if a bird flew directly over the plate and dropped a load -- the pitch was a strike. Otherwise he remained mute. It was of no consequence as the Sluggers methodically marched around the bases often enough to build a 22-13 lead heading into the top of the sixth -- the inning the umpire decreed as the last of the evening for both teams. The RUNS clad in their orange and dark blue (Syracuse colors if I'm not mistaken) made a go of it by scoring 3 runs before we were able to record an out. After trading another run for an out, the RUNS had a couple of runners in place on base when Justin manipulated a harmless fly ball to the Freak who was roaming around in right centerfield for the final out. Doubleheader sweep!! OK not pretty but two wins all the same. Mompler did a commendable job keeping the early winning streak for Wilmore intact. Next Monday the Sluggers again play early. The Commish should return for that encounter.

Game ball in game one to Borgie for playing with alot of energy and flair before the sniper took him out. The Freddie Hungarian was on the bench for the Sluggers in Walter's absence. Several significant others were in attendance for the games and D-Myz made a cameo on the sidelines towards the end of game two -- due to an erroneous assumption of late games. In non-softball related news - Bo slid a few times. No balls over the fence on this night as we played on the "big" field. The long drive of the night probably went to MSTBWG with honorable mentions to Johnny Wamp, Sterling and Gus. This just in...Eazy hit a line drive...you may now take a trip to the bathroom to clean up the pudding in your shorts. I know. Simply incredible but true! Good work tonight fellas even though we obviously didn't have our "A" games.

Monday night action was there to be enjoyed by all on Monday April 23rd. The much anticipated run-off between Wampler and Gus never materialized and the team slipped into the warm-up pre-game routine.

First up on the Sluggers schedule: The Ballers. This game started off like a beat down. The Ballers threatened but did not score in their first inning. In our half of the first inning the first six hitters reached safely and immediately scored. Cake walk in Wilmore Park. Beers were drank and stories were told. Not so fast. The inning quickly wrapped up after the seventh run was tallied. From there things still seemed comfortable when the lead was 9-2 and even at 10-6 after five innings. Then the unthinkable occurred...the other team got some hits...and some runs...and tied the score! The first inning sure-fire laugher of a game was now tied 10-10 heading into the bottom half of the sixth inning. Jump-started by the Freak's lead-off triple, we rolled through the lineup and hung an upside down nine on the score board (6 if you're scoring at home). Now all there was left to do was close it out. Turned out to be easier said than done as we had given the Ballers quite a bit of confidence with some sloppy defense and a few well placed hits on their part. They were able to narrow the gap to 16-14 with the go-ahead run in the batter's box when the final ball was struck and plummeted into the waiting glove of D-Myz in left field to cement a game one victory.

Game two ended up being what was expected in the first game --> CARNE ASADA! I mean CARNAGE!! Should have put sour cream and extra tomatoes on our heads as we were definitively grande supreme. An early 2-0 Slugger lead progressed to a 14-3 advantage and then the roof collapsed on the Ballers. In the top of the fourth, Commish off-handedly mentioned that this inning was going to be us twenty-run winning the game. The prophecy didn't take long to come to fruition. Amidst the extra base hit brigade, the run total was rising like the Mississippi during sustained heavy rains. After about 25 minutes in the fourth inning and only one out recorded against us -- the umpire inquired of our scorekeeper how many we had scored in the inning and declared the Sluggers the winners. We pled our case to continue but his only reply was: "The game was over awhile ago." Final in game two after 3.3 innings --> Lagersluggers 27 Ballers 3. It was an impressive offensive display as one cohesive offensive unit.

Honorable mentions on the night: Sterling's two legit HR's, a very drunk MSTBWG diving not once but twice head-first into third base, Gus and Wampler taking turns chugging around the bases (might be a closer race than people think - if it ever happens). Turley playing pepper with the second baseman over and over again, Commish hitting a deep, deep sac fly to score two runners, Freddy bringing flair and style to the games with his red fisherman's hat, Gus just ripping up waist hit pitches, Bo Jangles anchoring an always solid first base bag and lots of joy and cheer for the first Sluggers blow out of the year. Next in line next week will be squad known as We've got the Runs. Always have to be intrigued by a team willing to assume dual meaning in their name when one of them conjures up images of some one on the toilet.

We haven't started playing yet. Mighty anxious aren't you. Come back tomorrow. I got nothing for you today. Whoa. Before you go put Busch Light on the shopping list and bring it to every practice and every game. It's Wilmore we can bring in a camel in heat if we wanted to. You've earned a big responsibility. You get to hold Walter's leash and several of Eric's children's leashes. Don't call us, we'll call you...

LINK TO 2006 SESSION MONDAY GAME WRAPS

LINK TO EARLY 2006 SESSION MONDAY GAME WRAPS