-- MONDAY GAME WRAPS: The Fall Session

As has become the case on Monday nights, the Dream Fields were a mystery as to whom was running the show and what method to the madness was being employed. Completely out of the blue, the playoffs started! The Sluggers played a team dubbed by Commish ITT-U (Inferior Team To US aka TIT - U ...Team Inferior To Us). The Sluggers celebrated what was hopefully their final trip ever to the Dream Fields with a vicious destruction of TIT-U. Chas, keeping the book, had 12 million diamonds filled in (or 37). Until relief specialist Sterling got rocked for 7 unearned runs in the bottom of the 3rd, it appeared to be one of the greatest whitewashings in softball history. Alas for TIT-U, there was not enough support and their chances of victory sagged farther than a 90 year old former porno queen's boobies with a monkey hanging from them. The umpire with a sideways stick up his ass' decision - game over. Tater patrol in game one: The Freak, MSTBWG, Limpert and Sterling. Again Eazy's deal with the devil was in force as his batted balls found the right path to get him to first base.

The last game of the night and of the year for Team LagerSluggers.org was against The Red Team whom we had beaten 4 times in 4 tries previously. After The Freak lost the coin toss twice, we assumed the role of the visiting team and batted through the line-up - plating 9 runs like a pimp rapper's front teeth. The red team scored three times courtesy of two bombs. The second inning saw four runs cross for the good guys highlighted by a blast from Limpert (Ultra II aided). After stumbling for no runs in the third inning, we allowed The Red Team to creep a bit closer at 13-6. In the top of the fourth we regained the momentum with three more runs - capping that inning was a falling star from MSTBWG up near highway 30 (Gravois to the french speaking contingent reading the recap). In the bottom half of the fourth, Mike Scott became abusive and obscenely beligerent to the umpire after the man behind the plate took a siesta while the play was still live at second and should have been the second out of the inning. After this incident, the umpire insisted Mike leave the premises or a forfeit would be forthcoming. The game resumed with MSTBWG looking on from the parking lot area. Minimal damage was sustained in the rest of the inning as the bleeding was contained to two tallies. With the score perched at 16-8, the Slugger bats went to work to try to end the contest as quickly as possible. Five more runs circled the bases - with a round tripper a piece going to Sterling and Limpert. The Red Team's last gasp went down as a gurgling choke full of phlem and maggotty blockage. One more run for a total of nine for them through five innings. Not good enough to keep playing as we had 21. Winners by knock out and league champions - The LagerSluggers.org.

The umpire with a hard-on for MSTBWG, also had one for Limpert. He even went so far as to challenge young Limpert to hit a homerun with something other than the Ultra II -- using 10 swings no less to do it. Went it came down to put up or shut-up time for the cash contest -- the umpire hid behind one of the skirts of one of the ladies on The Red Team's sideline. P*U*S*S*Y!!!! MSTBWG danced and poured bubbly over his teammates in the basking glow of victory. OK maybe that last part didn't happen but we did enjoy a few beers for awhile afterwards.

As the season and the trees slip into full color: reds, golds, browns - the LagggerSlugggers seem to just be getting better (or the competition has completely fallen off the table). The latest Slugger action emanated from the Dream Fields on Monday October 2nd - ushering in the new month. With Halloween but four short weeks away, the Sluggers went about their business of collecting the Easter eggs and downing the green beer of St Patricks (JoJo's) Day. Perhaps I'm mixing metaphors and holiday themes inappropriately but no more than Cartman's ill-fated attempt to make the pitcher dance or his retro-custom Lagger Slugger batting gloves circa 1985 - mispelling on the embroidery...PRICELESS. Obviously we were in the month with the greatest amount of ominous overtones as was evident by Eazy's deal with the devil as he reached base every plate appearance on the night. No I'm not drunk and no that's not a misprint. The night also saw Bo miss a sign at third (to slide) so he kept going on an overthrow (of about 4 feet) only to slide into a waiting tag a home plate. The normally uncontainable duo of MSTBWG and Limpert were held homerless (PRICE-CHECK!!) on the unseasonably warm evening.

Game one was a slight tug-o-war with the red team that we played about 5-6 weeks ago thanks to some drunken scheduling by the mindless dude who runs Dream Fields.  We never trailed in the game from the opening bell. Led offensively by JoJo, Gus, Cartman, Eazy & The Freak - we persevered as the big beef in the lineup had a slightly off game with the sticks.  Limpert was flashy with the stickum in his glove in the early innings at third base to quell the Red Team's enthusiasm. Commish pitched a nice game even amidst some questionable defensive changes in the later innings. Game one to the Sluggers via decision 17-11. Big Dawg encountered some equipment problems and was limited to just the first game of the double dip.

Game two against the Red Team or Team Poop Stripe as I like to call them - was more of a statement to be made than a good-natured softball contest. Our opponent wasn't particularly arrogant or over-the-top, yet there was an air about them that seemed to draw the ire of several Sluggers. It was deemed early that we must make an example of them for the good of all softball everywhere. On the mound Silver relieved Commish with brilliant flashes of defensive play including covering second in the midst of turning a double play. With MSTBWG banged up and covering up the middle in five man infield fashion, Team Poop Stripe was at a loss to make an effective offensive adjustment. In a four inning squash, the Sluggers notching their 48th win of the year 20-2. The only real drama in the second game was whether or not we could blow up the middle on their pitcher wearing #111. Commish hit a ball at the second baseman trying, Freak walked in his turn and Cartman chopped a large hunk of air in his opportunity. In these bug infested contests, the only real nugget of "huh?" worthiness was the fact the Sluggers had no balls clear the outfield fence and Team Poop Stripe had one. Other than that we owned every facet of both games. Next up: Monday Sluggers play at Dream Fields on Monday the 9th - Times TBA.

Sluggers Encounter the Cruel World of getting a Tie for something other than Father's Day

Game one saw the Lagerloonies score in every frame and overcome an early 6 run deficit. After Commish pulled the plate up on radar in the second inning, he dismissed the clump of walks that lead to a bunch o'runs for Cruel World. Each team started the contest with 9 players a side. Those on hand were witness to several nice catches (including a snap-off) by Sterling. MSTBWG arrived late but stepped into the batter's box cold and swatted a homerun ball. Gus and Big Dawg (plus Big Dawg's personal runner The Freak) kept the rallies rolling and the deficit turned into a lead and finally a win 19-10 in a time shortened game.

Game two on this mildly cool September 25th evening started off OK. Then some personnel shifting caused some miscommunication and an early 8-2 lead slipped away until the Sluggers found themselves in a 11-8 hole. As the visiting team, we had to try to keep ahead of the Cruel Squad to avoid getting mashed under their hammer. In the top of the fifth, our guys thumped across 5 runs for a short lived 13-11 lead that was promptly answered by a 2-run bomb for the bad guys to tie the score at 13. Following a 1-out two bagger by Eazy, MSTBWG exploded a ball into the greenery beyond the left field fence. Commish followed with an inside the park trot to push the lead to 3 runs and that's all the cushion we would get heading into the bottom of the sixth (and final) inning due to time constraints once more. Try as we might, we could not keep the Cruel Worlders from tying the score and more ominous was the bases loaded two out situation that pleaded with Commish to nail the strike zone to avoid giving the other guys a freebie win. Commish battled through and induced a shallow pop out to Gus in right field to seal the deadlock 16-16 tie in six innings. Next week's Monday night games are TBD pending Commish's conversation with the park director/drunk.

Greetings faithful if not loyal readers. I bring to you the events of Monday August 21st from the Dream Fields. As some of you may have discerned from repetitious readings of my game views - I hate to lose. The only thing I really dislike (besides my job) more than losing is having to write about losing. Luckily the Monday squad makes life pretty easy for me in that respect. On a banged up squad where it seems everyone is nursing some sort of injury to one degree or another, the guys buck up and answer the bell. Having multiple hits in the first game action: Eazy (back from severe diarrhea), Big Dawg, Bo, Freak, Commish, Sterling, MSTBWG (nice tater), Gus and Danny. Sluggers having less than one hit in the first game: Cartman. It was alright though for Cartman as he put on a dazzling display from behind the plate airing out several throws into short center field between pitches. Also of note was the play of The Freak at the third base bag. I only mention it (self prop coming here) because it probably marks the first time all year the Freak made two above average plays in the field in the same inning. Now back to the team portion of the recap. With Commish commanding the strike zone from the "mound", his offense bailed him out of an early 1-0 hole to the tune of 9 runs. The offense continued to click on all cylinders and Commish added the exclamation point with a two-out RBI single in the bottom of the fourth to mercify the game 19-4.

The first game was put to bed quickly and a speedy start to the nightcap was ushered in by the umpire. As sometimes happens to the Keepers of Sluggerhood - the offense tightened up a little and all we could muster was 4 runs through three innings while holding the "Red Team" to three runs. With altered positions on defense - Sterling weaved in and out of trouble on the mound - even inducing an inning-ending double play after he fielded a comebacker and checked with every base before settling on a 1-2-5 scored double play. Big Dawg also contributed a dandy force play from the second base position in the contest. Then without warning, the offense emerged from it's drunken stupor and plated 8 runs highlighted by Commish running for Big Dawg again and scoring again. Sterling once more handcuffed the red team for two more innings and the Sluggers went to work in the top of the sixth inning. The formula of scoring eight runs in an inning worked so well in the fourth inning - we thought aloud, "Why not do that again?" So we did. Waiving off the manager and bullpen, Sterling retired the opposition 1-2-3 in the bottom half of the sixth. Game over Pac-Man fans. Sluggers triumph 20-3. At this point I would be remiss if I didn't note that Eazy (who sometimes sucks a big, sweating hairy ass) notched hits in every single AB (crazy I know). Gus slipped into Cartman mode late in the second game at the plate but still played nice "D" in left field. Commish, looking completely out of place at shortstop, made a nice snag of a liner hit right into his glove. On the broken record front, Bo did slide twice and was safe on each of those slides. Solid effort from everyone on the Slugger sideline - even the lady Sluggers in attendance.

Next up: Monday Sluggers get a BYE on the 28th -- I will verify that next Monday as our schedule seems to be made up as we go along.

Monday August 14th, from Dream Fields (Fenton Missouri)

Like the 1988 film Bloodsport, it was the battle of two titans from Lyons Park past: not Frank Dux vs Chong Li but the Lagersluggers vs Cruel World. The Sluggers began tentatively and the Cruelies bloodied and battered (figuratively speaking except for Big Dawg's throat) the Slugger contingent. Down early 15-4 the Sluggers withstood the white powder to the eyes and fought with a higher sense of where the soft spots to attack were. Back in the mix after an extended hiatus was Justin Sterling - Silver to some - ex-Brewskeez to others. Either way he paced the attack on offense and after a few early defensive misalignments, he spread the confidence around the outfield to make the opponent reconsider hitting flavorless low sodium plain label corn. As I noted, on the offensive side a strategy formed and it was sound. Make their pitcher try to hit the tea cup sized "dirt matt" drawn by the umpire to ISA-isize the strike zone - Commish had little problem doing this butt their pitchers struggled mightily. With Sleepy E out of action, the Sluggers rolled along with 10 mostly able bodies. In the bottom of the fourth round, the Sluggers as previously noted slugged back for 9 runs to cut the deficit to 15-13. Over the final three innings, defensive bodies were flung and relay throws were measured to limit extra bases for Crueltown. Wait for it...wait for it...Sluggers KO Cruel World in the top of the 7th 27-21.

Game two on the tricky extended dirt surface (punctuated by a dirt divot of home plate) saw Cruel and the Gang try to even things. But we as a team Cherished the Love (hits) we had and sprung out to a 5-0 lead as the visitors. Totally unconscious in the second game with the bat and glove was the Wampler (perhaps he was pissed and trying to exact justification on the white sphere). Bo took a shin shot just so he could say he played. JoJo ramped up the D & O in the second game also. Gus built on his game one Grand Salami  and sizzled some throws from the outfield per his contract. Commish worked the rubber area (and worked over their lineup except for one dude who bombified a tater in each contest) and ignited several rallies with his Mayhem stick. Cartman found his mouthy streak and it led to his bat getting hot and blowing up the middle (just in getting hits, not physically destroying the pitcher). D-Myz, for one of the youngest Sluggers, wisely coached balls-strikes patrol when their pitcher was struggling and covered alot of real estate in spacious left field. After playing bloody knuckles for 6 1/2 innings, the score stood 19-12 good guys with but the home half of the inning to determine the outcome. The Cruel bunch tried their rallying chants (much like Hulk Hogan of old, clenching the fists, shaking the head and letting out a "Whatchagonnadu brother?!"). OK perhaps that last part didn't happen and neither did their rally. Sluggers prevail 19-12! 2-0 in the fall! Next up (possibly) Thursday game at Fenton Park.

LINK TO PREVIOUS SESSION MONDAY GAME WRAPS